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Author Topic: Really?? Not even sure what to say.  (Read 1264 times)

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Offline Bizkits

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  • Posts: 105
Really?? Not even sure what to say.
« on: May 28, 2014, 04:26:08 PM »
So, if any of y'all remember when I first crossed over, there was that one guy who was just not going to answer the phone anymore or acknowledge me in public, etc...I tried and tried and tried before finally giving his info to the health department, as he had an exposure through me (or vise versa, I don't know 100%)...Even since, he's seen me out and just walked on by. Well, last night we happened to be out at a local bar that hosts weekly poker tournaments and there he was. I about fainted when he came up to me, hugged me and gave me a big ol smacker right on the cheek. Um, can we say dumbfounded? So, not a word of apology, explanation or hiv...just pretended like it was the way it was before...He was busy playing poker so we didn't talk much at all but he said to come say "bye" when we were leaving...so, we did. That's when he gave me another hug, said he missed hanging out and if we would be interested in hooking up with him and his new boy some time. Ok...I'm speechless and confused and drooling at this point. sooo...do I go on and forgive and forget, or should I be leary of something?

Offline zach

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Re: Really?? Not even sure what to say.
« Reply #1 on: May 28, 2014, 04:34:04 PM »
clarify his status, and clear the air. are you assuming he's positive? that may or may not be the case

Offline Live040314

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  • Posts: 35
Re: Really?? Not even sure what to say.
« Reply #2 on: May 28, 2014, 06:12:59 PM »
He really has no way of knowing that you were the contact that reported his possible exposure to the health department so I wouldn't assume he knows anything about your status. I agree that you should confirm his status and I he has been tested recently, even so, wouldn't he still be in the window since your last encounter? At this point I would be concerned about you and protecting yourself if you do decide to meet them.
4/3/14 Diagnosed
4/10/14 Initial Labs VL 12000, CD4 736 (30%)
4/27/14 Started Complera
6/10/14 VL 173, CD4 680 (34%)

Offline Dan0

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  • Posts: 515
Re: Really?? Not even sure what to say.
« Reply #3 on: May 28, 2014, 06:23:54 PM »
He sounds like a FLAKE.

Apparently, he always was a flake but now you're seeing it clearly. Why second guess your gut instinct?
You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.

"Honey, you should never ask advice from a drunk drag queen who has a show to do." - JG

06/2002 DX
10/2006 Atripla UD
10/2013 Stribild Still UD

Offline Bizkits

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  • Posts: 105
Re: Really?? Not even sure what to say.
« Reply #4 on: May 28, 2014, 08:45:33 PM »
Yeah, all the above are thoughts that are crossing my mind. My partner and I had messed around with him several times in addition to just hanging out and becoming friends, he was also the most recent to the time I got my diagnosis. So, of course he was in the window. I tried to tell him myself, so did my partner, to no avail...but the timing was just...kinda too perfect, ya know? Right when I found out I was poz, he just completely wrote us off. So, naturally I thought a strong possibility was that he found out he was poz and blamed it on me/us (partner poz, too)...his refusal to even acknowledge us out and about when we clearly saw or passed each other up just added to that theory.

I don't know what his status is and my gut tells me to just let it all go and move on. It pisses me off to a point that I did everything I possibly could to do the right thing and he thinks he can pull all that shit and then just pop back into our lives? On the other hand, what if he is poz and had to go through his own coming to terms and adjustment period and we just didn't fit into that. Is it worth it to try to sit down with him and hash it out and clear the air? I'm not a total asshole but there is still a little animosity.

Then there's the other part. I've taken care of myself, acted as quickly as I possibly could and know exactly what my numbers are and where I stand. Has he? Even if he says he has, can he be trusted?

A part of me really wants to find out what all is going on...but I'll be damned if I'm gonna get bit in the ass again. grrr...
« Last Edit: May 28, 2014, 08:49:20 PM by Bizkits »

Offline zach

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Re: Really?? Not even sure what to say.
« Reply #5 on: May 28, 2014, 09:01:38 PM »
based on what you've said so far, the only thing you know is that he didn't return a call. everything else could have many explanations.

i wouldn't be too quick to judge him harshly, no matter what the case may be

also think you're putting alot of thought into... what? a one night 3-4some? none of my business, just saying

Offline Bizkits

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  • Posts: 105
Re: Really?? Not even sure what to say.
« Reply #6 on: May 28, 2014, 10:51:12 PM »
I don't mean to judge him, but you're right, there could be many explanations. And it was more than a one-night stand, we had started to get to know him over a few months and became friends. It did eventually go down the other road a few times, not just once. If it were just a one night stand, I wouldn't be stewing on it as much, if at all...and it was a bit more than just one call he didn't return ;) so, may be worth a shot to just talk to him now at least and find out what happened? Assuming he's up for that.

