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not dying anyway

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When my mom passed away they had put her on a morphine drip: as nice as it sounds it was not pretty, she had a brain tumor and it had spread. Could write a chapter or two about that.

watching Dallas buyers club remind me of my moms passing when they mentioned the morphine  drip.

both had reminded me of my time spent almost dying

remembering all the time spent in the hospital with AIDS and not dying? I could have been placed on a morphine drip and left to pass quietly. In stead I lived now the rest of my life has passed me buy. the great job all the money the friends. 

everything else in my life almost dying too? Seems like the rest of my life did die sometimes,

I am on disability I have some security. Even though now I am fat and  old HIV+.  a bunch of other useless terms of degradation not worth mentioning without depressing me into madness ? 

atleast I have you to read  this and both of us can know there is life and hope love and laughter yet to be had

thank you


You are alive ! That is a very good thing  :)
    Dear  EM  ,
                         I'm sorry your Mom passed that way ; I lost my older bother
    at the age of 52 with brain cancer , he was lucky , never had any pain .
     Three years ago I was the attendant to my brother - in - law , It was a
    morphine drip situation , It drained me to watch him die . after a lengthily
    illness  with cancer of the everything , it took 6 weeks to pass on  :(

     I dream of the good old days ; working like a slave , having anything we
    wanted , no money problems  . Skinny  :D     Full of life , Now I am gaining
    weight like a Hippopotamus  ???

     I have my wonderful husband of over thirty years  ; thank GOD , I would go
     insane with out him .    Life is not as much fun as those younger years  , but
     still having some good times .

      Looking at today , I see it will be a great day !   I am building a kitchen for
      my sister's Hurricane Sandy Beach House  . It may very well kill me  ::)
      I was not thinking of my physical strength when I decided to drive to
      Connecticut and spend a Month building and finishing a Kitchen , but it is a
     mood lifter  to know I am making something my sister will love . Plus a
     break from my daily grind .     

        I'm not fond of being older , but it is OK   . Old is the new young  :o

                       Glad to hear from you ,  Carl  :-*

I have to avoid remembering too often as it becomes overwhelming and saddens me.  I venture between asking if we're really the lucky ones to have survived and being grateful that I did.


There must be something in the air em , your post Carl,s post could off wrote it myself if I had a sister in Connecticut , a Husband. I think I have a particular sadness that starts at the beginning off Summer as well as welcoming it.

I think alot off this is age related we would be having cousins off these days if we where negative. However it would be nice to have the money etc from a adult life off health .

Ho hum day

Weasel, if you're out on Long Island you should come into the city for a visit. We can talk about..."SLEEP APNEA"...and what can be done about it.

Seriously, though, if you'd care to meet up for dinner let me know. We'll see what we can work out.

Now about that "not dying anyway"...I have an operation coming up and last time it didn't turn out too


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