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Author Topic: IT JUST AMAZES ME...  (Read 3242 times)

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Offline deprivedlol

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IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« on: April 20, 2014, 07:24:51 PM »
I can't believe that some people in the healthcare profession still don't have sense enough to protect themselves like they're supposed to from...well..people like us.  I have had a bunch of non HIV related medical issues over the years.  I have been poked and prodded for neurological problems,  many many blood tests and other procedures where clearly gloves should have been worn by the one doing the test. 
I had a nerve function test at a pain specialist who poked me with a bunch of needles, glove-less.  When I mentioned after the test that he probably should have worn gloves and then told him why he had the audacity to yell at me for not telling him to begin with.  Um  I think that was his mistake and not mine.

I have gone to my hospital's lab for many years getting routine crap done and sometimes they wear them and sometimes they don't.  They know what tests are being run so WTF?

I have been to 3 neurologists in the last couple years. They all  know my status.  They like to poke me with a freakin safety pin. (Do they all do this?)  No gloves...none of them.
And as recently as 2 wks ago I had to get a TB test and have my sugar checked for a new job.  Again...no gloves.

I am not about to tell these people my issue (the ones that don't know).  Why should I?  They should know better. On the other side of this I have been going to my current dentist for about 5yrs.  They do not know my status and I feel kinda bad for not saying anything all this time.  But the hygienist does wear gloves and mask like she's supposed to..and a good thing cause I bleed a lot when I get a cleaning.  The dentist before this guy did know and they treated me like crap, hence the switch.

IDK just seems to me that if you work in the medical field you should know how to protect yourself and I shouldn't have to disclose anything if I don't want to. Am I wrong?

Offline Joe K

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2014, 07:48:44 PM »
All medical professionals should be using universal precautions, however you are hurting yourself by not disclosing your status to your doctors and dentist.  There are many issues that can affect us and it is important for your doctors to know you are poz.  A good dentist will be aware of HIV related mouth issues and if they know your status, they will look for such issues.  Same as with an eye doctor or physician.

Any professional who would balk at you disclosing your status, is not a true professional and you should find a new provider.

Joe

Offline Jeff G

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2014, 07:55:23 PM »
The real risk is for you . Washing hands and fresh gloves can cut the risk from MRSA and other infections down to negligible risk .

When I was in chemo therapy I had a very young and very pregnant nurse who scoffed at me when I warned her about the dangers of recapping a needle . I didn't try to argue but instead got up and reported her to her supervisor . They thanked me later after they reeducated her on the matter and seemed really happy I cared enough to intervene . 

She didn't like me too much after that but I can live with that . I always disclose my status to medical professionals but its for my protection as well as for theirs . 

Offline anniebc

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2014, 07:56:27 PM »
Hi there

First of all I agree that all healthcare workers should wear gloves when dealing with sick people, every health worker should know about Universal Precautions.

Wearing gloves really only prevents cross infect from one sick patient to another, which is why they should  be worn in the wards, and changed from one patient to the next, we don't know what germs are floating around the hospital when we visit them, but they do not prevent needle stick injuries.

As we all know, the phlebotomist will not become infected if she comes in contact with your blood unless she has large open wounds on her hands which will allow infected blood to enter her system, if that was the case she will be wearing gloves.

As I said, I do agree that all Healthcare workers should be wearing gloves, but not just for HIV patients.

Aroha
Jan
« Last Edit: April 20, 2014, 07:59:56 PM by anniebc »
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Offline Jeff G

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2014, 08:04:28 PM »
The hospital and clinic I attend has signs all over encouraging staff to wear gloves and patients to report them if they do not . They made a big deal out of it because I think its part of a study to try and improve/prevent community acquired infections .

They have pens and a card sign with postcard size questionnaire's asking how was your visit and did the provider wash and glove up .

Offline deprivedlol

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2014, 08:08:04 PM »
All medical professionals should be using universal precautions, however you are hurting yourself by not disclosing your status to your doctors and dentist.  There are many issues that can affect us and it is important for your doctors to know you are poz.  A good dentist will be aware of HIV related mouth issues and if they know your status, they will look for such issues.  Same as with an eye doctor or physician.

Any professional who would balk at you disclosing your status, is not a true professional and you should find a new provider.

Joe

I hear you but I don't want to tell the dentist after all these years because I'm afraid they';ll treat me like the last one did.  The lab at the hospital knows what tests they're doing so that's on them.And I luckily no longer go to the pain specialist.  Do you know that after that incident they put a rather large red sticker  that said HIV POSITIVE (what company makes those??) on my file and left it on the counter where other patients could see?  What a trip that place was.

Offline deprivedlol

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2014, 08:11:49 PM »
The hospital and clinic I attend has signs all over encouraging staff to wear gloves and patients to report them if they do not . They made a big deal out of it because I think its part of a study to try and improve/prevent community acquired infections .

They have pens and a card sign with postcard size questionnaire's asking how was your visit and did the provider wash and glove up .

IDK I would think it would be a 'must' rather than something they need to be reminded of. I sure as hell couldn't work in the medical field.  I'd be dousing myself in sanitizer all day  LOL

Offline deprivedlol

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #7 on: April 20, 2014, 08:20:23 PM »
Hi there

First of all I agree that all healthcare workers should wear gloves when dealing with sick people, every health worker should know about Universal Precautions.

Wearing gloves really only prevents cross infect from one sick patient to another, which is why they should  be worn in the wards, and changed from one patient to the next, we don't know what germs are floating around the hospital when we visit them, but they do not prevent needle stick injuries.

As we all know, the phlebotomist will not become infected if she comes in contact with your blood unless she has large open wounds on her hands which will allow infected blood to enter her system, if that was the case she will be wearing gloves.

As I said, I do agree that all Healthcare workers should be wearing gloves, but not just for HIV patients.

Aroha
Jan


I just don't see why they aren't required to wear PPE.  And as for germs in the hospital...I never used to be like this but now that I'm poz I am such a germophob.  I open doors with my sleeve, sanitize constantly, Lysol my shoes when i get home (yes you read that correctly) and  change my clothes before I sit on my furniture after coming home from the Dr.  Yes you can laugh now.  Most people do.

