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Author Topic: One Year Anniversary of my DX  (Read 673 times)

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Offline Shayne504

  • Member
  • Posts: 27
One Year Anniversary of my DX
« on: April 10, 2014, 12:18:49 AM »
So tomorrow marks 1 year that I got my dx of being HIV +. I've also been sober for nearly 22 years. In sobriety some of us experience issues on our Sobriety birthdays. The las week or so I know I've been stressed out more than normal and isolating to the point of not leaving the house other than for work and my 3-4xs a week walks. I guess I'm wondering if others react this ways as well?

I remember thinking that day that I was going to burn it into my memory. I know I need to get back to a more consistent schedule with my therapist.  And my psych who I have to see every 3 months just kind of rolled over my complaints of social anxiety as me just getting out there.

Offline pittman

  • Member
  • Posts: 229
Re: One Year Anniversary of my DX
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2014, 12:33:06 AM »
While I remember the day I was diagnosed very well, I couldn't tell you the date.

My 'trigger' was simply the doctor's visit (now every 6 months) which made me tense and anxious just before and right after.

It's been a few years now, and that has most definitely become more routine and not really so impactful now.

Hopefully some more time and perspective will also make it easier for you in the future.

Offline Shayne504

  • Member
  • Posts: 27
Re: One Year Anniversary of my DX
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2014, 06:47:32 AM »
I actually look forward to my Dr visits. We have a great rapport, and our personalities click. Also I started with such a low t-cell count/high VL that my numbers are still tending to get better. I've been lucky that as of yet I haven't had any major health issues, unless you count the 1-3/4" hole they cut in my scalp to get rid of skin cancer.

Physically I've learned to take better care of myself it's just mentally and emotionally that I have problems. I've been celibate for over 5 years now, don't miss sex but do miss physical intimacy. :-\

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,318
  • His name is Carl.
Re: One Year Anniversary of my DX
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2014, 10:23:46 AM »
So tomorrow marks 1 year that I got my dx of being HIV +. I've also been sober for nearly 22 years. In sobriety some of us experience issues on our Sobriety birthdays. The las week or so I know I've been stressed out more than normal and isolating to the point of not leaving the house other than for work and my 3-4xs a week walks. I guess I'm wondering if others react this ways as well?

I remember thinking that day that I was going to burn it into my memory. I know I need to get back to a more consistent schedule with my therapist.  And my psych who I have to see every 3 months just kind of rolled over my complaints of social anxiety as me just getting out there.


It's totally normal to go through some sort of "head trip" around your DX, just as it would be for any major life altering event.

But as for reacting like you describe around the anniversary of the diagnosis, heck no.  I treat it more along the lines of a birthday - because it is.  It was the birth of a new period of life for me.  It was the birth of a new perspective ON life. 

I'm a survivor, baby.  Bake me a cake or something. 

But everybody copes in different ways.  When I envision the anniversary through the perspective of sobriety, I can understand the "issues" coming up.  The recognition of the date would make me think also about dope or drink or whatever.  That in turn would make me start battling cravings, most likely.  The fight against the cravings would shut me off from the world until the date passed and I could put it out of mind, more or less, until the next roll around.

So I get that.

I'm just saying that, for me, I have never looked on the HIV date as anything other than a celebration of another year that I've managed to keep on keepin' on.  I actually take great pride in it, really.  I probably put too much thought into it (as I do in a lot of things), but I tend to see myself as part of some  collective or continuum of people who have faced this infection, from the earliest fallen to the ones coming along right this very minute.  As such, I get more down on myself for how much quality of life I am or am not allowing myself more than I ever could over the mere infection.

For me, attempting to live the best life is a matter of both honoring the former and being a testament for the latter.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline emeraldize

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  • Posts: 3,363
Re: One Year Anniversary of my DX
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2014, 10:50:57 AM »
Congrats on your one year mark, your 22 years of sobriety and your improving numbers.

It's interesting to me--that sobriety tally of yours makes me go back. I was sober, smoke and dope-free 16 years when the HIV van rolled up.

I remember thinking what a complete contradiction this is to what's been going on. At a point of sustained health, a big fat challenge to it arrives. Better then than 16 years earlier.

Same for you -- you're doing good things for yourself-- to walk, to work, to be sober, and to get your head tuned up are life-affirming and engaging.  Just like cars and furnaces, things with moving parts and filters that get clogged need tune-ups--the mind surely qualifies.

By the way, if your psych ( whether psychiatrist or psychologist) doesn't suit you, go shopping, get another. And you might find an MSW or NET practitioner could be a fit instead. 




« Last Edit: April 12, 2014, 10:53:21 AM by emeraldize »

Offline zach

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  • Posts: 1,822
Re: One Year Anniversary of my DX
« Reply #5 on: April 12, 2014, 10:57:46 AM »
i would raise a toast... but  ;)

seriously, for both milestones, congrats. neither path is easy

i wonder how many of us left behind those addictions, whatever they may have been, only to have the bill come due so much later

Offline Shayne504

  • Member
  • Posts: 27
Re: One Year Anniversary of my DX
« Reply #6 on: May 19, 2014, 03:06:40 PM »
Thanks for the words of encouragement!

 


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