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Author Topic: tested positive yesterday  (Read 17110 times)

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Offline mark06

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  • Posts: 16
tested positive yesterday
« on: September 12, 2006, 04:28:45 AM »

hi to everyone.

i'm 20 and 6 weeks ago i had a one time experimenative gay experience. after about 2 week i started getting the flu like symptoms- swollen glands, headache, sore throat, eventually fever and fatigue. i was away travelling over this period by myself and started to become really concerned. i checked out the net and all signs pointed to a possible hiv infection. i was in and out of clinics over the window period, worried sick about what symtoms i would get next. they told me however that the risk was quite low since this was a one off and that the other guy didn't ejaculate in me.

it was a very dark time mentally, since these symtoms never let me stop worrying. it was already a part of my existence.  i only prayed that it was something else, knowing that it was not in my hands anymore. i went to a big waterfall at dawn and prayed out loud. i said please dont let me have it. but a voice came back in my mind that you have it and this is your new test.

i live with my parents and little sister and was so upset at the prospect of coming home to them with this in my mind. they were so pleased i was home, but i was hiding a big thing from and i was concerned at how it might devestate them.

i know it's bad, but at the peak of my fever and fatigue, i thought to myself i am never going to feel like this again. if i get better i'll live my life as fully as possible but when i go down hill again.i'll end it. i had read details about the side effects of meds that made me think that that was not what i wanted.i'm sorry for saying stuff like that, but these were my thoughts. and they are not entirely out of my head.

so to bring it to the present. i got tested yesterday (sept 11th of all days!) and the doctor said that the test was 'reactive'. she said that they test for a cross section of viruses and that it looks likely that i have it. i am a little confused about this business of what she is saying and am going back anyway today to the clinic to see the people there.

i still have a slight sore throat, temperature and headache. this is really concerning because i fear that these might be an indication that i will go down hill at a fast rate. it is so scary. the issue of time.
the fact that it had manifested on my body already makes me take a less optimistic view of my prognosis.

i'm like a zombie now around my family. they are worried and i in a way want to tell them but on the other hand i don't want to devestate them. cut years off their life as well as mine. they know i've been going to the docs about something, but i doubt they would suspect this as the reason. how would my mum take it that i would have this at 20? i couldnt  do it to her. i have cried and i want someone to hug but there is no one who can do that right now. i told my friend i stayed with on my travels over the net, but they are so far away.

i suspected for this whole time i had symtoms that i had it, but today was the first day waking up with it with the confirmed fact. i can't accept it right now.  i do have anger too. i went to a clinic within 72 hours after infection and i have been told that they can give you emergency meds which they think prevent you seroconverting. i didnt know that right then and wasn't given anything. i feel like i could have been saved, but they didn't care.  i can't belive my bad luck and also feel angry at the person that gave it to me. he insisted he was negative, there was a condom used, but it broke. i was drunk that night, and i'm not a stupid person, but the drink made do a stupid thing.
the  sex didn't even last long. he wanted to ejaculate in me but i refused. what if he did really know and wanted to give it to me? i had thoughts of going back and ending that bastard.  again, i apologise for such thoughts but i want to be honest and open.

i have a job interview tomorrow for  a real good job (law)  and i want to be able to prepare for it and do well. i don't even know if i want to do this job now but in a way i just want to go to the interview and succeed in spite of this.

so hear i am right now. i'll go the clinic again later and will try today to think about my interview.

i hope i can make some friends on hear.

 :)

music is my aeroplane
it saves me everyday

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2006, 04:55:04 AM »
so to bring it to the present. i got tested yesterday (sept 11th of all days!) and the doctor said that the test was 'reactive'. she said that they test for a cross section of viruses and that it looks likely that i have it. i am a little confused about this business of what she is saying and am going back anyway today to the clinic to see the people there.

Mark,

I'm sorry to hear that you've been informed of a positive test result. Before we go any further, have you had this result confirmed yet? Usually when an HIV antibody test (ELISA or EIA) returns a positive, a second test called Western Blot is performed to confirm that result. Then they do the whole set of tests over again just to make sure.

I think you're doing the right thing in going back to have this sorted out.

Hang in there doll.

Regards,

MtD
« Last Edit: September 12, 2006, 05:21:25 AM by matty.the.damned »

Offline mark06

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Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2006, 05:18:22 AM »
hi matty and thanks fro replying. i will ask about getting the confirmation test today.
music is my aeroplane
it saves me everyday

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2006, 05:22:04 AM »
That's the way luvvie. Good luck and be sure to keep us informed.

