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Author Topic: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.  (Read 3993 times)

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Offline BoiBoy

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
At 19, I was diagnosed as being HIV+. Not too long after, I began using meth and other drugs as a means of coping with my diagnosis as well as engaging in risky sex because of the denial I was living in. At certain points, I just didn't care about my health, my future or what was to become of me. Of course, there's a lot more to the story... but that is the basis of it.

A lot has changed since 19 (I'm 26) and now I've been sober for close to a year. I'm finding positive ways to deal with the pain of the past and I feel a lot better than I thought I ever could.

From the time I was diagnosed (at that point, I think I had been positive for a year) I've been relatively healthy. I experienced shingles that lasted close to month when I was 21 as a well as an abscess that I had to get drained at 22... but nothing else. As a teen, I was almost never sick. I think I've always had a pretty strong immune system.

I am getting my first labs done on Monday and I am pretty scared of what my numbers will tell me about what's going on inside of my body. I know that just because I feel well and haven't been sick, it doesn't necessarily mean that I am healthy. I am especially frightened of Hepatitis C. I used meth intravenously a few times and those times were with shared needles. Stupid, I know... But I was not in my right mind and I did not care about how my choices affected me.

I don't honestly think I have Hepatitis C... but I know that I definitely risked exposing myself to it because of my negligence. I have had time to wrap my mind around living with HIV... but living with two viruses is very scary to me, especially since HIV meds are hard on the liver.

Were any of you infected with the virus for years before you got your first labs and started medicine? Did you experience a lot of negative side effects with your prescribed medicines?

I appreciate all of you for creating and maintaining this community. It's appreciated.

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,365
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2014, 07:15:06 PM »
Welcome!  It's dinnertime, end of many work days, nightly news about Ukraine, South Korea and Hilary's first grandchild that accounts for the quiet time following your post.

You asked a question at the end of your post and for me, no, there wasn't a multi-year wait between diagnosis and first labs.  BUT, there was a seven-year stretch before I started meds.

No need to worry about one virus you know you have and one you hope you don't. You 'll have your answers soon. If you can , try to relax, eat a chocolate bunny and jelly beans over the weekend. Put some marshmallow chicks in the microwave ( if you 've never done that.

Celebrate spring and your sobriety. You've waited this long no reason to fret or froth.

Offline drewm

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,186
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2014, 07:24:01 PM »
Welcome to the forums! Meth...AIDS...(Sounds like my story)

I was a meth whore for almost 10 years. Been sober for 4. First diagnosed when I was in the hospital with PCP pneumonia. 8 TCells, VL 500,000. Full blown AIDS. Within 7 months on Atripla, I was undetectable and my TCells are a respectable 300. Yes, there are some side effects to Atripla when first adjusting to it. I'm not going to lie, they were not pleasant at all but within two weeks they had completely subsided.

4 years into this, I seriously don't even think about AIDS most days. My health is overall excellent and life truly does go on. Anyway, CONGRATS on the sobriety!
Diagnosed in  May of 2010 with teh AIDS.

PCP Pneumonia . CD4 8 . VL 500,000

ATRIPLA - VALTREX -  FLUOXETINE - FENOFIBRATE


Numbers consistent since 12/2010 - VL has remained undetectable and CD4 is anywhere from 275-325

Offline BoiBoy

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2014, 08:08:56 PM »
Welcome!  It's dinnertime, end of many work days, nightly news about Ukraine, South Korea and Hilary's first grandchild that accounts for the quiet time following your post.

You asked a question at the end of your post and for me, no, there wasn't a multi-year wait between diagnosis and first labs.  BUT, there was a seven-year stretch before I started meds.

No need to worry about one virus you know you have and one you hope you don't. You 'll have your answers soon. If you can , try to relax, eat a chocolate bunny and jelly beans over the weekend. Put some marshmallow chicks in the microwave ( if you 've never done that.

Celebrate spring and your sobriety. You've waited this long no reason to fret or froth.

It's okay about the timing. LOL. I am very patient.

You are absolute right and outside of the Hep C scare, I am very optimistic about my future and health.
I just feel nervous and guilty about excess damage to my body.
That's all.
I love your attitude toward being positive. I feel that I will learn a lot from being here.

Offline BoiBoy

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #4 on: April 17, 2014, 08:11:13 PM »
Welcome to the forums! Meth...AIDS...(Sounds like my story)

I was a meth whore for almost 10 years. Been sober for 4. First diagnosed when I was in the hospital with PCP pneumonia. 8 TCells, VL 500,000. Full blown AIDS. Within 7 months on Atripla, I was undetectable and my TCells are a respectable 300. Yes, there are some side effects to Atripla when first adjusting to it. I'm not going to lie, they were not pleasant at all but within two weeks they had completely subsided.

4 years into this, I seriously don't even think about AIDS most days. My health is overall excellent and life truly does go on. Anyway, CONGRATS on the sobriety!