Offline Joe K

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #8 on: April 20, 2014, 08:23:37 PM »
I hear you but I don't want to tell the dentist after all these years because I'm afraid they';ll treat me like the last one did.  The lab at the hospital knows what tests they're doing so that's on them.And I luckily no longer go to the pain specialist.  Do you know that after that incident they put a rather large red sticker  that said HIV POSITIVE (what company makes those??) on my file and left it on the counter where other patients could see?  What a trip that place was.

If a dentist were to do that to me, I would find another dentist and report the issue to the dentist involved.  I have never had an issue disclosing to my medical professionals, as doing their job well depends on their having the right information.  You seem so worried about people knowing your status and in that case, you could screen potential providers, by telling them your status before you see them professionally.  You could do this over the phone, so as not to disclose your identity.

To have the best medical care is to work with your providers and not to hide relevant information from them, which could assist them in diagnosing your issues.  The only one you are hurting here is yourself.

Joe

Offline Joe K

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #9 on: April 20, 2014, 08:32:14 PM »

I just don't see why they aren't required to wear PPE.  And as for germs in the hospital...I never used to be like this but now that I'm poz I am such a germophob.  I open doors with my sleeve, sanitize constantly, Lysol my shoes when i get home (yes you read that correctly) and  change my clothes before I sit on my furniture after coming home from the Dr.  Yes you can laugh now.  Most people do.

I would never laugh at someone who has issues that affect their quality of life.  You seem obsessive regarding germs and that's most probably a mental issue, as it has no basis in facts.  I have been poz for 30 years and while I practice good hygiene, I know enough to understand that I am not at risk from everyday living.  I would simply hate to waste, so much of my life, over issues that present absolutely no risk to me personally.

Joe

Offline Jmarksto

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #10 on: April 20, 2014, 08:42:37 PM »
Hey deprived;  I agree that PPE should be worn.

Regarding disclosing to the dentist...shortly after testing positive I had a conversation with my doc about when and how to disclose in other medical settings - and expressed some hesitation.  He offered to refer me to providers that he knew would have experience with other positive patients.  He referred me to my current dentist who is great - in my first appointment he explained the importance of oral health and in particular screening for cancers, etc.   I hadn't had a dentist be that comprehensive and communicative before.
03/15/12 Negative
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07/09/14 CD4 1004/39%   VL UD

Offline deprivedlol

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #11 on: April 20, 2014, 10:40:11 PM »
I would never laugh at someone who has issues that affect their quality of life.  You seem obsessive regarding germs and that's most probably a mental issue, as it has no basis in facts.  I have been poz for 30 years and while I practice good hygiene, I know enough to understand that I am not at risk from everyday living.  I would simply hate to waste, so much of my life, over issues that present absolutely no risk to me personally.

Joe

Wow so now you assume I have mental issues because I don't want to come home with more than I already have?  When you go to the grocery store, well at least most of them around here, there are those sanitized wipes for the carts right by the door.  Why? germs.  There are sanitizer dispensers at the doctor's office.  Why? Germs  Just because I take things to a whole other level doesn't mean I'm nuts...just preventing myself from getting sick.  On the flip side I haven't had a flu shot in over 15 yrs.  Why? Because last time I got one I GOT THE FLU.  You and I have had this a very long time.  You have your way of dealing with things and I have mine.  What we are doing must be working for each of us.Am I obsessive? Maybe, but the last time I was really sick was from food poisoning at a barbecue 7 yrs ago.

Offline deprivedlol

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #12 on: April 20, 2014, 10:45:24 PM »
Hey deprived;  I agree that PPE should be worn.

Regarding disclosing to the dentist...shortly after testing positive I had a conversation with my doc about when and how to disclose in other medical settings - and expressed some hesitation.  He offered to refer me to providers that he knew would have experience with other positive patients.  He referred me to my current dentist who is great - in my first appointment he explained the importance of oral health and in particular screening for cancers, etc.   I hadn't had a dentist be that comprehensive and communicative before.

Hi Jmarksto,
I'm kind of limited as to the number of providers in my area who take Medicaid.  I already have to drive an hr as it is to the current dentist.  I also choose to get my HIV care out of the area for confidentiality reasons.  I live in a somewhat rural area and I doubt any provider in any field is very knowledgeable in this field. I'm glad it worked for you though.

N

Offline zach

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #13 on: April 21, 2014, 02:41:47 AM »
ppe, for my protection as much as theirs. i would not allow medical staff to work on me without it. who knows what they may have
gonna go up to the mountain, for to find a little peace
looking over the valley, for the beauty i see
out across the hills, forevermore

Offline anniebc

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #14 on: April 21, 2014, 05:25:05 AM »
Hi there

I would like to address the PPE issue.

I'm assuming you know what PPE consists for, if not then please let me remind you.

1. Safety glasses
2. Masks
3. Lab coats
4. Gloves
5. Boots
6. Safety Shoes.

Do you really want Health care workers dressed like this every time they have to attend to you, I thought we had got over barrier nursing HIV patient 30 years ago.

Don't get me wrong I agree Gloves should be used, Universal Precautions are essentially good hygiene habits such as hand washing, the use of gloves and correct handling of needles and syringes, etc.

Lets not get carried away with PPE, I for one do not want to be barrier nursed when I visit my clinic.

Aroha
Jan

* Modified to add: this is the Universal Precautions used in NZ.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline zach

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #15 on: April 21, 2014, 05:48:15 AM »
in order to even walk into the hangars where i've worked for years...

1. titmus ansi glasses, with side shields
2. hard hat, some tasks require shield mask
3. hearing protection, hearing loss measured twice a year
4. electro static discharge bluesafe coat
5. esd pants, integrated knee pads
6. gloves for all tasks, type varies with task
7. composite toe boots, will not conduct electricity or heat, acid proof, slip resistant soles, no lace camlock system
8. and a long list of no nos, no long hair, no jewelry etc... and, i'm probably forgetting something

i'm just a mechanic. every day i wear more ppe, rated to higher standards, than any nurse. i think they can live with putting on a pair of gloves, we all got probz
« Last Edit: April 21, 2014, 06:00:23 AM by zach »
gonna go up to the mountain, for to find a little peace
looking over the valley, for the beauty i see
out across the hills, forevermore

Offline Theyer

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #16 on: April 21, 2014, 05:57:56 AM »
All workers and patients in Hospital setting should follow Universal precautions.