Offline zach

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Re: Really?? Not even sure what to say.
« Reply #7 on: May 28, 2014, 11:15:53 PM »
i wasn't talking about the sex in the past, more about the future

Offline vertigo

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  • Posts: 145
Re: Really?? Not even sure what to say.
« Reply #8 on: May 29, 2014, 04:51:23 AM »
Bizkits, you ask if you should be leery, but I think you know the answer to that or you wouldn't be asking it here.  But it also sounds as though you're quite attracted to the guy (and maybe his "new boy" too), so that's providing incentive to keep the fires alive.  But some honest discussion is certainly in order, and if that can't be achieved then perhaps time to move on.

Offline Theyer

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  • Posts: 2,598
  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Re: Really?? Not even sure what to say.
« Reply #9 on: May 29, 2014, 06:46:42 AM »
This is the guy who you tried so hard to contact and then blanked you in the street.

And you are thinking off meeting up.

Your brain has relocated to your Penis.

Is what I would say.
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline mecch

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  • Posts: 12,185
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Really?? Not even sure what to say.
« Reply #10 on: May 29, 2014, 08:35:48 AM »
So byzantine your social and sexual life. Why can't you ask this guy for a drink and ask him all the questions you want. Seems like you (and your pos bf?) are both into him. If I recall, you were neg, your bf pos, he was an invite to your couple for bareback sex and he knew your bf was pos and UD and you had a 3-way bareback, in the window of your infection time, so you thought it might have been him.  Or if not him you were worried that he might have been exposed by you.

Well now that he's chatty cathy again, inquiring minds want to know..  Is he pos or neg.  And will you have sex again... 

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Bizkits

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  • Posts: 105
Re: Really?? Not even sure what to say.
« Reply #11 on: May 29, 2014, 09:10:55 AM »
Lol questions, questions...Yes, we messed around with him a few times, he knew my partner was +/UD and that I was neg. (last neg test December before poz result in march). So, yes...it was well within the window of my infection time. I'm pretty certain I know who it was that I got it from but it's really too close to be 100% certain, he's also a possibility. Even if it was him, it's a moot point now, I'm well past the blaming phase. I've also accepted if he is poz that I may have been the one that exposed him, too. I suppose it's also a possibility that it could have been my partner too but I really doubt that given that he's been UD for a few years and the length of time and frequency we had bb sex and I always remained neg. Yes, with him it was bb sex and we disclosed and he consented...and told us he was neg. We are definitely very attracted to him (obviously) but I just can't get past the shade.

As far as what the future holds, I am leary. I know my partner is quick to forgive and forget (especially if it means he gets to fuck the guy agian). But, I think if we're going to reconcile, I'm due at least an explanation or  optimally a nice conversation over a couple beers. Is he poz or neg? I don't know. (But I definitely want to find out) Will we mess around again? Well, I'm not saying that isn't possible...but IF we do, it's gonna take a lot to trust the guy again. So, prob not right out of the gate. I can definitely give him a second chance to be a friend first and see how it goes from there. If he only wants to fuck (as he's the one that propositioned us), which is also a possibility, then that's probably not going to happen. As the saying goes, fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice, shame on me. So, I think either way, I should address him clearly. 

 

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,326
  • His name is Carl.
Re: Really?? Not even sure what to say.
« Reply #12 on: May 29, 2014, 10:36:24 AM »
If there's all this "He's poz, I'm neg or I guess I am but who really knows oh the hell with it let's fuck bb" stuff going on (and I'm not judging, just laying it real), then nobody has any place to be dicey about who may have infected who or, given the level of intimacy shared, status now (IMO).  So I'd just do what these others have been suggesting:  just set it up for drinks and talk.  If there's any shade up front, there's your answer.

My bigger pause here stems from what comes across as an excessively high amount of attraction involved.  At least that's how I am reading it....that high level of attraction that tends to spell trouble for primary relationships.  If you two are that committed and secure, have it.  But tread carefully. 
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Bizkits

  • Member
  • Posts: 105
Re: Really?? Not even sure what to say.
« Reply #13 on: May 29, 2014, 05:00:53 PM »
Eh, there really wasn't a whole bunch of back and fourth poz, neg, whatever stuff...We are very secure in our relationship, and enjoy a healthy sex-life. Nothing wrong with that. As responsible adults in that manner, we always disclose and always ask for status, too before we enter in to that activity. Condoms are always an option but obviously not always used. Kinda goes back to the whole sero-sorting thing. I always did and especially now always will trust someone more who is UD and knows than someone who says they're neg, even though their last test was 14  years ago.  In this particular case, not only was there a sexual attraction, but we were beginning to vest in a friendship, as well.

Drinks and a convo are a good starting place...I think we'll go down that road first.

 


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