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Author Topic: You Know What, F**K IT!  (Read 596 times)

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Offline LostChild89

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  • Posts: 29
  • When I wake up... Everything will be beautiful...
You Know What, F**K IT!
« on: May 21, 2014, 10:26:24 PM »
Okay so I can (again) use some perspective. I live with my parents due to a job loss in November in Houston. I lived in New Orleans for eight years prior to. Now, my parents know about me being gay but know NOTHING of be being poz. I don't think I will tell them unless I absolutely have to.

Anyway, when I was diagnosed in February, I went kinda off the grid, rightfully so. So from the first preliminary positive in late January until the blood work test in mid March, I was a MOODY BITCH. And I wasn't really working on finding a long term position with the same tenacity as I did before. Well, now that I know I will live, I am back on the grind trying to find myself, a career in my field, and get everything with my mental health in order (previously told you guys I'm bipolar).

The problem is EVERYONE thinks I'm moody and lazy. I don't want to have to continue to answer to people, especially family. Because I am not ready to share my status with them yet, I can't dig deep into why I was "off" but now that I'm back on my grind I feel like I have to answer for more than I'm willing...

I hate seeming like a liar, but if they knew, they wold understand why I was where I was and where I am now.
Exposure June 2012
1st Poz Test 2/3/14
Diagnosed 2/12/14

3/15/14 CD4 1066 VL 765
6/20/14 CD4 852  VL 15552

Offline Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: You Know What, F**K IT!
« Reply #1 on: May 21, 2014, 10:31:17 PM »
When you said ...but if they knew, they wold understand why I was where I was and where I am now. 

That thought could be the answer .

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: You Know What, F**K IT!
« Reply #2 on: May 21, 2014, 10:50:54 PM »
Fuck what? I don't understand the point of your thread title.
Since you are bipolar, you are "moody".   Do people also see you as a bitch or were you just exaggerating there?  :o
I don't know much about bipolar but it doesn't seem like events in life need to be the blame - i thought it was a mood disorder and chemically based somehow? Is that right?  So if you don't want to tell your parents about HIV don't and stop thinking about it or any event as the "cause" you need to announce to explain your mood swings. Maybe the mood swings are inevitable no matter what events happen? 

Isn't it enough explanation for being moody to say to people - I'm bipolar?  Do your parents know you are bipolar?  Why don't you want to tell them you are HIV+, by the way?

You said previously some of your friends know you are HIV+ so how is that going? Getting the support you might need there?  Do your friends know you are bipolar?

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline pittman

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Re: You Know What, F**K IT!
« Reply #3 on: May 22, 2014, 12:31:21 AM »
Since you are bipolar, you are "moody".   Do people also see you as a bitch or were you just exaggerating there?  :o

I have known four individuals who have shared with me that they were bipolar, including my first boyfriend.  While I saw all "off" at one point or another, moody is not how I would characterize any of them. More like when they were adjusting their meds their emotional balance was off and more extreme and it was infrequent enough that it was always out of character.  They basically had emotional reactions that seemed out of proportion to events.

Do your parents know you are bipolar?  Why don't you want to tell them you are HIV+, by the way?

You said previously some of your friends know you are HIV+ so how is that going? Getting the support you might need there?  Do your friends know you are bipolar?

I agree.  You don't own anyone an explanation. Giving one however to those you think can be a help to you may gain you support you would otherwise miss out on.

Best of luck in your job search in any case.

Offline LostChild89

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  • When I wake up... Everything will be beautiful...
Re: You Know What, F**K IT!
« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2014, 09:53:31 PM »
The F it comment was just how I felt. And I was venting. They know I'm bipolar. But the downside of growing up in a southern black family is that they would rather say you have a demon than a chemical imbalance. Same reason I haven't said anything about HIV. My family think it's death... period. Even before I knew my diagnosis and explained it's not as scary as it used to be, they still cringe and think it's a gay disease. Enlightenment is a daily fight in my family. Trust.

My friends who know I'm bipolar and positive are awesome...But far away. They are, however, an awesome support system. They call as often add they can and have been researching with me meds and trials. They rock!

I'm working through it. I just wanted to vent. It's an old issue for me: having to prove or explain myself. I'm getting through.
Exposure June 2012
1st Poz Test 2/3/14
Diagnosed 2/12/14

3/15/14 CD4 1066 VL 765
6/20/14 CD4 852  VL 15552

Offline Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: You Know What, F**K IT!
« Reply #5 on: May 24, 2014, 10:02:39 PM »
Vent away lost one vent away . Im a southerner as well so I get where you are coming from with the family dynamic .

 


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