Thanks for your response.
I love the fact that I'm going to be able to connect with people with similar pasts and life stories here.
If I may ask you, what were the specific side effects you experienced?

Offline deprivedlol

  • Member
  • Posts: 41
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2014, 08:46:16 PM »
I had already had been poz for 5yrs when i was diagnosed (traced it back to an ex).  I was pregnant so I didn't know what the hell to do about meds let alone my pregnancy.  I waited 7yrs from the time I was diagnosed to start them, so altogether that was 12.  I have been poz 25yrs this month and am UD.  My son is neg.

The only bad reaction I ever had to meds was an allergic reaction to sulfa...a VERY UGLY few days, but other than that apparently I didn't do any damage by waiting.
 Don't let numbers scare you. They go up and down all the time.

Congrats on your sobriety! I'm coming up on 12 yrs this summer myself.


Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,365
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #6 on: April 17, 2014, 08:49:05 PM »
It's okay about the timing. LOL. I am very patient.

You are absolute right and outside of the Hep C scare, I am very optimistic about my future and health.
I just feel nervous and guilty about excess damage to my body.
That's all.
I love your attitude toward being positive. I feel that I will learn a lot from being here.

By the time I hit post--poof--you were gone!

Well, re: your guilt you can short-leash that, too. Ya just might luck out.



Offline drewm

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,186
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #7 on: April 17, 2014, 09:07:57 PM »
Thanks for your response.
I love the fact that I'm going to be able to connect with people with similar pasts and life stories here.
If I may ask you, what were the specific side effects you experienced?

Insomnia. Nausea. It seriously lasted about 2 weeks. It was like someone flipped a switch at the 2 week point and I felt fine. The nausea subsided after a week or so but the insomnia was hell. The results more than paid for the two bad weeks though and AGAIN not everyone has the same effects.
Diagnosed in  May of 2010 with teh AIDS.

PCP Pneumonia . CD4 8 . VL 500,000

ATRIPLA - VALTREX -  FLUOXETINE - FENOFIBRATE


Numbers consistent since 12/2010 - VL has remained undetectable and CD4 is anywhere from 275-325

Offline friskyguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 109
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #8 on: April 17, 2014, 10:13:09 PM »
hi there, I was just wondering how your emotionally coping with the fact that you knew were HIV pos yet risked others to HIV for many years.....did not read that in any of your posts......are we right to assume that you chose not to disclose? Anyway, CONGRATS on the sobriety.
Sero converted Sept '10 / Confirmed + Dec '10
Jan '11, VL 9,500 / CD4 482 (32%)
Feb '11, VL 5,800 / CD4 680 (37%)
start Atripla
Mch '11, VL UD / CD4 700 (42%)
Jun  '11, VL UD / CD4 750 (43%)
swap to Kivexa and Efav. due to osteopenia diag. (DEXA) / kidney issues ( decline in eGFR to 77 )
start supplements - Vit D3 / Omega 3 / multivitamin / mini aspirin
Dec '11,  VL UD <20 /  CD4 670 (49%)  / CD4:CD8 = 1.4
all labs now within normal ranges
Mch '12,  VL UD / CD4 600 (51%)
Sep '12,  VL UD / CD4 810 (51%)
Mch '13   VL UD / CD4 965 (56%)
Sep '13   VL UD / CD4 (not taken)
Dec '13   VL UD / CD4 901 (35%) / CD4:CD8 = 1.1  /  eGFR > 100

Offline tednlou2

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,081
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #9 on: April 18, 2014, 12:41:57 AM »
Welcome to the forums.  I am so glad you made your way through the drug use and are now focusing on your health.  That is something to be applauded.  I hope your labs aren't that bad and hope you don't have Hep C.  If that should be the case, there are members here in that situation, who can offer insights and advice. 

I went at least 7 years from infection to diagnosis and labs.  While I wasn't officially diagnosed like you and then dropped out of care, I do feel I basically did the same thing.  I knew there was a good chance I was poz, but did not want to deal with that.

If your labs should come back bad or if you should have Hep C, do you feel you're in a place now where you won't return to your former coping skills?  Keep in touch here.  If things aren't so great, then we are here to listen and be a support system.


Offline zach

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,905
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #10 on: April 18, 2014, 01:16:44 AM »
hi there, I was just wondering how your emotionally coping with the fact that you knew were HIV pos yet risked others to HIV for many years.....did not read that in any of your posts......are we right to assume that you chose not to disclose? Anyway, CONGRATS on the sobriety.

passive aggressive much? was that really necessary?
« Last Edit: April 18, 2014, 01:20:13 AM by zach »

Offline BoiBoy

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #11 on: April 18, 2014, 05:38:51 AM »
hi there, I was just wondering how your emotionally coping with the fact that you knew were HIV pos yet risked others to HIV for many years.....did not read that in any of your posts......are we right to assume that you chose not to disclose? Anyway, CONGRATS on the sobriety.

