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Author Topic: Stigmatism  (Read 2163 times)

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Offline salviati

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Stigmatism
« on: July 16, 2014, 09:19:58 AM »
Hello you all,
Is there a forum to chat about stigma? I've been personally affected by stigma and it doesn't stop and I'll like to talk about and hear from other people's experiences and understand why the gay web-sites have to have a box for HIV and why the European sites don't. I believe this boxes have created the monsters and we are feeling the pressure of having to check or not check those boxes and some lie about it and some like me take the hit for being honest. I am so tired of people rejecting me for being HIV + and the horrible things they say to me and how they block me from even just wanting to chat with them. I wish I could turn the switch of life off and not have to go throught this anymore.

Offline harleymc

  • Member
  • Posts: 249
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2014, 04:47:52 AM »
You're not taking the hit, the pozphobes who chose to not meet you are the ones missing out.

The ignorant ones, who assume that the only poz people are the ones who disclose, are the folks who get diagnosed late.

As to hateful comments, you can get nasty comments anywhere. I've copped nasty comments on BareBackRealTime for saying I'd like to keep bb for a long-term committed relationship rather than casual encounters.

Let the hate wash over you like a wave, it is nothing to do with you and if you refuse to get wound up about it then it can cause you no hurt.

Online mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,078
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2014, 07:37:35 AM »
You are in for a hideous long lonely hike if you are going to let a website - a for profit company - ruin your self-esteem and your sex life ad your love-life, because of its crude design and navigation. 
I highly suggest you get OFF that web site and get your body to more humane gathering places where you do not need to check boxes on your forehead and t-shirt.

A general rule, a stronger self esteem an assertiveness will help you deal with the dating and sex scene, no matter if it is virtual, online, or face-to-face.
Bottom line is that people are picking and choosing and many many many people are VERY small minded and brittle and picky in their choices. 

What saved me through the decades is that my tastes are broad and open and if one of those people above --- picky picky and rude - rejects me......   well, what's it to me? Wouldn't want to be with such a mind and neither would he with me, so no loss....
 
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Online BKKKevin

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  • Posts: 51
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2014, 07:56:07 AM »
Monsters only exist in your mind...

Online mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2014, 08:02:28 AM »
Yep.
salviati - remember, these are strangers, and they don't want anything to do with you.
Because of that, and it being the Internet, a few will indulge their need to bully.  You are what they are afraid of "out there" and in themselves... 

Just remember, you don't want such people in your life and you need to get enough self worth to be able to ignore them and not let them get to you.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Since1993

  • Member
  • Posts: 108
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #5 on: July 20, 2014, 04:22:34 AM »
The stigma associated with HIV/AIDS will continue to persist in different degrees until their is a cure for HIV/AIDS.  There has been a big push within the HIV/AIDS community to reduce stigma by advertising the positive effects of undetectable status, compare management of HIV/AIDS to that of chronic diabetes and of course pointing towards the decrease in overall death rates associated with HAART. 

The unintended effect of this campaign has been:  an increase in apathy of AIDS Service Organizations (ASO's) which is negatively affecting the quality of life of long-term survivors with co-morbidity health issues, giving the general public a false sense of security of contracting the disease, and desensitizing the conscience of the general public to the plight of those who live and fight the disease on a daily basis.  The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

HIV/AIDS is not like diabetes, because you can't be imprisoned for sleeping with someone else for not telling them you have diabetes.  Diabetes is not communicable and you are not shunned by some parts of society because you are treated for diabetes.  This ever-popular analogy perpetrated by ASO's and healthcare providers that treating HIV/AIDS is like diabetes is very poor and only perpetrates the current level of apathy in the HIV/AIDS community that is diminishing the quality of life of those living with HIV/AIDS.  It is this same apathy which will eventually see a reduction in funding of the Ryan White Care Act.  The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Undetectable status does not mean you no longer have the HIV/AIDS virus or that it cannot still be transmitted.  Being undetectable can reduce the risk of transmission, but HIV continues to remain in reservoirs in your body.