Fondly,

MtD

Offline carousel

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Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2006, 06:27:58 AM »
.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2007, 12:51:30 PM by carousel »

Offline ndrew

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  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2006, 08:48:22 AM »
Dear Mark,

I am sorry to hear about all of this.  Please hang in there through these difficult times.  This is a lot to cope with, it may be helpful if you find someone you trust to talk to, a counselor and come here and share with us your stress, anger, worry and fear. 

I hope your job interview goes well through all of this, you are pushing ahead with your life and that is something important.

With care and support,
Drew


Offline mark06

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  • Posts: 16
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #6 on: September 12, 2006, 09:51:30 AM »

Hi guys and thanks once again for the supprt. I told my mum today of the situation and she was amazingly ok about it. No massive freak out. I shouldn't have underestimated her capacity for loving.  Telling her does make me feel hopeful and a bit less stressed about things.  My main hope is that these symtoms will go and that i can get back to exercising and activity. It will be a good de-stresser. But perhaps it is not a good idea to start  i while I still have symtoms.

music is my aeroplane
it saves me everyday

Offline HammyJ

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Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2006, 10:00:23 AM »
Dear Mark: It is upsetting to me to hear that you may have been infected by an irresponsible person, though he may not have known that he was indeed poz. I know its not much consolation, but I had a severe serconversion reaction like yours sixteen years ago.....when an HIV diagnosis was tantamount to a death sentence....well I am still here, and doing quite well....the meds(which you may or may not have to take for sometime...possibly many, many years) are much better now, with much fewer side effects, and they are getting better all the time.....and there are meds coming down the pike that will make what we are using now seem crude.

I agree with the other posters about letting go of your anger......I know that would be very difficult to do right now, and quite frankly you are entitled to be very angry.....however, in the long term, it doesn't do you any good, and is only using energy that should be used to maintain your good health.....

But most of all, I want to tell you that you are not alone, and that there is a lot of support out there for you.......and I know that you will get through this rough patch, and do just fine....as we all have.....

Take care,
HammyJ

Offline kentb

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Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #8 on: September 12, 2006, 10:11:26 AM »
Dear Mark,
I know you are going through a lot right now.  I hope you can try to focus on the possibility that the job interview will go very well.  You will do better if you are busy and realize that this is just an inconvenience in your life not the end of life as you know it.

There is a lot of good news for people who are diagnosed today.  Advances in medicines and healthcare are two obvious areas.  Also the compassion and support you can get from society in general is shifting ever so slightly, but the forums here will help you get a  lot of questions answered.
I wish you the best, you still have you whole life ahead of you, now go nail that interview!
warmest regards,

Kent  6yrs. HIV+

Offline ndrew

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  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #9 on: September 12, 2006, 10:41:54 AM »
Hi Mark,

I am so happy you have your mother's support!  You SHOULD feel hopeful.  No matter what, you are going to be OK.  You have been sentenced to life!!  Breathe deeply my friend!

If you are in primary infection, it will pass and you will get back to normal, but take your time to heal well.  I have been positive for 2 1/2 years and I enjoy lifting (getting rather muscular I might add!) and I love my work (even though it is quite demanding)!  I think I may want to start meds sometime soon, to keep my immune system healthy, but I have support here for my questions and concerns.  A lot of people are doing rather well here.  There is a lot to be thankful and hopeful for...

Kindest,
Drew




Offline birdman

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  • coming soon
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #10 on: September 12, 2006, 03:09:26 PM »
Hello Mark:  So sorry to hear of your situation.  I find it hard to believe that you got results on the same day as the test.  Not doubting you but the type of test.  I have not heard of any test that did not take a week or more to get the results.  I would be skeptical of such a test and use anonymous testing that involves taking blood and sending to a lab., and at the very least get a conformation test.  Many have been missdiagnosed before, and with no post or pre-test counseling, such a service is seriously missing the boat when it comes to adequate HIV services. 

I have been POZ for 20 years now and decided to go back to school for a course in the  health services field.  Those home HIV tests are not reliable and have often been documented to give false positives. 

Whatever the final diagnoses, life goes on with you in it.  You are not alone.  I know all these cliches are annoying but it's true.  I was told I had 2 months to a year to live... 20 years ago...now I concentrate on living and helping others.  In 8 months I will be a registered massage therapist and who knows... I might just stay in school for the rest of my life.  One day at a time.

