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Author Topic: Living in serodiscordant relationship, looking for others in my situation !!  (Read 5151 times)

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Offline SooConfused

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Hi,

   Looking to talk with others living in a relationship like mine and how to cope... I should say newly ... we only know for 6 months now.

Offline Teresa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,753
Hello SooConfused,

Welcome to the forums.

We found out about 6 months ago that Hubby was HIV+. I have tested HIV-. It has been one hell of a roller coaster ride, but with the help and support of everyone here it as gotten alot easier.

Feel free to pm me anytime.

Hugs
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline Bizmark33

  • Member
  • Posts: 60
Also in a serodiscordant relationship. I am HIV+, and my wife is HIV neg. I JUST started treatment yesterday. I am on Sustiva and Combivir. First day/night has been fine. I really expected some side effects, but, none so far. I slept about 10 hours, but I woke up tired yesterday.
     As far as coping, it IS difficult sometimes. I feel like I am going thru this alone, and I know that's not true. Hard to talk about sometimes too. We are, of coarse using condoms now, whereas before, as a couplel, we never have. I never really cared for them. That part is difficult, but we have tried to make them fun, ya know? It will take some time. Fortunatley there are so many differnt types and kinds, so we have just been looking for the right kind for us (me:). But you just make it fun, and part of the process. Everytime, without fail. I hate the fact that I have to use them with my own wife, but I want to protect her, and although sex isn't the ONLY part of our relationship, it is one we chose to continue with. Like I said, it will take me some time to be able to be totally comfortable with them, I'm sure. We just have fun with them.
     I will probably go to the store today and get me a pill box of some kind. Fortunatley it only takes a few secs to take pills, and I am only on three of them. You add in the twice a day multivitamin and that is 5 pills. I will do this, to make sure that my life is as long and full as possible. In some ways, it's almost like I have moments where I want it to be better than it was before. I now have some motivation to go the gym again. Maybe this weekend we can go back to the YMCA. I want to loose my belly fat, as the meds can worsen that, so getting in shape will be more motivation than ever.
     Well, if you have any questions, or concerns, just holler.
~B

Offline wellington

  • Member
  • Posts: 508
  • Don't sweat the little things.
Also serodiscordantly bound. We've been together about 17 years. I'm poz; he's neg. PM if I can help.

Offline ACinKC

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,994
  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
Just married the love of my life on October 23rd.  She dont have no cooties like me!  I told her about a month into our relationship.

We are talking of having one child, we know it will be an expensive task.  What else ya need to know!
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline Biggums

  • Member
  • Posts: 199
Hi and welcome..............

Let me know by PM if you'd like to talk.  My honey is poz and I am not (although scared to go get tested to see if I am).  We have know he is poz for a year now.   Hope to hear from ya.
44 year old gay man .......just broke up with the only man I've ever really loved.

You can love completely without complete understanding.

Offline dad1216

  • Member
  • Posts: 135
She dont have no cooties like me!

Cooties
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia........Originally, the term implied body lice, but over time this became generalised first to any sort of lice, including head lice, then later to purely imaginary stand-ins for just about anything that is considered repulsive

I find that referring to HIV as "cooties" repulsive.
23 years HIV+ (Oct 88)
11 years AIDS (March 00)

CD4=83  VL=47,000  (May 2011)
CD4=63  VL=78,470  (Oct 2010)
Prezista..Norvir..Truvada

Offline SooConfused

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Hi dad.... eveyone deals with it differently... and maybe to them it feels better than saying hiv/aids..... I'm sure they didnt mean to offend anyone.    ;)

Offline dad1216

  • Member
  • Posts: 135
Hi dad.... eveyone deals with it differently... and maybe to them it feels better than saying hiv/aids..... I'm sure they didnt mean to offend anyone.    ;)

As quoted by Ann:

Quote
By the way, you say you were "clean" in August. Have you had a shower or bath since then? To use the term "clean" to describe your hiv status implies that those of us who ARE hiv positive are dirty. This is highly insulting so please think about your choice of words in future. Thanks.

I know Ann has used this statement with variations a few times.