I often ask myself when did we lose ground?  I'm a long-term survivor pre-HAART and remember when the community was much more engaged and compassionate. In my opinion, the message has been hijacked by those who naively think that the message of improved therapies will reduce stigma.   In this effort to reduce stigma, we've surrendered the perception of public urgency to improve the lives of those living with the virus.  And the reality is, that whatever is incrementally gained in reducing stigma will never completely eliminate stigma until a cure for HIV/AIDS is found.

Stigma's associated with sexually-transmitted diseases have never been effectively eradicated throughout history.

We've (long-term survivors) have lost our voice to well-meaning folks who sit around trying to figure out how to eliminate stigma from the social conscious of a society who still largely discriminates against GLBT's. 

To the OP, surround yourself with others who are HIV+ and/or have AIDS for support and tell your story to those who are not.  You can't expect others to accept you for who you are unless you do it yourself.

Offline RobbyR

  • Member
  • Posts: 341
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #6 on: July 20, 2014, 12:27:06 PM »
Thank you for starting this important topic. I've encountered much tigma since my diagnosis, among everyday people, who might make flippant remarks about hiv. We've come so far in treatment and management of hiv/aids and those of us in the devloped world are blessed to have the access to the meds that make this manageable and able to live normal lives. But many attitudes and stigma are stilll stuck in the 1980s.

Hopefully this will change as people become more and more educated about the DIFFERENCE between HIV and AIDS as well as how it's transmitted. More knowledge and discussion leads to less stigma.

And the utter folly of criminalizing the transmission of the virus in many states, that's more like something Russia would do, and it has to change.

I've had HIV for roughly 9 or 10 years and I've been on meds for 5. I was lucky to bite the bullet get tested and get on treatment before any major health crisis occurred, but I've had my share.

I'm gratified at the increasing mentionability of HIV in the mainstream media, but WAY more needs to be done to educate people about this. There's still a sense that people with HIV are to be handled with kid gloves, like we had small pox or something, and that's unforgiveable in the 21st century.

People should be made aware in simple terms of ho it's transmitted, how those of us with it are not lepers and can in fact live long lives.

LGBT people face enough blatant and subtle discrimination regardless in this world today, and add HIV into the equation, and it's worse. The key is frank, non sugarcoated discussions and MORE LGBT people WITH HIV/AIDS featured in TV shows and any media possible. This is a media driven society and more should be done to show poz peope with dignity and educate young people and everyone else about how we can be LGBT, poz, and be your neighbor best friend or son or daughter. The media needs to start showing more than just token gay people and feature those with deeper layers of storylines and life stories like transgendered people, positive people, to make them more a part of everyday acceptance.

Lastly, the attitudes among the gay community itself towards poz people really needs to change in many cases. I see tons of activists for equality picketing, raising hell, etc, but very little is there mention of LGBT people living with hiv aids. It's like many gay activists seem to not even want to talk about it, or they just carry bags of condoms and wear red ribbons and say "play safe"..

That's not good enough. The gay community needs to articulate more for and take care of it's own, those who are LIVING with HIV. And the online hookup sites, well, those are just basically smokescreens. Half of the guys on them act like they want nothing to do with poz guys yet the don't even know their own status! Hypocriticial. The hookup sites I'm on, I have my status public because it saves time and drama, I don't have time for mind games. If guys have a problem with it, fine don't talk to me.
« Last Edit: July 20, 2014, 12:50:12 PM by RobbyR »
Started Atripla August, 2010.

Offline zach

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,829
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #7 on: July 20, 2014, 12:36:14 PM »
robby, loving the fire coming out of you lately. i knew you could fight  >:( just gotta get pissed

Offline RobbyR

  • Member
  • Posts: 341
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #8 on: July 20, 2014, 12:48:06 PM »
Thanks my mental state is a bit better and I am definitely a spitfire and I care about these issues!  8)
Started Atripla August, 2010.

