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Author Topic: Very concerned about my risk  (Read 6723 times)

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Offline firstone

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Very concerned about my risk
« on: November 10, 2006, 04:28:23 PM »
I am male and 19 years old, and a virgin. Which may make you wonder why I'm even worried!

However, last week I had an encounter with another guy. Basically it was only dry humping, but when he ejaculated some of it went on my penis on the head. As far as I remember, some of it was on the top of the hole there as well which is what is worrying me.

I know he had chlamydia recently, but I'm not worried about that. I know he's slept with a lot of girls, and some of them really are quite weird (much older, slutty women). Is there any way I could have contracted HIV from this encounter especially as I am sure that some of his semen did go on the tip of my penis on the opening? I read that it can be transmitted through mucous membranes, with the head of the penis apparently being a mucous membrane.


Thanks.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Quite worried
« Reply #1 on: November 10, 2006, 04:34:48 PM »
You did not have a risk, in the situation you have brought to the forum.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Quite worried
« Reply #2 on: November 10, 2006, 04:40:31 PM »
Read the lesson on transmission which you can find through a link in the Welcome thread that begins this section. This epidemic is going to be around for a longtime to come and you need to be up on the real issues so that you can protect yourself, enjoy your sexuality and spare yourself worrying unnecessarily.

What you described is essentially what is called frottage, which not a risk for transmission even with ejaculation having occured as you have described.

There's  no need for testing.

You do need to be aware there are other STDs out there which are much easier to get including by skin to skin contact.

This time out there's no cause to be further concerned about HIV.

Cheers, 
Andy Velez

Offline firstone

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Re: Quite worried
« Reply #3 on: November 10, 2006, 04:45:07 PM »
Thanks for the replies. I know that it's a little ridiculous to assume I would have normally got it by frottage, yet I was only concerned as I noticed after he ejaculated how a bit of it was on the tip of my penis on the opening-what if some leaked inside for example? That was why I was worried. Also because I read that the glans of the penis is a mucous membrane, so if so, wouldn't HIV be transmitted (if he had it) simply by his semen coming into contact with my glans?

Sorry for all the questions but I am obviously worried.

(edit) Also I have just read the following on another topic on the forum:
'As long as the head of your penis was covered by the condom, you were protected against hiv infection.

Skin is an excellent barrier against hiv and the skin on your penis is no different. It is the head of the penis that needs to be protected because that is where the urethra is located. The urethra (where you pee and cum out of) is vulnerable to hiv infection and so is the foreskin if you have one.'

So I had asked specifically about the head of the penis, and so my worry still remains.
« Last Edit: November 10, 2006, 04:50:16 PM by firstone »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Quite worried
« Reply #4 on: November 10, 2006, 04:51:13 PM »
As I said, HIV is not easily transmitted. It's a fragile virus.

In all but a miniscule number questionable cases, it occurs through either vaginal or anal intercourse. For it to get into your pee hole, it has to be open and exposed for more than the kind of brief period you have described. As far as the receptivity of the glans, it's an uncircumciised guy who is at risk. Even if you are uncircumcised, and IF the guy is HIV+, the semen hitting the air would very quickly lose its viability.

Youir mind if working way overtime on IFS right now. Lay off of that stuff. It's bad for your health, no kidding.
Andy Velez

Offline firstone

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Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #5 on: January 28, 2010, 02:09:22 PM »
First of all, I know full well that a genuine warranted risk only exists if I have unprotected sex. However I am very careful, don't practice unsafe sex and generally worry about HIV quite a lot.

I mutually masturbated with another guy, that's all we did. I know that carries no risk. The concern is that I had a patch on the 'nearside' of my penis which was a bit raw and chafed, not bleeding but certainly very tender. This guy produced a lot of pre-cum, he at one point rubbed both our penises together then I stopped him a few moments later. At another point he tried masturbating me and did it roughly, no doubt worsening the raw/chafed area and had pre-cum on his hands. When he ejaculated that was nowhere near me.

A lot of documents on the web state you can acquire HIV from cuts/abrasions on the skin. I wouldn't be worried if I had a cut on my finger from a few days ago or something, but this one was obviously very irritated due to what we were doing. it wasn't actually bleeding though. So if you can get HIV from blood/semen coming into contact with a cut/abrasion, surely this was a risk? And what if any of his precum entered my urethra, which is obviously a mucous membrane? Especially as I've read pre-cum can carry even higher loads of HIV than semen.

I remain to be very worried about this although the guy says he has to get tested every so often for his job (social worker) and would always use condoms, I know he is the type to sleep around, and is passive when it comes to intercourse.