You'd never be right to assume. I had no problem disclosing my status to people.
I definitely feel/felt more comfortable having sex with men who were also positive.
I've actually been quite paranoid about passing the virus on to other people... even throughout my promiscuity and drug use.
I take responsibility for my actions and everyone else should do the same.

Thanks for encouraging me.
Much appreciated.

Offline BoiBoy

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #12 on: April 18, 2014, 05:43:13 AM »
I had already had been poz for 5yrs when i was diagnosed (traced it back to an ex).  I was pregnant so I didn't know what the hell to do about meds let alone my pregnancy.  I waited 7yrs from the time I was diagnosed to start them, so altogether that was 12.  I have been poz 25yrs this month and am UD.  My son is neg.

The only bad reaction I ever had to meds was an allergic reaction to sulfa...a VERY UGLY few days, but other than that apparently I didn't do any damage by waiting.
 Don't let numbers scare you. They go up and down all the time.

Congrats on your sobriety! I'm coming up on 12 yrs this summer myself.

Wow. What a beautiful story.
Congrats on your 25th anniversary. I love hearing about and talking to people who've lived decades with this virus.
Another 25 to you, love. =)

Offline BoiBoy

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #13 on: April 18, 2014, 05:47:28 AM »
Welcome to the forums.  I am so glad you made your way through the drug use and are now focusing on your health.  That is something to be applauded.  I hope your labs aren't that bad and hope you don't have Hep C.  If that should be the case, there are members here in that situation, who can offer insights and advice. 

I went at least 7 years from infection to diagnosis and labs.  While I wasn't officially diagnosed like you and then dropped out of care, I do feel I basically did the same thing.  I knew there was a good chance I was poz, but did not want to deal with that.

If your labs should come back bad or if you should have Hep C, do you feel you're in a place now where you won't return to your former coping skills?  Keep in touch here.  If things aren't so great, then we are here to listen and be a support system.

Meth is a past of my past that I don't want to relive.
I won't say that I don't still think about it from time to time... but a day at a time is all I can deal with and I DO plan to stay sober no matter what my numbers or Hep C test says.
Meth took so many things from me and I don't want it to take more things from me in the future.
I literally almost died from drug use... a few times.
Like I said, though... I don't honestly think I have Hep C. It's just the fear of knowing that I put myself at risk because of my negligent behavior and escapist attitude.

Thanks for offering a listening ear.
I appreciate you.

Offline friskyguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 109
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #14 on: April 18, 2014, 06:04:41 AM »
You'd never be right to assume. I had no problem disclosing my status to people.
I definitely feel/felt more comfortable having sex with men who were also positive.
I've actually been quite paranoid about passing the virus on to other people...

thanks for the reply.....very good to hear.....keep on the right track :-))
Sero converted Sept '10 / Confirmed + Dec '10
Jan '11, VL 9,500 / CD4 482 (32%)
Feb '11, VL 5,800 / CD4 680 (37%)
start Atripla
Mch '11, VL UD / CD4 700 (42%)
Jun  '11, VL UD / CD4 750 (43%)
swap to Kivexa and Efav. due to osteopenia diag. (DEXA) / kidney issues ( decline in eGFR to 77 )
start supplements - Vit D3 / Omega 3 / multivitamin / mini aspirin
Dec '11,  VL UD <20 /  CD4 670 (49%)  / CD4:CD8 = 1.4
all labs now within normal ranges
Mch '12,  VL UD / CD4 600 (51%)
Sep '12,  VL UD / CD4 810 (51%)
Mch '13   VL UD / CD4 965 (56%)
Sep '13   VL UD / CD4 (not taken)
Dec '13   VL UD / CD4 901 (35%) / CD4:CD8 = 1.1  /  eGFR > 100

Offline zach

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,905
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #15 on: April 18, 2014, 06:22:18 AM »
boi, welcome to the forum, where i hope you will feel and comfortable from judgement. every one of us here has made mistakes to get ourselves here. i hope you never feel the need the need explain or justify yourself. especially in you introduction here.

denial is the first step. sometimes it takes a long time to process and take the next steps. what is important is where you are now, and where you are going, and that you have found the strength to face and fight this. best of luck.

Offline BoiBoy

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #16 on: April 18, 2014, 06:32:21 AM »
boi, welcome to the forum, where i hope you will feel and comfortable from judgement. every one of us here has made mistakes to get ourselves here. i hope you never feel the need the need explain or justify yourself. especially in you introduction here.

denial is the first step. sometimes it takes a long time to process and take the next steps. what is important is where you are now, and where you are going, and that you have found the strength to face and fight this. best of luck.