I just found this site and hope I can be of service.

sincerely, Norm

Offline frenchpat

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  • Love your friends, don't eat them.
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #11 on: September 12, 2006, 03:20:45 PM »
Bonjour Mark,

I will not repeat all the good advice you've been given here, but like all those before me, I want to say that I am glad you came here, and, if your test is confirmed (hope not!), that I hope you will stay with us.

A very warm welcome

Pat
People have the power - Patti Smith

Offline mark06

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  • Posts: 16
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #12 on: September 12, 2006, 04:58:18 PM »

on the anger issue. i think that will pass over time. however,  buying a nice punch bag will be a tremendous help lol. i honestly think that i need to do that to release it. i used to do martial arts and want to go back as it was the thing i most ever loved. i thought why are you not going to classes anymore? Do what you enjoy. Does anyone think it would be ok to go back?  there might be issues if i got cut i guess.

they did do a test that went to the lab. i went early in the morning so i could get it later that day. i will get another test on friday that will go to the lab also, for confirmation. get the result on wednesday. they wil also do the viral load test to see how things are going at this point.
(on the point of quick wait testing - isn't there a 'rapid test'? i don't know how reliable it is though)

they said that i might be eligible for clinical trials. Now, this is a very significant issue for me and i would appreciate input. I have read that there is some evidence that giving meds at this very early stage is highly beneficial for the long term preservation of the immune system. But i know the debate is not conclusive, nor is it the standard proceedure to go to meds so early. i realise that there is the issue of liver damage, toxicity build up , resistance build up and also when to come off them.

plus there is the simple fact that my hope was to get better and enjoy a period without symtoms and not having to go on meds and experience any side effects. i am swaying a lot in this direction of not going on meds so early. i am mindful that if i choose this option i could be taking meds later down the line, possibly quite a while down the line, when they are more effective and have less side effects.

Has anyone started meds at this very early stage? It would be cool if anyone that made this decision could share their experience.

I also soon want to go a meeting group and talk to people, especially the newly diagnosed. I do consider myself essentially straight despite this experimentation and it is cool that i have also heard of a group for such people where i live.

best wishes to all  :)
music is my aeroplane
it saves me everyday

Offline whizzer

  • Member
  • Posts: 363
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #13 on: September 12, 2006, 06:38:18 PM »
Here's the web page for the adult aids clinical trials group.  Click on studies for treatment naive.  There is one treatment study and one observational study that I know is listed.  I don't know where you are but they list study sites as well.

http://www.aactg.org/clinicaltrials_research.asp

You can also do a search at  http://www.clinicaltrials.gov/.  Search by location and disease (e.g. HIV, New York City) and you will get a ton of trials to read through, depending, of course, on where you are located.

You are right that there is evidence that treatment during the acute phase can result in better preservation of the immune system.  This is because early treatment may prevent HIV from entering the long-term reservoirs in the body where it hides out and can't be attacked by our current meds.  I'm no expert on this, but I would strongly consider it if I was in your shoes.

I'm sorry to hear about your recent diagnosis.  While the firm diagnosis is still evolving, it would be beneficial to learn about early treatment pros and cons and look to see what trials are available that you might be interested in, if any.  Best of luck in your quest.

-Whizzer

Offline DMW

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  • Posts: 1
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #14 on: September 12, 2006, 07:57:54 PM »
Hi I just tested positive last Wednesday...still checking with second test and than a blood test, Be well my friend there is a lot of meds that are available today the can help you live a long life, so be positive in thought not in body and you will do well..D

Offline Eldon

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Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #15 on: September 12, 2006, 10:15:31 PM »
Hello Mark, it is Eldon.

First of all I wish to extend to you a warm WELCOME to the forum family here. Here you will find encouragement, understanding, communication, support, some cries, some laughs, and most importantly to have your questions answered relating to HIV/AIDS. We have a strong group of individuals as you have seen and there is a lot of information for you here.

Feel free to return from time to time and vent what ever is going on inside of your mind. As for your test, before you draw any conclusions, wait to see what the second set of tests are going to come back with. However, it is a good thing that you have somewhat prepared your mind for the possibility of your news coming back that you are positive.

In the interim, focus on your career, get plenty of exercise, drink plenty of fluids, change your diet, and most of all get your proper rest. We are are all in this together and you are not alone. Just post, we will listen and we will answer.

Again, Welcome! and have the BEST Day!