Offline salviati

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #9 on: July 24, 2014, 07:02:54 PM »
Thank Ya'll for the positive comments. Still we need to fight the so call social gay websites they must take off the HIV Status BOX from their web-pages. That I believe should be made illegal.

Online mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,078
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #10 on: July 24, 2014, 08:17:59 PM »
Thank Ya'll for the positive comments. Still we need to fight the so call social gay websites they must take off the HIV Status BOX from their web-pages. That I believe should be made illegal.
Why should it be illegal?
I think its helpful to many.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline salviati

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #11 on: July 24, 2014, 08:20:23 PM »
I should not have disclose my HIV status just to chat with someone.

Online mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #12 on: July 24, 2014, 08:22:29 PM »
You dont have to do anything of the kind.
I can see the downside you are mentioning.  But there is an upside for many.

Which site FORCES you to check HIV+ or HIV-, and does not give you an option to click nothing at all?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline salviati

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #13 on: July 24, 2014, 08:27:30 PM »
I can't disclose those web sites and yes you can choose not to fill anything but people assume you're positive and I don't want to lie.

Online mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #14 on: July 24, 2014, 08:34:41 PM »
why can't you disclose the web sites
seems to me you can choose to
1) say nothing and discuss the topic when it arises
2) say you are positive and therefore not have to deal with anyone who doesn't want an HIV+ contact
3) get off that site.

i dont see why its an invasion of your privacy, per se, because you can avoid it.

Some HIV- want this information.
Some HIV+ people are happy to disclose it.

Thats justs the way cruising works on these sites.

Its just like your dick size.  You can say nothing but those who see it as important are going to ask.  Or if you are top, bottom, or versatile.  Inquiring minds... in heat... want to know such stuff.

If you can't take the heat, don't frequent those kitchens...
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Dan0

  • Member
  • Posts: 494
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #15 on: July 24, 2014, 08:35:57 PM »
I can't disclose those web sites and yes you can choose not to fill anything but people assume you're positive and I don't want to lie.


Here are your choices when thinking about chatting on a FOR PROFIT website:

Disclose
Say nothing or lie
Find another FOR PROFIT website that doesn't ask

You may or may not be paying for a subscription but in the end, that's why these exist (for the most part) - to make the operator money. Caveat Emptor - as a consumer the choice is yours.
You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.

"Honey, you should never ask advice from a drunk drag queen who has a show to do." - JG

06/2002 DX
10/2006 Atripla UD
10/2013 Stribild Still UD

Offline salviati

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #16 on: July 24, 2014, 08:39:19 PM »
You're going off the topic nothing to do with payments or for profit web-sites.

Offline Dan0

  • Member
  • Posts: 494
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #17 on: July 24, 2014, 08:43:57 PM »
It has everything to do with it. That website...most websites...are a product. If you don't like the content then find another one! If you don't want to disclose, find one which doesn't ask for this information.
You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.

"Honey, you should never ask advice from a drunk drag queen who has a show to do." - JG

06/2002 DX
10/2006 Atripla UD
10/2013 Stribild Still UD

Offline salviati

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #18 on: July 24, 2014, 08:44:50 PM »
...lol....

Online mecch

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  • Posts: 12,078
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #19 on: July 24, 2014, 08:50:30 PM »
We are trying to tell you that as far as the dating and sex market, our HIV+ status must be thrown into the mix.  You are probably resentful or hurt or angry or sad that it matters to people, and they will cross you off the list because of it.  Therefore, either buck up, or avoid the places where you dont want this information going out to strangers.
People who will reject you for a chat, a date, or sex, there is NOTHING you can do about it.  It is what it is.
Think of the line at the most trendy, popular disco. Its not fair. It can be ugly to experience. But its NOT illegal.  These things are products.  Take your business elsewhere if you don't like the product.  Belly aching that it should be "illegal" isn't going to help you.
I personally think it should be illegal in the US to pay a "non-living" wage to full time workers.  But as we say in new york, that wish, AND 2.50, will get you a ride on the subway. 
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline zach

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,829
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #20 on: July 24, 2014, 10:00:42 PM »
the poz box should be illegal?!? derfuq? i serosort, are you advocating that become illegal?