I am starting to understand that my dark past is actually what makes me beautiful.
It's what makes all of us beautiful.
I am cognizant of the fact that every bad decision I've made is what has contributed in some way to creating the person I am at this moment... and I'm starting to like who I am.
At this point, it's all about making good decisions.
I thank you for encouraging me and being able to relate to me and my story.
You are much appreciated, Zach. =)

Online Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 13,198
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #17 on: April 18, 2014, 09:08:46 AM »
hi there, I was just wondering how your emotionally coping with the fact that you knew were HIV pos yet risked others to HIV for many years.....did not read that in any of your posts......are we right to assume that you chose not to disclose? Anyway, CONGRATS on the sobriety.

Why on earth would you assume or say such a horrible thing ?

Welcome to the forum Bio . I am a recovering meth addict myself so I understand what you are coming from . I too almost died from meth addiction, I wasn't as lucky as you and it took me years to recover my health and sort out some of the psychological damage done to me by that nasty drug .

Congrats on maintaining your sobriety and taking the first steps to protect your health .   

Offline drewm

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,186
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #18 on: April 18, 2014, 09:43:18 AM »
hi there, I was just wondering how your emotionally coping with the fact that you knew were HIV pos yet risked others to HIV for many years.....did not read that in any of your posts......are we right to assume that you chose not to disclose? Anyway, CONGRATS on the sobriety.

How do you cope with being a jerk? He never said anything about not disclosing and I don't know about your drug experience but for a lot of the circle I ran with, HIV and STD's were the last thing any of us were concerned with.
Diagnosed in  May of 2010 with teh AIDS.

PCP Pneumonia . CD4 8 . VL 500,000

ATRIPLA - VALTREX -  FLUOXETINE - FENOFIBRATE


Numbers consistent since 12/2010 - VL has remained undetectable and CD4 is anywhere from 275-325

Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,732
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #19 on: April 18, 2014, 10:14:09 AM »
Welcome to the forums Boiboy.  I don't have any experience with drug use, but hope I can provide support in other aspects of living with this virus.  Now if you had a wine and cigarette habit,  we could talk regularly.  :)

I don't believe Frisky was actually being nefarious, but rather, didn't really think through his reply.  I think he got the message after being chastised by so many. ;)

wolfie
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline texaninnyc87

  • Member
  • Posts: 247
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #20 on: April 18, 2014, 12:51:12 PM »
Welcome to the forums.

I don't know when I seroconverted but was pretty promiscuous since I was about 16. Since I was around 20 I started to suspect I might be positive (just a feeling) but was too afraid to get tested. I finally got tested when I was 25 and found out I was positive with a high viral load and a cd4 of 280, so it looks like I probably had it for years as I hadn't engaged in very risky sex in a while. In between finding out I was poz and getting my first labs done i felt very much as you're feeling now. It wasn't good to find out my numbers were low but it was such a relief to finally knew where I stood, viralologically speaking.

Also, they'll get better! Your numbers will rebound and some day you'll even feel like a real person again and barely even think about them. Most of the treatment options nowadays are pretty chill, side effect wise. I didn't have any.

You seem like a thoughtful and smart guy; I'm sure things will work out for you. Congrats on taking the first big step, it only gets easier. Also if you ever want to chat with someone your age who's just gone through all this feel free to PM me.
Dxd: 9/11/12
Blot confirmed: 11/12
12/12 cd4: 280 (20%) vl: 129,000
1/13 $tribild
2/13 cd4: 350 (26%) vl: 80
4/13 cd4: 510 (29%) vl:: 35
6/13cd4 350 (31%) vl: 21
9/13 cd4 492 (30%) vl: ud
12/13 cd4 846 (36%) vl: 100
1/14 cd4 480 (31%) vl: UD
3/14 cd4 650 (33%) vl: UD
6/14 cd4 410 (35%) vl: UD
9/14 cd4 439 (38%) vl: UD
12/14 cd4 551 (37%) vl: UD

Offline BoiBoy

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #21 on: April 18, 2014, 01:48:57 PM »
How do you cope with being a jerk? He never said anything about not disclosing and I don't know about your drug experience but for a lot of the circle I ran with, HIV and STD's were the last thing any of us were concerned with.

Awww... he's not a jerk. Lol.
Sometimes, people say things without really thinking about what they're going to say.

My thing was to get high and get on Adam4Adam to cruise...
I disclosed in my profile.

So... I disclosed my status... but I was still engaging in risky sex.
When I said denial, I meant that I was denying my status to MYSELF, from a health standpoint.
Not getting treated, not getting labs done, not wanting to focus on my personal health at all.

I know someone said I didn't have to explain... and I appreciate that... but I just wanted to clarify.
Thanks for being supportive, Drew.