So, I guess we can now refer to our disease as: cooties, dirty, morbid, amiss, bad, base, below par, bruised, bum, contemptible, crappy, crummy, defective, deplorable, despicable, dirty, disagreeable, disappointing, diseased, displeasing, dissatisfactory, filthy, impaired, inadequate, injured, lousy, low-grade, mean, nasty, poor, punk, regrettable, rough, scurrilous, shaky, sorry, sour, substandard, unacceptable, unfortunate, unhappy, unlucky, unpleasant, unsatisfactory, unsound, vile, wasted, wicked, withering, wrong.

Sorry, but I just don't get it when someone refers to HIV in such a manner.




23 years HIV+ (Oct 88)
11 years AIDS (March 00)

CD4=83  VL=47,000  (May 2011)
CD4=63  VL=78,470  (Oct 2010)
Prezista..Norvir..Truvada

Offline wellington

  • Member
  • Posts: 508
  • Don't sweat the little things.
To my way of thinking, it lessens the (negative) power of such words to use them ambivalently. I'm all for referring to myself as faggot. I'm not sure I've used cooties yet, but I certainly don't object to it.

Offline Christine

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,069
Hi SooConfused,
I have been + since '93, husband is negative. I would be happy to talk, or answer any questions.

Welcome to the forums!
Christine
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline Moffie65

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Hi Soo,

Been in a discordant relationship for the better part of 18 years.  He negative, and me; well you know me by now.

It hasn't always been a cakewalk, and most of the problems we have had around sex have everything to do with me and my feeling of being dirty.  Isn't that one for the books?  I don't know the answer to everyones issues around making a relationship work, but in my case, I am always working on my own feelings of being the one that brings HIV to the circle. 

Being in a discordant relationship has everything to do with love and respect and concern.  Unfortunately it isn't always easy when you are feeling like poop warmed over to be "there" for the partner.  Also, I find that expectations are also a killer when it comes to keeping a relationship healthy.  We all must keep our expectations under control.  Unfortunately this also goes for the HIV- partner, and that is usually where the problems come home to roost.

Please keep communicating about this, as there are more and more serodiscordant couples coming into HIV infection.

Dad,

for you I totally understand your reference to AC's use of cooties when speaking of HIV, but I have to tell you that I doubt if he meant anything askance in his reference.  I know in our lives we have to get to a place where we come to accept this with a certain sideways approach and I truly think that he was doing this in his statement.  This does not negate your point, and when dealing with those that are not infected, and not living with HIV yearly, monthly, daily and minute by minute, then we should remember to always be very clear in our descriptions of this virus.

In Love,
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Hey Sooconfused,

Moffie is correct when it comes to this topic of discussion. "Clear" Communication is a very important aspect of your relationship. In fact, it should be exercised on a daily basis. Through the "Clear" communication, it also brings a wonderful understanding.

It is also important to "accept" what has been communicated in order to reach that level of understanding. (Ooohhh's and Aaahhh's).

Make the BEST of each Day!

Offline antibody

  • Member
  • Posts: 525
  • "every man thinks his burden is the heaviest"
i am + and my lover of 3 years is neg. he is wonderful. i couldn't ask for better support. i am so grateful to have him and let him know everyday how much he means to me. i love him so much.
Timbuk      <50/ 794  CD4 10/06 
                 <50/ 1096 CD4 3/07
                 <40/ 1854 CD4 4/09

Started Atripla  7/14/06
Switched to boosted Reyataz Truvada 3/28/07

*Ask me about Medical Marijuana and how it can help you!*

Offline aupointillimite

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,229
  • FUS DO RAH!
I was in one long-term serodiscordant relationship.

Believe me when I say that with education, openness, and a lot of communication... HIV became the least of our worries.  We were free to argue about more important things... like whose turn it was to cook.   ;)

If you need anything at all, please PM me.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline ACinKC

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,994
  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
You guys can call your virus whatever you want!!! I call mine cooties! It's mine and i'll call it what I want to. Moffie, hit it right on the head tho.  I look at things sideways, humor helps me deal with all things in life.  It in no way refers to anything other than me and my virus.  You can call yours Mr. Clean if you like, I mean thats a pretty cool name. 

It makes it more fun for me.  No intent to offend.


