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Author Topic: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….  (Read 2376 times)

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Offline Irish Eyes

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I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« on: August 03, 2014, 06:18:46 AM »
A brief synopsis of my peculiar situation.
So the person I contracted from has become my partner.
I believe in monogamy, he's a male escort. (yes bizarre).
From when we first met I was certain the relationship would more than develop (as mentioned towards end of my very first post in I just tested poz).

Unfortunatly (using my schedule and his world travels for 'work' as an excuse) the opportunity for 'the talk' has never arisen, though I have had my list of questions of my concerns written for months and he is more than aware that i have a list.

Granted we have spent hours in the car alone, travelled to Ireland for several days, dinner dates and movies, but the timing and situation was never conducive to unload. 

It's definitely a face to face talk, and mainly for my concern of his mindset, I refuse to bring it up when he is traveling, (currently he's gone for almost 5 weeks, several cities back East, then Barcelona, London and then Greek Islands, all prior to starting school in Sept.

My unoffical and unregistered 'Dr. Abso.' is a mine of information and his level of knowledge and concern for me astounds.

I know of the STD's, Abso has reinforced this, but what am I really exposing myself to.
Apparently my partner uses condoms 100% with clients (though perhaps not always with me :/)

Big deal, syphilis, ghonerea (no spell check?) whatever else.
I realise condoms don't protect from whichever is contracted skin to skin, but 'assuming' we use condoms, what am i really exposing myself to, and is it curable or will it become another lifelong adherence to another med.

What am I exposing myself to and what are the consequences ?


« Last Edit: August 03, 2014, 06:38:17 AM by Irish Eyes »
10/30/13          Exposure
Mid-Nov-Jan    Seroconversion (7-8 rough wks)
12.26.2013      WB dx. HIV+
02.01.2014      OraQuick (result Negative?)
01.31.2014      VL 250700
02.03.2014      CD4  491  26%
02.26.2014      CD4  503  26%
03.05.2014      HLA B6701  not present
03.18.2014      VL 530873 (typical fluctuation)
03.21.2014      Start Stribild
04.14.2014      VL 104 after 24 doses
05.12.2014      VL 129 after 52 doses
06.10.2014      CD4 940 32%
06.11.2014      VL 87
07.22.2014      VL 20
09.23.2014      VL 43

Offline BT65

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #1 on: August 03, 2014, 08:33:28 AM »
Irish, some of the things you say contradict each other: 1) you say you and your partner, whom you believe you contracted HIV from, are "monogamous," but then you say he is a "male escort" and also you are contemplating getting together with someone else; also, you say your partner uses condoms 100% of the time, but if you did indeed contract the HIV from him, then he obviously is not using condoms 100% of the time. 

So, what is it, exactly, you're wanting to know.  What STI's you're opening yourself up to by having a fling with Abso, even if you use condoms?  The thing that comes to mind is HSV (herpes simplex virus).  That can be transmitted skin-to-skin, but only during a break out, or right before a break out.  If the person controls the HSV outbreaks, then it is a non-issue.

I also tend to think HPV, though I am not really sure about that since I do not know that much about HPV.  I know when I was having my "wild life" as a young adult, HPV was never talked about; at least no like it is now.  It seems so very common now.

If you contract HSV, there are meds to control it.  You do not necessarily have to take them every day for the rest of your life.  I have HSV and only take the meds when I have an outbreak.  And when I have outbreaks it is because of extra stress.  Which cannot be avoided, but there are things you can do to keep the stress level down. 

Someone else can say more about HPV.  But I did want you to know about the possibility of HSV.  What I do wonder about is if you can get to the point that you accept your partner is not using condoms 100% of the time; you need to accept you're not in a monogamous relationship if your partner is sexually active with other persons and he is the one you contracted HIV from.  I do not know what exactly it is you want to talk to him about, but I'm thinking it's the HIV?  Anyway, good luck with whatever you do decide to do.

Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline absopozilutely

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #2 on: August 03, 2014, 01:57:15 PM »
Lol Betty I am laughing so hard right now. Irish wasn't saying a fling with me, he's saying what's he exposing himself to without using condoms with his boyfriend, the escort. Irish and I are great friends but would never venture to sex. I'm flying down to visit him, but just as friends like Mitch and Jeff. I'm simply giggling because the thought of he and I sexually is amusing, to say the least, I love him like a brother and no more. Sorry for the confusion, I hope I clarified. Irishes boyfriend is an escort for monetary reasons so it's as monogamous as it can get, Irish is 100% loyal, I think he's asking because I lecture him on using condoms so not to risk any more damage to the body.

Ps: I would never be the other person.
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.
9/19 CD4 799 46% VL UD yayyyy

Offline absopozilutely

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #3 on: August 03, 2014, 01:58:42 PM »
Oh, and I do not have any other stds just HIV, thank heavens! Just wanted that out there before the rumor mill goes awry. Lol
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.
9/19 CD4 799 46% VL UD yayyyy

Offline BT65

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #4 on: August 03, 2014, 02:46:03 PM »
Oh okay, lol.  Well, it really sounded like that's what he was contemplating.  Which I would never judge anyone for; lord knows I've had a couple flings when I was with people, and was also the other person, however briefly.  So, I'm no one to judge by any means.