Offline BoiBoy

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #22 on: April 18, 2014, 01:52:53 PM »
Welcome to the forums Boiboy.  I don't have any experience with drug use, but hope I can provide support in other aspects of living with this virus.  Now if you had a wine and cigarette habit,  we could talk regularly.  :)

I don't believe Frisky was actually being nefarious, but rather, didn't really think through his reply.  I think he got the message after being chastised by so many. ;)

wolfie

I don't have a wine HABIT, per se.
But I do love a nice glass of wine on Friday evening to wash the week away.
Couple that with sushi and Netflix and I'm sprawled across the couch, full and feeling good.
I used to smoke cigs too... but only on occasion.

Thanks for being supportive. =)

Offline BoiBoy

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #23 on: April 18, 2014, 01:58:44 PM »
Welcome to the forums.

I don't know when I seroconverted but was pretty promiscuous since I was about 16. Since I was around 20 I started to suspect I might be positive (just a feeling) but was too afraid to get tested. I finally got tested when I was 25 and found out I was positive with a high viral load and a cd4 of 280, so it looks like I probably had it for years as I hadn't engaged in very risky sex in a while. In between finding out I was poz and getting my first labs done i felt very much as you're feeling now. It wasn't good to find out my numbers were low but it was such a relief to finally knew where I stood, viralologically speaking.

Also, they'll get better! Your numbers will rebound and some day you'll even feel like a real person again and barely even think about them. Most of the treatment options nowadays are pretty chill, side effect wise. I didn't have any.

You seem like a thoughtful and smart guy; I'm sure things will work out for you. Congrats on taking the first big step, it only gets easier. Also if you ever want to chat with someone your age who's just gone through all this feel free to PM me.

Thanks, man.
I started my promiscuous behavior at 14. That's when I lost my virginity.
I needed attention and didn't have an appropriate outlet so I turned to men. They made me feel worthwhile and validated. It became an addiction to be used.
It wasn't until about 2 years ago that my mind started to change in regards to men.
I don't judge others for being promiscuous or having casual sex, and I can't say I will never have casual or spontaneous sex again... but now I know I have a choice not to if I don't want to.
Now I know that I don't have to be someone's fix for the night. I can love and be loved.
I am willing to wait on that. Until I met someone special, I really want to be celibate and focus on my emotional needs, my health and my career.

Offline BoiBoy

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #24 on: April 18, 2014, 02:03:01 PM »
Why on earth would you assume or say such a horrible thing ?

Welcome to the forum Bio . I am a recovering meth addict myself so I understand what you are coming from . I too almost died from meth addiction, I wasn't as lucky as you and it took me years to recover my health and sort out some of the psychological damage done to me by that nasty drug .

Congrats on maintaining your sobriety and taking the first steps to protect your health .   

Congrats to you, too.
It is only because of people like you who took the step before me and succeeded that I can do it now.
Thanks for being a source of inspiration and an example that I can live a drug-free and health conscious life.
I appreciate you.

Offline AusShep

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #25 on: April 18, 2014, 03:09:32 PM »
BoiBoy,
I have to say that I'm very proud of your attitude, recovery, and moving forward with your testing and treatment.

I'm with Wolfter, and don't have any drug or recovery info to share with you, but am thrilled to see you here and getting help and support from those who've been in similar situations.

I know you're going to do great.

Offline mikeyb39

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #26 on: April 18, 2014, 03:13:33 PM »
I've never done meth before, I've had the opportunities and somehow I always talked myself out of it,  Unfortunately I don't have that same will power when it comes to a Vicodin

I always wondered if meth is like opiates where you have a 'withdrawal' if stop doing it.  I have a friend that used to do meth and struggles with not going out and doing it again.  He says its a different type of addiction.

I guess we all have our demons in some form or another.

11/02/2010  cd4-251, vl-591000
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01/05/2012  swiched med (prezista,norvir ,isentress, )
02/10/2012  cd4-733, vl-UD  Viread removed
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Offline BoiBoy

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #27 on: April 18, 2014, 08:49:43 PM »
BoiBoy,
I have to say that I'm very proud of your attitude, recovery, and moving forward with your testing and treatment.

I'm with Wolfter, and don't have any drug or recovery info to share with you, but am thrilled to see you here and getting help and support from those who've been in similar situations.

I know you're going to do great.

What you see in me inspires me to embrace that part of myself and live up to its potential.
Thanks for the encouragement, Shep. It's what is keeping me moving.

Offline BoiBoy

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #28 on: April 18, 2014, 08:53:16 PM »
I've never done meth before, I've had the opportunities and somehow I always talked myself out of it,  Unfortunately I don't have that same will power when it comes to a Vicodin

I always wondered if meth is like opiates where you have a 'withdrawal' if stop doing it.  I have a friend that used to do meth and struggles with not going out and doing it again.  He says its a different type of addiction.

I guess we all have our demons in some form or another.

I never had physical withdraws, per se. When you're coming down, it's hell. But that's every time you use it. Nothing really makes sense. Your body hurts. You're fatigued. But I never went on week-long binges the way some addicts do. I was a functioning addict. I never lost my job. I never skipped school. I never missed an appointment or event. Sometimes, that's worse because there's no one to check you on your behavior. No one knows about your addiction.

