Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
August 01, 2014, 01:21:33 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
  • Total Members: 23101
  • Latest: whale.
Stats
  • Total Posts: 632604
  • Total Topics: 47916
  • Online Today: 263
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: My partner kept his status a secret now I am hiv positive.  (Read 702 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Confusedboi22901

  • member
  • Posts: 2
Hello anyone willing to listen and offer some advice. My current partner and I have been together for 14 years, when I met him I ask him if he was hiv positive he told me no, needless to say this wasn't true, my partner was diagnosed in 1992 or 1993 I met him in 1999. He got sick one day and him and his sister convinced me to go visit my family 5 hours away only to come back and find him in the hospital telling me he is hiv positive, now I stayed with him thinking how awful he just found this out, fast forward to 7 months and I am sitting in my doctors office being told I'm now hiv positive at 19 years old.  After a couple of years had passed I found out that not only had he lied about when he became positive but didn't even give me a choice to decide if I wanted this for my self or not.  I have chosen to stay who him all these years however I'm so angry with him. Was it wrong for me to stay with him? Why would he do this to me? When I ask him even to this day he says he has no idea why he chose not to tell me, but lately my anger is getting worse and worse and I have no clue what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated I know I chose to stay but I'm curious what other people would have done in my situation.

Thanks in advance.

Offline bocker3

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,361
  • You gotta enjoy life......
Re: My partner kept his status a secret now I am hiv positive.
« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2014, 07:58:56 AM »
So, what is causing this anger to surface so much now?  If I'm reading this correctly, you've been with him for years since you found out that he hid his diagnosis.  Though the timing of all this isn't very clear in your post.
Seems to me that counseling is in order for you, as well as, perhaps, some couples counseling (assuming that you want to continue as a couple.

What good does finding out what I or anyone else "would have done" in your situation......  You stayed with him -- you can't change the past.  You have to accept what has happened and figure out what you want for yourself going forward.

Welcome to the forums, by the way.

Mike
Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2013 691/31% <20

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,256
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: My partner kept his status a secret now I am hiv positive.
« Reply #2 on: June 20, 2014, 08:10:12 AM »
So, what is causing this anger to surface so much now?  If I'm reading this correctly, you've been with him for years since you found out that he hid his diagnosis.  Though the timing of all this isn't very clear in your post.
Seems to me that counseling is in order for you, as well as, perhaps, some couples counseling (assuming that you want to continue as a couple.

What good does finding out what I or anyone else "would have done" in your situation......  You stayed with him -- you can't change the past.  You have to accept what has happened and figure out what you want for yourself going forward.

Welcome to the forums, by the way.

Mike

Yeah I agree. You do see that your anger is coming out now, years after your infection, then the big reveal a few years later (?), and your decision to stay since then. 

Stay or go.  Well if you stayed, but didn't forgive him, when you decided to stay, perhaps you are not happy with that decision and the anger and resentment has grown...  Or maybe the couple isn't doing well recently, so you are finding this as a "reason" to split.  Who really knows.  You got to figure this out for yourself and also talk it out with him and just make some hard decisions and resolve what you want to do and how you want to feel. 

One time in the 90s I had a bf reveal he was HIV+ a few years into dating him.  We had safe sex and I didn't get HIV.  I broke up, packed that day and left town the next, because of the broken trust. Because i had specifically asked a few times and he had quite obviously lied...  Took about 5 years before my anger died and almost 10 years before i liked him again as a friend and person. 

I don't like major lies in a relation.  I can deal with a lot but not major deceptions. But, thats me.  You are you.  You already stayed a good long time!  Maybe you should forgive and move on, now, if you have forgiveness in you.  Or, leave.

Its not easy and I wish you good luck and a good resolution.
« Last Edit: June 20, 2014, 08:12:55 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,256
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: My partner kept his status a secret now I am hiv positive.
« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2014, 08:16:44 AM »
Remember, you can like a lot about him but also decide he's not the best partner going forward.  So you could leave, and maybe stay friends and you could keep your caring and love.

Or, forgive and stay.

Or, leave and be angry, and move on, wash him out of your hair.

Just remember its your life and you get to decide what is best for you.  There are plenty of fish in the sea.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Confusedboi22901

  • member
  • Posts: 2
Re: My partner kept his status a secret now I am hiv positive.
« Reply #4 on: June 20, 2014, 09:59:14 PM »
Thanks you guys for the responses, yes I did choose to stay with him mainly because I was 19 and very confused and uneducated about this disease, ask for the anger that arises it's not a constant anger, it's just every once in a while for some reason I get angry over the situation, I do love this man with all my heart and I do forgive him, it's just hard to forget what happened and I often find myself wondering why he would have done this to me. who ever posted above that I need counseling is absolutely right and I think I will see help.  cause im sure I shouldn't have anger towards him now and I need to find a way to get over the anger issues I have.  Thank you again you guys for the responses it's good to know there are places to find someone to talk to that will not judge the situation and be nice about it.

Offline aaware72

  • Member
  • Posts: 224
Re: My partner kept his status a secret now I am hiv positive.
« Reply #5 on: June 21, 2014, 10:45:36 PM »
I'm confused?

You are 19 and have been together 14 years?
"Yes, knowledge is power. Self-knowledge brings mastery of one's body."

Online tednlou2

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,770
Re: My partner kept his status a secret now I am hiv positive.
« Reply #6 on: June 22, 2014, 12:22:44 AM »
I'm confused?

You are 19 and have been together 14 years?

I had some confusion, too.  But, I believe this happened 14 years ago, when he was 19.  I assume the OP is around 33 now. 

Confusedboi, if I am understanding this right, you met when you were 19.  Within months of beginning the relationship, you learned he was sick and given an HIV dx and within 7 months you learned you were also poz.  But, it took another 2 years for you to learn he had known his status for some 8 years or so??  By that point, over a decade? 


 

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.