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Author Topic: Extremely Frightened  (Read 1944 times)

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Offline DazedNConfused

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Extremely Frightened
« on: November 04, 2006, 11:43:08 PM »
A guy I once had a few oral sessions with (with ejaculation in the mouth) 2 years ago called me to tell me he learned he is HIV+. I am the laster person he had sexual contact with so he is sure he was positive at the time of our encounters. Now, I know oral sex is low on the risk chain, and us having 2 contacts means my chance is supposed to be low, but at the times I do recall having a cavity in my mouth, which was prone to bleeding every once in a while. I'm horribly frightened as I am not going to have my test until Monday due to the weekend, but I am so terribly scared it will come back +. If it is, I have a current fiancee that I will have probably infected as well. Reading the main article just posted today saying the average price of treatment is 2100 a month, there's no way we could handle 4200 on meds for the both of us. I also don't think I could live with the fact that I have quite literally opened the door to her death....I have even read that I am only expected to live for 10 years since the infection, meaning i could die in about 8 years. This is surreal to me, I am literally counting the hours on monday until my tests come back. I don't know if i can live with the fact I may have killed the person I love most, who's only crime was loving me....there's no way at all we can even remotely come up with that kind of cash, we have a combined income of 2800 a month!



I don't know what i'm trying to get at, or what i'm trying to accomplish by posting this. I havent slept in 3 days and am in a constant state of absolute horror and fear that I have less than 8 years to live, and due to our financial situation I will no be able to save our lives. I guess I need to just vent, and I know I am probably jumping the gun here, but I have a near obsessive compulsion to get info and facts instead of running off of this paranoia in my mind, so that I may prepare myself for the worst case scenario if it does show to be true on monday.

I have had some symptoms that scare me, lately I have gotten itchy rashes when i have never had rashes before in my entire life. Though I did just start a warehouse job that is the only seriously physically strenuous job i've had, and get sweaty which i never have had to deal with at work either. This passed week I got sick with a dry cough, Diarrhea this whole week, being excessively tired and fatigued for no aparent reason, and sudden night sweats and chest pains. I am thinking the hot->cold->hot->cold flashes I am getting and my chest pains are due to the extreme amount of anxiety i'm going through, and the other sickness symptoms are from being sick.
« Last Edit: November 05, 2006, 12:04:09 AM by DazedNConfused »

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Extremely Frightened
« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2006, 12:02:21 AM »
If you think you need to test then test. As for dieing in 10 years, only if you have a car crash or get hit by a flying bullet by a drive by. I've been positive for 22 years. If you are contemplating suicide, this is not the place for you. You should seek the help of a mental health professional. Even if you have a positive result, there are programs that will help with the medication. Don't get the cart before the horse.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Extremely Frightened
« Reply #2 on: November 05, 2006, 04:04:13 AM »
I agree with Rod, you will live longer than 10 yrs. Hell, if there was a 10 yr limit, I would have one foot on a banana peel since I have been poz for 9 yrs already w/o meds. Just a lil joke, to try to cheer you up. I hope you will get tested so that you can put your mind at ease.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

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Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Extremely Frightened
« Reply #3 on: November 05, 2006, 06:30:14 AM »
Dazed,

There have been long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but not for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one. This shows us two things. One, condoms are very effective for the prevention of hiv transmission. Two, oral sex is much lower risk than previously believed. We now have the evidence that oral sex is a very low risk activity where hiv transmission is concerned.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Get tested and put your mind at rest. As long as you've not been having unprotected intercourse with anyone, the chances of you testing negative are excellent.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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