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Author Topic: I am a bitter person....  (Read 4309 times)

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Offline skeebo1969

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  • Posts: 5,699
I am a bitter person....
« on: November 02, 2006, 01:06:21 PM »


    Sometimes I hate being me..   When I was diagnosed I knew it would be hard and I knew that there were problems from the past that would rear themselves eventually...   I am not cut out for this and I am scared because I know it.   I spend my days angry and consumed with guilt, I ignore whats necessary....  I don't live.   I hurt and I hurt people... it's sad when the only one who looks up to you is a four year old, she'll figure it out though, her sister has already.

    This month has been rough...  Stress is a motherfucker and my numbers have relayed that fact...  I've lost 400 cd4 in just six months, percentage is shit at 5 % and my viral load while it was real high went back down to a very respectable 70,000.   The weight?  A heroin laden supermodel would be envious the way I've shedded the pounds!   Down to 115 lbs again ...  Food is hard to get past the extremely sore tongue...  I have a sore esophogus .... who has ever heard of that...  All i know it's deeper than a sore throat.. 

      What was I to expect?  I don't take meds...

    I am going  to the doctor tomorrow... she thinks it's time.  I wonder if I am ready...

    I don't think my issues are HIV... I think it's just life in general..

   Thomas
   
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Lisa

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    • http://www.myspace.com/lisanowak58
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2006, 01:50:03 PM »
Hi Tom,
I watched in amazement, while you hoisted yourself from a very low point once before.
I know you have it in you.
Forgive yourself, and give you permission to start fresh again with a clean slate.
I love you, and I know you are a good man. I just hope you will realize that yourself.
Keep on plugging, work a program if you have to, and try to forgive yourself in order to move forward.
I know you can do it.
here's a smoochie for you  :-*  :-* , and a much needed hug. {{{{TOM}}}}
Lisa
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #2 on: November 02, 2006, 01:50:25 PM »
Thomas, can you think of anything that would be helpful to you right now? What would you want?

You don't have to be "reasonable." We're just talking here so say what you would like to have, what would make a difference for you.

Just askin'.....
Andy Velez

Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,435
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #3 on: November 02, 2006, 01:53:25 PM »
.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2007, 08:05:22 PM by Iggy »

Offline Peacock

  • Member
  • Posts: 72
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #4 on: November 02, 2006, 01:58:29 PM »
It is VERY stressful-at first..especially not being on meds. I watched my Cd4 count drop and viral loads slowly rise, and I felt completely out of control!
I always feared the day that I would start taking meds because  my theory was that there are so few meds available and I didnt want to go work my way throgh them too early...so the later I start the better. I was so WRONG. Ive been on HAART for about 3 years now and very healthy and doing great.   
But when I started meds (HAART-Combivir and Nevirapine)) it was a huge relief for me because my viral loads became undetectable and my Cd4 count is slowly rising.If your doctor thinks its time to start the meds then trust her and start the meds.Take your meds and you could start to feel a WHOLE lot betta!!
Dont feel guilty about decisions you made in the past.Everyone makes bad decisions.I caught Hiv through unsafe sex. It was stupid..but hey, I enjoyed it, Everyone loves sex and its easy to get caught up in the manic heat of the moment.Im not going to beat myself up because its clear by the statistics that many many millions of people make the same easy mistake..and many millions are following in my footsteps even as I type.
I hated my life before I was HIV+ becuase I was bored and had no purpose. But now that my Meds are working and Im healthy, I have a huge appreciation for life..I want to live and enjoy each day as much as possible! Start your meds,get healthy, and start appreciating your daughter and each day. Come on man! stop denying yourself..you deserve to be happy because youve only got one life. (PS. have you tried antidepressants?They helped me through a very bad patch.)
Peacock,Steve
Diagnosed 07/01/2002
Started Haart- 25/11/04 Cd4: 205 VL: 76'500
                      19/12/08 Cd4: 623 VL: UD
      26/03/12 Cd4: 497 Cd4%: 30.10 VL: UD
Combivir and Nevirapine(200mg) x1 of each-Am & pm
Not changed Meds since starting on HAART
Green Tea,Multivit,Selenium ACE,Folic acid,Vit C,Aciclovir 200mg 5x per day for 3 days-(ONLY when I have Shingles!)
100 percent adherence-with the help of a wristwatch!