A neurologist will want to use identical instruments in testing Patients to keep the Baseline Static , in the UK this is usually am small box of precision made weighted needles. Never seen them used without anti -septic wipe before or after.

I tell all medics my status , remind if I have to about UP if I do not I believe I am colluding in the practice I disagree with .

I have never found it anything other than conversation .
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline anniebc

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #17 on: April 21, 2014, 06:01:34 AM »
in order to even walk into the hangars where i've worked for years...


i'm just a mechanic twisting a wrench. every day i wear more ppe than any nurse. i think they can live with putting on a pair of gloves, we all got probz

I totally agree with wearing gloves, but as I said as an HIV patient I don't want to be barrier nursed.

The only time I have ever had to wear PPE + Fire resistant overalls was when I was called out to a fatal road accident, lots of blood and liquid fertilizer in the play so I really had to cover up and be carful.

Aroha
Jan
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline deprivedlol

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #18 on: April 21, 2014, 10:25:20 AM »
Hi there

I would like to address the PPE issue.

I'm assuming you know what PPE consists for, if not then please let me remind you.

1. Safety glasses
2. Masks
3. Lab coats
4. Gloves
5. Boots
6. Safety Shoes.

Do you really want Health care workers dressed like this every time they have to attend to you, I thought we had got over barrier nursing HIV patient 30 years ago.

Don't get me wrong I agree Gloves should be used, Universal Precautions are essentially good hygiene habits such as hand washing, the use of gloves and correct handling of needles and syringes, etc.

Lets not get carried away with PPE, I for one do not want to be barrier nursed when I visit my clinic.

Aroha
Jan

* Modified to add: this is the Universal Precautions used in NZ.

I guess I've worked in too many factories..LOL.  You know what I mean though. :)

Offline deprivedlol

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #19 on: April 21, 2014, 10:27:51 AM »
ppe, for my protection as much as theirs. i would not allow medical staff to work on me without it. who knows what they may have

Hi Zach,

Never thought about that. I wonder if healthcare workers are required to disclose??

N

Offline Jeff G

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #20 on: April 21, 2014, 10:31:07 AM »
Hi Zach,

Never thought about that. I wonder if healthcare workers are required to disclose??

N

No ... they are not required to disclose . It has no bearing on patient care and would serve no practical purpose anyway . 

Offline zach

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #21 on: April 21, 2014, 10:34:02 AM »
hellz no they don't have to disclose, that i'd fight for their right to protect. its not just hiv folks. we get hung up looking at the world through our lens. but we are more at risk than them. fungus, bacteria, virus... all things they keep at bay easily, we struggle with, sometimes suffer from.

not that i'm anything like militant about this. i hang with goats and chickens, not clean. its just a worm to put in your head, to tweak out on. don't let it get the better of you
« Last Edit: April 21, 2014, 10:48:22 AM by zach »
gonna go up to the mountain, for to find a little peace
looking over the valley, for the beauty i see
out across the hills, forevermore

Offline wolfter

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #22 on: April 21, 2014, 10:58:38 AM »
How fortunate am I?  Almost 30 years of living with this virus and having worked in the field and I've NEVER witnessed these behaviors.  My life partner was a hospital administrator and accreditations were a primary focus from the top down. 

I would never allow someone who was in full gear perform a simple procedure on me as that shows a level of paranoia that could lead to mistakes. 
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline Bizkits

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #23 on: April 21, 2014, 11:06:47 AM »
I am a nurse and I ALWAYS use universal precautions, hiv+ patient or not and always have. Some healthcare workers won't if it's certain things but if there's a risk of body fluids/secretions always.  Even my ID provider uses gloses to just listen to my lungs...Same as you wash your hands before and after touching any patient. That is not intended to offend anyone but I don't want anyone's germs spreading or even sticking on me. In fact, I'm so OCD about hand washing, I can't pass by a sink or even a bottle of hand sanitizer without using it lol. Now, I can tell you there are certain tricks of the trade that everyone does every so often, which may not be the best idea but you use them to get the job done. I personally don't have a need anymore as I no longer work in a hospital setting but I wouldn't, now given my status. It is taking a risk, though-I'm not advocating for that.

As far as healthcare personnel disclosing, there is one case where it is required by law. That is during invasive procedures/surgery...where there is a risk the provider is using instrumentation which could possibly puncture/cut, etc. them. The patient has to know and sign that as part of their consent. Otherwise, nope...no need to disclose.

There are also reasons to barrier nurse...but we're taking like tb/airborne or droplet precautions, fresh organ transplant patients, severely immunocompromised patients...but not hiv. There are still healthcareworkers though that aren't as educated as they should be or are comfortable with it. I remember taking report at the hospital when the nurse just getting off shift would whisper "yeah, be careful about bed 16, he's hiv+". Bugged me then...even more so now.

Offline zach

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #24 on: April 21, 2014, 11:10:25 AM »
i get the feeling that some are confussticated between universal precaution level, and barrier protection level. beasts of a different color

perhaps one of you fine nurses could clarify for the good folk
gonna go up to the mountain, for to find a little peace
looking over the valley, for the beauty i see
out across the hills, forevermore

Offline wolfter

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #25 on: April 21, 2014, 11:13:41 AM »
confussticated

word du jour, love it.  :)
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline Jeff G

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #26 on: April 21, 2014, 11:15:13 AM »
Just for the record I was saying that there is no need for healthcare professionals to disclose to patients .

Bizkits, do you really feel like its a risk to your health if you were to work in a hospital or did I misunderstand that ?   

Offline Bizkits

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #27 on: April 21, 2014, 11:34:36 AM »
Just for the record I was saying that there is no need for healthcare professionals to disclose to patients .

Bizkits, do you really feel like its a risk to your health if you were to work in a hospital or did I misunderstand that ?   

Well, generally no...there's not...As I pointed out though, there is one circumstance in which the healthcare provider must disclose.

