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Author Topic: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...  (Read 3473 times)

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Offline Jeffreyj

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,403
A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« on: November 22, 2006, 03:25:32 PM »
I have been seeing a guy for 4 weeks. Everything was going well till today.

Me: poz for 22 years, HIM poz 2 years....I'm 49, he is 25.

Me: " So how long has it been since your last blood test?"
HIM: " Around 6 mos."

ME: "And when are you planning to go to get it?"

HIM "I don't like it when people worry about me so knock it off. I'll go when I go."

ME: And when would that be? Look it's been 6 months. Allot can happen in that amount of time. ^ months is a long time with HIV. Allot can happen in 6 months."

HIM: "Why are you so negative. I don't need this negative energy around me. I told you I'm going to go. This is not your HIV, it's mine.

ME: I would like to think it's "OUR HIV" but I will respect that when you get your bloodwork done. I am sorry, but I cannot, and will not sit around, and watch you ignore you own health. I've seen people die in less then 6 months for God's sake. "

HIM: "See there you go being negative again. You are saying I'm going to die. Don't make this all about you and your hiv."

ME: So you are special. You are the only one on the planet who has HIV and you are the one who can go without having your bloodwork done?" You said 3 weeks ago you were going to handle this. And you have done nothing. And you and I both know it's been longer then 6 months"

HIM: "Have a nice day. You worry too much"

ME: "Look, If I didn't care about you I wouldn't say shit. You cannot expect me to just sit by on this issue. I can't. And it would be crazy and irresponsible of me to just ignore it. You may call it worry, I call it caring.

HIM: "Have a great day"  walks out the door.



I guess we all have to deal with our own hiv. But I cannot just sit bye and not say anything. It's not going to happen. Maybe I should. Maybe I'm old school.

Fuck me for caring. It is scary to me to watch his arrogance and he seeming lack of respect for any kind of rules (i.e.Blood work every 6 mos) It boggles my mind! He has his HIV and it's HIS. What I have seen and experienced he couldn't care less.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? It seems a classic newbie vs oldie here.




Positive since 1985

Offline pozguy75

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  • Posts: 1,239
    • POZitively Speaking
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2006, 03:41:59 PM »
Well, first I would say this...you can't force or will anyone to do something they don't want to or are not willing to handle themselves. Secondly, I think it's great that you care....but, even I felt a bit uncomfortable reading that exchange...it felt a bit over-protective. And also...the dude is 25...let me share a story with you....

When I was 22 I met my ex. He was 32, I wasn't quite an adult yet. I wanted, no I needed to experience life on my own terms, but sometimes I was coherced into things I would not have wanted, but was told that it was for my own good. I made choices because someone said they were for my own good...I took them at the word, why not? Those folks had a good 10-20 years of life experience over my measly 22...

What I am trying to say here, is allow him to make his own mistakes, and learn from them, express your concerns and leave it...but the last thing he needs, and if he is anything like me, is a parent...you kind of sounded like mamma hen here...which is good, it shows that you care. But he is 25 and trying to make his own way...allow him that...it's not a battle, allow yourself to relax a bit, and just be there when he needs you. He will need you, I know that...but let him make his own choices...

It is his life, and his virus to own...just as is yours...I think it's best to lead by example at this point...take him with you on a dr's visit sometime...let him see it, experience it...

Anyway...that's all I have...

Good luck!
Dx 2005
ATRIPLA

Offline Eldon

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Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #2 on: November 22, 2006, 03:51:11 PM »
Hey Jeff,

To date, I have not experienced what you just have explained to us. However, it may be an inner anxiety that the guy is dealing with and it is possible that he was uncomfortable at the time to address his needs.

You did right by caring for him and his health. Based on his actions, it appears as though he was not ready to address these issues that you had brought to his attention. Give it a few days and call him to see how he is doing.

Make the BEST of each Day!