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,699
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #5 on: November 02, 2006, 02:04:55 PM »

   Andy,

       The ability to deal with a few problems would be nice.   A good outcome in court on November 20 would be really cool.   Pro bono lawyer perhaps?   My wants are really none... all they ever did was feed my ego.  I hate thinking of giving up, but shit just comes in all directions.  


   Lisa,

        Hopefully this too shall pass...  Thanks for the love and support.. it is appreciated..

     T
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Christine

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  • Posts: 1,069
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #6 on: November 02, 2006, 02:40:20 PM »
Hi Thomas,

Guilt is my best friend sometimes. Being an Italian Catholic, I was probably born with it.  When things are really bad for me, I just take one hour, one day at a time. It is sort of corny, but it gets me through the bad times.

It's hard not to beat yourself up for mistakes that were made in the past. Every human being has made mistakes. We all also have the chance to start over the next day.

Hang in there,
Christine
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline simon695

  • Member
  • Posts: 33
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #7 on: November 02, 2006, 02:46:46 PM »
If You Want Some More Unscientific Advice,Her Goes!
I Spent One Year On Meds Which Made My Numbers
Fantastic,Meanwhile I Dreaded The Side Effects Which
Made A Normal Life Impossible ,But I Was Well.
5 Years Later (From Getting To Undetecable ANd An
Amazing Cd4 Of 1500 On One Year Of Meds).
I Chose To Fight On My Own,I Ate Fresh Food Everyday
No Shit Or Sugar,And Have Had A Reasonable Time.
Present Results Don't Give Me Much Longer Without Meds.
I Constantly Think Do I Want To Survive Or Die Gracefully,
Hey That Was ToughTo Admit But True.
I Am Healthy ANd Handsome So Far,Would I  Prefer To Be
Remembered This Way????/
Yes !!!!!!!!!!!!
I Hope This Was Not A Downer,Just My Present State Of Mind.
                            Si

Offline Lisa

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  • Formerly known as sweetieweasel/Joined Nov. 2004
    • http://www.myspace.com/lisanowak58
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #8 on: November 02, 2006, 03:07:25 PM »
Hey Tom,
I don't know any specifics of your situation, but is there a legal aid society near you?
Don't give up.
/edit... If you are nearly as destitute as I am, that is what they are here for.
« Last Edit: November 02, 2006, 03:09:41 PM by Lisa »
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline cmhjeff

  • Member
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Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #9 on: November 02, 2006, 03:49:41 PM »
Thomas,
Don't beat yourself up so much. prior to PML I was my own worse critic and only felt free when I was buried in work or tweaking on drugs. I look at things differently these days because I sat on deaths doorstep and I never want to be there again.Get yourself on some meds then tackle something else. You can't do everything at once. Give yourself a chance to breathe.  Good luck on the 20th.
Jeff