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #16 on: September 13, 2006, 07:20:57 AM »
Mark,

I'd like to remind both you and the new poster DMW that until you have confirmation of your positive ELISA results with a positive WB, you might well have had false positives.

Before either of you worry too much about treatment questions, get your confirmation. No point in putting the cart before the horse.

Good luck - I've got my fingers crossed you've just had a FALSE positive ELISA. Hang in there and keep us posted.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline alberche

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  • a distancia del mundo incierto, saludo mi suerte
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #17 on: September 24, 2006, 02:34:10 PM »
Hi mark06! greetings from Madrid, Spain

I hope your tests finally confirm a negative result!!!!

Anyway, I got infected on march this year, and as in your case, I had an unprotected sex contact, and 3 weeks after I started to feel ill. I got  very strong primary infection symptoms, that got me for 4 weeks in bed.

At that point, I suspected I got this little companion inside, so I decided to make a PCR test, because it is the most reliable way (with a P24 antigen test) to know if you're poz in a primary infection stage (if you're not, it could also produce a false positive or non conclusive result in the way of a very low viral load quantity). 2 weeks after I got the results, 256.000 copies per ml...

I drived directly from lab to my social security reference hospital and asked for a HIV specialist to see me. I went dated for other 2 weeks after... The HIV doctor told me that a PCR with such values was pretty conclusive, but that it was necessary to repeat it and also to test for my CD4, STD's, cholesterol, hepatitis, toxoplasmosis and so on, so I got tested and, again, had to wait 3 weeks to have the new results. Viral load dropped down to 65.000, CD4 were at 1.100 (surprisingly high) and had no STD's, no hepatitis and the rest of indicators were also normal.

At that point, I was proposed for my doctor to start treatments...even though 3 months had already passed!!!

I also thought, as you did, that anything should be done before all that, I mean, even though a positive result is not yet confirmed, there should be a way in which you could be treated in the few first days or weeks after the suspected  infection... If finally you are negative, unless you have an allergic reaction to meds, you only will pass for a few inconveniencies during some weeks, that's all... and, if you are poz, you could take profit of the opportunity to hit the virus at that early point and this, as evidence of many studies are starting to clear, could be a way to help your inmune system to better fight HIV in the future.

Well, at the end, I decided to start. My doctor said that I was still able to benefit for an early treatment... he also told me that in a certain point, into one year or maybe more, we will do a structurated interruption of meds in order to see how my body reacts and if I am able to keep viral load in a low range of values without meds...

I started with Truvada + Sustiva, two pills, once a day, at nights, just before going to bed and two hours after dinner. The first few days I felt dizzy, had strange dreams (kinda bizarre allucinations), but I could handle to go to work, drive my car, etc.

But, by the 3rd week, I started to develop a reaction to Sustiva, skin rash and pain in joints, so my doctor suspended Sustiva and changed it for Atazanavir boosted with Ritonavir, keeping Truvada. Rash was gone in a couple of weeks, as well as pains, and I am taking now four pills, once a day, at dinner time.

Now I feel pretty good, as I felt before all this, I have been going to work everyday (except those days of acute infection symptoms), I have initiated a course at the University, I have talked to my partner, who has been very supportive and have been teamworking with me, and, even though I am worried and sometimes feel scared, I have decided to take things as they come, living day by day.

The main change I have noticed in my body if that I have lost 11 kilos (that's about 24 pounds) since march, but now this seems to be stabilised. I changed my diet, I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, a lot of fish, olive oil instead of butter or other kind of oils, I drink no more alcohol, eat also a lot of dried fruits: almonds, hazels, toasted peanuts, and drink also a lot of water, 2 and a half liters per day...

So, as you see, life and things keep going on, and it is good not to loose the pace. Life is out there!!!

I will have new test at the lab next friday, and will have results and new consultation with my doctor by mid october...

I am planning to pass the week end in Barcelona, to put my feet in the see (in Madrid we are very far from the beach!!!!) and try to get some tan!!! And, I am waiting for a couple of T-Shirts I charged to a store that personalizes them, with this phrase -in dutch- I read in a bottle of bear the last time I was in Brussels:

 Er is leben binnenin, that means There's life inside!

So keep going on! You are very young and have many brilliant years to come!!

Hughs,

:-)
love is blindness...  a wonderful song!