Offline Life

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  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #3 on: November 22, 2006, 04:22:32 PM »
Jeff.   I feel very much like you...   When you love someone you want them to remain healthy.   William has not been tested for a year and was at 700 cd4 last year this time..  I test every 2 months cuz i am on meds.   I think we just sorta put it so far on the backburner that we forgot that he was positive.  So the past two months I have been working to get him to go.   It was sorta awkward to say the least.   I feel he is scared a bit since he has been getting sick a bit to often and this week it got close to home.   Will said last night - "You keep telling me what I have to do".  I said - "Will, I just want you to live is all and its because I love you I do this.".   Granted the way I came off is something I have to learn.  It is his virus, but it is our lives.   If he were to get sick, our financial future could go to hell.   Worse yet, I could loose my husband.   I think what you said was out of love and nothing more Jeff... Just love..  I hope he figures this out... Otherwise go to him and explain it to him....

Will is driving down today for his labs and coming home tomorrow for Thanksgiving...

Love,

Offline Jeffreyj

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,403
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #4 on: November 22, 2006, 04:24:47 PM »
Thanks Eldon. And Poz guy I totally appreciate what you are saying about letting him make his own decisions.

But I consider this to be a life and death decision. If he does not get the bloodwork done, and suddenly gets ill...then how am I going to feel? II see your point, but this is not an issue I take lightly. I don't know if I can just stand by and do nothing. GRRRRR But thanks for the insight...
Positive since 1985

Offline Jeffreyj

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,403
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #5 on: November 22, 2006, 04:30:01 PM »
Eric,
Wow how did you maintain your sanity for a year! I don't know if I could do it. That is amazing you waited that long! Damn...I will try to explain to him again that it is out of love and caring.

But I don't think he will understand but I will try. thanks Eric for your thoughts. You are stronger then you know!
Positive since 1985

Offline Andy Velez

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  • Member
  • Posts: 25,125
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #6 on: November 22, 2006, 05:09:22 PM »
Jeffrey, I think it's unwise and a mistake to get directive with this guy. And I don't see this as a classic battle of newbie v oldie. It seems to me to be more about control.

It's one thing to let him you know your feelings -- that you care about him and hope that he stays well. It's quite another to start pressuring him about what you think he should be doing. In my opinion you were crossing some boundaries with him.

You've only been dating him for four weeks! If you were in a longterm relationship it would be a different matter, and even then this is a situation in which you have to proceed with caution.

It's not clear if you guys are still seeing each other or not. If you are, (and maybe even if you're not), I think you owe him an apology. I'd tell him you apologize for getting so bossy with him and your only defense is that it came out of liking him and wanting him to stay well. Whether you guys continue to date or not I think that would be a good thing to do.

As you know from reading these pages as well as your own life experiences, people handle their HIV situation in all different ways. And sometimes when they are resistant at first, at another time they shift. But I've never found the kind of pressure you were exerting to accomplish its goal -- sometimes there might be superficial compliance but it has a way of provoking resentment that's not good for any relationship.

Tell the guy you've been a turkey and you want him to have a good Thanksgiving. Be interesting to see how he responds to an apology.

OK, you can throw that plate at me now, Jeffrey.

Cheers,
« Last Edit: November 22, 2006, 05:12:13 PM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline Christine

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  • Posts: 1,069
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #7 on: November 22, 2006, 05:11:18 PM »
It sort of sounds like he is in denial about his hiv. We are all at different stages in our acceptance of hiv, and the impact that it has on our lives.

I know I would have done the same thing. Logically, I know it would not help, and the other person would become defensive, but my fear for their well-being would take over my mouth.

I do agree with Jeromy, you can't change him or change his actions. You can tell him you love him, you want him to be healthy, and that it is very difficult for you to watch him not take care of his own health.

It is very hard to see someone you love not value their life. Be honest with how you feel, then see how he responds.

Christine
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline Jeffreyj

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  • Posts: 1,403
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #8 on: November 22, 2006, 07:38:34 PM »
Andy, I could not disagree with you more.

  Apologize for what?

Telling him the truth?  I think what  I told him was not only the right thing to do. It was required from one hiv-er to another.
I mean really. According to you, I should say "it's OK...hell take your time???