And Abso, if you did have an STI, I would never judge you on that either.  When I was younger it seemed like I was in the doctor's office every week for some other STI issue lol.  And it was so uncomfortable because it was the same doctor who delivered me and took care of me during my whole childhood.  But I hated to go to the health department and wait the entire day. 

So anyway, just wanted you to know I have no judgment about people and their sex lives, or whatever lives lol.  Thanks.

Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline mecch

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #5 on: August 03, 2014, 02:47:46 PM »
Oh, and I do not have any other stds just HIV, thank heavens! Just wanted that out there before the rumor mill goes awry. Lol

As this is relevant to the general theme, and not a slander to you personally. Don't most MSM of a certain age have HPV and isn't that an STD.  This whole idea of "all i have is HIV" among MSM pozzies seems a bit naive to me.

I know I took the diagnosis as a stupid free pass to have random bareback sex and got rewarded with a HEP C infection...  By some small miracle I was in the small percentage of people who actually cure that themselves...  But i can hardly go around claiming to be in "healthy except for controlled HIV" camp because I think its a loaded can of worms.

Now of course, a monogamous couple - that really is that - is one thing..  But Irish your lover is going to be in contact with a lot of stuff through his oral practices/services, active or passive.  Plus fingers, etc etc. 

There are STDS that are transmitted in other ways than HIV is transmitted... 

BT65 asked the question that i am curious about. What is "the talk".  I m going to counter BT and assume its NOT about HIV and assume, here, that you both know each other as HIV+ and "the talk" is about who is having unprotected sex going forward, and who is at risk for what OTHER stds..... right?
« Last Edit: August 03, 2014, 02:50:09 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline absopozilutely

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #6 on: August 03, 2014, 06:48:48 PM »
Thanks Betty, I know that none of us judge anyone on here, so I didn't take it like that. Mostly I just wanted to clarify as I know that Irish is dealing with some weather issues right now.
Mecch, I'll have to give a response later when I have more time to read what you wrote in detail, and analyze it a bit more.
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.
9/19 CD4 799 46% VL UD yayyyy

Offline BT65

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #7 on: August 03, 2014, 07:24:52 PM »
You're perfectly welcome, Abso.  Sorry for the confusion.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline absopozilutely

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #8 on: August 03, 2014, 08:43:07 PM »
Mecch, yes a majority of people who have hpv are coinfected with hiv, at least that's what my ID doctor has told me. However I've been tested, checked, rechecked and no problems here. I had never had any std at all, I always was safe, then got into a pretty bad "breakupish" and went a bit wild, in that span I was with 3 people. I don't know if I would call that point of view naive as much as I'd say that I'm looking at the optimistic side of things. As my story was told before. I'm very happy your body was able to deal with the hep c, since the hiv I've said that I'll never pass this onto someone else. I could go on but I don't want to hijack Irishes post. :)
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.
9/19 CD4 799 46% VL UD yayyyy

Offline Irish Eyes

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #9 on: August 03, 2014, 10:20:24 PM »
So I've been writing for the last 1.5hrs and erased it all trying to explain and respond to some silly responses.

Basically we're both poz, both UD.
I'm monogamus, he's highly sexually active 'with his line of work'.

Wat are the STD's and mainly their consequences that I'm exposing myself to.







« Last Edit: August 03, 2014, 10:28:49 PM by Irish Eyes »
10/30/13          Exposure
Mid-Nov-Jan    Seroconversion (7-8 rough wks)
12.26.2013      WB dx. HIV+
02.01.2014      OraQuick (result Negative?)
01.31.2014      VL 250700
02.03.2014      CD4  491  26%
02.26.2014      CD4  503  26%
03.05.2014      HLA B6701  not present
03.18.2014      VL 530873 (typical fluctuation)
03.21.2014      Start Stribild
04.14.2014      VL 104 after 24 doses
05.12.2014      VL 129 after 52 doses
06.10.2014      CD4 940 32%
06.11.2014      VL 87
07.22.2014      VL 20
09.23.2014      VL 43

Offline leatherman

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #10 on: August 03, 2014, 10:36:58 PM »
Quote
but 'assuming' we use condoms,
never assume!
obviously your partner failed to protect himself and became HIV+. obviously both of you failed to protect you, and you became HIV+. With that kind of track record (factual evidence of past accidents/failure), you really shouldn't be assuming anything

Wat are the STD's and mainly their consequences that I'm exposing myself to.
Hepatitis, Gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, HPV, Herpes, and urinary tract infections
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline pittman

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #11 on: August 03, 2014, 11:30:40 PM »
I'm still confused by your question, and what you mean by "the talk".

Are you asking what your risks are if you have sex with your boyfriend while using condoms? Without using condoms?

If you use condoms, you would be at low risk for STIs. You probably already have HPV, and most with HIV and many without HIV have it. Outside of that, perhaps some risk of herpes- oral, anal, etc.

If you forgo condoms, you are at risk for pretty much any STI.  Period.

Your boyfriend is in a high risk category. Perhaps he will always use condoms with everyone else but you, but he is still an imperfect human being in a profession that  exposes him to a lot of pressures to engage in risky behaviors. He will continue to be exposed to situations with high alcohol use, drug use, and pressures to bareback.