I do not in any way feel it'd be a risk to my health or anyone elses for me to work in the hospital...I just meant I wouldn't do certain things anymore (tricks of the trade). I'll give an example. Take an old, frail patient who is severely dehydrated and has next to no veins in which to obtain an IV stick...but a picc or central line wouldn't be appropriate...well...you can either close your eyes and say "if I remember my anatomy correctly, there should be a vein right around there" and stick...sometimes, that actually works...sometimes you need to do more...position the arm dependant, use more than one tournaquate, and rip the finger of the glove off your best "feeler finger" to locate a vein better and once you have hold it in place which usually leaves you sticking the catheter with an exposed finger on top...Again, gotta do what you gotta do sometimes...I wouldn't do anything like that again. It's dangerous regardless, though...

i get the feeling that some are confussticated between universal precaution level, and barrier protection level. beasts of a different color

perhaps one of you fine nurses could clarify for the good folk

And as far as "PPE" and "Universal Precautions" go:

PPE stands for Personal Protective Equipment. It is a term that is carried across many professions including healthcare. There are countless pieces of it depending on what job you're doing. If you're drawing blood from someone, you don't need a MRSA gown, face mask and booties...you need clean gloves, not sterile and some people wear a simple pair of goggles (not required). Now, if you're taking care of a patient with active TB...you need a special gown, clean gloves, n95 respirator mask and some choose to use eye protection as well. Same as a construction worker should wear a hard hat where he is around objects that could fall or a mechanic should wear nitrile gloves if his hands are working with raw chemicals, petrolium/oil/lubricants. I could go on, but I hope y'all get it...

Then, there are universal/standard precautions. This is a rule in which we follow to prevent exposure to bodily fluids and unlike PPE does not change...it's the same every time:
(opim=other potentially infectios material)
•Wash Hands: after glove removal & before patient care
•Wear Gloves: if blood or OPIM contact with hands is likely
•Wear Gowns: if blood or OPIM contact with clothing is likely
•Wear Goggles & Masks: if blood or OPIM splashing is likely

« Last Edit: April 21, 2014, 11:41:34 AM by Bizkits »

Offline Bizkits

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #28 on: April 21, 2014, 11:39:18 AM »
As far as what we're referring to "barrier nursing" or "barrier care"...it's a slang term used to describe someone who is overly afraid of something or someone (hiv+ patient in this case) thus wearing any and every piece of PPE they can find before touching the patient.

Offline deprivedlol

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #29 on: April 21, 2014, 05:17:11 PM »
No ... they are not required to disclose . It has no bearing on patient care and would serve no practical purpose anyway .

Great...something else for me to add to my list of things to be paranoid about

Offline AusShep

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #30 on: April 21, 2014, 05:40:02 PM »
Great...something else for me to add to my list of things to be paranoid about

Huh?  You're paranoid about an HIV+ doctor or nurse taking care of you?


Offline deprivedlol

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #31 on: April 21, 2014, 06:00:58 PM »
Huh?  You're paranoid about an HIV+ doctor or nurse taking care of you?

Yep...that's me...the hypocrite

Offline Bizkits

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #32 on: April 21, 2014, 06:13:16 PM »
Yep...that's me...the hypocrite

Sooo...how would you feel if a healthcare provider refused to treat you due to you being HIV+? 

Offline deprivedlol

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #33 on: April 21, 2014, 06:21:20 PM »
Sooo...how would you feel if a healthcare provider refused to treat you due to you being HIV+?

Well that wouldn't happen because they can't legally.  I haven't been refused treatment but if you read further up on the posts you'll see where my former pain specialist and my former dentists treated me like crap because they knew.

Offline Bizkits

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #34 on: April 21, 2014, 06:43:23 PM »
Well that wouldn't happen because they can't legally.  I haven't been refused treatment but if you read further up on the posts you'll see where my former pain specialist and my former dentists treated me like crap because they knew.

Being in healthcare, I assure you they can. It may not be legal, but they'll find another reason you'd have a difficult time proving otherwise. When I worked the floor, we had nurses that refused to care for HIV patients...all we did is change up the assignments so it was never an issue really as far as the patients were concerned or even knew...there are providers, which seem to be in your case will but don't like to and will use poor treatment as a means to get rid of them so they don't have to find a reason. So, believe me when I say poor education, fear, discrimination and predudice are alive and well in healthcare. It's not right but it's there. But just curious as to your line of thinking: how exactly would it negatively impact you having a nurse or doctor that was HIV+? I think you'd probably even find a higher level of care, compassion and treatment.

Offline anniebc

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #35 on: April 21, 2014, 11:44:48 PM »
As a retired nurse who worked in the system for 30 years I can tell you, as Bizkits has already said, healthcare workers certainly can refuse to nurse you.

As a sister of the Immunology ward many years ago I dealt with many HIV patients, and I had a young nurse removed from my ward because she refused to nurse or comfort an HIV patient, we couldn't sack her so we simply moved her to a ward where there were no HIV patients, but I can tell you before I removed her I took great delight in dragging her across the carpet..and I remember enjoying that... ;)


I also remember as a young nurse in training barrier nursing HIV patients, which is why I'm so against it today, back then we did it out of fear of the unknown and ignorance, we don't or shouldn't have that excuse today.

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Jan
Aroha
Jan

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Offline wolfter

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #36 on: April 22, 2014, 12:13:46 AM »


I also remember as a young nurse in training barrier nursing HIV patients, which is why I'm so against it today, back then we did it out of fear of the unknown and ignorance, we don't or shouldn't have that excuse today.

Aroha
Jan

That brought back a flood of memories.  I was in the midst of my clinicals when AIDS started showing up locally.  I'm not sure what was worse; the treatment of the patients or the behind the scene comments.  I witnessed both extreme compassion and beyond horrid treatment from hospital staff.

We knew nothing about this virus and how it was transmitted and fear was justifiable.  It was shortly thereafter that I rec'd my own diagnosis.  To suddenly start hearing on a regular basis, comments such as: "The damn queers are getting what they deserve" and an abundance of similar comments just about destroyed me. 