I am not going to invest my time with a person that thinks "his" HIV is different then everyone Else's. And quit frankly as a moderator I can't believe you think I should apologize for telling someone they are acting irresponsible by not getting a simple blood test every 6 months. HUH?

I'm sorry that he's acting like an irresponsible jack ass. 

And I would tell that to any human being. It's my responsibility for God's sake.

Earth to Andy! What the hell?



Positive since 1985

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #9 on: November 22, 2006, 07:54:26 PM »
Hi Jeffrey,  A few things, he's 25- Hiv+ or not, he's not going to want to be told what to do by anyone. You did put him on the defensive. He could be so damn scared inside to go back, for exactly the reasons you stated.

 I have to agree with Andy. You meant well, but obviously the kid didn't see that right now. What Andy suggests is apologizing for being so hard on him. 

If anything, do it as a buffer to your next conversation. And the next one should be a bit sweeter. Find out why he doesn't want to go back. In a roundabout way of discussing it.

It's been only 4 weeks. A short time and I'm surehe feels he doesn't need another dad. And really also too short a time for you to decide to take that role.

I hope you do apologize, I hope he hangs around, and I also hope he goes back for labs. We all do!

I'm not picking on you, just wanted you to see another side. When NEG I dated a few 25 y/o's (I'm 42 now)  and alot of times I wanted to pull THEIR hair out!

Paul
« Last Edit: November 22, 2006, 07:56:14 PM by Longislander »
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline J.R.E.

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,251
  • Joined Dec-2003 Living positive, since 1985.
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #10 on: November 22, 2006, 08:03:12 PM »
hello Jeffrey,


I can't really add much more to what has already been stated. You have some good suggestions.

I do understand you want to help him and guide him. BUTTTT,,  Sometimes that help is looked at at you perhaps being too critical. Too critical , can lead to being too judgemental, and when your friend detects that, he will undoubtedly become on the defensive.


Hope things work out for you both, but you need another approach.



Take care of yourself------Ray
« Last Edit: November 22, 2006, 08:04:49 PM by J.R.E. »
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 25 mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


Diagnosed positive in 1985,.. In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started on  HAART on October 24th, 2003.

 As of 8/25/14,  t-cells are at 402, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 11%

  
 62 years young.

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #11 on: November 22, 2006, 08:20:20 PM »
Hey Jeff,

When dealing with a conversation as such, it is very, very important that the other person's perspective is taken into consideration before making an appropiate response.



Make the BEST of each Day!

Offline aupointillimite

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,229
  • FUS DO RAH!
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #12 on: November 22, 2006, 09:45:01 PM »
Hey, Jeffrey!

When I'm 25, I'll have been positive for two years... and while I go to the doctor religiously... I can say that I fully understand the "I'm in my 20s and am invincible" thing.

Getting HIV didn't fully get rid of it in me.  In fact, it's only reduced it slightly.  ;)

Your motives are completely and totally admirable... but us guys in our 20s are a stubborn and arrogant lot.  And I think that kind of comes with being in the 20s.

And I guess there's that old adage about leading a horse to water. 
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline AlanBama

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  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #13 on: November 22, 2006, 10:18:20 PM »
Jeffrey,

I know you're in a tough spot; it makes you crazy when someone you care about won't do what you KNOW they need to, to take care of themself.

Lead by example, prod him GENTLY, but in the end, I think he will have to find his own way.   I understand what you mean about newbie vs. oldie....it's like their head is in a different place, where HIV is concerned.   We know what we know....but the ones newly diagnosed are going to have to learn some things for themselves, no amount of begging, pleading or nagging can get some people to make good health decisions.

Good luck, and I hope he comes around and begins to get serious about his healthcare.

hugs,

Alan
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Jeffreyj

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,403
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #14 on: November 22, 2006, 10:54:36 PM »
I would like to thank you all for your insight in this difficult matter. (Thanks to even
Andy TOO!!!!  xoxo) ;)

I will heed some of the advice for sure. Maybe this is the start of a kinder, gentler Jeff for 2007???