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #10 on: November 02, 2006, 06:38:22 PM »




~~~ good luck in court ~~~

Offline AlanBama

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  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #11 on: November 02, 2006, 07:10:16 PM »
Tom,

take it one step, one day at a time.   Sending you hugs & positive energy....

Alan
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Teresa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,753
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #12 on: November 02, 2006, 07:39:28 PM »


You hang in there!

Hugs
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline Nadine

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  • Posts: 1,253
  • Member since: August 2005
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #13 on: November 02, 2006, 07:42:19 PM »
Thomas

You and I have discussed all this before...please know (and I know that you do) I am here for you anytime day or night, I'm just a phone call away. If I could hop on a plane, I would.
I know the meds for you are scary, but it's time. You will start feeling better, I promise!
As for all the rest of the shit going on right now, stay strong Thomas...just take one day at a time and fight like hell to pick yourself up and stand tall. Last year when we first started talking you were going through a pretty rough time, you made it through it. You have the power and I know that you have it in you. Let the past be just that, the past, there is nothing you can do to change it...live for the future honey!
Gabby needs her Daddy!  I'm gonna be a little bit selfish here, I need you too!



Love ya!
Nadine


Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #14 on: November 02, 2006, 09:01:06 PM »
Hello Thomas,

I was just sitting at the dinner table this evening before reading this thread. It had come to my mind in thought, to take it one step at a time, one day at a time just as Alan has said. This is just confirmation that everything will work itself out for you.

"When life gives you lemons...You make lemonade out of them". Good luck at the the Doctor's and on your journey to turn it around and recover from this.


Make the BEST of each and every Day!

Offline cjc

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  • Sweet Girl
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #15 on: November 03, 2006, 08:40:45 AM »
Thomas, Sorry to hear about what is going on with you. I do remember from the other forums that things got better for you and I hope they do this time as well . I am very bitter and angry alot of times and  it goes away so just concentrate on getting well. That sore throat thing is really scary though. Go to the doctor and get that checked, Pleeeeeease. I think you should start the hiv meds, Sometimes they really make a difference. Anyway , I hope you get better.   Cristy

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #16 on: November 03, 2006, 09:01:34 AM »
Skeeter,

Do what you will.

It's funny you know, I have a percentage of 5 just like you and, up until a couple of days ago, have been riddled with thrush.

That's what the sore mouth and gullet are all about. Which is why you're losing weight. You can't eat and the virus is chewing through you at a rate of knots. You need to understand that when your percentage gets to the level that you and I now enjoy things are pretty bleak.

Not insurmountable, but bleak.

You and I have hard decisions to make right now. Unlike some others, these decisions will have a HUGE impact on ourselves and those who love us.

But you're a grown man, with all the wisdom and consequence that entails.

I'm sure you'll make the right ones.

MtD

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #17 on: November 03, 2006, 09:09:09 AM »
Skee, even if they're coming in bunches, just focus on one thing at a time. Start with what is most likely to keep you alive and healthier is my suggestion.

If you have the spit to talk about it, what's this court thing about? I'm not up on it.

Andy Velez

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Ninja Please
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #18 on: November 03, 2006, 09:11:22 AM »
what's this court thing about? I'm not up on it.


Skeeter,

With respect to you and the one above, this is not necessarily a question you should answer in a public place without taking legal advice.

MtD

Offline skeebo1969

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  • Posts: 5,699
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #19 on: November 03, 2006, 11:04:57 AM »


   I want to thank you all for you love and support.   I am at my friends house here in Miami preparing to go to the doctor.   I am scheduled to have lab work done, this being the second set in three weeks.   She seems to think something was going on during my last set, ie sickness or something.   I , on the otherhand , have seen a decline in the numbers just like she has and feel she has held back from starting me based on my apprehension.  I believe because my viral load has gone from a high of 234,000 to 70 something thousand and being fairly  new in the game she has let me hold onto my false hopes of going without meds for a few more years.   I think today she is going to break  it down to me.....  maybe she'll be surprised when I tell her I am ready.     During my  2 hour car ride to Miami I did a lot of thinking.    Why on earth would I want to continue feeling weak and tired?   After not being able to come up with any logical answers I decided I need to move forward.   I think , well I know, that my physical state has had a direct effect on how I am viewing things..  This fucker here really has a lot to be thankful for and I need to redirect my thoughts while trying push myself to work on some very important issues.