I still haven't wrapped my head around how someone who was diagnosed 25 years ago would be concerned about an HIV+ positive person performing procedures on them.  Afraid of a super infection I suppose?  IT JUST AMAZES ME...
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline bocker3

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #37 on: April 22, 2014, 08:02:04 AM »
Yep...that's me...the hypocrite

I am sorry, but I have absolutely ZERO sympathy for your past problems with clinicians treating you poorly.

How dare you come here and whine about it when you, seemingly, would do the same thing back -- treating a positive person differently just because of their status.  We reap what we sow.

Stigma will never go away when we stigmatize ourselves.  You do need help.

Mike
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Offline Theyer

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #38 on: April 22, 2014, 08:24:14 AM »
Yep...that's me...the hypocrite
   


Re the health workers ? disclosure

I tell all health workers who enquire into my health history all, they need it for there work, I need them to have it to ensure Best practice for me.

There medical history does not have a bearing in the matter , it is mine being looked at

Visiting Hospital does not have to be a dull affair but niether is it a silly game , ones goes to ensure ones health is kept as good as possable , hence this thread,
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline deprivedlol

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #39 on: April 22, 2014, 08:47:09 AM »
That brought back a flood of memories.  I was in the midst of my clinicals when AIDS started showing up locally.  I'm not sure what was worse; the treatment of the patients or the behind the scene comments.  I witnessed both extreme compassion and beyond horrid treatment from hospital staff.

We knew nothing about this virus and how it was transmitted and fear was justifiable.  It was shortly thereafter that I rec'd my own diagnosis.  To suddenly start hearing on a regular basis, comments such as: "The damn queers are getting what they deserve" and an abundance of similar comments just about destroyed me. 

I still haven't wrapped my head around how someone who was diagnosed 25 years ago would be concerned about an HIV+ positive person performing procedures on them.  Afraid of a super infection I suppose?  IT JUST AMAZES ME...

well wolfter i just feel that i have the right to decide who puts their hands on me and who doesn't.  i have hiv...that gives me the right to judge.  if i didnt that would be different

Offline deprivedlol

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #40 on: April 22, 2014, 08:50:59 AM »
I am sorry, but I have absolutely ZERO sympathy for your past problems with clinicians treating you poorly.

How dare you come here and whine about it when you, seemingly, would do the same thing back -- treating a positive person differently just because of their status.  We reap what we sow.

Stigma will never go away when we stigmatize ourselves.  You do need help.

Mike
wasn't looking for sympathy.  just thought it wasn't right or professional. dr's take an oath.
...and you know what they say about opinions.....
you're entitled to your point of view and so am i
if i wasn't poz that would be different

Offline Jeff G

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #41 on: April 22, 2014, 08:56:00 AM »
What harm do you fear a HIV positive medical professional may bring to the exam room that a HIV negative one could not ?

Offline Bizkits

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #42 on: April 22, 2014, 09:13:57 AM »
well wolfter i just feel that i have the right to decide who puts their hands on me and who doesn't.  i have hiv...that gives me the right to judge.  if i didnt that would be different

With all due respect, as we are keeping this civil (And yes, everyone is entitled to their own opinion): That comment is one of the most ignorant and offensive things I've ever heard. And I've only been poz for a month and a half! You too my friend likely fucked up at some point in your life to become poz and I'm sure you weren't screaming discrimination and judgement...probably more like you were scared, confused, sick(?) and didn't know who to turn to. Saying you can judge somebody simply because you're poz is no different than saying you can judge someone because you're the ghost of fred phelps and it's who you are on the inside.

By all means be bitter, be jaded, be hateful...whatever...but direct it at the individual who treated you poorly...I don't think anyone would blame you for feeling hurt or pissed off or frustrated. You're poz...so what? So is everyone else in here. I don't think anyone would have asked for this but it's the card we were dealt. Instead of using it as a crutch or a justification for less than favorable actions and behavior, why don't you use it to say help someone else? Or let someone help you.

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #43 on: April 22, 2014, 09:18:10 AM »
I now consider myself fortunate that I am only paranoid about those nasty, germ filled magazines in the waiting room of my doctor's office.  I do find it hard to avoid the kiddie toys though.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Bizkits

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #44 on: April 22, 2014, 09:28:55 AM »
I now consider myself fortunate that I am only paranoid about those nasty, germ filled magazines in the waiting room of my doctor's office.  I do find it hard to avoid the kiddie toys though.

HAHA! It irritates me to no end, though that the damn puzzles always have missing pieces!

Offline deprivedlol

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #45 on: April 22, 2014, 10:14:20 AM »
What harm do you fear a HIV positive medical professional may bring to the exam room that a HIV negative one could not ?

I don't want someone who's got something like I do or worse to be handling me in a medical setting.  I have become afraid of everything since my diagnosis and am slowly learning to not be that way...not with a therapist, not with a bottle of pills or any other crutch...on my own...same way I deal with everything else in my life. There's never been anyone by my side through this and that sucks but it's made me stronger and much more independent than I ever thought I could be.

 I should probably have just kept my mouth shut about how i feel but why should I?  Not meant to offend anyone on here. Lots of people are paranoid about germs, poz or not.  Are they all labeled as crazy?  I don't think so.  Its no different than any other fear.  It's just a touchy topic for some I guess.

Offline Jeff G

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #46 on: April 22, 2014, 10:28:35 AM »
Thanks for sharing how you feel . I see it as an opportunity for you if you really want to discuss it . As you are aware there is a long way to go in our fight against stigma and discrimination for those of us that live with HIV . I think you also know in your heart that a person with HIV is no more or less infectious as anybody else and you are letting your fears get in the way of the facts . If you truly feel this way then it must come from some of your own internalized stigma of this disease .

You owe us nothing but you owe it to yourself to be better than this . I hope you do not just accept how you feel as something you can live with . That kind of internal stigma can be very damaging in the long run .

Offline deprivedlol

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #47 on: April 22, 2014, 10:29:10 AM »
With all due respect, as we are keeping this civil (And yes, everyone is entitled to their own opinion): That comment is one of the most ignorant and offensive things I've ever heard. And I've only been poz for a month and a half! You too my friend likely fucked up at some point in your life to become poz and I'm sure you weren't screaming discrimination and judgement...probably more like you were scared, confused, sick(?) and didn't know who to turn to. Saying you can judge somebody simply because you're poz is no different than saying you can judge someone because you're the ghost of fred phelps and it's who you are on the inside.