« Last Edit: November 20, 2006, 10:52:14 PM by ACinKC »
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline ACinKC

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,994
  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline RobT

  • Member
  • Posts: 319
Also serodiscordant  bound. I have been for the past 2 yrs. We just celebrated our 2nd this evening. Unfortunately I am not there w/ him, so I feel that I am battleing this all on my own. Try dealing w/ the struggles of a LDR, where u only see the other m8 once ever 8 mnths and u will understand, plus that and the entire + stuff.
Feel free to PM me if u wanna chat.

RobT

Current meds: Truvada/Sustiva
VL: undetectable
CD4: 564


Current meds: Atripla
VL: undetectable
CD4: 630

Offline NightmareHall

  • Member
  • Posts: 61
  • Out for a Sunday drive to Zeta Reticuli
*
« Last Edit: December 12, 2006, 08:27:05 AM by NightmareHall »

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Nightmare,

I have to ask, why are you still with him if you are so unhappy? It seems to me that your partner is being quite reckless with his life and doesn't seem to care that this affects you. And his friends have even given you warnings? I know when you first hook up with someone, it is considered the honeymoon, but I guess you had to see for yourself. But now that you have, I'm back to the original question, why are you still with him? I'd rather be lonely than to have to put up with a liar, drunk, control freak, and other things. Drop the zero, you can do bad by yourself sweetie, you don't need help.... I will be praying for you....
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline NightmareHall

  • Member
  • Posts: 61
  • Out for a Sunday drive to Zeta Reticuli
*
« Last Edit: December 14, 2006, 10:58:05 AM by NightmareHall »

Offline chadnla

  • Member
  • Posts: 84
  • Relaxed in SoCal
This is a great topic. Although I'm not in a relationship, I do agree to date guys who I assume are negative. I don't like to disclose on the first date, but yet i'm finding recently that if I like the guy I end up sabotaging the whole mess because I assume he's neg and won't be able to deal with it. I try to be braver at times but its so difficult. This I think is a big reason why I'm single.

The f*cked up part is that guys that were okay with it and were open to havin sex, I was scared that I would infect them. I feel like its such a mental rollercoaster. Does that ever go away in a relationship when you're partner is negative?  This is the part about HIV that I don't think I've ever resolved.

I would prefer to date other poz guys, but can't seem to the right man.
"I do not believe in a fate that will fall on us no matter what we do. I do believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do nothing."

Offline wellington

  • Member
  • Posts: 508
  • Don't sweat the little things.
Yes. To answer that question in short, it does go away. I wouldn't want to infect the man I love either, but I don't have that thought at the fore anymore, since our behaviours and awareness are both conducive to safer sex.

You might want to think about the routes of infection in the activities you plan to perform and examine new possibilities for the men with whom you play. There are plenty of hot choices for spicy, intense connections that do not suffer from lack of intimacy. Educate and explore, my friend!

Offline Esquare

  • Member
  • Posts: 237
I'm positive and my wife is negative so we qualify.  We are still getting used to the fact. :-\

Offline QueenofMYhouseOFblue

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
I am poz 10 yrs my hubby and 2 boys are negative. Feell free to pm.


Amanda

Offline belgium

  • Member
  • Posts: 30
    • jean's blog
hi, i me and my partner celebrate our 18 years togheter last month, i'm hiv+ since 4 years, he is and probably remains neg.
we have a normal relationship, and he actually never worried about getting infected by me, we were lucky, the week my result came in, my friend had a long talk with my HIV doctor and a pshycologist, apparently that took away any fears he might have had and he never looked back;
we both know what we can and what we can't do and we stick to that, oh we do have a permanent supply of condoms in the house ;-) the whole secret is making sure your partner is fully informed about the things to watch out for.
when i fell badly during a ski holliday 2 years ago, my friend even took care of my wounded knee wich was bleeding badly, suddenly i saw he wasn't wearing gloves so i panicked, he remained unflushed "oh don't worry" he said, " i checked my hands for cuts and bruisses!
if it isn't working, it must be windows

Offline catwoman

  • Member
  • Posts: 111
I'm poz and my husband is negative.  We've been together 5 years.  We've been married for the past 2+ years.  I found out last December that I am poz.  We have come to our 1 year of dealing with this and I must say, it's easier than earlier this year.

 


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