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My first HIV birthday

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Hi guys,

I know this is the newbie section, but technically and emotionally I qualify.  Spent the first 12 months after diagnosis rediscovering every drug, bad relationship and self-destructive path I could find.  In a way, now that I have embraced sobriety it is as if I am accepting the diagnosis for the first time.  Have been present insomuch as have been a caregiver for friends since the beginning, so the "how could I have let myself, armed with all this info, get it"  depression tends to pop up like those unwanted seventh grade "go to the blackboard" hardons of my youth.  My year of living "la vida loca (and Coca)" has left me precious few HIV resources here in my small town, as months sitting at a bar being known as the second coming of Typhoid Mary has not left me with a fist full of friends.  I take my newfound sobriety seriously and intend, after a while, to mend some of the fences I burned down while haunting the less than upstanding places in town.  For now, I avoid the druggies, angry positrons and all people who make me feel less than human for "getting it".

I know forgiving myself is step one but, impatient bastard that I am, am expecting too much magic overnight.  Fighting the urge to pop the anxiety meds my docs have given me as a way to get sleep and stop obsessing over the illness.  Am aware these are not the eighties and there are meds to help when I get to that point (CD4 720) although I have already had thrush (Nystatin = yuck)

My question is: could the recent lift in my T-cells be due to the fact I am fighting major abscesses in my mouth?  Been on strings of antibiotics (Cleocid, Augmentin) until I can qualify for Ryan White (Dental care only).  It just seems weird.  I am more tired, and less healthy feeling, yet my CD4 has skyrocketed.

Please forgive me if I have posted in the wrong spot.  I look forward to making friends with some of you.

Best, hugs and peace,

Happy Birthday Tony and many many more to come. You can catch up with me if you like, 21 years positive.

Thanks for the reply.  I look forward to toasting both of our birthdays (with seltzer in my case).  Thanks for taking the time to reach out and respond to a scared dude in need of a friendly voice.

Andy Velez:
Glad you have made it through your first year, Tony. Just keep trucking.

And wishing you lots more anniversaries in good health.

Congratulations on your sobriety! That's a big one. Along with the challenges of maintaining that you will find the world continuing to open up in ways you couldn't have imagined. Stick with it cause you're worth it.


OK , you have had your pity party you can start facing the rest of the world like most of us infected 1984...first treated 1994....been undetectable and healthy for more than 5 yrs...The newer treatments are easier on your system ( for the most part) and better at beating this  virus down than any of the  stuff that was available to the rest of us over the past 20 yrs........
Try to stay sober/clean...there are many good people out there and certainly on this site that can provide all kinds of support /information....

Forget the "how did I get this " crap and move on know how you got it and you can learn to do other things with your life that will work out much more to your benefit....otherwise  welcome to the best site on the web ...great info..super knowledgeable people and you may even find a few real friends...


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