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Love & HIV

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When my love was diagnosed at only 21, he went thru the same as you.  When he'd wank, he'd look at his semen and think of the poison it contained.  He cried that no one could love him now.  I did.  I stayed right with him.  He wanted NO sex of any kind.  Then, 4 months later, he finally relented and allowed oral, but it freaked him some for awhile.  Then, 4 months later we slowly and with protection, resumed intercourse.

Unfortunately, just a few months later, drunk together, I did him unprotected and that was the last straw.  He so feared infecting me and he felt that if we stayed together, sooner or later he would, so he disappeared from me.

Now, 4 years after his diagnosis, at age 24 he's been in another loving relationship, living together for nearly a year now.  His partner is also poz, something he can live with. 

The important message I wish to send to you is that, your initial reaction is normal.  But there is love and a good life after HIV.

They still love us, that is unconditional.  The difference is we have to be more careful on protection and disclosure issues. I have had HIV for 12 years and AIDS for 10 of those years, I also have 4 BF's, 1 is an ID doc, 1 is an RN, 1 is a rancher, and 1 is a medical biller.  Two out of 4 are HIV positive. Having HIV does not make you a lesser person, it makes you a better one because something once life-threatening has tried to take control of your life and you are stronger by not letting the disease take control.  Have the best day

I never reply but I feel have to on this one....I was one the lucky ones...when I found out...I tried to run off Chad...I could never live with myself if  I got him sick..............but damn he stayed.........its been two years...he is still   ---its been hard but I am so lucky  I have him.............why he stayed I don't know

It's not a ridiculous question at all.  I've been positive for about 16 years now,
and at 42 years old I still wonder if/when I'll find a partner to share my life with.  
But my concern doesn't stem from being positive.  Mostly, I just find it difficult
to find guys I feel I am compatible with.  It's hard to articulate, but even though
I feel I have plenty of friends and interests, I always feel "different" from everyone
else.  But being positive is not the issue.  

I'm sure that in time you'll see that there are plenty of guys that are
interested in you.  Keep reminding yourself that you deserve it -- you deserve
to love, and to be loved.



I have a different perspective on all this.  I tested positive after someone I thought I was living with in a loving, honest relationship with lied and infected me.  He'd even shown me the negative results of an HIV test (and neglected to inform me that he'd had anonymous unprotected sex right after the test).   After he-and subsequently I-tested positive, needless to say, my trust was shattered.

Since my own diagnosis I've shied away from love and sex simply because I feel that if one "love" could do something like that to me, then someone else could easily screw me over.  Even if it's not with an infectious agent, someone could still hurt me in a number of other ways.  When we get involved with someone, we let our guards down.  We trust them, with our emotions, with personal information, with  the space we share with them at a given time.  And as much as we feel we trust someone, he/she can still shock us-negatively-after a long period of time.   There are no guarantees.  How many times have we heard of long-term relationships going belly up...with someone getting very hurt and saying 'I thought I knew him/her'?

A couple times since my diagnosis,  I have been approached about starting a relationship, and the people in question (both negative) weren't deterred by my HIV status.  Rather, I was the one who said no, telling them frankly, "I'm sorry, but I can't trust you completely."

I realize that many people with HIV do date and form very meaningful, long-lasting relationships.  I have some poz acquantances who have met someone and fallen in love, and are now happily married.   That's wonderful, and if you do want such a relationship, there is certainly someone to love you.  If you're worried about rejection, remember that HIV/STDs aren't the only reason people reject others.  Individuals are rejected because of body type, hairstyle (yes, can you believe it?), age, job ambitions, etc.  But though  there are jerks out there, there are also mature, sensitive people who look past things like HIV status, height, and income level and love others for who and what they truly are.

Even though I'm still not ready to get involved with someone else, I'm fine with that.  I'm very self-reliant.  If I ever am ready to trust and love, then I'll know it when the time comes. 

Good luck!


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