It is not unreasonable to assume that at some point, he may succumb to such pressures, and end up bringing something unwanted home to share.

He should be getting regular and frequent STI screenings for his own health, and if you forgo use of condoms with him, so should you.

Offline tednlou2

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #12 on: August 03, 2014, 11:40:51 PM »
Mecch, yes a majority of people who have hpv are coinfected with hiv, at least that's what my ID doctor has told me.

Wait, wut?  I think the correct way to phrase that is a majority of people infected with HIV are coinfected with HPV.  Since most sexually active adults (poz or neg) carry at least some strain(s) of HPV, then it only makes since that many poz folks would also have HPV.  A majority of people with HPV are not also infected with HIV, and thankfully so.  That would mean we'd have many millions more HIV infections.  I'm sure that was just an error in writing, where you flipped-flopped them.   :)


Offline absopozilutely

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #13 on: August 04, 2014, 12:41:48 AM »
Wait, wut?  I think the correct way to phrase that is a majority of people infected with HIV are coinfected with HPV.  Since most sexually active adults (poz or neg) carry at least some strain(s) of HPV, then it only makes since that many poz folks would also have HPV.  A majority of people with HPV are not also infected with HIV, and thankfully so.  That would mean we'd have many millions more HIV infections.  I'm sure that was just an error in writing, where you flipped-flopped them.   :)

I'll blame my dyslexia, lmao I'm not dyslexic and that has nothing to do with flip flopping my statement lol! But yes I did flip it, oops! That's what happens when you think faster then your thumbs can type. Thank god for auto correct or tednloucorrect-lol! Thanks for catching that.
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.
9/19 CD4 799 46% VL UD yayyyy

Offline mecch

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #14 on: August 04, 2014, 06:19:49 AM »


If you use condoms, you would be at low risk for STIs.

Not really accurate depending on all the things possible other than condom covered penis in a butt.

Most people kiss, lick, get licked, suck, get sucked, rim, get rimmed, finger, etc etc... 

It certainly possible to use condoms for oral sex but Im guessing in the world of MSM escorting, an escort who insists on protected oral is not going to make much money.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mecch

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #15 on: August 04, 2014, 06:20:54 AM »
Hepatitis, Gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, HPV, Herpes, and urinary tract infections
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #16 on: August 04, 2014, 10:21:09 AM »

Basically we're both poz, both UD.
I'm monogamus, he's highly sexually active 'with his line of work'.

Wat are the STD's and mainly their consequences that I'm exposing myself to.


This is completely dependent on whether or not he actually uses condoms 100% of the time while escorting. You may think you know and trust this person with the truth, but I think most escorts are flexible on this issue once the surcharge added is appropriate. And guess what -- you'll never know the truth unless you're in the room with him.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline wolfter

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #17 on: August 04, 2014, 12:23:58 PM »
I'll blame my dyslexia, lmao I'm not dyslexic

I recognize that you mean nothing nefarious with this comment, but it could easily be seen as very insensitive towards those who struggled (or continue to struggle) with a very complicated issue.  Dyslexia is nothing to joke about as those who deal with it have to over come many obstacles often times leaving life long insecurities.

wolfie
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline stuka

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #18 on: August 04, 2014, 10:34:05 PM »
Hey Irish Eyes, I have been doing a lot of research lately due to some risky activities that I have been involved in lately (non sexual nature though).

From what I understand, you are kind of hedging your bets here. You want to have a relationship and unprotected sex with your partner and wondering about consequences. More importantly consequences that can be controlled. You might be thinking that things like syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes can be controlled if one gets tested often and are really not a long term risk to your health as long as you don't let it go too far.

But the one thing that I have found out is that you better beware of hepatitis C. It used to be that the people most at risk were those who shared unclean needles while injecting drugs (I am leaving out the part about blood transfusion etc because its really not that common in the developed world anymore). It used to be thought that Hep C spread by coming into direct contact with contaminated blood. But recently that mindset is changing. Many doctors now believe that Hep C is being spread by sexual activity (anal) alone. In my case, its worse because I have shared needles in the not too distant past and I am shit scared that I might have gotten Hep C this time around ... I was spared the last time. But you can still get it if you engage in unprotected sex.

And believe me, you don't want to get a co-infection of HCV along with your HIV. Unlike the STDs, this shit is evil! It will really make your HIV treatment a nightmare.

Offline absopozilutely

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #19 on: August 05, 2014, 12:43:26 AM »
I recognize that you mean nothing nefarious with this comment, but it could easily be seen as very insensitive towards those who struggled (or continue to struggle) with a very complicated issue.  Dyslexia is nothing to joke about as those who deal with it have to over come many obstacles often times leaving life long insecurities.

wolfie

Then I am glad that were all a bit thick skinned, and know that normally nobody especially me in these forums would make fun of someone's distinctions. I apologize if it was in anyway offensive.
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.
9/19 CD4 799 46% VL UD yayyyy

Offline Irish Eyes

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #20 on: August 05, 2014, 01:19:05 AM »
Pittman & Stuka. Finally.
Something constructive.
After reading through the static, finally a clearer picture.
10/30/13          Exposure
Mid-Nov-Jan    Seroconversion (7-8 rough wks)
12.26.2013      WB dx. HIV+
02.01.2014      OraQuick (result Negative?)
01.31.2014      VL 250700
02.03.2014      CD4  491  26%
02.26.2014      CD4  503  26%
03.05.2014      HLA B6701  not present
03.18.2014      VL 530873 (typical fluctuation)
03.21.2014      Start Stribild
04.14.2014      VL 104 after 24 doses
05.12.2014      VL 129 after 52 doses
06.10.2014      CD4 940 32%
06.11.2014      VL 87
07.22.2014      VL 20
09.23.2014      VL 43

Offline Irish Eyes

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #21 on: August 05, 2014, 02:39:10 AM »
I'm still confused by your question, and what you mean by "the talk".