Offline Theyer

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,578
  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #21 on: July 29, 2014, 03:36:55 AM »
The stigma associated with HIV/AIDS will continue to persist in different degrees until their is a cure for HIV/AIDS.  There has been a big push within the HIV/AIDS community to reduce stigma by advertising the positive effects of undetectable status, compare management of HIV/AIDS to that of chronic diabetes and of course pointing towards the decrease in overall death rates associated with HAART. 

The unintended effect of this campaign has been:  an increase in apathy of AIDS Service Organizations (ASO's) which is negatively affecting the quality of life of long-term survivors with co-morbidity health issues, giving the general public a false sense of security of contracting the disease, and desensitizing the conscience of the general public to the plight of those who live and fight the disease on a daily basis.  The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

HIV/AIDS is not like diabetes, because you can't be imprisoned for sleeping with someone else for not telling them you have diabetes.  Diabetes is not communicable and you are not shunned by some parts of society because you are treated for diabetes.  This ever-popular analogy perpetrated by ASO's and healthcare providers that treating HIV/AIDS is like diabetes is very poor and only perpetrates the current level of apathy in the HIV/AIDS community that is diminishing the quality of life of those living with HIV/AIDS.  It is this same apathy which will eventually see a reduction in funding of the Ryan White Care Act.  The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Undetectable status does not mean you no longer have the HIV/AIDS virus or that it cannot still be transmitted.  Being undetectable can reduce the risk of transmission, but HIV continues to remain in reservoirs in your body.

I often ask myself when did we lose ground?  I'm a long-term survivor pre-HAART and remember when the community was much more engaged and compassionate. In my opinion, the message has been hijacked by those who naively think that the message of improved therapies will reduce stigma.   In this effort to reduce stigma, we've surrendered the perception of public urgency to improve the lives of those living with the virus.  And the reality is, that whatever is incrementally gained in reducing stigma will never completely eliminate stigma until a cure for HIV/AIDS is found.

Stigma's associated with sexually-transmitted diseases have never been effectively eradicated throughout history.

We've (long-term survivors) have lost our voice to well-meaning folks who sit around trying to figure out how to eliminate stigma from the social conscious of a society who still largely discriminates against GLBT's. 

To the OP, surround yourself with others who are HIV+ and/or have AIDS for support and tell your story to those who are not.  You can't expect others to accept you for who you are unless you do it yourself.

EXCELLENT

There was a very marked point financially where things changed in the Uk . When the bill for the new drugs had to be paid .

OUT went the prevention money so bye bye to education that also made for a fertile field for ignorance and all it's cousins to grow un checked.

But the drugs have kept us increasingly grizzled ole irritants alive just make sure OP you become one.

Love

Theyerh
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline timmm55

  • Member
  • Posts: 16
  • Unapologetically HIV Undetectable
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #22 on: August 25, 2014, 02:46:52 PM »




Undetectable status does not mean you no longer have the HIV/AIDS virus or that it cannot still be transmitted.  Being undetectable can reduce the risk of transmission, but HIV continues to remain in reservoirs in your body.



The asterisk (*) is still there from most comments, but the consensus is leaning more and more to that HIV can not be transmitted with an undetectable (<50 copies) viral load after 6 months.

