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Author Topic: Here we go again!  (Read 2967 times)

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Offline Irational thinker

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Here we go again!
« on: November 03, 2006, 02:48:33 PM »
I know the experts on this forum are tired of hearing this type of story but I feel I need someone to reassure me that I am ok.  I was here about two years ago with a concern about an exposure from recieving unprotected oral from a stripper.  I tested at 90 days tested negative but still couldn't shake the whole 3 month vs 6 month thing and stayed in my constant state of deprresion for a few more months and finally at 8 1/2 months went back and tested again and tested negative again. After that I was truly fine. I went on with my life had another child with my wife and I was happy.  Well a few weeks ago my wife and I started arguing a lot and not getting along. Two weeks ago I was out of town on bussiness and one of the guys I work with convinced me to go to a strip club. I knew my wife would not like it but b/c I was angry with her I agreed to go with the thought that I would never let it get out of hand like it did the last time I went to one. My penis would stay in my pants. Well it did. The problem I have is that while very intoxicated and recieving a lap dance the stripper stuck her tongue in my mouth and for about 4 or 5 seconds I kissed her back.  Right after this I realized what was going on and made her stop.  I started to sober up but the alcohol was too much and a few minutes later I wound up having to go to the bathroom to throw up.  The next morning at first I was ok but on returning from my trip I started to worry excessively about whether she could have had blood in her mouth and passed on something to me.  Now I cannot think of anything else and I am extrememly depressed.  Every waking minute of my day is consumed with worry from that kiss and I feel like I cannot go on any longer.  If I were at the 13 week mark I would go get tested to make me feel better but I have to wait until January for that. I am besides myself with worry. I cannot function at work or at home with my wife and kids.  I know that kissing is supposed to be considered safe but I keep thinking of all kind of crazy scenarios that could have happened. This is the third time I go through this anxiety. The first time was from an event in college with a promiscous girl that I tested not until 10 years later for life insurance. After testing negative I was fine until the last stripper BJ incident and then I was fine again after testing negative at 8 1/2 months and now here I am again horrified. I look at my family and think about how they deserve so much better.  I have made up with my wife now but I am avoiding any kissing or hint of intimate contact b/c I am so scared. I feel as though my life is in shambles right now and I don't know what to do. I really feel as though I will test negative but the three month wait is just so long. I have researched PCR DNA's to speed up the window period but I am way too afraid of a false positive. The problem is that I don't think I can wait that long without going crazy.  I am considering telling my wife everything but I don't know if that will help b/c she is a very insecure person and she will never trust me again. I feel as though it will wreck our fragile marriage. Someone please tell me I will be ok. I am so ashamed of myself for letting my family and God down.  I desperately need help and someone to talk to!!!!

Online RapidRod

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Re: Here we go again!
« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2006, 02:53:07 PM »
I take it you didn't learn anything the first time you were here. You didn't have a risk NOT even close to one. You don't need to test. What you might want to do, is seek some help with the drinking. This isn't an HIV concern.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Here we go again!
« Reply #2 on: November 03, 2006, 02:57:29 PM »
Oh, no! Here we DON'T go again.

The one thing you're right about is about needing someone to talk with. Like a therapist or other mental health professional.

There wasn't even remotely a risk of HIV in the situation you are raising at such length.

Do yourself, your wife and your family a big favor and get some help dealing with your issues -- which have absolutely nothing to do with HIV.

This is not an HIV situation and that's it. And you know it. Don't expect us to indulge in another merry-go-round of what ifs and buts about this. You are HIV negative. Period. End of story.

This is not the place for what you need. Get yourself help from the appropriate professional. 
« Last Edit: November 03, 2006, 03:01:29 PM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline Irational thinker

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Re: Here we go again!
« Reply #3 on: November 03, 2006, 03:28:22 PM »
Andy,
You are right. I guess I need That kind of tough talking to to keep me sane.