As Ive stated I know full well normal mutual masturbation is a risk, but surely think when fluids come into contact with red/raw/chafed areas on the penis, why wouldn't there be risk of transmission?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #6 on: January 28, 2010, 03:28:51 PM »
Irritated or "raw" patches on your penis notwithstanding, nothing you are reporting has put you at risk for HIV transmission. HIV is a fragile virus and needs the kind of receptive setting which is provided by unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. As long as you consistently use condoms for either of those activities you will be well protected sexually.

This time there is no need for testing nor for further concern on your part.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #7 on: January 29, 2010, 05:04:12 AM »
first,


I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep all your additional thoughts or questions in one thread. It doesn't matter how long it has been since you last posted in your thread or if the subject matter is different.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.



I agree with Andy. You did not have a risk for hiv infection.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline firstone

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Re: Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #8 on: January 29, 2010, 06:00:24 PM »
Ok you might think I'm slightly mental. And should probably be celibate seeing as every sexual activity seems to concern me. Anyway I hooked up with a guy I've met recently, absolutely adamant he gets tested for HIV every 3 months etc. The 'abrasion' or sore/raw patch on my penis as mentioned above is pretty healed up so I'm not so concerned about that. I was quite adamant that in the activities we were doing, that we didn't do anything with even a theoretical risk of transferring everything. We were just kissing and then masturbated ourselves. At one point he masturbated me for a second or so with the hand he was masturbating with, he wasn't producing any precum though.

Now I'm not as concerned about HIV this time, however was there a way that him touching his penis (without any fluids) and then touching mine could transfer another STD?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #9 on: January 29, 2010, 06:15:34 PM »
Once again as you seem to acknowledge with some doubt, there was no risk for HIV in your latest incident.

Our focus here is strictly on HIV. Some STDs can be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact. Should you have any reason to think you have contracted something, that's a subject to discuss with your doctor. In general we suggest that anyone who is sexually active ought to regularly have a full STD panel done. That means at least once a year.

As far as HIV is concerned I don't see any cause for concern.
Andy Velez

Offline firstone

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Very worried about recent exposure
« Reply #10 on: August 28, 2010, 07:56:42 AM »
Another guy had sex with me about 3 weeks ago, we used a condom for the entire episode as far as I was aware. He did not ejaculate.

I was therefore quite satisfied it was safe sex. I do always look out for symptoms after sexual contact, and now I am very worried. Despite not even being ill in any way for 18 months, this week I have developed a bad digestive problem with cramps and pains, a severe headache for about 24 hours, sore throat, my neck muscles are very achey, a doctor told me my lymph nodes in my neck are swollen too. I also performed oral on him for literally 10 seconds.

I've been questioning the guy as I think there MAY have been a small amount of time where he was penetrating me without a condom when I think back to what happened. He denies this. Just to give a little extra history, according to him he has only ever slept with one other guy, and before they had unprotected sex they were both fully tested and negative. His ex broke up with him after about a year, he said the guy never cheated on him as he was 'with him all the time'. I'm concerned that the guy may have cheated, contracted HIV and passed it on to him as they were having unprotected sex.

This is eating me up and I cannot concentrate or do anything. I feel stuck as it's too early for testing. I do realise that I'm being a little irrational. If I was feeling healthy I wouldn't be like this, however after searching for HIV seroconversion symptoms it's just an absolute 100% match for everything-the headache, fatigue, sore throat, aches. I thought the digestive problems 'proved' it wasn't this as I actually had them about a year ago (having tested HIV negative afterwards) but symptoms for seroconversion also suggested digestive problems and pain.

I'm sure it's easy to respond saying I had safe sex therefore I can't have anything. However I do think he penetrated me at one point without protection, he also did attempt later on to do this WITH my knowledge so obviously it's something he isn't against, despite him otherwise being very clued up about HIV. I know he denies this...to be very graphic the reason that he removed the condom and chucked it on the floor was when it became a bit 'dirty' and he stopped. I am thinking when he ripped it off suddenly (and I wasn't aware what was going on for half a minute) that he at that point penetrated me unprotected.

Just to add to this, the only lymph nodes I think are swollen are in my neck. There's no pain under my armpits. Also I have been sneezing a bit etc so more like a cold than a fever. The weather in the UK in the last week has suddenly been very cold and constantly raining. I did go to a Doctor about the digestive problems, I saw him last year, he suggested it may be IBS but that was clearly a guess. They lasted about 3-4 weeks last year then went. The sore throat/swollen glands he said may be an opportunistic infection or something. I did not discuss any of the above about my recent encounter with him.