I love you all . And I hope we all can make this our BEST Thanksgiving EVER. Let's do it!!

xoxo
Positive since 1985

Offline MSPspud

  • Member
  • Posts: 613
  • Joined Mar 2005 - Formerly UofMurbs
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #15 on: November 23, 2006, 12:25:50 AM »
Jeff -  I don't think what you said to him was wrong at all.  Regardless of the amount of time you've been seeing each other, he needs a wake up call.  It really should be a conversation that one HIV'er has to another. 

I dated a guy for awhile and had issues with him and his lack of blood tests.  I bitched and moaned and while he outwardly objected, he eventually did get his act together and started going more often (and later thanked me, I should add).  I tried to lay out the facts to him by making him aware of all that he was risking. 

I don't envy those who are HIV positive in their teens and early twenties.  It's a difficult disease to manage as is and then to have an aire of invincibility. 

Sorry to all those with differing opinions above, but the stakes are too high to let people just live and learn.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #16 on: November 23, 2006, 12:29:24 AM »
Jeffrey,

First, let me say that I am sorry you are going through this. When they are young like that they do think they are invincible. I will agree with that. It sounds to me that he has not totally accepted being poz. He knows he is but it seems like that is all he is willing to accept if you know what I mean. It is a sticky situation indeed.

Personally, I don't feel you should have to apologize, for what?, caring? I do think another talk is in order, maybe you explaining why you feel so strongly but you have to respect his wishes. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink, ya know? Like someone suggested, maybe invite him to one of your doctor's appointments  but don't put him on the spot, just let him see what it's like on his own.

As much as you care for him, it's his life and he has to live it, you can't live it for him. You are just 4 weeks into it, I'm not sure how serious it is between you in such a short time but if this is an issue you can't deal with maybe it would be better to just have him as a friend. But of course, that is your decision. I will be thinking about you, hon. Good Luck.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #17 on: November 23, 2006, 12:34:32 AM »
I think the difference in responses, well as far as my response goes-

I was going on the theory that Jeff still wants to date this guy. It's early, and if you beat him down, he's mostly likely gonna leave.

Thinking you want to continue seeing him, you'll catch more flies with honey....

If you don't care whether you date this guy anymore, then sure, go ahead and pound it into him. he thank you later, too, if you ever see him again.
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,044
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #18 on: November 23, 2006, 03:30:16 AM »
My partner is older than I am and has been HIV+ longer but still doesn't like for me to question him about his treatment. He's fine with me reminding him about taking his pills but if I start asking when he last had labwork he can get defensive. I don't worry about it though. I just remind myself he's a big boy and can take care of himself. If he really wasn't taking care of himself I would have a heart-to-heart. Personally I've decided to have labwork done every six months unless I have some kind of symptoms.

Offline poet

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  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #19 on: November 23, 2006, 07:19:10 AM »
At the risk of repeating, you have been 'seeing a guy for 4 weeks.'  So what exactly do you know about him after this amount of time (or what would any of us necessarily know)?  When did he become infected (if he knows)?  What did the first numbers look like?  Is he on any medications?  How long has he been on medications?  It really, really is, at four weeks, his hiv, meaning his issue to think through for himself before he can talk about it as an 'our' issue.  We have had a thread here about how often different people get their bloodwork done with many of us, including myself, saying that as an oldie (22 years) I am pushing for every 6 months (which he is still in range of even without having answers to the above questions).  I guess we are missing why the two of you met in the first place, the why and how?  And, as an oldie, I have previously posted that out of respect for friends and boyfriends with hiv, I would never question their decisions as long as I saw that they had thought them through.  There is, afterall, no cure.  There is no guaranteed connection between making these choices and getting these results.  Which is not the same as saying that I would be silent about choices if asked for my opinion.  Perhaps I am ancient and not oldie? Win






Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline bocker3

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,442
  • You gotta enjoy life......
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #20 on: November 23, 2006, 11:20:42 AM »
Hi Jeffrey,