Offline Irational thinker

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Re: Here we go again!
« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2011, 11:31:10 AM »
Unfortunately I am back again.  Another strip club incident.  This time I performed cunnilingus on a stripper/prostitute and she also gave me oral with a condom on.  How I let this happen considering what I have been through in the past is beyond me.  What is it about sexual labido and alcohol mixing that makes normally wise men do stupid things such as this.  I am so deppressed and anxious about this.  I have a wife and children so I am full of remorse and self loathing right now.  I can't sleep or function at work or around family and friends. It has been 75 days since the incident in question and I am waiting for 15 more days to pass to get to the 90 day mark so I can test and get an aswer.  These last 75 days have been pure hell for me. 
Back in 2004 I recieved oral from a stripper and remained worried until I tested out until 3 months and then again at 8 months.  Then in 2006 I recieved an overzealous lap dance where I fingered the stripper and she stuck her tongue in my mouth and I kissed her back for a few seconds.  Even though this was no risk I felt the need to test at 3 months and then again at seven months.  I also tested negative for a life insurance policy in December of 2006. 

With the most recent episode I only briefly licked her clitoris for about 5 or 10 seconds. I also fingered her but I had no cuts or hangnails on my fingers so I am not too worried about that.   The felatio was protected so I am not worried about that.

I have figured out that I am a sex addict.  Not so much that I have a lot of sex b/c I don't.  I just am obsessed with thinking about it(porn addiction etc).  In 16 years these are the only times I have stepped out on my wife. I need to address that and I should probably stop drinking.


I have a question for Ann.  You keep saying that the fluid from the bartholin glands is not any more infectious than saliva, sweat or tears.  Is there any references to this? seeing one would make me feel better.

I have purchased a Home Access testing kit to do the test.  This is a second generation test.  At 90 days would this make any difference compared to third or fourth generation?  I don't know much about the generations of the tests.

I know you all on here are probably tired of answering questions from worried well husbands who step out on their wives.  We probably deserve no help.  However if any of you could give me your perspective I would greatly appreciate it.  I am so ashamed.

God bless everyone on here.
Thanks

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Here we go again!
« Reply #5 on: May 11, 2011, 12:38:22 PM »
Once again you have not had a risk for HIV. Nothing you did during this latest incident has put you at risk. So testing is strictly for your peace of mind so that you can collect the inevitable negative result.

You're right about mixing excessive drinking and casual sex. It's a dangerous combination. If you think you  have a sexual addiction because of obsessive thinking and repeated behavior, there are steps programs which can help you with that are available in many cities.

Life is too short to be spent making yourself miserable so much of the time. Get yourself so help.

Any test in use today will give you a reliable result at 13 weeks/3 months. And of course you're going to test negative.
Andy Velez

Offline Irational thinker

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Re: Here we go again!
« Reply #6 on: May 12, 2011, 09:35:22 AM »
Thanks Andy. It seems to me that the addiction is what led me to the situation in question in the first place.  We are bombarded with sexual messages in popular culture today and it is hard not to think about it.  When temptation comes it makes it hard to resist, especially when intoxicated.  It's just that now the consequences can be deadly.  The thing is I am not afraid of dying.  Death would almost be a friend when I think about losing my family or bringing pain to them.  They are the most important thing in the world  to me and i would never in my right mind want to bring any harm to them. Unfortunately my lapse of common sense may have put them in harms way.  I have not been intimate with my wife since this has happened.  I swear i will do what I have to do to protect her.  I just wish I would have thought about this when i was getting that lap dance that got way out of hand.  I hope you are right about me getting an inevitable negative result.  My mind keeps telling me that this time is different from the other two times b/c this time I may have come into contact with vaginal fluids and not saliva.  Life IS too short for this.  I just want to be a good man, husband and father and not get these temptations to stray.

Ann could you possibly reply on the info on bortholin glands and infectivity of vaginal fluids?


Also if I tested at 84 days instead of 90 would it make a difference?  The 84 day mark would be somewhat more convenient for me and it would shorten my waiting by 6 days.  However I want to make sure I get a conclusive result.  84 days seems like such a long time. Heck today is 76 days and I just can't imagine anything seeming longer than this already.

Either way i am going to come back and post my results here when i test and get my results.

Thanks and God Bless.
« Last Edit: May 12, 2011, 09:40:47 AM by Irational thinker »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Here we go again!
« Reply #7 on: May 12, 2011, 09:52:35 AM »
A negative at 84 days would still be conclusive.

This is all about guilt and not about a real risk. And guilt is not doing you or your family any good. Give it up, get help if you need it about your sexual issues. And get on with your life.  Really.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: Here we go again!
« Reply #8 on: May 12, 2011, 09:58:46 AM »
IT,

I've searched and searched and searched some more to find any evidence that the fluids produced by the Bartholin's glands are infectious, and have not found one shred. What I have found is that the cervicovaginal fluid IS infectious, but this is actually a thick mucus that covers and protects the cervix. You are not going to come into contact with this thick mucus during cunnilingus. Besides, not only is saliva not infectious, but it also contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect.