Are you asking what your risks are if you have sex with your boyfriend while using condoms? Without using condoms?

If you use condoms, you would be at low risk for STIs. You probably already have HPV, and most with HIV and many without HIV have it. Outside of that, perhaps some risk of herpes- oral, anal, etc.

If you forgo condoms, you are at risk for pretty much any STI.  Period.

Your boyfriend is in a high risk category. Perhaps he will always use condoms with everyone else but you, but he is still an imperfect human being in a profession that  exposes him to a lot of pressures to engage in risky behaviors. He will continue to be exposed to situations with high alcohol use, drug use, and pressures to bareback.

It is not unreasonable to assume that at some point, he may succumb to such pressures, and end up bringing something unwanted home to share.

He should be getting regular and frequent STI screenings for his own health, and if you forgo use of condoms with him, so should you.


Thanks for your concern.
Though he gets full panel test every 6-8 weeks, he was unaware of his status till I advised him of mine.
Of course he was in shock and seemed to clam up, (denial perhaps) and with  'the talk' I'm attempting to have, is to get him to open up about HIV and related issues, e.g. doc, meds, lab results.
I've taken him for a couple of blood draws but never a mention of results.
Granted I got some answers related to his work, but HIV remains a very touchy subject with him and it's only a face to face conversation.

He doesn't smoke, drink or do drugs.

Approx 90% of his clients are repeat and know the standards he expects and visa versa.
Of his 'escort' business, 99% of it doesn't involve sex. He has evolved it from 'high-end' escort to being hired by mostly repeat clients as eye candy, mainly attending social events. And that is where all his international travelling comes into play.

As for succumbing to pressure to bareback, since dx and starting our relationship, he has assured me that he never shall.


10/30/13          Exposure
Mid-Nov-Jan    Seroconversion (7-8 rough wks)
12.26.2013      WB dx. HIV+
02.01.2014      OraQuick (result Negative?)
01.31.2014      VL 250700
02.03.2014      CD4  491  26%
02.26.2014      CD4  503  26%
03.05.2014      HLA B6701  not present
03.18.2014      VL 530873 (typical fluctuation)
03.21.2014      Start Stribild
04.14.2014      VL 104 after 24 doses
05.12.2014      VL 129 after 52 doses
06.10.2014      CD4 940 32%
06.11.2014      VL 87
07.22.2014      VL 20
09.23.2014      VL 43

Offline Ruefulwonder

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #22 on: August 05, 2014, 05:17:31 AM »
Irish Eyes I don't find your situation too bizarre...witness mine lol.

I am an escort and caught HIV from my main, most frequent, most generous client; we care a lot about each other. Friends wonder why I'm not mad at him but I'm not. I know he didn't know he had it.
All 2013 Negative
Dec/Jan 2013 Exposed
Feb 2014 Negative
Feb 2014 Seroconversion
Mar 2014 Positive
Apr 2014  CD4: VL:
May 2014 CD4: 983 VL: 93,000

Offline mecch

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #23 on: August 05, 2014, 10:03:43 AM »
Pittmans discussion of STD risks is incomplete information, Irish....
"If you use condoms, you would be at low risk for STIs."

Syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea, HPV, some Hepatitis....  all transmitted through the mouth.

Thank you for clarifying what "the talk" is about.  Is this correct? - you don't know how he is doing physically at all.  You don't know his numbers. Don't know if he is on medication or not.  Don't know if he is deal or not - for himself.  You DO know that he isn't sharing any information with you...   

So the talk is a lot about concern for him, right?  (And rightly so...)

And also figuring out your risks for the 2 of you in a couple?

_______________

Taking a step back from the intricacies of who to say what and when and why....   If I were in your shoes, (and that's a conditional, I am not, obviously) I would need a fair amount more of information being communicated to be able to consider this a relationship.

Also, there are some complicated foundations in this set up, that must be expertly handled, and yet with kid gloves, to hope for a sold structure.   1 person is a sex worker.  Yet, the sex worker "doesn't provide sex" but is rather an social escort..  The other party, you, likes monogamy but monogamy doesn't really work on a social escort's (former? sex worker's) career plan.  What about finances in all this? Do you pay him?  And now throw in 2 HIV diagnosis. And the possibility the working friend is in denial about how to live with HIV.  And what about the ethics of some of these 1-1's, and the legality?  Does that matter to you? Is that a risk for you? Does he disclose to his clients? Would that matter to you or not?  Should a sex worker who is HIV+ also be in treatment?  There is a sex worker in the thread now. I ask these questions with kid gloves and not to be incendiary rather because they are written on the wall as possible topics in "the talk".