Please don't ever try meth. It's a drug that stays with you and calls you back to it, especially at night... even after one time of use.
Avoid it like the plague.

Online Jeff G

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #29 on: April 18, 2014, 09:00:33 PM »
I never had physical withdraws, per se. When you're coming down, it's hell. But that's every time you use it. Nothing really makes sense. Your body hurts. You're fatigued. But I never went on week-long binges the way some addicts do. I was a functioning addict. I never lost my job. I never skipped school. I never missed an appointment or event. Sometimes, that's worse because there's no one to check you on your behavior. No one knows about your addiction.

Please don't ever try meth. It's a drug that stays with you and calls you back to it, especially at night... even after one time of use.
Avoid it like the plague.

A very good message . Not all people who struggle with addiction fits a particular stereotype . 

Offline drewm

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #30 on: April 18, 2014, 09:10:19 PM »
It is the strongest chemical I have EVER ingested. The first bump I did I actually thought was cocaine until I was still awake three days later. I remember being awake for 14 days straight one time. Talk about paranoia and hallucinations. The draw of meth is the sex. The downsides are many. Your body begins to decay. I still have some central nervous system issues after being clean for 4 years.

Knowing what I know now, I would NEVER try this stuff the first time. Highly addictive. Not so much physically but mentally. Most addicts I know...most...that I ran with for 10 years are either dead or in prison. The ones who have cleaned up are few.

Sorry for the rant but this is still very personal for me.
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Offline J.R.E.

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #31 on: April 18, 2014, 09:23:19 PM »


Please don't ever try meth. It's a drug that stays with you and calls you back to it, especially at night... even after one time of use.
Avoid it like the plague.

I agree !! It's dangerous and very addictive.  I was having a conversation a couple of weeks ago with our daytime bartender about Meth.

I had told him how I was injecting Crystal meth 42 years ago. He didn't believe me, and insisted that it wasn't around then, and he thought it was relatively new ! I told him to go check the history ! 

I haven't done Crystal/Meth in 41 years, don't even smoke pot  been there done that, along with all the psychedelics, uppers and downers. I am glad that part of my life is well in the past.

I was diagnosed positive in 1985, and didn't get any tests related to HIV until 1999, other than the ant-body tests,.   I had very few health issues for many years, but also went into my own state of denial. Yes, I was one of those that went a very long time, before getting all the proper testing, and by the time I did, I had already gone through wasting, esophageal thrush and pneumonia.


So Boiboy, I am glad you are now finally getting all the necessary tests, so that you can get started on the proper treatment.  Good luck with those tests.



Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 25 mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


Diagnosed positive in 1985,.. In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started on  HAART on October 24th, 2003.

 As of 8/25/14,  t-cells are at 402, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 11%

  
 63 years young.

Offline BoiBoy

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #32 on: April 19, 2014, 10:29:24 AM »
I agree !! It's dangerous and very addictive.  I was having a conversation a couple of weeks ago with our daytime bartender about Meth.

I had told him how I was injecting Crystal meth 42 years ago. He didn't believe me, and insisted that it wasn't around then, and he thought it was relatively new ! I told him to go check the history ! 

I haven't done Crystal/Meth in 41 years, don't even smoke pot  been there done that, along with all the psychedelics, uppers and downers. I am glad that part of my life is well in the past.

I was diagnosed positive in 1985, and didn't get any tests related to HIV until 1999, other than the ant-body tests,.   I had very few health issues for many years, but also went into my own state of denial. Yes, I was one of those that went a very long time, before getting all the proper testing, and by the time I did, I had already gone through wasting, esophageal thrush and pneumonia.


So Boiboy, I am glad you are now finally getting all the necessary tests, so that you can get started on the proper treatment.  Good luck with those tests.



Ray

You just taught me something new.
I didn't know meth was around 40 years ago, either.
I thought it started being produced in the 90's.
However, I don't think you're lying like the daytime bartender does. LOL.
You have reason to lie.
I'm glad you were able to kick it. It's so harsh on the body and mind.
Thank you for all of your support, Ray. Your insight means a lot to me.

Offline tednlou2

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #33 on: April 20, 2014, 01:08:24 AM »
I didn't know meth had been around so long either.  I came out in 1993 and I never heard of it.  People were doing coke, X, G, K, and LMNOP.   ;)  It wasn't until about 1999 that I heard of it.  I don't think I saw a news story about it, until around 2000.  It had been out West for decades and slowly made its way to the Midwest and east??

