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Author Topic: ALMOST told my mother...  (Read 710 times)

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Offline LostChild89

  • Member
  • Posts: 26
  • When I wake up... Everything will be beautiful...
ALMOST told my mother...
« on: June 18, 2014, 07:58:29 PM »
I had an interesting conversation with my mother. She is one to PRY and found out I had a doctor's appointment. When she asked (and asked, and asked) what the appointment was for, I simply said it was for "sexual health" and she kinda backed off. Then she asked, "do you think you have something?"

I froze for a minute. Then I answered her the best I could, "If there is anything that could kill me tomorrow, I'll make sure you know today." We then kept a conversation about how there are things I would keep from her because of her heart condition and her constant up-and-down health. I wouldn't want her to worry (or my father either) unless it was something I couldn't handle 'on my own'. She asked that, if I couldn't tell her or dad, to find someone to depend on.

Maybe sometime down the line, when she stops referring to it as GRID, she can be put in the mix. Nevertheless, I'm glad she understands that I am getting through. And she has my back no matter what.
Exposure June 2012
1st Poz Test 2/3/14
Diagnosed 2/12/14

3/15/14 CD4 1066 VL 765
6/20/14 CD4 852  VL 15552

Offline weasel

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  • Posts: 1,641
Re: ALMOST told my mother...
« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2014, 10:41:45 AM »


      Howdy ,
                   If your Mom knows you have GRID then maybe it is time
   to talk more .
     I'm sure that the topic has come up between them both .

      That's my thought ........

                                           Be well ,  Carl
" Live and let Live "

Offline Joe K

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Re: ALMOST told my mother...
« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2014, 02:35:55 PM »
Maybe sometime down the line, when she stops referring to it as GRID, she can be put in the mix. Nevertheless, I'm glad she understands that I am getting through. And she has my back no matter what.

As a parent, I would be heartbroken if my child could not come to me in their hour of need.  Parents are a lot more resilient than you know.  Will they be disappointed and hurt?  Sure, but it won't change their love for you.  In one way, you really have no right to keep this from them, as they have shown you nothing less than unconditional love.  It's also somewhat of an insult to them, you assuming that they could not handle the news and making the decision on whether they could for them.

From what you write about your folks, you are missing a real opportunity here.  Letting your parents give you unconditional support, which is exactly what parents are meant to do.

Joe

Offline LostChild89

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  • Posts: 26
  • When I wake up... Everything will be beautiful...
Re: ALMOST told my mother...
« Reply #3 on: June 23, 2014, 02:11:37 AM »
I don't mean to insult my parents. But when your mother is in the hospital for high blood pressure every month and she has issues with WORRYING way too much. It almost killed her this past Thanksgiving. I just can't risk disappointing/scaring my mother to death (that's literal, not figurative).
Exposure June 2012
1st Poz Test 2/3/14
Diagnosed 2/12/14

3/15/14 CD4 1066 VL 765
6/20/14 CD4 852  VL 15552

Offline absopozilutely

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Re: ALMOST told my mother...
« Reply #4 on: June 23, 2014, 10:41:22 AM »
Lost child, holy crap can I relate to you! Your story is freaking identical to mine right now. My mom has a bad heart, and fibro, and is my best friend. She has no idea and I don't plan on telling, to me right now isn't our hour of need, it's IS our hour of want. I want to tell more then anything, but I don't NEED to. I've almost slipped a few times too. Granted Joe, we're newbies and I don't doubt my parents love at all, I do doubt their health.
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.

Offline zach

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  • Posts: 1,252
Re: ALMOST told my mother...
« Reply #5 on: June 23, 2014, 11:03:22 AM »
she's your mother guys. if she hasn't done anything to reject you. tell her

my mother has hep c, worse shape than me any day of the week

normally, i am in the do not disclose under any circumstance. but moms is different, she made me

Offline Joe K

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Re: ALMOST told my mother...
« Reply #6 on: June 23, 2014, 01:51:38 PM »
Since I don't know any of the parents involved, I simply stated my own opinion.  But be warned, if you are close to your parents and always have been, they KNOW something is troubling you, but they will wait until you come to them.  If and when you do tell them, expect a backlash because while they still love you, they will be angry that you thought you could not share this with them.

Without you being parents, I just can't convey the bond that we have with our children.  We spend our entire lives trying to protect and nurture them and once we are all adults, we hope they will share their life with us.  Ask yourself, how would you feel, if one of your parents had a serious issue, but chose not to tell you?

Trust me, your parents are stronger than you could ever imagine... it's what makes them parents.

Joe

Offline drewm

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  • Posts: 1,043
  • Mmmmmm Hmmmmmm!
Re: ALMOST told my mother...
« Reply #7 on: June 23, 2014, 02:41:26 PM »
I will just say this. When I was diagnosed, in the hospital with AIDS, my mom and brother got in the car, drove 1100 miles to make sure I would be OK and to see if there was anything I needed. No judgement. A lot of love and genuine concern.
MAY 2010
VL>500,000 CD4>8

JUNE 2010 STARTED ATRIPLA

DEC 2010
VL>30 CD4>323

Atripla. Valtrex, Trilipix, Fluoxotine

Offline Dan0

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Re: ALMOST told my mother...
« Reply #8 on: June 23, 2014, 03:06:07 PM »
I didn't even 'come out' to my mother - officially. She knew. Hell, everyone 'knew' but it was just not discussed and neither was my diagnosis.  She could pry with the best of them and it was absolutely impossible for her to keep anything to herself for more than a week.  She was compelled to discuss when there was nothing else worthwhile to disucss.  She had her own medical demons that she needed to concentrate on and me - being an adult - made the decision that there are certain things in my life that are my own and that would stay my own. 