You have NOT had a risk for hiv infection. You do not need to test over this incident AT ALL, so forget about what is conclusive and what is not. Any time you test over this incident will be conclusive as you were not at risk.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!!! Read through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them correctly and with confidence.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Irational thinker

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Re: Here we go again!
« Reply #9 on: May 12, 2011, 03:37:32 PM »
Thanks Andy and Ann,

Andy, you are probably right about the guilt.  I think I feel as bad as knowing what i have done as I do about the possibility of being poz.  I look at my family and think about how I am not worthy of them and they deserve so much better.  I have betrayed them and feel as though I deserve some type of punishment.  After the test results are in I will sit down with my wife and tell her what has happened regardles of the results.  I am afraid that even if I test negative just that confession of my infidelity will be enough to break my marriage.  However it is something I feel I must do.  This has been such a huge struggle for me.  

Ann I hope you are right about the vaginal versus cervical fluid infectiosness issue.  I remember reading about it several years ago when i read Micheal Fumento's book about AIDS.  One of the experts at The Body also mentioned it a couple of times.  It just seems so hard to fathom.  Especially when you keep getting bombarded with info saying vaginal secretions are infectious without being specific of whether it is vaginal or cervical secretions.
 
I officially have 14 days to go to reach 90m days but I will probably send in my Home Access sample a little earlier like at 87 days or so.  I just hope I can hold on that long.
« Last Edit: May 12, 2011, 03:39:22 PM by Irational thinker »

Offline Irational thinker

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Re: Here we go again!
« Reply #10 on: May 16, 2011, 12:56:53 PM »
I am now at day 80 post exposure.  I don't think I can hold out any longer without some form of peace of mind.  I know the guidelines say three months which can be translated to be either 90 days or 12 weeks which is 84 days.  I know that Cunnilingus is extremely low risk.   However I need to test for peace of mind. I am thinking about doing the test today.  It is by Home Access.  Would it really make a difference now that I am so close?  Or should I wait a few more days.  I can't sleep or function anymore.  Advice would be greatly appreciated.

Online RapidRod

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Re: Here we go again!
« Reply #11 on: May 16, 2011, 01:14:50 PM »
Try reading the replies you have been given. You don't have a waiting period, you've never had a risk.

Offline Ann

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Re: Here we go again!
« Reply #12 on: May 17, 2011, 06:19:34 AM »
IT,

It doesn't matter when you test, the result will be conclusive.

If you read the Welcome Thread before posting like you're supposed to, you will have read the following posting guideline:

Quote

Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.


Please consider yourself warned!

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!!! Read through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them with confidence.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Irational thinker

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  • Posts: 9
Re: Here we go again!
« Reply #13 on: May 17, 2011, 10:34:46 AM »
Sorry Ann.  I didn't mean to cause a problem.  Typing in this forum is sort of like therapy but I know that is not what this is intended for. I apologize. If you don't mind I will only post once more when I test and get my results.  Which will be next week.

Offline Irational thinker

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Re: Here we go again!
« Reply #14 on: May 23, 2011, 03:49:14 PM »
Just sent in my Home Access kit blood sample.  It has been 87 days since my incident in question. I will post my results Wednesday.  Needless to say I am very scared right now.  Andy and Ann, I know you recomended to me that I need not test however I needed to do it for peace of mind.  Thanks for being here to write to for advice.  You have been a much needed outlet for me.  God bless you.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Here we go again!
« Reply #15 on: May 23, 2011, 04:51:03 PM »
Of course the result is going to be negative.
Andy Velez

Offline Irational thinker

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Re: Here we go again!
« Reply #16 on: May 25, 2011, 09:17:26 AM »
Well I said I would post my result when I got it and of course Andy you were correct. My result came back negative.  This has been a horrifying three months.  Thanks for being here and thanks for making me realise that my risk was extremely low.  It helped me to stay sane. I hope I never have to come back and may God bless all of you.

Offline Ann

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Re: Here we go again!
« Reply #17 on: May 25, 2011, 09:26:55 AM »
IT,

Once again, you did NOT have an "extremely low" risk, you had NO RISK. NONE. NADA.

Your negative result is absolutely no surprise.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!!!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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