I'm probably just going to be piling on to what most others have said, but want to give my perspective. 
I am 42 and my daughter is 27 (yes, do the math, give a gasp, and move on folks   ;) )  She is not hiv+ and does not know that I am at this point, but what I want to share is years of experience in trying to let her use my life lessons to avoid her own.  In a nutshell -- it almost never works -- at least not right away.  The more I nag her about something, but more she digs her heels in the sand.  I explain my motives (wanting her to avoid pain, etc) and it doesn't really change her perspective.  Over the years what I have found to "work" best, is to share my thoughts, help her see the "choices" and the "consequences" and then let it drop.  I wait a while and check in with her if she hasn't updated me.  She oftens has to learn the hard way, but she has begun to take what I say in her thought processes (not all the time, but hey....) and has begun to say, "I should have listened to you Dad."  I may WANT more than this, but this is all I can EXPECT -- she is my daughter after all, and I always thought my parents didn't know what the hell they were talking about.  You see, while the situation is very different between your scenario and mine, the mindsets are very similar.  If you want to push him away, continue on your path.  If you want to help him grow and understand, then voice your opinion to him and then let it be.  Bring it up from time to time if he isn't taking care of himself, but don't nag and badger, because you will get the exact opposite of what you wish to accomplish.
Again, I understand what you are doing and where it is coming from -- and doing what I suggest will NOT be easy for you, but just as you want him to learn from your experience, I am trying to give you mine.  I am not suggesting you say nothing -- I am suggesting that you simply state your concerns, thoughts and opinion in a calm, non-judgemental way and then let him live his life.  Sometimes the only way someone will believe the pan on the stove is hot is to touch it.  It's painful to watch, but that is human nature.

I hope you take this in the spirit it is delivered. -- Happy Thanksgiving.

Hugs,
Mike
Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2013 691/31% <20

Offline wellington

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  • Don't sweat the little things.
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #21 on: November 23, 2006, 12:46:17 PM »
I could easily be that newbie HIV guy. When people ask me about my health, it just plain sends me off. I'm not in denial, not at all. But, I don't like even a hint of someone making choices on my behalf. This mentality - or as I like to think of it, requirement - is often at odds with people who operate from a care perspective. I thank them for their concern, making sure they are aware that they have been heard, and then ask them to hear me. If they persist, God love them, I remind them that love cannot be put in a cage and that is how such treatment makes me feel. Maybe I should see a therapist to get beyond that feeling, but maybe people who care too much should realize when caring causes discomfort.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents ;)

And, somehow, through it all, I manage to get my labs done every 3 months and see my doctors on as regular basis as is needed to maintain my good health - at least, physically!

Offline o

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Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #22 on: November 23, 2006, 02:12:45 PM »
Hi dear Jeff,

perhaps i will make you angry, but the conversation you had with him doesn't sound like a newbie and oldie HIV+. It just sounds like you are acting as if you are his dad. In a relationship, no matter what the age difference is, i believe in equality. And that can not be achieved by one of the partners almost dictating what the other one has to do. We all have to learn to be responsible for our lives without someone is telling us what to do. And we all do that by making mistakes...

Regards
o

Offline Jeffreyj

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Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #23 on: November 23, 2006, 02:31:42 PM »
Thank you everyone for your thoughtful respones. This has been a real eye opener for me. I have read all the resposes carefully, and have learned a great deal from all of you. As usual!

I have been single since 1999, when my wife died after a 15 year fight. I was proudly by her side for the last 24 days in the hospital. I think being the holidays and all, that I may have been scared, and the thought of anyone having to go through that, well it was all too much for me to bear.

Had I not said anything, and he became suddenly ill, I simply could not have lived with myself.

We got together last night. While I did not apologize for what I said, I did tell him that I cared allot for him. And I told him "Believe it or not, I'm on your side. I care." But I felt I had to say what I said. It's the way I am.

What I failed to mention: He told me he was diagnosed two years ago and started taking meds. Then he stopped. So he hasn't seen a DR since, plus no blood work.

i thank you all for pointing out, and reminding me that it his "HIV" and he must deal with it in his way. I get that. And now it will be in his hands. And I will respect his "ownership" of his HIV.