Not that she wouldn't have been concerned and show some type of support but it was always in some context of ignoring her life issues and focusing on something she had no control over.  She raised me to be an adult and make my own decisions. Later in her life, the roles (as they often do) become somewhat reversed and it was just one more thing that I didn't want to complicating our relationship.

Family dynamics are different everywhere and I have no idea yours.  Best of luck. It's very complicated.
"Drink your milk and take your meds!"

"Honey, you should never ask advice from a drunk drag queen who has a show to do." - JG

06/2002 DX
10/2006 Atripla UD
10/2013 Stribild Still UD

Offline tednlou2

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  • Posts: 4,767
Re: ALMOST told my mother...
« Reply #9 on: June 24, 2014, 12:20:04 AM »
I don't mean to insult my parents. But when your mother is in the hospital for high blood pressure every month and she has issues with WORRYING way too much. It almost killed her this past Thanksgiving. I just can't risk disappointing/scaring my mother to death (that's literal, not figurative).

I do think every situation is unique.  I do think it is good to consider what purpose telling would serve.  If you have sick parents, is it only going to worry them more?  Would they even be able to be a source of support?  Would telling them help you in any way?  Would telling them just cause worry and stress, when nothing good would come from sharing the info?

Offline bocker3

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  • Posts: 3,360
  • You gotta enjoy life......
Re: ALMOST told my mother...
« Reply #10 on: June 24, 2014, 07:54:07 AM »
I do think every situation is unique.  I do think it is good to consider what purpose telling would serve.  If you have sick parents, is it only going to worry them more?  Would they even be able to be a source of support?  Would telling them help you in any way?  Would telling them just cause worry and stress, when nothing good would come from sharing the info?

Valid points, perhaps -- but would you use the same thought process for other illnesses?  Cancer, kidney disease -- ANY disease that doesn't have the stigma of HIV??

many of the arguments that I hear for NOT telling parents (or others) are the same reasons that I and many others used to not tell others that I was gay.  I now know that it was more my own self-loathing and fear of rejection than it was about THEM.  Now -- I agree that every case is different and one knows your own parents better than anyone else on these boards, but rationalization is a powerful blinder.

I will agree with Joe -- as a parent, if my daughter felt that she couldn't share her burdens with me, I would be immensely hurt once I found out (and they almost always do find out.......)

Mike
Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2013 691/31% <20

Offline zach

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  • Posts: 1,252
Re: ALMOST told my mother...
« Reply #11 on: June 24, 2014, 09:21:56 AM »
i have had four sons. buried my youngest at 7. today is another one's 20th. not a one of them has ever really pulled off hiding something from me. i was the first thing they saw when they opened their eyes.

it took my remaining youngest until he was 14 to come out. his mother knew since he was a toddler, she swears. two fathers days ago, he'd already told the brothers. they started picking at him to just tell us. brocode exception to rule #1, dad knows all. thought the poor kid was gonna hurl. i knew, was just letting him do it on his own terms. he knows i'm positive. he handled that well, read up more than i did. pesters me about my pills.

our fathers day pic of that year, we're dying laughing. reason is, adam leaned into my ear and said "caleb wants to grab your ass, but he didn't want to get hiv"

i don't know your family, so only you know best. but if you have loving parents. as a loving parent i can tell you, kids can surprise you, so can parents.... but bottom line, i know when my sons have something to say, and struggle not to say it.

me personally. my step father is an RN, my mother is also in medical. hiding would have been playing them for fools. she has hep c. yes it's been stress on her. but that phone call last week to tell her my UD viral load, she understands the implications of that. that phone call made her summer.

good luck in your decision. now go hug your mother.

Offline bocker3

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,360
  • You gotta enjoy life......
Re: ALMOST told my mother...
« Reply #12 on: June 24, 2014, 08:03:31 PM »
i have had four sons. buried my youngest at 7. today is another one's 20th. not a one of them has ever really pulled off hiding something from me. i was the first thing they saw when they opened their eyes.

it took my remaining youngest until he was 14 to come out. his mother knew since he was a toddler, she swears. two fathers days ago, he'd already told the brothers. they started picking at him to just tell us. brocode exception to rule #1, dad knows all. thought the poor kid was gonna hurl. i knew, was just letting him do it on his own terms. he knows i'm positive. he handled that well, read up more than i did. pesters me about my pills.

our fathers day pic of that year, we're dying laughing. reason is, adam leaned into my ear and said "caleb wants to grab your ass, but he didn't want to get hiv"

i don't know your family, so only you know best. but if you have loving parents. as a loving parent i can tell you, kids can surprise you, so can parents.... but bottom line, i know when my sons have something to say, and struggle not to say it.

me personally. my step father is an RN, my mother is also in medical. hiding would have been playing them for fools. she has hep c. yes it's been stress on her. but that phone call last week to tell her my UD viral load, she understands the implications of that. that phone call made her summer.

good luck in your decision. now go hug your mother.

Zach -- this is brilliant!!!  You do have a way with getting to the point.......
Kids always think they are smarter than their parents -- but I wasn't and my daughter isn't either....  we can read our kids!!

Hugs,
Mike
Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2013 691/31% <20

 


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