"At a press conference, PARTNER study principal investigator Dr Jens Lundgren pointed out that this meant that there was a maximum 5% chance that over a ten-year period, one in ten HIV-negative partners in a gay couple who had unprotected anal sex might acquire HIV; equally, though, it was more likely that their chance of acquiring HIV from their partner was nearer to zero, and indeed could be zero."

http://www.aidsmap.com/No-one-with-an-undetectable-viral-load-gay-or-heterosexual-transmits-HIV-in-first-two-years-of-PARTNER-study/page/2832748

Even if it isn't absolutely zero, it is by far the best protection against HIV transmission. Better statistically than PrEP or condoms. Using all three would be great of course. In the Partners Study there were no transmissions. And I've yet to find a confirmed case.

"The jury is still out on whether or not studies like this will affect HIV stigma, but one thing is certain: our friends with HIV who are on successful treatment are definitely doing their part to stay healthy — and protect the rest of us, too.

Way to go, poz dudes."
http://www.queerty.com/study-undetectable-guys-do-not-transmit-hiv-to-negative-sex-partners-20140305

"Today, an undetectable viral load is the closest we have to a
cure. "
http://www.unaids.org/en/media/unaids/contentassets/documents/speech/2014/07/20140720_sp_exd_aids2014opening_en.pdf

« Last Edit: August 25, 2014, 02:49:51 PM by timmm55 »

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,851
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #23 on: August 25, 2014, 04:18:06 PM »
While I know that stigma surrounds HIV, in my experience, most of the stigma people experiences, happens within their own minds.  I became poz in 1985 and what passes for stigma today, pales in comparison to the original stigma.  Poz people were fired, forced from their homes, thrown out by family, abandoned by friends and even killed due to their status.

They made life a living hell for Ryan White, a child, simply because he was poz and wanted to go to school.  Go to school... let that sink in for a moment.

I also realize that just because the stigma has changed (and been reduced IMHO) does not mean it is acceptable.  It does require however, that we retain perspective.  If you are gay, gays have been "sorting" other gays for eons and the criteria used is as varied as the stars in the sky.

For me, the fact that HIV has become so much a part of the communities most affected by it, is a good thing.  We have come to a time when not only do we know the "real" transmission routes of HIV, we have medication that appears to provide a solid "defense" against infection.

We have come light years... in three small decades.

If you feel so insecure, in who you know you are, it won't just be your status that will keep you afraid.  At some point, you need to stop worrying about the opinion of people, who mean nothing to you.  If one of my close friends criticizes me, I not only feel the impact, but I respect the opinion, because they know me.

To get bent out of shape over a box on a "hook up" site is simply foreign to me.  To even suggest it rises to the level of "stigma" is an insult to those who feel the impact of stigma directly.

Dating is not for the faint of heart, so find something that works for you.  The best place to start, is with yourself.  With enough self confidence, you can weather any storm... especially the ones that really matter.

Joe
« Last Edit: August 25, 2014, 04:30:42 PM by Joe K »

Offline timmm55

  • Member
  • Posts: 16
  • Unapologetically HIV Undetectable
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #24 on: August 26, 2014, 01:20:54 PM »
the poz box should be illegal?!? derfuq? i serosort, are you advocating that become illegal?

I think every site should have: Neg/PrEP, Neg/tested, Neg/AFAIK, POZ, POZ/Undetectable, DNK.

I too serosort, generally date only Neg/PrEP. POZ and Undetectable. Most of the other Negative guys are too into blaming others and not taking responsibility. Some still defend HIV+ criminalization, even when HIV isn't transmitted. Some think 25 years is appropriate for not telling...but if they "say" they are Neg. but don't know, it's OK!

Offline captainglen1

  • New Member
  • Posts: 1
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #25 on: August 28, 2014, 01:16:36 PM »
Because I reported my HIV medications on my application for a 3rd class aviation medical certificate the FAA has put me through 16 months of hell. I was ordered to submit all of my health records to prove that I am physically healthy. I was ordered to take neurological and cognitive tests to prove that HIV has not made me mentally deficient. I was forced to submit to psychiatric screening to prove I was neither mentally unbalanced nor depressed.