Seems to me, if I were in your shoes and I am not, the talk can't come soon enough.  Good luck to all parties.  I am a romantic and believe where there is a will there is a way but also believe in everyone keeping their feet on the ground and their wits about them, even in romance.
« Last Edit: August 05, 2014, 10:08:59 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline leatherman

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #24 on: August 05, 2014, 10:20:52 AM »
After reading through the static, finally a clearer picture.
I'm so sorry some of our advice was not to your liking but you're welcome for the truth anyway.

he has assured me that he never shall.
ah! so many people with HIV have heard that one also. best wishes.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline J.R.E.

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  • Joined Dec-2003 Living positive, since 1985.
Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #25 on: August 05, 2014, 11:39:12 AM »
Irish,


Have you had your HEP A , and HEP B , vaccinations yet ?  If not, this would be a good time to talk to your doctor about getting them.


Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 25 mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


Diagnosed positive in 1985,.. In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started on  HAART on October 24th, 2003.

 As of 12/10/14,  t-cells are at 350,  Previous 8/25/14--- 402/ Viral load remains <40

 Current % is at 13% / Previous 8/25/14 11%

  
 63 years young.

Offline Irish Eyes

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #26 on: August 05, 2014, 12:41:58 PM »



Thank you for clarifying what "the talk" is about.  Is this correct? - you don't know how he is doing physically at all.  You don't know his numbers. Don't know if he is on medication or not.  Don't know if he is deal or not - for himself.  You DO know that he isn't sharing any information with you...   

So the talk is a lot about concern for him, right?  (And rightly so...)

And also figuring out your risks for the 2 of you in a couple?

_______________

Taking a step back from the intricacies of who to say what and when and why....   If I were in your shoes, (and that's a conditional, I am not, obviously) I would need a fair amount more of information being communicated to be able to consider this a relationship.

Also, there are some complicated foundations in this set up, that must be expertly handled, and yet with kid gloves, to hope for a sold structure.   1 person is a sex worker.  Yet, the sex worker "doesn't provide sex" but is rather an social escort..  The other party, you, likes monogamy but monogamy doesn't really work on a social escort's (former? sex worker's) career plan.  What about finances in all this? Do you pay him?  And now throw in 2 HIV diagnosis. And the possibility the working friend is in denial about how to live with HIV.  And what about the ethics of some of these 1-1's, and the legality?  Does that matter to you? Is that a risk for you? Does he disclose to his clients? Would that matter to you or not?  Should a sex worker who is HIV+ also be in treatment?  There is a sex worker in the thread now. I ask these questions with kid gloves and not to be incendiary rather because they are written on the wall as possible topics in "the talk".

Seems to me, if I were in your shoes and I am not, the talk can't come soon enough.  Good luck to all parties.  I am a romantic and believe where there is a will there is a way but also believe in everyone keeping their feet on the ground and their wits about them, even in romance.


From his outward appearance, physically he's as fit as a horse, and as healthy as can be.
Not only is he not sharing any info, he has never inquired about mine.

Granted the list of questions (for 'the talk') I compiled the day of my dx, and which I hoped to discuss the following day when I disclosed to him, has since been reduced, e.g. questions abt family, military, length of time in current 'job'.

But HIV related questions, though on the list, never arose. Perhaps because I didn't really know what/how to ask at that particular time, being new to situ.

Yes he has been a sex-worker for 4 yrs. but the sex part has been greatly reduced for 2+yrs.

(Lordy, this is complicated to explain, but I'm trying to answer in order asked)

His last relationship ended approx.3yrs ago as his work and travel was too much for partner to absorb.
I recon that starting this new relationship is more complicated, and surprizing, for him than me. Though don't get me wrong, I'm shocked too.

My analogy. I have this strange image of a surgeon @ home having a romantic evening with his wife, feeding her grapes.
And just a few hrs ago he was sticking his hands in someones brain or rummaging around in someones stomach. (boak)
Is the wife thinking of where his hands have been today?. Or does she enjoy the grapes?. Hmmm. Simple I know, but I have to rationalize….

As for his career plan. He returns to school in Sept. to finish business degree and revert to some normalcy with a 'real' job.
Finances. No, I don't pay him. (though wonder if the Lemon Law comes into affect so I can get reimbursed for the couple of times I did).

Disclosure. Disclosure. Disclosure.
We briefly discussed it and his explaination became convoluted.

He lost me, but going back to his "standards of business'.
Since his dx, for new clients, during the initial phone call and prior to 1st. appointment, he openly enquires of clients lifestyle, married/single/partnered, gay/straight/bi, status and to provide proof.
It's not so much to get client to disclose but to kinda catch off guard and get an immediate response, an instinctual feeling whether to accept the new buiness or not. If client sounds confidant in responses he has no issue disclosing, if necessary.
As I'm sure Ruefulwonder will attest, there are way too many variables, depending on type of appointment being made, if client is local (poss. repeat income, and not necessarily sex based) or a visitor (may never see again therefore definitely no sex)
NB just to reiterate, actual intercourse has been reduced to practically a rarity so for him to disclose is a non-event.