By all means be bitter, be jaded, be hateful...whatever...but direct it at the individual who treated you poorly...I don't think anyone would blame you for feeling hurt or pissed off or frustrated. You're poz...so what? So is everyone else in here. I don't think anyone would have asked for this but it's the card we were dealt. Instead of using it as a crutch or a justification for less than favorable actions and behavior, why don't you use it to say help someone else? Or let someone help you.

Bizkits,

Yes lets' be civil shall we?  I am not bitter or hateful.  Nor am I pissed at the idiot who gave me this.  Wouldn't do me any good as he was already dead once I found out.  I do not use my status as a crutch by any means.  Here's something for you to consider...I have been silent about my status for the entire 25 yrs except when I would get serious with someone I was dating. My own child didn't even know until 4 yrs ago.  I didn't want to upset him by letting him know.  But for the most part no one knows my deal and I like to keep it that way.  I have recently reached a point in my life where I'm sick and tired of the silence and found these forums which I never knew existed until last couple weeks.  I have found an outlet for all this crap that has been pent up inside me for years and I find it helpful to be able to vent.  My intention isn't to upset anyone.  If you go and look over in the women's forum you'll see my first post (Thinking about a change).  I have been so uninformed about so many things all this time and I am now considering being open to dating someone poz.  That's a HUGE step for me. So before you label me as being critical and ignorant realize that's I've had literally NO ONE to talk to about this...ever.

And to be clear I am not judging someone BECAUSE they are poz, I just don't think people in the medical field should be allowed to continue their profession if they are poz. I just don';t think it's a safe practice...for me or anyone else...poz or neg.

Offline deprivedlol

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #48 on: April 22, 2014, 10:42:16 AM »
Thanks for sharing how you feel . I see it as an opportunity for you if you really want to discuss it . As you are aware there is a long way to go in our fight against stigma and discrimination for those of us that live with HIV . I think you also know in your heart that a person with HIV is no more or less infectious as anybody else and you are letting your fears get in the way of the facts . If you truly feel this way then it must come from some of your own internalized stigma of this disease .

You owe us nothing but you owe it to yourself to be better than this . I hope you do not just accept how you feel as something you can live with . That kind of internal stigma can be very damaging in the long run .

Jeff,

My fears get in the way of everything.  I have panic attacks all the time, but have been like that since I was a kid...it was just never addressed.  I fight with what's going on inside my head all the time.  I know the difference between fears and reality.  I also know that I don't want to have someone (like a therapist) who doesn't know me at all to tell me how to deal with it when they have no idea of what it's like to be me.  Have tried...3 times...waste of my time and theirs.

I don't think of myself or anyone poz as less of a person.  My concern  is for my health only.  Some view it as selfish but it's just how I feel.  I will not do anything to jeopardize my health any further.  Like I said above somewhere and in the other forums...what I do and how I live works for me.  Is there some room for improvement as far as my line of thinking goes?  Sure.

I used to be a raging alcoholic for 15 yrs.  That was my coping mechanism for life in general.  Now that I don't drink anymore the fears and anxiety are a thousand times more magnified than they used to be.  I just deal with it.  Maybe I'll just stop posting.  Not trying to upset anyone and I don't need the negative feedback either...although it was to be expected I suppose.

N

Offline zach

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #49 on: April 22, 2014, 10:47:14 AM »
know this, if i ever meet ya. i'm coming with dirty fingernails scratching swollen ticks in my hair. and i will be touchy feely all up in your personal space.

i like messing with neurotic obsessives. i work with a guy thats ocd, everytime i'm at his bench, i move tools around from the careful way he arranges them
gonna go up to the mountain, for to find a little peace
looking over the valley, for the beauty i see
out across the hills, forevermore

Offline Bizkits

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #50 on: April 22, 2014, 11:03:42 AM »
And to be clear I am not judging someone BECAUSE they are poz, I just don't think people in the medical field should be allowed to continue their profession if they are poz. I just don';t think it's a safe practice...for me or anyone else...poz or neg.

Let me be clear when I tell you that I'm sure someone in the medical field that has touched you, cared for you, talked to you, comforted you, treated you has been hiv+. Just as it's you're right to stay silent for 25 years and not disclose to anyone, we have that same right. It is something we also live with every day and poses no danger to any one of our patients. There are worse germs out there than a controlled hiv infection and far "dirtier people". 

Not that I wish upon you any sickness or harm, but I hope there comes a time when you encounter the best medical care ever and fall in love with the person treating you...only to find out later they're just like you.

Offline Jeff G

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #51 on: April 22, 2014, 11:41:18 AM »
Bizkits,

Yes lets' be civil shall we?  I am not bitter or hateful.  Nor am I pissed at the idiot who gave me this.  Wouldn't do me any good as he was already dead once I found out.  I do not use my status as a crutch by any means.  Here's something for you to consider...I have been silent about my status for the entire 25 yrs except when I would get serious with someone I was dating. My own child didn't even know until 4 yrs ago.  I didn't want to upset him by letting him know.  But for the most part no one knows my deal and I like to keep it that way.  I have recently reached a point in my life where I'm sick and tired of the silence and found these forums which I never knew existed until last couple weeks.  I have found an outlet for all this crap that has been pent up inside me for years and I find it helpful to be able to vent.  My intention isn't to upset anyone.  If you go and look over in the women's forum you'll see my first post (Thinking about a change).  I have been so uninformed about so many things all this time and I am now considering being open to dating someone poz.  That's a HUGE step for me. So before you label me as being critical and ignorant realize that's I've had literally NO ONE to talk to about this...ever.

And to be clear I am not judging someone BECAUSE they are poz, I just don't think people in the medical field should be allowed to continue their profession if they are poz. I just don';t think it's a safe practice...for me or anyone else...poz or neg.

This forum is dedicated to fighting stigma and giving people living with HIV a hand up so its not at all surprising or inappropriate that you have been confronted on your unfortunate views on this subject . We do not let discussions become personal attacks and strive to keep it civil but if you want to put this kind of stigma out there in this forum people are going to speak up .