Offline hussy_24

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Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #18 on: September 25, 2006, 08:10:02 AM »
hi mark, hope u are well, its weird, we were diagnosed on the same day (11th sep) and both work in law, lol, also we both came infected thru irresponsible people (i was infected when a guy took off the condom without my knowledge, i didnt realise til afterwards when i was using the toilet)

just want to say this forum is a godsend, without it i would still be crying my eyes out coz 99% of the internet is pessimistic about living with HIV.

you seem to be getting better treatment than me too, i have to wait 5 weeks from diagnosis before even seeing the doctor, and i doubt they will even mention clinical trials or the like. i tried endlessly to call the clinic , no one answered despite me trying 4 different numbers, i spent most of my first week talking to a counseller at terrence higgin trusts. you can tell my frustration with the doctor is more on my mind than having hiv lol lol lol.

i just look at hiv as giving me a wake up call with regard health in general, i mean its about time i used the gym and ate and drank healthily, coz the road i was going i would have got diabetes or heart disease in my early middle age anyway, i am confident now i will probably outlive a good number of friends who get badly drunk every weekend and all they eat is junk food. lol.


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #19 on: September 26, 2006, 03:49:03 PM »
Mark and D,

Wondering if you guys have received confirmation or not regarding your test results?

Keep us posted.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline SunshineBreeze

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Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #20 on: September 27, 2006, 10:48:37 AM »
Hi mark & DMW,

It saddens me to hear your story and I await your confirmation from your ELISA.

Keep your heads up!
TOO BLESSED TO STRESSED!!!!!

Offline mw2006

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Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #21 on: September 27, 2006, 01:52:56 PM »
hi all

Once again thanks for the responses and supportive comments. 

Thank you alberche for giving an insight into your decision to take meds early. there is a lot of positivity and optimism in your approach and i think we can all take encourement from that. The best of health to you! Spain is definitely a place i would like to visit too. ( i live in london, uk by the way).

Hussy_24 - yes, what a coincidence on our situation- but what i am doing at the moment may be something you can look into as well.

I tested positive on the confirmation test. i think in actual fact the confirmation test was merely standard procedure,a quality control thing. They said that anyway, whenever they get a positive test from a sample they will automatically use it again for another test. With all the symptoms i was 99% certain anway. The only other explanation i constructed  was a bit laughable-  a false positive that got confused with  hep b vaccine  antibodies and my symtoms were due to mono. Fat chance lol

So no more uncertainty. Ok, so here is where i'm at. I am yet to await my cd4 and viral load figures (next week)- but due to the fact that i still have enlarged neck glands, a slightly funny head, and somewhat irritable throat- I think i know what those figures will turn out like. sykrocket viral load- cd4 taking a knock .

I can take part in a clinical trial (  hussy  and any other newly infected people can consider this too). You could search google for SPARTAC - it is a worldwide trial looking at giving meds to the newly infected. You are eligible up to 6 months post infection. It is a randomised trial whereby there are 3 groups of people undergoing the trial- 1st set do not take any meds. 2 nd set take them for 24 weeks. 3rd set  take them for 48 weeks. you are monitored for a number of years. I think they also are investigating how your genetics influence you reaction to the virus. however, you have no choice what group you go into.

I have learned a little from an article about this on aidsmap ( i'm not sure of the exact reference) concerning treatment during the primary stage. it is quite difficult to go through all the stats but the thinking seems to be  along  the lines of the earlier you intervene the better in terms of boosting your capacity to fight the virus. I just came off the phone from a doctor that is willing to take me onboard and he explained it along the lines of - instead of your system being overwhelmed at the beginning in learning to fight the virus- by reducing the virus at an early  stage it is faced with a more 'manageable' viral load and it thus becomes more adept at taking on the virus by itself when you come off the meds. the aim is to prolong the period between  having to go on meds again. 

From preliminary trials that were conducted ( i think in 2002) the doc i spoke to said that the results tend to suggest that early intervention is beneficial. However , that preliminary trial was not randomised nor looked at genetic factors, so he belives that this new trial will provide a more definitive answer. But of course the major reservation is... will taking meds early cause  resistance build up?  His answer- no if you adhere to the regimen of taking them. He said that the prelimary trials showed that the subjects who did take their meds as told did not build up resistance. Only one subject did develop resistance- and s/he did not take their meds as prescribed- missed them or whatever.

I think these are everyone's key concerns - will this help? will this harm me resistance wise?  I've got encouraging feedback on both issues.

I have made an appointment with him tomorrow to talk more fully. Nice guy as well.