    Matty....   Matty....  Matty....  I am just going to say it because my ego and pride are trying to stop me " I love you man.."  .... And since I feel like letting my guard down and just being painfully honest....  I love that other guy too and realize maybe I should have just asked him "Why?".. but hey fuck looking back, I got some shit to tend to.

   Andy,

       It's child support.   No matter what or how I try to describe the situation I will look like a heel, so here it goes: 

      I paid what the court asked me to pay from 1994..  The amount was 82.05 a week.   Just to refresh your memory I seroconverted in April 2005 and tested positive in September 2005...  I went in the hospital in April and they could not find anything wrong of course, but I was sick as a dog!   I stopped paying child support in May 2005 because I was not working and have not paid it since.   When my ex went to report me the lady pointed out to her that I should have been paying her 85.58 all these years..  Which is wrong because I have it in my papers.   I do not deny one bit my responsibility , hence paying it for almost 11 yrs religiously.   I am a good daddy too!!  I took care of the school clothes , I did the vacations....  When my ex would call because she needed extra for a special dress for Rashada I did it.  I did it from the heart and needless to say I did not keep any receipts.   The courts are asking me to come up with 10,000 for her...  I don't have it!   They have suspended my Drivers license and vehicle registration until the hearing!  At the hearing I don't know what to expect.   Will they make me sell my home or even better, take it?  I think even with documentation from doctors I don't stand a chance.... Florida does not play when it comes to child support!  I mean hey as soon as I get back on my feet and get these little medical issues out of the way, I agree I should pay !!!   

    It's one of those so called "gray area" issues.  I'll probably get the judge whose father left him and his mother one Christmas eve back when he was a kid.


     I would feel better if I at least had some knowledge on what to say to the judge...   or at least how to present my situation to him.   I got 17 days to figure something out..

     So Andy...  What ya think?   Me thinks I am up shits creek without a paddle!


    Thomas

   

I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline JohnOso

  • Member
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Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #20 on: November 03, 2006, 11:40:58 AM »
Thomas,

I too am thinking of you and sending my best wishes for a good outcome.

I was at 2% in January...I'm now at 7%.

Glad to hear you're considering meds.....i

Take care,
John

Offline Robert

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Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #21 on: November 03, 2006, 11:42:47 AM »
Thomas..

I know it's easy for me to say, but take things one step at a time and things will work out.  You  did before and you  will again.

Like Lisa said, can you get legal aid?  Also, not that it matters now, but what good does it do anyway to take away your license?  That's pretty stupid and short-sided.  You need your licence to drive to work to earn money to pay the support. 

Show the court your AIDS diagnosis.  That can't hurt.  And take up Lisa's suggestion about Legal AId.  That's what they're there for.

robert
..........

Offline dad1216

  • Member
  • Posts: 135
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #22 on: November 03, 2006, 12:19:11 PM »
You need to understand that when your percentage gets to the level that you and I now enjoy things are pretty bleak.

Not insurmountable, but bleak.

You and I have hard decisions to make right now. Unlike some others, these decisions will have a HUGE impact on ourselves and those who love us.


Damn....that really hit home for me



23 years HIV+ (Oct 88)
11 years AIDS (March 00)

CD4=83  VL=47,000  (May 2011)
CD4=63  VL=78,470  (Oct 2010)
Prezista..Norvir..Truvada

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #23 on: November 03, 2006, 12:50:55 PM »
Damn....that really hit home for me

Dad,

Be of good cheer. :-*

There are many in this place who have come back from lesser numbers than Skeeter and I have. It's just hard work. If any in this place are capable of it, you are. No one persons numbers translates easily to anothers.

That said, once you join the "less than 10%" club, it's challenging. I've followed your posts and I'm confident that you can do this thing.

MtD
(Who might be a total bastard, but he never tells lies)

Offline Lisa

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Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #24 on: November 03, 2006, 01:07:27 PM »
Definately play the AIDS card, and take documentation with you.
Since you are in Miami, I know there is a Leagal Aid Society office located there. At least give them a call, you don't have anythiong to lose by trying.
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #25 on: November 03, 2006, 01:43:15 PM »
Thomas, no wonder you are going crazy over this court stuff, as if your health concerns weren't already enough. Feeling despairing over this sounds right to me. 

It sounds like you have a crazed ex on your hands who's more interested in revenge for whatever than in the reality of your situation financially and otherwise. From many experiences I know Courts too often tend to be pre-disposed to think the husband is a deadbeat. And the more you lose your temper in the situation the more it confirms those politically correct prejudices.