My uncle was using it.  I would get 4am calls about hands coming out of his sink.  He swore the CIA was following and tracking his calls.  He would say he heard church music in his apartment.  I thought he was hearing music from a church next door, but realized the nearest church was about 5 blocks away.  He thought the church was somehow beaming the music into his apartment.  He began to talk about god, when he had always been an atheist.  He was eventually kicked out of his apartment.  He had neighbors scared of him.  He would go to the apartment next to his and accuse them of tapping into his telephone lines.  He had several neighbors frightened, that they had to evict him. 

 

Offline zach

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #34 on: April 20, 2014, 06:02:10 AM »
first synthed in late 1800s. around wwII japanese and german scientists were playing with it. it was commonly used by the first german jet fighter pilots.

its rise in the recent decades has been the "advancements" (not really, but i guess you could say) in the ability and knowledge of how to cook it from commonly available chemicals. it put means of production into the hands of every man. it was very common in the 50s again in the 70s, and now its terrible contemporary rise. but its always been around, it doesn't go away

it is a drug i hate. unless i'm using it. then i want more. just more. always more. worse than coke.

and i'm in the no hard withdrawal camp. i've been able to put down a few very bad habits/addictions. it hurts coming off. you sweat, probably puke, horrible mood. i've always said with any of the hard drugs, it takes one week to really come back from one day of abuse. after that. you think about it from time to time. but the fiend goes away for me. not that you can dabble, no no. its evil. truly

« Last Edit: April 20, 2014, 06:23:48 AM by zach »

Offline BoiBoy

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #35 on: April 20, 2014, 10:09:51 AM »
first synthed in late 1800s. around wwII japanese and german scientists were playing with it. it was commonly used by the first german jet fighter pilots.

its rise in the recent decades has been the "advancements" (not really, but i guess you could say) in the ability and knowledge of how to cook it from commonly available chemicals. it put means of production into the hands of every man. it was very common in the 50s again in the 70s, and now its terrible contemporary rise. but its always been around, it doesn't go away

it is a drug i hate. unless i'm using it. then i want more. just more. always more. worse than coke.

and i'm in the no hard withdrawal camp. i've been able to put down a few very bad habits/addictions. it hurts coming off. you sweat, probably puke, horrible mood. i've always said with any of the hard drugs, it takes one week to really come back from one day of abuse. after that. you think about it from time to time. but the fiend goes away for me. not that you can dabble, no no. its evil. truly

All of this is so true.

Online Jeff G

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #36 on: April 20, 2014, 10:17:06 AM »
I first did meth as a teenager in 1978 or 79 . It was then that I was infected with Hep B. ... I am left to wonder if I was infected with HIV at that time too ... probably not but I have wondered .

The worst was in year 2000 for me . I had just began Sustiva and whatever else I was on . The combination of meth and sustiva was a perfect shit storm of insanity for me . 

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #37 on: April 20, 2014, 11:02:29 AM »
But wasn't it just called "speed" back then? Meth is just one of a group of amphetamines, you could have been doing something similar in effect by chemically different.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Online Jeff G

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #38 on: April 20, 2014, 11:05:55 AM »
We called it Crank back then ... it was probably different in some respects but the same in its nastiness .

Offline J.R.E.

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #39 on: April 20, 2014, 11:19:56 AM »
But wasn't it just called "speed" back then?


In 1972, we referred to it as  Crystal or speed. It was plentiful in Germany back then.


Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 25 mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


Diagnosed positive in 1985,.. In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started on  HAART on October 24th, 2003.

 As of 8/25/14,  t-cells are at 402, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 11%

  
 63 years young.

Offline zach

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #40 on: April 20, 2014, 11:47:00 AM »
my father knew it as speed as early as the late 50s beats. and i know for fact, much research, confirmed and documented, what the german jet pilots were using was actual methamphetamine, i understand the subtle chemical differences in the salts. the evil mad scientist doctors thought they were engineering the uber soldier

Offline J.R.E.

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #41 on: April 20, 2014, 11:52:47 AM »
my father knew it as speed as early as the late 50s beats. and i know for fact, much research, confirmed and documented, what the german jet pilots were using was actual methamphetamine, i understand the subtle chemical differences in the salts. the evil mad scientist doctors thought they were engineering the uber soldier


American serviceman were also given speed . My father spoke of it being given to keep them awake during their bombing missions, during WW-2.  All I can remember my father saying was " We hardly ever slept" ( no wonder )

Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 25 mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


Diagnosed positive in 1985,.. In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started on  HAART on October 24th, 2003.

 As of 8/25/14,  t-cells are at 402, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 11%

  
 63 years young.

Offline BoiBoy

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #42 on: April 20, 2014, 01:37:34 PM »
I first did meth as a teenager in 1978 or 79 . It was then that I was infected with Hep B. ... I am left to wonder if I was infected with HIV at that time too ... probably not but I have wondered .

The worst was in year 2000 for me . I had just began Sustiva and whatever else I was on . The combination of meth and sustiva was a perfect shit storm of insanity for me .