Undoubtedly this is a very stressful time. You are diagnosed. Then you are told you could go on meds early. you have to process that and manage your normal life. you think that shit- "i better make a decision quick' cos this is happening now and it's a case of getting in as quick as possible",  but hey, it's better to get the information and use it, rather than sit and deny things. I read that prolonged avs symtoms and their high severity are suggestive of a quicker decline. the fact that i have lingering symtoms make this early treatment option more attractive. My body doesnt seem to be that great at dealing with this by itself. In a way i think that genetics must be a factor here cos i have basically lived a healthy life up to this point.

One think that concerns me is the effect hiv could have on my brain. My head doesnt feel right. I imagine that it is replicating in there-  i still have my ambitions to acheive, even though if i find it hard to see them being realised at times. I dont want this to damage my mind. That's all i really have, in a way. I have heard that you can use liopic acid- i may try. Indeed this concern is another push towards early treatment.

Otherwise , aside from processing all the above, i'm doing pretty ok. I'm getting my diet in good shape, no alcohol and have been looking into natural remedies ( about which i have asked about in the nutrition forum).  I'll go to my first support group in october. Oh, i also want to start meditaing. I am using my time well, doing what i am find interesting in life eg art. I've  enrolled to start learning italian too at my college.
start as you mean  to go on with your life!

Here's one thing the doctor said to me.. which i hope will offer encouragement to the newly diagnosed

what with the new meds being developed and the fact that i have gotten in early and am taking charge of my health:

"you will never die of AIDS"

hey, well everyone i hope it's true.

peace and good health to you all,


mark




 










Offline mw2006

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #22 on: September 27, 2006, 02:06:29 PM »
oh shit , i just realised i just logged in under an old name i had before- i'm the same guy mark06

Offline mark06

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Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #23 on: September 27, 2006, 02:10:11 PM »
yup he's right lol

(i'll use this name again from now on)
music is my aeroplane
it saves me everyday

Offline alberche

  • Member
  • Posts: 212
  • a distancia del mundo incierto, saludo mi suerte
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #24 on: September 27, 2006, 02:36:43 PM »
Hiya Mark!

Sorry about your diagnosis confirmation :-(

I also thought about mononucleosis, or an allergic reaction (I am asthmatic)... but in the end I knew what was happening.

As per regards to lymph nodes, I have some of them, particularily those of the neck, still inflamated and aching from time to time. Now six months have passed since the day I got infected. I also felt my head trying to go by the clouds during the first weeks, and a very intense headache but it went away by the second month.

Anyway, if you compare your last post with the first one opening this thread of the forum, you'll see a very big difference in the way you saw things then and now. Now you have more information, you are resolutive and you know there is more people with whom you can share information and support. And that's the point!!! Stay tuned in that frecquency!!!

This has also happened to me, and I am still surprised seeing myself doing my daily life as usual, making decisions every day and keeping my sense of humor. You know, we in Spain have a bizarre sense of humor, laughing of ourselves all the time, and that's good because helps to settle things in their right place to be.

And, by the way, of course Madrid is a nice place to pay a visit to!!! Let me know if you are planning to come. My house is not so far from city center, at about 70 km far, in the mountains towards Segovia. I have never been to London, but I've been a couple of times to Birmingham, due to my job, and I liked it, but it is too quiet for me!!! I think London would suit me better!!!

Las time I was there I met a pakistani taxi-driver who took me to the airport, but first, he had to pass by the house of his sister, who was to be married that afternoon. I wasn't the only passenger in that taxi, I had to share my seat with a big wooden elephant, just arrived from Pakistan or India, who knows!!! I wonder if I rather shouldn't go to that wedding -taxi driver invited me to go!!!- instead of taking the plane back home!!!!

Hughs and be good!

:-)
love is blindness...  a wonderful song!