If you are no longer comfortable discussing this topic then I suggest you move on to other areas of the forum to find greener pastures . I really cant see this thread turning out well in the end so I ask everyone to keep a level head if this is to be discussed further . Its been civil so far so lets keep it that way .

Offline Joe K

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #52 on: April 22, 2014, 12:20:18 PM »
And to be clear I am not judging someone BECAUSE they are poz, I just don't think people in the medical field should be allowed to continue their profession if they are poz. I just don';t think it's a safe practice...for me or anyone else...poz or neg.

Based on your above statement you ARE judging someone who is poz and you think that they should not be in the medical profession ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE POZ, and for no other reason whatsoever.  This attitude is what I would call "unbridled hatred" of someone, simply because they are poz.  A poz medical professional poses no risk to anyone and I would like to understand why you think they do present a risk?  And better yet, why they should be barred from their profession, for simply being poz.

Joe

Offline wolfter

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #53 on: April 22, 2014, 12:33:11 PM »
Most of us LTS remember when people thought it best for HIV+ to not work in the medical field, restaurant industry, education  and so many other positions.  Hell, many felt we shouldn't even live within their communities.  Many actually had their homes burnt to the ground to force them out!

But hey, perhaps we'll eventually get that long awaited isolated island that many actually debated the merits of way back yonder. 

Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline AusShep

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #54 on: April 22, 2014, 12:56:54 PM »
Most of us LTS remember when people thought it best for HIV+ to not work in the medical field, restaurant industry, education  and so many other positions.  Hell, many felt we shouldn't even live within their communities.  Many actually had their homes burnt to the ground to force them out!

But hey, perhaps we'll eventually get that long awaited isolated island that many actually debated the merits of way back yonder.

Unfortunately, it's still around to some extent.  Blood borne viruses are an issue in many areas for dentists, since they use pointy things in patients mouths and can't always visualize their fingers, was reading on another board about pharmacists who could not work in compounding jobs because they may, you know, accidentally stick themselves with a syringe then inject their blood into someone's IV solution, etc..

At least it's better.  I remember visiting my first friend with PCP in the hospital in 90 or 91.  They had hazmat signs on his door, practically wore bunny suits and face shields to go in his room.  It pissed me off.  They probably burned his linens.

Offline deprivedlol

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #55 on: April 22, 2014, 01:26:26 PM »
Based on your above statement you ARE judging someone who is poz and you think that they should not be in the medical profession ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE POZ, and for no other reason whatsoever.  This attitude is what I would call "unbridled hatred" of someone, simply because they are poz.  A poz medical professional poses no risk to anyone and I would like to understand why you think they do present a risk?  And better yet, why they should be barred from their profession, for simply being poz.

Joe

For the record this will be my last post.  Was much quieter in the bubble I lived in before I found this forum.

There is no hatred. Why would I hate someone who's in the same situation as me?  Hell I don't even hate the guy who gave it to me.  My concern is for my health only.  Accidents happen.  I don't like the idea of someone else giving me more to deal with than I already have to.  I got it because of my own ignorance and carelessness.  I'll be damned if I'm going to put myself in a position like that again on purpose.

That's it.  There's nothing else to it.  No hidden meaning.  No hatred.  No judging.  Just worried about myself.

Offline Jeff G

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #56 on: April 22, 2014, 01:32:16 PM »
Twenty five years is a long time to carry that burden and internalized stigma all alone so its my hope you stick around and and open yours eyes and mind to the possibility of a healthier way to see yourself and other people living with HIV .

Offline Joe K

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #57 on: April 22, 2014, 01:50:46 PM »
For the record this will be my last post.  Was much quieter in the bubble I lived in before I found this forum.

There is no hatred. Why would I hate someone who's in the same situation as me?  Hell I don't even hate the guy who gave it to me.  My concern is for my health only.  Accidents happen.  I don't like the idea of someone else giving me more to deal with than I already have to.  I got it because of my own ignorance and carelessness.  I'll be damned if I'm going to put myself in a position like that again on purpose.

That's it.  There's nothing else to it.  No hidden meaning.  No hatred.  No judging.  Just worried about myself.

I also hope that you will stick around, because your perspective is hurting you, even if you do not see it.  There is nothing wrong with being poz and you are deluding yourself when you claim that you have no hatred, nor judge others for being just like you.  There is so much more to life, than living in fear.  I hope that someday you will come to realize that being poz presents no risk to anyone else, outside of sexual involvement.

Claiming to worrying about only yourself has become your shield, one that obscures your ability to see that we are all much more than the virus we carry.  Yourself included.

Joe

Offline zach

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #58 on: April 22, 2014, 02:09:08 PM »
For the record this will be my last post.

oh now, don't do all that! you got checked, everythings ok. come back anytime you're ready. the door is open.
gonna go up to the mountain, for to find a little peace
looking over the valley, for the beauty i see
out across the hills, forevermore

Offline pittman

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #59 on: April 22, 2014, 07:47:41 PM »
For the record this will be my last post.  Was much quieter in the bubble I lived in before I found this forum.

There is no hatred. Why would I hate someone who's in the same situation as me?  Hell I don't even hate the guy who gave it to me.  My concern is for my health only.  Accidents happen.  I don't like the idea of someone else giving me more to deal with than I already have to.  I got it because of my own ignorance and carelessness.  I'll be damned if I'm going to put myself in a position like that again on purpose.

That's it.  There's nothing else to it.  No hidden meaning.  No hatred.  No judging.  Just worried about myself.

So you have a lot of anxiety around your health.  I think that can be recognized and respected as your feelings, fears and emotion.  We all process things differently, and it is what it is, even if unfounded.

What you probably have not fully accepted is that how you have chosen to express that anxiety cannot be respected. It is not based on any science or reasonable assessment of risk. It is just pure emotion and fear driving it.  And while you may wish you had the right to avoid HIV+ healthcare workers, legally you do not actually hold that right, in most instances.  You simply don't have the right to even know if they are HIV+, so you will not have the ability to avoid them unless they voluntarily disclose.