Jst caught question abt hep a & b.  Hep A (I understand) we all are all immune already, and just got final Hep b shot yesterday.
10/30/13          Exposure
Mid-Nov-Jan    Seroconversion (7-8 rough wks)
12.26.2013      WB dx. HIV+
02.01.2014      OraQuick (result Negative?)
01.31.2014      VL 250700
02.03.2014      CD4  491  26%
02.26.2014      CD4  503  26%
03.05.2014      HLA B6701  not present
03.18.2014      VL 530873 (typical fluctuation)
03.21.2014      Start Stribild
04.14.2014      VL 104 after 24 doses
05.12.2014      VL 129 after 52 doses
06.10.2014      CD4 940 32%
06.11.2014      VL 87
07.22.2014      VL 20
09.23.2014      VL 43

Offline Dachshund

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #27 on: August 05, 2014, 01:46:15 PM »
Man, this seems like work, not a relationship.

Offline Joe K

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #28 on: August 05, 2014, 02:39:58 PM »
Hey Irish,

I simply cannot understand, how a man, who wants a relationship with you, does not bend over backwards, to answer questions that are extremely relevant to your relationship.  A solid relationship is based on honesty and trust and for me, any guy who would not answer relevant questions I had, regarding our health, etc., could not be trusted.  Without trust in a relationship, you have nothing.

Joe

 

Offline mecch

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #29 on: August 05, 2014, 04:08:12 PM »

Disclosure. Disclosure. Disclosure.
We briefly discussed it and his explaination became convoluted.

He lost me, but going back to his "standards of business'.
Since his dx, for new clients, during the initial phone call and prior to 1st. appointment, he openly enquires of clients lifestyle, married/single/partnered, gay/straight/bi, status and to provide proof.
It's not so much to get client to disclose but to kinda catch off guard and get an immediate response, an instinctual feeling whether to accept the new buiness or not. If client sounds confidant in responses he has no issue disclosing, if necessary.
As I'm sure Ruefulwonder will attest, there are way too many variables, depending on type of appointment being made, if client is local (poss. repeat income, and not necessarily sex based) or a visitor (may never see again therefore definitely no sex)
NB just to reiterate, actual intercourse has been reduced to practically a rarity so for him to disclose is a non-event.

Jst caught question abt hep a & b.  Hep A (I understand) we all are all immune already, and just got final Hep b shot yesterday.

Proof of what?  Listen, I suppose some of this might make sense to you.  But what I am reading about his MO sounds like a lot of mumbo jumbo.  Also, as you yourself say, he can't even have a straightforward conversation with you about HIV.  And you got your HIV from him, to boot!? 

You didn't ask for this input from strangers, but I might as well say, and thanks for opening up and giving more details....  I think you could reassess what you are worth to yourself, and find something a LOT less complicated, and a lot more honest, than the relationship I am reading about here.  Why not just keep this guy as a friend, if you care about him.  And wait for Mr. Right.

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Irish Eyes

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #30 on: August 05, 2014, 04:26:19 PM »
Hey Irish,

I simply cannot understand, how a man, who wants a relationship with you, does not bend over backwards, to answer questions that are extremely relevant to your relationship.  A solid relationship is based on honesty and trust and for me, any guy who would not answer relevant questions I had, regarding our health, etc., could not be trusted.  Without trust in a relationship, you have nothing.

Joe

 

LOL, I know !!. You'd think they'd be totally knocking down my door to have a relationship with me.

No. Seriously.
I know where I stand both health and relationship-wise.
Since day one, HIV has the minimalist of impact on my daily life, other than doc visits, and the least affect on my psyche.
In all honesty, deep down he's really sensitive but in my observations he appears to be putting on a brave face, based on my mindset or whatever vibes I'm putting out, and I'm concerned I'll have a 'basket-case' on my hands when the subject is opened up.

For this reason I refuse to bring up the subject or anything relating to doctors etc. when he's traveling.

Currently he's out of town, and having said that, the last time we spoke, he asked what I was up to.
I took a breath and told him I'd just been to doc appt. and was in the middle of a blood draw, as we spoke.
Then I unloaded that my doc, out of concern for me, wanted to me to get more info about him. Which he replied, "I know, we gotta talk'
So the ice has been broken, well cracked, and have to wait till he returns at the end of this month.

As for honesty and trust.
He knows that I'm committed, I'm certain he is too.
But we both have these damn walls, I'm not out, but am at total comfort and ease with the relationship and the 'scene'.

His wall may be a little more complicated to breakdown.

First off he has 100's of friends divided into about 5 cliques and they all seem to rotate around him.
There's the local clique for sports, gym, dinner, movies.

Escort clique, people from all round the world. If he is going to Brazil the message goes out and whoever is avail meet in Brazil. Australia, he sends the message someone is sure to show up. Any country, someone will appear.

Military clique, they're all over the US.
Travel/vacation clique.

I know he has mentioned me to several of his of friends, and integrating me slowly.
Then there is the 'dating a client' thing.

Blah. Blah. Blah !!