Along with calling the Legal AID Society as someone has already suggested, have you checked with the Legal Department of any local ASO? Failing that it might be worthwhile to invest in a long distance call to GMHC here in NY 212 618 1418, and ask for their Legal Department. If they can't help you they should be able to direct you. 

Keep us posted on how this goes. Good luck, Thomas. 
 
Andy Velez

Offline skeebo1969

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  • Posts: 5,699
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #26 on: November 03, 2006, 07:28:45 PM »

    I have finally made it back home.  My doctor was asking a lot of questions today.  If I was using cocaine or anything hard was one of the questions and whether or not I have had unprotected sex was another.  I explained the hardest thing I do is some green here and there...  She seems to wonder if I've been reinfected because of the change in my numbers..  In July my numbers were 611 cd4 and vl 87,000. Before that my numbers were 482 cd4 and vl at 234,000.   When I was diagnosed my percentage was 21.1 %...  in July it was at 14 %...   Now it's at 5.9 % and my cd4 212....  Am I correct in thinking that my shit is crashing pretty fast?  In any event, I asked her about starting meds today and she said she wanted to do another set of  labs and have me back next Friday.    Maybe I was a little complacent to push for meds today...  I was hoping she would say "Yes, it is time!"  ..... I'm wondering why though.. I know I am new as far as knowledge goes, but 5.9% and 212 is not real good and someone can take the liberty here to tell me I am wrong;  if I am.   I asked her under normal circumstances what medicines she would start me on and she mentioned substiva and truvada, but mentioned because of my history with depression that we may have to substitute something else....  So it's a waiting game til next Friday I guess.   


    I am going to look into whether or not I qualify for legal aid on Monday.   


 Everything will work itself out....  always has and always does!

   Thomas


   
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Lisa

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Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #27 on: November 03, 2006, 08:32:24 PM »
I'm guessing that she is is being cautious by asking for an additional set of labs. It is possible for your numbers to swirl the bowl rapidly, but it is prudent in the least to get another set of values to confirm.

I know you are already aware of the fact that stress can be a huge factor in the course of the virus, but alas, there is not too much you can do about that right now, except take good care of yourself.

Didn't she even address the possibility of a festering thrush problem? From what you described, I was hoping to at least hear you say you had been given some Nystatin, and some miracle mouthwash, so you can get some nourishment in you.

I'm also sure you know that there won't be any dire consequences in the span of a week.

Just try to hang in there, do what you can, and try to get some nourishment in you.

Kiss  :-* and hug (((Thomas)))
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #28 on: November 03, 2006, 09:50:00 PM »

    I'll be honest with you.... I did not tell her :-[
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Longislander

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Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #29 on: November 03, 2006, 09:57:40 PM »
Hi Thomas, sorry to hear of all you're going through. Good luck with everything next Friday.

 About the child support...It's too late now, but as soon as you are unable to pay (illness, loss of job, etc) you MUST file a petition immediately to lower or suspend your child support payments. Of course, you cannot quit a job, in hopes they'll suspend, because they won't.  If you are still not working, or are on SSI or something, file a petition TODAY. I would assume if you were on SSI, your child would also be getting a payment from SS. If that is the case, you need to petition the court to ask that that cover your responsibility. If you are working, you're going to have to bite the bullet and resume payments and additional amounts to make up the arrears.

If you qualify for legal aid, they'll be there for you. But remember they are legal aid,and they see thousands of the same cases and usually could care less.

What is of most concern to the court, besides getting $ for your child, is whether your failure to pay was wilful or not. obviously your's was not wilful, in the beginning. If you had returned to work 6 months later, and still didn't pay, that's a different story. If this is your first delinquency in 11 years, I would say you're not going to jail. That is the only time (IN NY) where a person can get jail time for not paying child support.

They're not going to make you sell your house, they just want you to start making those payments (if you are able) and a bit extra towards the money owed.

I don't know your full story here (work and stuff) so I tried to cover a few scenarios.

Good luck with everything
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Longislander

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  • Posts: 2,486
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #30 on: November 03, 2006, 10:00:00 PM »
Also, keep your cool in court, don't get pissed at the mother, etc.
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Lisa