Offline mark06

  • Member
  • Posts: 16
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #25 on: September 27, 2006, 03:33:38 PM »
lol on the taxi story!


here is the aidsmap pages that i think are useful:

http://aidsmap.com/en/docs/2CC1185C-141D-430E-A4A4-97AE978E4808.asp
music is my aeroplane
it saves me everyday

Offline mark06

  • Member
  • Posts: 16
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #26 on: October 04, 2006, 08:20:53 PM »
hi again  :)

i got my 1st lab results today after a 3 week wait: CD4 - 500. VIRAL LOAD- 5000

my doctor thinks that these are good numbers considering they were taken about 7 weeks after infection.
they'll be monitoring me on a monthly basis to get a closer idea of how i am doing during the primary stage.

what do you guys think of these numbers?

i know i wrote a lot about taking meds early cos i have been influenced by the arguments i have read. but i in no way want to take them so early on. my feeling at this point is to now wait and see what happens. my primary care doctor (not the clinical trials one) thinks this is the best appraoch.

i am actually very keen to travel in the near future, wanting to see as much as possible of the world before meds make that more difficult eg customs problems etc.

my main focus now is a positive one- getting back on track with my studies and ultimately, career. suceeding is how i can say to the virus 'fuck off'.  crude, but i like it lol

HIV has been on my mind a lot, not particularly stressing me out, but just taking up my thoughts. largely this was over the issue of taking meds early and analysing the info out there on this. but i seem to have made a decision on this issue now. that will allow me to move on.  i don't want this to dominate my thoughts, it deserves attention but living a full life is an all the more important goal.

i do appreciate little things in life much more than before- little gifts. just being able to look up at the blue sky, breathe the air. there is a lot of beauty on this planet, subtle beauty, that i took for granted before. i dont know what the future holds for me, but my little plan is  while i am healthy and young , to store up as many memories of good things and nice places. i'm sure i'll do much more now than i would have otherwise have done. indeed, when i was away on my trip this summer, even though i was going down ill, i thought 'screw it' i'll keep on exploring, can't turn the clock back now. well, i kept on exploring untill i had to go to bed with fevers etc lol

tonight was interesting. i went to my first support group. straight8 in london. in a way i wanted to just see what other people with the virus looked like. i wasnt expecting aliens, but you know what i mean. from the masses of invisible londoners- they become visible. it was a diverse group of ages and ethnicities. i met some people that i connected well with and intend on going again. some on meds, some not. in fact one guy had been poz for 24 years and no meds- looks as healthy as anyting too.  another woman had a baby with another poz guy-an encouraging thing for me, as i'd like kids later on. it was quite funny at times too. one guy who was on meds was behaving quite weird - with his speech and mannerisms. naturally i thought is that cos of the meds? but apparently he likes to experiment with some non-prescribed 'meds' too ;). also at times i thought it was like being on jerry springer, or trisha lol . interesting night.

best wishes, my friends.

music is my aeroplane
it saves me everyday

Offline Sky

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    • Myspace
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #27 on: October 05, 2006, 12:03:00 AM »
Hey Mark!  I'm so sorry to hear about your recent diagnosis, but you took the first step and went to the doctor, which is always a good thing.  You're first set of numbers are much like mine were when I tested poz four years ago, and still today I'm not on meds.  You're gonna think about HIV a lot at first, but as anyone here can tell ya that will slowly go away and you'll think about it less.  Your education and career goals are definitely a positive approach, way to go!  Keep up the optimistic attitude, it helps a lot  ;)
Poz since 2003.

Offline megasept

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  • Posts: 478
  • Steven here...
To Mark...Not "zippity-doo-dah" happy, but grateful
« Reply #28 on: October 06, 2006, 12:40:43 AM »
Mark: Good news on your Mom... ::)

Though there are other number besides t-cells and VL,  :D those are really great numbers. If you and your MD want to test every month fine, but after a few you could probably drop that to every 3, 4, or even 5 months. I doubt very much you need to take meds now. But some might argue that you might benefit extremely early in your progression. I am no MD, just a guy who waited 5 years before starting treatment, and haven't been treated for the last 6 years either. I am pretty well internally. I am very fit and look it (at 49)/ You have so much to look forward to.

PS Don't sweat the "mental" side effects of meds;  ??? you're stressing about them right now is about as "mental" as they will get. There is a mental side to feeling shitty. If you ever will feel shitty. Meds and this disease don't make you a lunatic, unless you are a minority of those who have weeks left to live (you'd definitely know). Don't worry about it.

 :-[ You've probably had gas, the runs, or felt whoozy sometime before in your life. Whatever the effect of starting medication, you'll get through it (people have great nutritional suggestions here, for example). Once a body adjusts, it does get easier. I prefer jobs where I can get to the "can" without walking a mile or waiting two hours----I am not kidding. Other than that, I can do any job I could otherwise do without my HIV (yeah, I "own" it).