Next week I will be examined by a substance abuse professional to prove that I am not an alcoholic or drug addict even though I have no history of such dependencies. In fact in my career as an aviation professional (jet aircraft mechanic) I am in a random drug/alcohol screening program administered under FAA rules. I have never been arrested for any alcohol related offense nor have I ever failed a drug or alcohol screening. Once I pass this final challenge and all these findings are submitted to the FAA it will still take another 3 months for them to review them and hopefully issue my certification.

    This process has cost $4,800 so far not including lost work. hotel or travel expenses and I expect the next step to cost another $1,000. The process has also cost me 5 days of vacation time I could have used for recreation and because there are no approved professionals in Las Vegas it has involved numerous trips out of town. One grueling drive to Phoenix, Two drives to Long Beach California, two drives to Los Angeles and the last drive will be to St. George Utah. I am relieved that St George is only 120 miles from Las Vegas so I will not have to stay overnight.

All these hurdles are based on assumptions that there is something wrong with me because I acquired an HIV infection. If you thought that the federal government is the last place you would encounter prejudice and discrimination, think again. This is exactly why so many of us choose to keep our status a secret from anyone except within the HIV community. Remember when a government it grows too big it will always become heavy handed and eventually tyrannical.

Even though myself and anyone who knows me is confident I will breeze through the process I still ask you to wish me luck. You would not think I would need luck but what I have been through already proves that I do!

Offline Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #26 on: August 28, 2014, 01:24:17 PM »
Welcome to the forum ... I am wishing you the best of luck .

Offline zach

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,829
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #27 on: August 28, 2014, 03:48:27 PM »
captglen,

another A&P mechanic here, welcome to the party, best of luck getting your certifications. this 16 month timetable, did you just start or are you any time into it yet?

any plans on going commercial pilot or just private?

Offline osric

  • Member
  • Posts: 56
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #28 on: August 28, 2014, 04:58:45 PM »
While I know that stigma surrounds HIV, in my experience, most of the stigma people experiences, happens within their own minds.
^ This

I found myself in a conversation this morning with some acquaintances about that horrid AIDS Healthcare Foundation ad... and the discussion turned to PrEP... and then it turned out that everyone at the table was either on PrEP (three guys) or HIV+ and on meds (two guys). I kept quiet since I've been in that "I haven't disclosed but everyone knows" space and afterward realized, fuck it, I just need to get over my own insecurities and be open about my status.

The closet is just not a place I enjoy hanging out.

Offline Almost2late

  • Member
  • Posts: 400
Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #29 on: August 28, 2014, 10:51:02 PM »
While I know that stigma surrounds HIV, in my experience, most of the stigma people experience, happens within their own minds.

So true.. For the past week I've been loosing sleep, thinking about disclosing to my sister and only sibling.. When I finally did, I was expecting maybe an apocalypse.. Instead what I received was her unconditional love and support, proof that I was my worst enemy.

Though not ready to take on the world.. I must be able to deal with that one person who's probably most critical of my status.. me.
« Last Edit: August 28, 2014, 10:55:47 PM by Almost2late »
"Every man has his own destiny: the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it leads him." - Henry Miller

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBkwPYq4nhQ

“Nothing in the world can one imagine beforehand, not the least thing, everything is made up of so many unique particulars that cannot be forseen.” - Nostradamus

Offline Joe K

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Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #30 on: August 28, 2014, 10:58:40 PM »
^ This

I found myself in a conversation this morning with some acquaintances about that horrid AIDS Healthcare Foundation ad... and the discussion turned to PrEP... and then it turned out that everyone at the table was either on PrEP (three guys) or HIV+ and on meds (two guys). I kept quiet since I've been in that "I haven't disclosed but everyone knows" space and afterward realized, fuck it, I just need to get over my own insecurities and be open about my status.

The closet is just not a place I enjoy hanging out.