Can you advise please?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #11 on: August 28, 2010, 09:04:54 AM »
Firstone, I've merged your threads here. In the future please follow our rule and keep all of your entries in this same thread.

It is really not clear if unprotected anal took place or not. But HIV status is never something to guess about so I suggest you do get tested at 13 weeks if only to give you peace of mind about your negative status.

There is nothing HIV specific about your "symptoms." And given your present anxious state, you are unfortunately busy misinterpreting everything that happens to you physically as another confirmation of your worst fears. You need to stop surfing the net right now for more fuel to feed your fears. Cut it out. It's bad for your health.

If your symptoms persist you should discuss them with your doctor. In terms of safer sex, keep it simple. No matter what you think you know about someone's history or how great they are, the insertive partner always has to wear a condom. No exceptions.

I do expect that you will ultimately come out of this latest incident ok when you get tested. Meanwhile you need to make an effort to focus on other things in your life. And don't bother saying you're too worried to do that because I can tell you that response won't fly here. And stay off of the net searching for trouble.

Andy Velez

Offline firstone

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Re: Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #12 on: August 28, 2010, 10:02:40 AM »
I've read you can be tested at 6 weeks at the earliest, isn't that correct?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #13 on: August 28, 2010, 10:57:30 AM »
Yes, you can get tested at 6 weeks when there has been a risky incident. A negative at 6 weeks is very encouraging and unlikely to change. But it would still need to be confirmed conclusively with a test at 13 weeks. 
Andy Velez

Offline firstone

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Re: Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #14 on: September 04, 2010, 05:18:48 PM »
I was fooling around with another guy last night and he inexplicably decided to bite my hand/knuckles really hard. I noticed a minute later that one of my fingers had a tiny amount of blood on it so he obviously broke the skin. It most definitely was not a deep cut, is about 0.5cm wide and to be honest is almost healed up already only 24 hours later. I have my concerns about him being HIV+ (though probably unfounded) but say that he was, what risk did this present?

Thinking about it, as I was trying to pull away it wasn't exactly like my finger was right inside my mouth swimming in his saliva, more likely I cut it as I pulled away and scraped it on his tooth. Also I know that I should only be worrying if I had unprotected sex or something, I worry about HIV enough and don't need this to be playing on my mind too.

I still need to test for the experience in one of my posts above, it's hard enough waiting enough time for that so don't now need something else to make me wait the 3 months all over again!

Offline Ann

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Re: Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #15 on: September 04, 2010, 05:27:00 PM »
First,

Despite what you may read in the media, biting is not a risk for hiv infection. Not one person has ever been infected this way and you won't be the first.

Not only is saliva not infectious, but it also contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect.

The only thing you need to worry about in this incident is a bacterial infection. The human mouth is teeming with bacteria.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline firstone

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Re: Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #16 on: September 05, 2010, 09:00:53 AM »
Thanks for this.

One thing after reading stories on this site, is the 'missing link' between countless responses to people who had 'safe' encounters to tell them they had no risk etc, to people posting who've newly been diagnosed and have 'always been safe'.

I'm literally sitting here absolutely terrified, the guy I slept with above won't go for another test to 'teach me a lesson' that my fears are unfounded. From all the responses on here about what will and won't transmit HIV-I have never and hope that I will never have unprotected intercourse. I am very weary of oral sex, and if I did there's no way I'd allow anyone to ejaculate in my mouth. I can barely partake in mutual masturbation as I'm so cautious of what fluids go where.

So I can conclude I'm about as safe as you can get-oh and I am so scared of intercourse that it happens about once a year at the most. So based on all the other guys who are diagnosed yet totally confused about where it came from, what makes me different? Although it's probably my very heightened state of paranoia, based on all the others absolutely inexplicably getting infected, I wouldn't be surprised if when I go for testing then I have also become infected.

Although there's a categoric response on here of 'have unprotected sex or share needles and that's the only way you'll get HIV' there's clearly a large group of people who contract it despite only ever having safe sex. So where do all those people come into the statistics and how can I even engage in any sexual activity?

Offline firstone

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Re: Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #17 on: September 05, 2010, 09:28:13 AM »
Sorry to add to the previous response but can't see a way to edit my posts.

You can see from my history that I've had a long-term fear of this. Reading the 'just tested poz' forum for about an hour did not help in any way! However, it just shows that despite re-assuring myself that I could not have been safer (unless I remained totally celibate) it counts for next to nothing. As a LOT of people on that forum are clueless as to how they became infected as they're always safe, some never even had anal sex! So what use are all the professional opinions that say that there have been no medically confirmed cases of oral passing on HIV? Do they just decide to ignore the fact that people clearly have been inexplicably infected?