I thought your "little vain" comment funny. So am I. Relax. Work out and eat right, and even sleep fully. I look good, better than I am medically. Looks are superficial. But there's no harm in enjoying your good looks. Just don't get a silly narcissistic complex that finds you dreading aging or older people. I like my age because the alternative to another year of age is...early mortality. I didn't count on living to be 40, and now I think 60 would be a damn young time to "go". I wonder if I'll make 70. I feel very lucky.  8) and content.

I also will have a job interview soon. I am positive since 1991. My point is I have can face big changes in my life years and years after diagnosis. You can too. It's been called "healthy denial". Don't sweat the small stuff. Get on with life. But you're already doing that. Cool.
Bless you! -megasept

Offline slimbimale

  • Member
  • Posts: 15
  • Tested Oct 21 1994 ( A New Life Begins )
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #29 on: October 06, 2006, 01:29:13 AM »
Sorry to hear your test came back POZ ..and I am glad to hear you have the support of your mom ....My mom told me after I finally told her ..that if I would have kept it from her ..and she found out later ..If the AIDS didn't kill me ..she would .....lol...you have a lot of support here ..and it's common for your numbers to be screwed up right after the time of infection ..VL will normally spike high and t- counts will bottom out ..give it some time to let things go back to normal ..and Good luck to you ..Were all here if you need us ..hope to hear from you soon

                                                          Jim
Let Go and Let GOD

Offline alberche

  • Member
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  • a distancia del mundo incierto, saludo mi suerte
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #30 on: October 07, 2006, 05:21:19 PM »
Hiya Mark!

Good numbers! Just follow up your doctor's indications, and don't be worried about meds. Re-start your life, when the time to take meds arrives, this will be one more task in your daily life,that's all, you'll need some training and some weeks to get used to them, and then take things day by day.

It is important to take out drama from all this. Having HIV is not a joke, is a serious thing that will condition in many ways your life, but it is also an incentive to better appreciate things, life's details and the incredible fact of being alive.

You are young and you have all your life in front of you, you can do anything you want and try to do, don't feel afraid, go ahead!

I remember the first phrase one of my best friends told to me when I told him I was poz: "well man, you're lucky, you are here, you have meds, medicine, care, a job, friends, you have perspective, you can do a lot of things, the most of people wiht HIV in the world can't even eat a piece of bread or drink clean water". That was a way of telling me that I was not so unfortunate as  I could think. Now I am aware of it!!!

Well good boy, go ahead!

Huhgs,

:-)
love is blindness...  a wonderful song!

Offline inthesameboat

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  • Posts: 14
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #31 on: October 07, 2006, 10:47:38 PM »
My respect and admiration for your courage..
I was DX ABOUT 3 MONTHS AGO..AT MY 40'S  and is not easy for me even though I'm doing great and keep on going.. 
I'm surprised and happy for you about telling to your parents..I haven't done that yet and i doubt i will for as long as i can keep it..   My parents are older and they are dealing with their own health problems that are not few..
I'm sure that you are going to be o.k..you had a tuft beginning but this days theres so much information and treatment options that i have no doubt in my heart that you are going to do well..
I hope the interview went well..   You have a long life to live and a lot of things to achieves in your life.. Don't let this stop you , make it the reason to keep on going..
I'm going to follow your postings here, and follow your case with you..but for now you have my admiration and my respect.
Life is hard sometimes..and we are stronger everyday.

Offline alberche

  • Member
  • Posts: 212
  • a distancia del mundo incierto, saludo mi suerte
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #32 on: October 28, 2006, 04:23:45 PM »
Hiya all!

I got results of my last labs done by the end of September, my CD4 went from 1160 to 1280, and viral load from 65.000 to <50...

I am very happy since these are the first good news I hear since I got infected in March this year!!!!

Well, now I am in my 5th month of treatment... My doctor says we will continue this way until the middle of the next year, after I have, as spected, shown three consecutive VL below 50. Then, maybe I will have to consider a treatment interruption to follow up if I am able to control the virus without meds...

We will see...

Hughs

;-)
love is blindness...  a wonderful song!

Offline Adonis

  • Member
  • Posts: 25
Re: tested positive yesterday
« Reply #33 on: January 03, 2007, 03:55:52 AM »
Mark:

Your post drives home the point to everyone that when it comes to transmission of this virus, a one time experience is all it can take if safe sex is not practiced. I can understand your feelings and emotions (even though I can't relate to them as I'm HIV negative), however, I think that once you get through your feelings and emotions, it is important to channel them into fostering a positive outlook on life.

 


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