All I can offer is that at some point, you need to decide what runs your life.  You or your virus.  The only way to truly conquer it mentally is to own it and control your own destiny, on your terms.

So true.. For the past week I've been loosing sleep, thinking about disclosing to my sister and only sibling.. When I finally did, I was expecting maybe an apocalypse.. Instead what I received was her unconditional love and support, proof that I was my worst enemy.

Though not ready to take on the world.. I must be able to deal with that one person who's probably most critical of my status.. me.

Those who truly love you, will never leave you.  They may be disappointed or concerned, but their love will never change.  It's the love that transcends all... unconditional.

Joe
« Last Edit: August 28, 2014, 11:02:27 PM by Joe K »

Offline drewm

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Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #31 on: August 28, 2014, 11:02:55 PM »
Stigma surrounding HIV? I guess my situation is somewhat unusual in that the only people I disclose to are on a "need to know" basis. HIV and AIDS do not define me. I refuse to be anything less than who I am. If people choose not to associate with me for whatever reason...it's their loss.

On the other hand, if I sense a chance to educate or illuminate some folks about this disease, I jump at the opportunity. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. As far as putting my status on a website, hell YES I will do it. There are people who don't like other people for a myriad of reasons like weight, race, mannerisms etc etc.

Try to keep it in perspective. This is a VIRUS. A disease.  Nothing more and nothing less.

 

Diagnosed in  May of 2010 with teh AIDS.

PCP Pneumonia . CD4 8 . VL 500,000

ATRIPLA - VALTREX -  FLUOXETINE - FENOFIBRATE


Numbers consistent since 12/2010 - VL has remained undetectable and CD4 is anywhere from 275-325

Online mecch

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Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #32 on: August 29, 2014, 01:02:14 AM »
^ This

I found myself in a conversation this morning with some acquaintances about that horrid AIDS Healthcare Foundation ad... and the discussion turned to PrEP... and then it turned out that everyone at the table was either on PrEP (three guys) or HIV+ and on meds (two guys). I kept quiet since I've been in that "I haven't disclosed but everyone knows" space and afterward realized, fuck it, I just need to get over my own insecurities and be open about my status.

The closet is just not a place I enjoy hanging out.

I find it startling that 6 people would be chatting and 3 are HIV+ and 3 are HIV- and on PREP.  Where was this conversation - face to face?  In a big city? 

I mean what are the odds.

I did read a few months ago that Truvada is in the Top 10 of drugs costs to swiss insurance companies.

Geez, maybe we are going to wake up someday soon with all gay men on truvada!

I suppose thats a good thing.   But I do always worry that other STDs are going to zap us if everyone uses PREP as a justification to bareback...
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline timmm55

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Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #33 on: August 29, 2014, 03:38:00 PM »
I find it startling that 6 people would be chatting and 3 are HIV+ and 3 are HIV- and on PREP.  Where was this conversation - face to face?  In a big city? 

I mean what are the odds.

I did read a few months ago that Truvada is in the Top 10 of drugs costs to swiss insurance companies.

Geez, maybe we are going to wake up someday soon with all gay men on truvada!

I suppose thats a good thing.   But I do always worry that other STDs are going to zap us if everyone uses PREP as a justification to bareback...

Here in Palm Springs I wouldn't be surprised!

That would be a great thing! If all the Neg guys were on Truvada and all the Poz guys were on ART......new HIV cases would plummet to nearly zero. Stopping transmission is the cornerstone of TasP.

WHO:
 " It is certain that TasP needs to be considered as a key element of combination HIV prevention and as a major part of the solution to ending the HIV epidemic.


