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Author Topic: My Emotional BM  (Read 897 times)

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Offline Strayboy74

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,054
  • tastes like chicken
My Emotional BM
« on: November 08, 2006, 12:42:58 PM »
I sometimes wonder if I'm really alive.

I watch the people around me who find relationships and happiness, and are contented.  I've never understood this.  I think of my sister, who lived her entire life within a 60 mile radius, settled and had children.  I used to feel sadly for her, never having seen the wonders of the world, and never having the rich experiences that I have.  She always seemed happy with her decision, but now she's gone, and I will never know.

So, now I stand, at the cusp of commitment; scared that I might not be able to come back, frightened at the prospect of losing freedom, and terrified at alowing myself to be vulnerable to another.  Yet enticed by the idea of happiness.

I want to cut bait and run.  I'm so fucked up. :(

-joseph
« Last Edit: November 08, 2006, 01:29:54 PM by Strayboy74 »

Offline heartforyou

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,105
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: My Emotional BM
« Reply #1 on: November 08, 2006, 12:51:31 PM »
Hi Joseph,

It is true that, in the end we all are confronted with ourselves.
We will be the ones that have to perform our last act.
So, in the end , we are alone.

BUT, on the way to that point there are many people travelling the same road with us.
The fact that you come here and write about your feelings tell me that you want someone to know about your struggle.
We are here to listen and to share.

If you don't open up and show your vulnerable side in a "confident" relation, you may never know what it holds for you.
You choice... but I would trust your guts.

Hermie
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline clarke

  • Member
  • Posts: 169
Re: My Emotional BM
« Reply #2 on: November 08, 2006, 05:41:49 PM »
To some people, their riches are in their backyard.  To others, riches lie elsewhere.

"Riches" have a different meanings to many people.  "Riches" also mean you take chances on your definition of what "riches" are, and also if you're willing to change your own perception of "riches" are, or aren't.

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: My Emotional BM
« Reply #3 on: November 08, 2006, 06:22:21 PM »
Strayboy,

I can understand how you feel. It sounds like you have gotten use to being single. It may be time to branch out and get your feet a little wet. How can you know the happiness of a comittment if you don't take the chance? Then you will be dealing with what if's. I'm not saying jump out there feet first but do things on your terms, don't feel like you have to settle and don't feel like you have to rush.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline CaptCarl

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,114
  • Located in the Palinsville subdivision, JesusLand
Re: My Emotional BM
« Reply #4 on: November 08, 2006, 10:09:59 PM »
Stray,
   I can understand your feelings on this matter. I recently met a wonderful man, and we have chosen to pursue a relationship. It has been quite a shock for me as I have spent the past 10 years alone and loving it. But too, there were times that I wanted someone to be there for me. Maybe someone to talk to after a bad dream. Or a bad visit with the Doctor. All in all, I'm glad that it has worked out. Norm is a wonderful man, who has not taken anything from me, rather he has added a dimension to my life that didn't exist before. I was already a happy person when we met, and he has helped to make that happiness even better. It is never fun to feel vulnerable, but then again, it isn't fun to be lonely when you are sick, and always wondering about what could have been. The right one doesn't come along on a regular or frequent basis, so you have to be willing to risk it while the chance is there. Good Luck
The only thing I can do straight is shoot..

 


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