So it all worked out. He thanked me for caring. And he actually thanked me for not apologizing> Wow. not that was a pleasant surprise!

So I feel our relationship has actually stronger now. And I thank you all for your beautiful, thoughtful input. I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving. I know I will.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  You have made me a better person.

 This place continues to surprise me in a good way.


 
And I am Thankful for that.
Positive since 1985

Offline Life

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  • Member 2005
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #24 on: November 23, 2006, 03:09:58 PM »
Jeff your an amazing man...

Happy Thanksgiving Jeff...
« Last Edit: November 23, 2006, 03:15:34 PM by Eric »

Offline wellington

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  • Don't sweat the little things.
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #25 on: November 23, 2006, 04:29:27 PM »
Enjoy stuffing your turkey or having it stuffed ;) Make-up sex is THE best.  8)

Offline RevMC

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    • Psychic AwakeningSchool.com
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #26 on: November 23, 2006, 05:03:04 PM »
I'm on dialup right now and just noticed your reply to other posts, I'm going to leave my original post below.  CONGRATS on talking.  Hope you are both having a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I'd say you definitely have something to be thankful for  :)



Hi,  I was 25 when I found out I was POZ (18 yrs now).  I also found out I had polycythemia vera.  A blood issue that affects elderly people.  High hemoglobin and hematicrit.  It's been under control now for over 10 years.  I was at the doctors every week for a few months. 

I too put off apointments for lab work for longer than 6 months, saying that it was all under control.  BUT as I saw more and more friends end up in the hospital because they got sick, I lost that mentality and started going regularly for checkups.

After 18 1/2 years of being poz, and not needing meds right now. I go faithfully every 3 months for checkups.

Though your relationship may not continue, try not to push him, he'll come around on his own.  Stay friends if anything else.  My HIV is different than anyone else's, just like he feels his is.  Everyone's body handle's the virus differently.  He has a strong will and strong mind.  If he feels, in his mind that he's healthy, then chances are that he is.

Our minds are a strange thing.  If one who tests positive believes strongly in his mind that they'll be dead within 1 year, then chances are they will be.  Someone like me who felt from the beginning, all those years ago, that I'm going to outlive my doctor, then so far I'm doing just that.

I know, trust me, that it's hard telling someone what they should do to maintain their health.  My other half Louie has KS and can't eat solid foods right now. It's hard not telling him to force the food down.  Knowing that it'll make him sick anyway.  Do the best you can to help him, but try not to force him to do anything that he's not ready to do.

Our minds are also a wonderful thing.  It's his attitude that's probably keeping him healthy.  I did notice, unless I overlooked the information in your post, what were his counts?

Best wishes, hope this helps.

Love and Light,

Rev. Michael
« Last Edit: November 23, 2006, 05:07:10 PM by RevMC »
Part of my story: "Sale Of A Lifetime" POZ December 2003
http://www.poz.com/articles/172_752.shtml

Started on Truvada and Viramune on 2/15/07

Jan 8, 2007   t-cells 215  Viral Load 10,000  24%
March 26'th  T-cells 306   Viral Load  UNDETECTABLE
June 2007 t-cells 375 Viral Load UNDETECTABLE
August 2007 t-cells 290 Viral Load UNDETECTABLE



Love and Light and Reiki sent your way,
Rev. Michae

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #27 on: November 23, 2006, 07:22:52 PM »
Congrats, Jeffrey. I'm glad you guys were able to work it out. I hope you are enjoying your Thanksgiving.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Eldon

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Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #28 on: November 23, 2006, 07:38:24 PM »
Hey Jeff!

It is a good thing that you and he sat down and had a talk with each other. Truly the perspective had sunk in with him in thought. I just wanted to say Congratulations and yes indeed this does make your current realtionship even stronger.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving!

Make the BEST of each Day!

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: A Classic Battle: Newbie vs Oldie...
« Reply #29 on: November 23, 2006, 08:02:05 PM »
glad to hear it. think he knows deep down he was just being a hardheaded 20something and that you're prtty much right  8)

 


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