The added benefits of TasP combined with earlier knowledge of HIV status as
people seek earlier access to ART has actually served to reduce HIV risk behaviours and risk of HIV in some resource-constrained settings."
http://whqlibdoc.who.int/hq/2012/WHO_HIV_2012.12_eng.pdf?ua=1

No Link between HIV-Prevention Pill Truvada and Increased Sexual Risk Behavior, Study Finds

http://www.ucsf.edu/news/2013/12/110831/no-link-between-hiv-prevention-pill-truvada-and-increased-sexual-risk-behavior
« Last Edit: August 29, 2014, 03:47:16 PM by timmm55 »

Offline mleatherboy

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Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #34 on: August 29, 2014, 03:59:48 PM »
I think every site should have: Neg/PrEP, Neg/tested, Neg/AFAIK, POZ, POZ/Undetectable, DNK.

I too serosort, generally date only Neg/PrEP. POZ and Undetectable. Most of the other Negative guys are too into blaming others and not taking responsibility. Some still defend HIV+ criminalization, even when HIV isn't transmitted. Some think 25 years is appropriate for not telling...but if they "say" they are Neg. but don't know, it's OK!

I cannot believe I didn't know what serosort meant. I've heard it said before though. So that's what it means. I'm being pretty open about anyone I see right now or who wants to see me, or equal interest/chemistry. But I prefer to not have to worry.

Some sites like BBRT I think does actually have "PREP/Neg" as status now. I was surprised when I saw that. I actually think since PREP is taking off eventually sites like manhunt and even the location based apps will have that. Growlr added HIV+ a while back and I have that selected. I actually prefer sites that let you state if you are poz or not. Most do, and I don't know of any that MAKE you pick between negative or positive you can leave it blank though. At one point and still on some location based apps or sites people put a "+" next to their name for being positive. Although I've seen a "-" too for negative.

Partially confused if this thread is about hiv status being on dating sites or just stigma in general. I'm fortunate I guess where I haven't really dealt with it as much. I've been turned down by some guys for being poz or told someone my status at a bar and being laughed at, one person thought I was joking once. But it just weeds out the ones I want nothing to do with.

Offline buginme2

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Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #35 on: August 29, 2014, 04:11:11 PM »
All this time I thought this thread was about blurry vision.

Stigma and rejection because you are hiv positive is a part of the reality of having hiv.  Thick skin helps.   Stigma sucks,  criminalization is the devil.
« Last Edit: August 29, 2014, 04:15:09 PM by buginme2 »
Don't be fancy, just get dancey

Online mecch

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Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #36 on: August 29, 2014, 04:56:13 PM »
All this time I thought this thread was about blurry vision.

Mind skips from stigmatism to stigmata and particularly the fetching young Skeet Ulrich in 1997's Touch:

http://cineplex.media.baselineresearch.com/images/86376/86376_full.jpg

To stop my my brain melt, trying to sit through the first 20 minutes of Madonna's Evita, I walked out and walked into Touch and watched it twice... It had something.  ;)

PREP or HART would surely be protective if one had sex with milky Jesus-like HIV+ hunks with stigmata.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #37 on: August 29, 2014, 05:10:18 PM »
I had a boss once who wouldn't let us off on Good Friday so I came down with stigmata and he let us go early . It became a tradition ... every year we could leave after noon when I came down with my yearly case of stigmata .

Offline Joe K

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Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #38 on: August 30, 2014, 07:35:43 PM »
I had a boss once who wouldn't let us off on Good Friday so I came down with stigmata and he let us go early . It became a tradition ... every year we could leave after noon when I came down with my yearly case of stigmata .

Do I dare ask, where on your body did the stigmata appear?

Inquiring minds want to know.   ::)

Joe

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #39 on: August 30, 2014, 08:02:26 PM »
Do I dare ask, where on your body did the stigmata appear?

Inquiring minds want to know.   ::)

Joe

Hands mostly ... mostly .

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Stigmatism
« Reply #40 on: August 30, 2014, 09:36:07 PM »
Mind skips from stigmatism to stigmata and particularly the fetching young Skeet Ulrich in 1997's Touch:

http://cineplex.media.baselineresearch.com/images/86376/86376_full.jpg


That's so weird -- I just watched this movie a few days ago.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

 


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