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  • Formerly known as sweetieweasel/Joined Nov. 2004
    • http://www.myspace.com/lisanowak58
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #31 on: November 03, 2006, 10:06:10 PM »
If I knew where you lived, I would come give you a whooping!
BUT YOU'RE GOING TO TELL HER NEXT WEEK RIGHT?
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline Longislander

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  • Posts: 2,486
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #32 on: November 03, 2006, 10:10:17 PM »
How about leaving a message with her service TONITE??
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline skeebo1969

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  • Posts: 5,699
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #33 on: November 03, 2006, 10:16:46 PM »

    The scenarios you presented are pretty much where I am at.   One thing I will say that is not in my favor is that if I really pushed myself I could be working right now.  I mean even with the daily fatigue I just feel I could be doing something more productive with myself.   I worry that just saying " Hey I did not handle this well, hell they Baker acted me in the beginning!"  won't win any sympathy votes with the judge.    I want to try and impress upon the court that I have been in my daughters life from day one and have been a responsible parent up until May 2005, concerning child support that is.   If I can atleast show that I am not the so called typical maybe it won't be so bad...   .  

  Wish they would just wait till I get my med situation out of the way....LMAO..  See it's always a me first attitude.. haha!

  Lisa....  I know...  I did show her my tongue though :'(   I will...

I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #34 on: November 03, 2006, 10:17:48 PM »


  Longislander,

  Do you mean with my ex? 
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Longislander

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  • Posts: 2,486
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #35 on: November 03, 2006, 10:30:11 PM »
nope, I meant the doctor~

You can of course mention your being there all these years. Like I said before. Their main concern is your ability to pay now, and whether or not you deliberatley refused to pay in the past. I don't know how you are supporting yourself, but you if you're not pulling income, you need to file the petition to ask them to lower or suspend your FUTURE payments.

The amount you owe can and most likely will be reduced to a money judgment against you, which your ex can use to put a lein on your home for when it's sold. Not make you sell for 10k, mind you.

CALL THE DOCTOR
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #36 on: November 03, 2006, 10:32:23 PM »

   Sorry went blonde there.....  I see what you meant.  I could, but truth be told I won't...  


   I just want the meds....  I don't even do preperation H...

      I don't want anything like Bactrim or anything else....  just the meds...  When they tell me I have no other choice and this or that is needed then that will be something else.   Right now I have just prepared myself for the meds, at least I mean mentally...

   She gave me three prescriptions today and I did not attempt to fill any of them......  Why?  Because they are not HIV meds.....    Its taken me 6 months to go back to her...  it took me three weeks just to build up the nerve to call to make an appointment to get my lab results...   I have wrestled with this med issue and am ready, but I am ready just for that.

   I really wish she had said yes, but do I really?  Something for me to ponder ???

  I don't think anything is going to change with my labs and I feel next friday will be the day...  She ran the resistance test today also..  I think it's the one they test for the strain is it?

   Eagerly and nervosuly waiting....

  Thomas
  
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Lisa

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  • Formerly known as sweetieweasel/Joined Nov. 2004
    • http://www.myspace.com/lisanowak58
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #37 on: November 03, 2006, 10:53:48 PM »
I'm going to PM you.
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline Robert

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  • Posts: 2,643
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #38 on: November 03, 2006, 11:00:55 PM »
Lisa....

if you PM our friend Tom, tell him to get those meds his Dr. prescribed, no ifs, ands or buts!!!

Also, Tom, maybe your numbers were skewed.  I mean, what do they call it, an anomaly  or something?  Maybe they will go back to "normal" and that's why she wants to test one more time.  Let's hope so. 

Let me just repeat what you already know.  You're not going to jail and they're not going to take away you house.  If that means we have to pool our resources here, well, we'll do whatever it takes.

robert
..........

Offline allopathicholistic

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  • Posts: 3,258
Re: I am a bitter person....
« Reply #39 on: November 18, 2006, 11:26:49 AM »
  Andy,

       The ability to deal with a few problems would be nice.   A good outcome in court on November 20 would be really cool.   Pro bono lawyer perhaps?   My wants are really none... all they ever did was feed my ego.  I hate thinking of giving up, but shit just comes in all directions.  


   Lisa,

        Hopefully this too shall pass...  Thanks for the love and support.. it is appreciated..

     T

Like you said: This too shall pass

Thinking of you.....

 


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