Sorry for all the questions, I hope you can see where I'm coming from.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #18 on: September 05, 2010, 10:12:38 AM »
Yes, we can see where you are coming from and it's a place that has no basis in HIV science. Your latest incident was not risky no matter what your fears and doubts  and all of what you are reading and mis-reading on the web may tell you to the contrary. Your referring to most people not even knowing how they became infected is simply not accurate and it's just another distortion grounded in your anxious feelings and not fact or science. 

I suggest you see a therapist or other professional and discuss your feelings in a safe and private setting. You were not at risk for HIV. Period. But you do seem to have a lot of anxiety around having sex and your fears about HIV.  Life is too short at its best to spend worrying unnecesarily. Get yourself some help with these issues.

I'm also going to warn you that you are quickly going to find yourself getting a 28 Day Time Out from this site if you continue to return over non-risks just to vent your anxiety. We've evaluated what you've told us and really can't do anything further for you in this setting.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2010, 10:15:08 AM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #19 on: September 05, 2010, 03:21:58 PM »
You do realize that we have had people who are NOT HIV positive enter the forum under false circumstances, and make claims which were, to put it kindly, absurd. There is an expectation of trust in that section of the forums, and yes, it has been abused from time to time. Usually, eventually, the person is either discovered (Ann for one is terrific at cross-checking IP addresses) or the person gets tired of NOT getting the attention he or she needs, and goes away.

It is the sad fact of the internet that not everything or everyone is who or what they appear. This is another reason why patient report is notoriously misleading. First-Tiered Peer-Reviewed science, from reliable sources, preferably using repeated study, is the only way to call something scientifically reliable.

That is the criteria by which we determine HIV transmission here.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline firstone

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Re: Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #20 on: September 22, 2010, 02:30:22 AM »
Ok I tested after 6 weeks and 4 days and the result was negative. I went to the biggest/most advanced STI clinic in the UK, they said that the result was conclusive. I queried this as I thought 6 weeks wasn't 100%-they advised me that a year ago this was true, as their rapid tests were only 100% after 3 months. However over this summer they have started to use a new type of rapid test, which is conclusive after 6 weeks. I have read on this forum that in Massachuchets they are now using a 6 week test. When I read the packaging quickly it said something about HIV1/HIV2 antibodies.

I cannot believe I'm still concerned that I am infected. I asked the doctor twice and he was adamant that this 6 week test was definitely conclusive and another test they could have done would be conclusive after 4 weeks.

I know I used a condom for the 'exposure' but the guy, despite being a friend, has turned out to be a very odd and untrustworthy guy...so although I knew what was going on, I was still very concerned over the whole incident. Hence I had silly thoughts of the condom being taken off for some parts, whether true or not.

Can I stop worrying? The only doubt is the 6 week period as you say 3 months on this forum. It's just the clinic were adamant this is a brand new test introduced this summer and the 6 week mark IS conclusive. Are they right?

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #21 on: September 22, 2010, 04:03:57 AM »
Condoms prevent HIV.

You used a condom.


You do not have HIV.

Period.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline firstone

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Re: Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #22 on: September 22, 2010, 02:52:53 PM »
As stated previously, I had concerns that a condom wasn't used for the entirety. i.e. he removed it briefly-he has joked about this (hilarious, eh) when I questioned him about it as he thinks I'm being overly paranoid.

Therefore I am treating him as HIV+, as I think it's sensible to treat all sexual partners unless you know otherwise. Can you please answer my questions in my previous post?

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Very concerned about my risk
« Reply #23 on: September 22, 2010, 03:03:38 PM »
If your doctor and the clinic swear by the six week test, then you ought to listen to them. We give general information on a global scale, and many countries still use earlier versions of the test that do indeed have far less sensitivity, and require a three month window.

MA does endorse a six week window, and had the finances at the time to roll out those tests statewide. Other states here in the US don't have that financial luxury, so we keep repeating the three month window to be absolutely sure.

Of course, if you have doubts, then testing at the three month window might give you closure, and peace of mind. But the clinic and the doctor likely know what generation of test they use, and it's recommended window period. But if the biggest/most advanced STI clinic in the UK stated specifically that they had indeed begun to use the same test used in MA, then you can take their word for it.

Some doctors, even some clinics, do not have the most current information. This one seems to understand their testing procedure, and has done the research necessary to make that claim. trust me, clinics and doctors are far more likely to err ont he side of caution than allow HIV infections to go undetected.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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