Stop. Where is this going ?
Have i hijacked my own thread.
Whaaaat !
Get back to the subject.
I'm done writing for hours, re-reading and deleting.
No more sermons from me.
uve got as much as yur gettn.
Gather wat u will.
10/30/13          Exposure
Mid-Nov-Jan    Seroconversion (7-8 rough wks)
12.26.2013      WB dx. HIV+
02.01.2014      OraQuick (result Negative?)
01.31.2014      VL 250700
02.03.2014      CD4  491  26%
02.26.2014      CD4  503  26%
03.05.2014      HLA B6701  not present
03.18.2014      VL 530873 (typical fluctuation)
03.21.2014      Start Stribild
04.14.2014      VL 104 after 24 doses
05.12.2014      VL 129 after 52 doses
06.10.2014      CD4 940 32%
06.11.2014      VL 87
07.22.2014      VL 20
09.23.2014      VL 43

Offline Joe K

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #31 on: August 05, 2014, 04:53:55 PM »
Hey Irish,

My post was my opinion of what a relationship entails for me, but I am not you.  I've had some great relationships and one abusive one and to be honest, your thread screams dysfunction to me, on so many levels.  IMHO.  But as I said, I am not you.

It is your life and I wish you both well in whatever you decide in the future.

Joe

Offline Irish Eyes

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #32 on: August 06, 2014, 07:33:12 PM »
Not to come off as pugnacious, but the reason he has not answered the relevant questions is because I've yet to ask them.

Sure we live 10mins apart but with his travel schedule, this has become a long distance relationship.
10/30/13          Exposure
Mid-Nov-Jan    Seroconversion (7-8 rough wks)
12.26.2013      WB dx. HIV+
02.01.2014      OraQuick (result Negative?)
01.31.2014      VL 250700
02.03.2014      CD4  491  26%
02.26.2014      CD4  503  26%
03.05.2014      HLA B6701  not present
03.18.2014      VL 530873 (typical fluctuation)
03.21.2014      Start Stribild
04.14.2014      VL 104 after 24 doses
05.12.2014      VL 129 after 52 doses
06.10.2014      CD4 940 32%
06.11.2014      VL 87
07.22.2014      VL 20
09.23.2014      VL 43

Offline mecch

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #33 on: August 06, 2014, 08:22:17 PM »
Returning then to your original question in this post, about what STDs you are at risk for, why don't you summarise what you have decided are the risks...   Remember to take into account everything that can be transmitted -- mouth/dick/butt -- for all the activities involving those 3, besides using a condom for screwing.  Im assuming (?) you aren't going to use a condom for oral sex..   
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline newtome

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #34 on: August 06, 2014, 10:13:17 PM »
Hey Irish --

Two things.  First, relationships are complicated, require thought, and the most difficult part is probably getting the heart to listen to the brain and vice versa.  You seem to be a thinker and organized in your thought process.  You are taking in consideration a multiple various factors.  All of this is good, great even.  My only caution is that you make sure that your heart is not tricking your brain into rationalizing an unhealthy relationship.  This happens constantly.  Most importantly, be sure that you are not trying to "fix" him.  In other words relationships are not rescue missions in and of themselves.  Relationships can definitely strengthen both involved, but they should not strengthen one and leave the other in despair. 

Second, I have no idea what you look like.  But, you sure write sexy!!  I get a little excited down there when reading your posts!! 

Thanks!!

NTM

Offline absopozilutely

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #35 on: August 07, 2014, 12:27:29 AM »


Second, I have no idea what you look like.  But, you sure write sexy!!  I get a little excited down there when reading your posts!! 

Thanks!!

NTM

Hey! That's my Irishman there! Trust me, the voice is sexier.
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.
9/19 CD4 799 46% VL UD yayyyy

Offline Irish Eyes

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #36 on: August 07, 2014, 02:19:12 AM »
Abso, Abso, Abso !
Now, don't be envious.

Granted the accent may intrigue, but it's the sapphire blue eyes that captivate.

You know where I stand.
I already have a master. Forever you shall be my mistress.

Many may look but can't touch.
NTM join the line. LOL. Take care.
« Last Edit: August 07, 2014, 02:21:16 AM by Irish Eyes »
10/30/13          Exposure
Mid-Nov-Jan    Seroconversion (7-8 rough wks)
12.26.2013      WB dx. HIV+
02.01.2014      OraQuick (result Negative?)
01.31.2014      VL 250700
02.03.2014      CD4  491  26%
02.26.2014      CD4  503  26%
03.05.2014      HLA B6701  not present
03.18.2014      VL 530873 (typical fluctuation)
03.21.2014      Start Stribild
04.14.2014      VL 104 after 24 doses
05.12.2014      VL 129 after 52 doses
06.10.2014      CD4 940 32%
06.11.2014      VL 87
07.22.2014      VL 20
09.23.2014      VL 43

Offline absopozilutely

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #37 on: August 07, 2014, 10:50:09 AM »
Abso, Abso, Abso !
Now, don't be envious.

Granted the accent may intrigue, but it's the sapphire blue eyes that captivate.

You know where I stand.
I already have a master. Forever you shall be my mistress.

Many may look but can't touch.
NTM join the line. LOL. Take care.

I've seen the blue eyes too, mesmerizing hahaha jk NTM. He's ok, but I'd gladly sell off my membership for $50!
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.
9/19 CD4 799 46% VL UD yayyyy

Offline Since1993

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #38 on: August 07, 2014, 11:28:50 AM »
All relationship issues aside, knowing your partner is having sexual contact with individuals beyond your relationship should make you insist on the use of condoms when having sex.  Period.  It has nothing to do with trust, because mistakes and condom breaks can occur with even the most cautious, well-meaning individuals.  Both of you have to protect yourselves. 