You have not even explained exactly what you fear that you risk from a HIV+ healthcare provider. That somehow you will go from HIV+ to HIV++?

I hope that if nothing else, you continue to read the forums and the site. Retreating to a bubble is not good for anyone's personal growth and comfort zones need to be left behind sometimes.  The support you can gain here or by intersection with others that have shared some of what you have can really outweigh the discomfort of being challenged for what you say.  25 years is a long time to carry all this around without an outlet to talk or listen.
« Last Edit: April 22, 2014, 07:50:21 PM by pittman »

Offline deprivedlol

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Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #60 on: April 23, 2014, 08:53:07 AM »
So you have a lot of anxiety around your health.  I think that can be recognized and respected as your feelings, fears and emotion.  We all process things differently, and it is what it is, even if unfounded.

What you probably have not fully accepted is that how you have chosen to express that anxiety cannot be respected. It is not based on any science or reasonable assessment of risk. It is just pure emotion and fear driving it.  And while you may wish you had the right to avoid HIV+ healthcare workers, legally you do not actually hold that right, in most instances.  You simply don't have the right to even know if they are HIV+, so you will not have the ability to avoid them unless they voluntarily disclose.

You have not even explained exactly what you fear that you risk from a HIV+ healthcare provider. That somehow you will go from HIV+ to HIV++?

I hope that if nothing else, you continue to read the forums and the site. Retreating to a bubble is not good for anyone's personal growth and comfort zones need to be left behind sometimes.  The support you can gain here or by intersection with others that have shared some of what you have can really outweigh the discomfort of being challenged for what you say.  25 years is a long time to carry all this around without an outlet to talk or listen.

Yes I do have lots of anxiety and yes it is all driven by fear.  Have tried to address it several times.  Just easier to have myself a panic attack and move on. Luckily I'm back to work and don't have time to think about anything but what's going on at work for 8 hrs a day. And yes it stinks not having an outlet until now...which I think is over.  My health is excellent despite my status and my high level of anxiety, which blows my mind sometimes. I think I'm finished expressing my opinion.  Just not productive to keep defending myself when nobody understands what's going on inside my twisted mind. I may keep reading but I think I'll zip it from now on.  Thanks for not 'attacking' me. Have a great day.

Offline Jmarksto

  • Member
  • Posts: 509
Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #61 on: April 23, 2014, 10:56:45 AM »
Deprived;

Those 25 years of dealing with HIV anxiety, alcohol abuse, etc. has created a coping mechanism of isolation.  Isolation from bacteria, isolation from other viruses,  isolation from sharing knowledge, isolation from family, and isolation from intimacy.

You have indicated that you want to open your heart to someone else -- and want to break out of that isolation.  Bringing someone else into your life will require/provide less isolation in all of those other areas (bacteria and virus exposure, knowledge, family, and intimacy).

The process of breaking down that isolation will have significant rewards, but it will also feel uncomfortable at times. When beliefs of isolation are projected onto others it hits the nerve of HIV stigma - which will be a huge hot button. While your intentions are to protect yourself, by definition limiting interactions with others effects them too. I can see where it would feel very personal for you, and perhaps at some point you can see it from the other person's shoes.

The benefit of the discussion here is that you get allot of information on stigma, the downside of the discussion is that if feels very, very personal to you.  As others come into your life, (these forums included) challenging the isolation will feel uncomfortable but will also offer deeper and more fulfilling relationships. 

Also, please recognize that you are going to get the full range of responses here -- from the compassionate, to the vehement, to the humorous, - you name it.  Take the responses that resonate at the time, respond to the ones you want, and don't let the other responses get you upset.

An open heart requires an open mind (and an open body at some point).  I hope this site can help you with your goal - it will challenge you at times but the rewards can be well worth it.

I do wish you well and hope to see you more in the future,

JM
03/15/12 Negative
06/15/12 Positive
07/11/12 CD4 790          VL 4,000
08/06/12 CD4 816/38%   VL 49,300
08/20/12 Started Complera
11/06/12 CD4   819/41% VL 38
02/11/13 CD4   935/41% VL UD
06/06/13 CD4   816/41% VL UD
10/28/13 CD4 1131/45%  VL 25
02/25/14 CD4   792/37%  VL UD
07/09/14 CD4 1004/39%   VL UD

Offline deprivedlol

  • Member
  • Posts: 41
Re: IT JUST AMAZES ME...
« Reply #62 on: April 23, 2014, 11:02:06 AM »
Deprived;

Those 25 years of dealing with HIV anxiety, alcohol abuse, etc. has created a coping mechanism of isolation.  Isolation from bacteria, isolation from other viruses,  isolation from sharing knowledge, isolation from family, and isolation from intimacy.

You have indicated that you want to open your heart to someone else -- and want to break out of that isolation.  Bringing someone else into your life will require/provide less isolation in all of those other areas (bacteria and virus exposure, knowledge, family, and intimacy).

The process of breaking down that isolation will have significant rewards, but it will also feel uncomfortable at times. When beliefs of isolation are projected onto others it hits the nerve of HIV stigma - which will be a huge hot button. While your intentions are to protect yourself, by definition limiting interactions with others effects them too. I can see where it would feel very personal for you, and perhaps at some point you can see it from the other person's shoes.

The benefit of the discussion here is that you get allot of information on stigma, the downside of the discussion is that if feels very, very personal to you.  As others come into your life, (these forums included) challenging the isolation will feel uncomfortable but will also offer deeper and more fulfilling relationships. 

Also, please recognize that you are going to get the full range of responses here -- from the compassionate, to the vehement, to the humorous, - you name it.  Take the responses that resonate at the time, respond to the ones you want, and don't let the other responses get you upset.

An open heart requires an open mind (and an open body at some point).  I hope this site can help you with your goal - it will challenge you at times but the rewards can be well worth it.

I do wish you well and hope to see you more in the future,

JM

Thank you for the kind words.  I wish I could respond in more detail but I am late leaving for work at the moment.  I did 'meet' someone online  lastnight who seems to be ok w/ my status.  Yes it's uncomfortable to some extent but also kind of exciting.  My ex also moved out this morning so a lot going on here.  My head is spinning.  Have great day..More later


 


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