I don't mean to pry... but since you have hepatitis and HIV, could you share some of the challenges you've faced as a person that is co-infected?
That is what I'm most afraid of.
Like I said, I haven't experienced any of the traditional symptoms attributed to hepatitis but since I know I engaged in risky behavior, it's haunted me since I've been sober.

Offline Theyer

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #43 on: April 20, 2014, 02:13:01 PM »
http://amphetamines.com/history/


My understanding is that in the last 15 years there has been a huge increase in small scale production and a move towards smoke and injecting plus small tweaks to increase Potency. The energy once found in the purveyor off LSD appears to have surfaced in the Meth Lab.

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« Last Edit: April 20, 2014, 02:16:22 PM by Theyer »
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Offline wolfter

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #44 on: April 20, 2014, 02:45:55 PM »
Perhaps you all can enlighten me; I thought speed was what we took in the 80's to loose weight?  Is speed a generic term used for various drugs?

My "black beauty" source always called them speed, which of course it did.  Even with those, I remember the progression of more, more, more.  I was taking 4 or 5 at time before I stopped using them.  Taking 1 simply did nothing and I could probably have went to sleep.
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Online Jeff G

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #45 on: April 20, 2014, 03:03:52 PM »
I don't mean to pry... but since you have hepatitis and HIV, could you share some of the challenges you've faced as a person that is co-infected?
That is what I'm most afraid of.
Like I said, I haven't experienced any of the traditional symptoms attributed to hepatitis but since I know I engaged in risky behavior, it's haunted me since I've been sober.

Do you know your Hep status ? if not get tested . I had a terrible acute phase with my
 Hep B infection ... I do not have Hep C .I was really sick with it but eventually forgot about it due to youth I suppose . I was diagnosed and sent home by my doctor to rest is all I remember . I am now undetectable and have been for over 10 years due to the drug Truvada and suffer only a fatty liver for it .

You have allot on your plate at the moment so do not stress over the possibility you have Hepatitis . Ask your doctor if you have been tested and if not get it done . If you are infected there are great effective treatment options now . 

Also ... I have participated in going off topic in your thread talking about meth ... if this is something you want us to stop discussing just say so and we will concentrate purely on your concerns . My apologies .   
« Last Edit: April 20, 2014, 03:06:18 PM by Jeff G »

Offline zach

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #46 on: April 20, 2014, 03:10:18 PM »
jeff, i was one of the stereotypes when i was diagnosed. full blown aids day one. honestly, i had always thought i was tested for everything at each yearly physical. i was bulletproof. i could not understand why its not a standard part of a wellness checkup.

fast forward to now, in all of the lab works we get done, blood draws and such. would something like hep just be picked up, and the patient informed. or is testing something i should specifically request. i don't want that too, but want to know. my mother has hep c from the 70s, possibly same sort of thing as you.

in a nutshell, should we test, or assume we're negative because our ID Dr hasn't said we're positive?

Offline BoiBoy

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #47 on: April 20, 2014, 04:19:02 PM »
Do you know your Hep status ? if not get tested . I had a terrible acute phase with my
 Hep B infection ... I do not have Hep C .I was really sick with it but eventually forgot about it due to youth I suppose . I was diagnosed and sent home by my doctor to rest is all I remember . I am now undetectable and have been for over 10 years due to the drug Truvada and suffer only a fatty liver for it .

You have allot on your plate at the moment so do not stress over the possibility you have Hepatitis . Ask your doctor if you have been tested and if not get it done . If you are infected there are great effective treatment options now . 

Also ... I have participated in going off topic in your thread talking about meth ... if this is something you want us to stop discussing just say so and we will concentrate purely on your concerns . My apologies .

I don't mind any conversation that helps people or helps to distribute knowledge.
Conversation is supposed to flow. I don't mind it at all.
It might help someone to avoid taking the road meth led me down.

I don't know my hepatitis status. I know I don't have hepatitis A or B because I was vaccinated.
But C is what has me worried. I haven't had any symptoms but a lot of infected people don't experience symptoms.

I don't honestly think I have C. It's just the fact that I engaged in the behavior that shakes me up a bit.

I'm getting tested for everything tomorrow.
« Last Edit: April 20, 2014, 04:22:10 PM by BoiBoy »

Online Jeff G

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #48 on: April 20, 2014, 04:56:46 PM »
Most infectious disease doctors do full STD and HEP screens at diagnosis since co-infections are not uncommon . That being said its our obligation to make sure its done ... I have seen cases where it was not .

Please do not stress over eggs that may never be chickens ... I like my new twist on that saying .

« Last Edit: April 20, 2014, 06:04:26 PM by Jeff G »

Offline zach

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Re: After 7 years of denial, I am getting my 1st labs done next Monday.
« Reply #49 on: April 20, 2014, 05:11:05 PM »
mmm, fresh eggs from the coop, so much better than store bought. some hens are broody though, don't like to give them up

 


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