Aside from STD's, consider there is also a risk of contracting your partners resistance to antiretrovirals during unprotected sex. 

Find ways to play safer and you will have less to worry about.  Enjoy one another's company, be happy and live your life freely.

Offline Jeff G

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #39 on: August 07, 2014, 11:41:26 AM »


Aside from STD's, consider there is also a risk of contracting your partners resistance to antiretrovirals during unprotected sex. 


This is not going to happen with proper treatment and undetectable status so this concern can be taken off the table .

Offline Since1993

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #40 on: August 07, 2014, 12:14:18 PM »
This is not going to happen with proper treatment and undetectable status so this concern can be taken off the table .

Re:  HIV Treatment Cascade

Considering only 25% of people with HIV achieve and remain virally-suppressed, protecting one-self with condoms or abstinence from transmission of antiretroviral resistance should remain a priority:

http://www.thebody.com/content/70856/what-the-heck-is-the-hiv-treatment-cascade--and-wh.html

« Last Edit: August 07, 2014, 12:22:35 PM by Since1993 »

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #41 on: August 07, 2014, 01:35:57 PM »
Re:  HIV Treatment Cascade

Considering only 25% of people with HIV achieve and remain virally-suppressed, protecting one-self with condoms or abstinence from transmission of antiretroviral resistance should remain a priority:

http://www.thebody.com/content/70856/what-the-heck-is-the-hiv-treatment-cascade--and-wh.html



Yes, that's relevant to casual partners, but not with someone you are in a relationship with (but by relationship I mean many months into it -- some of these folks think 2 months in they can trust the other person with everything... so not the case). Of course, if you really want to be sure you can request the appropriate paperwork. So I agree with Jeff with appropriate caveats.

Also, your number was wrong in the first place -- it should be "31% of women and 26% of men receiving medical care have not achieved viral suppression" -- statistics begin to vary if you dig down into demographic break up. The rate for white men is 81%, the highest of any one group.

data as of 6/18/14: http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/826985
« Last Edit: August 07, 2014, 01:43:15 PM by Miss Philicia »
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline mecch

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #42 on: August 07, 2014, 01:41:42 PM »
This seems be heading to a tangent. But now that it is out there.  I thought he party line was that if a person is him/herself adherent to treatment, he/she is protected from this so called "reinfection" and "resistant HIV reinfection".   I don't see how the so called "treatment cascade" alters the above, in the least.  The casade is just talking about how spotty HIV care is.  And people who are not undetectable may be transmitting HIV.  In other words, whats it REALLY got to do with person who faithfully takes his HAART everyday?

Maybe I have it all wrong.  Please correct me!
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Since1993

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #43 on: August 07, 2014, 02:04:36 PM »
A brief synopsis of my peculiar situation.
So the person I contracted from has become my partner.
I believe in monogamy, he's a male escort.
(yes bizarre).
From when we first met I was certain the relationship would more than develop (as mentioned towards end of my very first post in I just tested poz).

Unfortunatly (using my schedule and his world travels for 'work' as an excuse) the opportunity for 'the talk' has never arisen, though I have had my list of questions of my concerns written for months and he is more than aware that i have a list.

Yes, that's relevant to casual partners, but not with someone you are in a relationship with (but by relationship I mean many months into it -- some of these folks think 2 months in they can trust the other person with everything... so not the case). Of course, if you really want to be sure you can request the appropriate paperwork. So I agree with Jeff with appropriate caveats.

In context to what Irish Eyes is saying about his relationship and lack of communication, it is most appropriate to wear condoms as means of protection from further STD's and the possibility of contracting resistance to antiretrovirals.  The reality being, if your partner is a male escort and your are not in the room witnessing condom-usage, you should always protect yourself as a standard practice.  It is best for both parties.  No harm, no foul.
Also, your number was wrong in the first place -- it should be "31% of women and 26% of men receiving medical care have not achieved viral suppression" -- statistics begin to vary if you dig down into demographic break up. The rate for white men is 81%, the highest of any one group.

data as of 6/18/14: http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/826985

25-%26% vs 31% not achieving viral suppression

As a practical matter, its clearly demonstrated by numerous studies regarding the HIV Treatment Cascade with similar results that there is a continued low-percentage of virally-suppressed individuals with HIV in the United States.  That being said, there is still a risk of contracting resistance to antiretrovirals by having unprotected sex.  Condom use to prevent contracting resistance to antiretrovirals should be encouraged regardless of relationship or health status. Because while we would like to live in a perfect world where our partners are completely honest about their sexual practices or seriousness about achieving undetectable status, each individual has a responsibility to protect themselves.

The rate of younger gay/bisexual men contracting HIV has continued to rise in the US.  The use of condoms should continue to be encouraged.
« Last Edit: August 07, 2014, 02:10:18 PM by Since1993 »

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I know what I'm exposing myself to but….
« Reply #44 on: August 07, 2014, 02:24:03 PM »

25-%26% vs 31% not achieving viral suppression


re-read your previous comment -- you inverted the numbers

as far as the OP being more careful with a sex worker I agree and made comments to that effect in previous comments
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

 


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