Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
July 25, 2014, 08:35:59 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 631834
  • Total Topics: 47835
  • Online Today: 293
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Help!! The condom broke and my boyfriend is hiv positive but undetectable  (Read 1578 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline hotboy123

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
The condom broke and me and my boyfriend have been sexually active for a while. I really hope someone reads this and helps, i could say more but i dont want it to be pointless Help me!!

Online Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,754
  • How am I doing Beren ?
You had a risk and will need to test at 6 weeks past any possible exposure and again at 3 months to confirm the result .

I need more information to do a proper assessment ?

Were you top or bottom during anal sex ?

Is your BF on meds and undetectable ?

How long ago was this incident ?


« Last Edit: March 21, 2014, 09:27:02 PM by Jeff G »

Offline hotboy123

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
partner lied about having hiv
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2014, 10:45:12 PM »
Ok, so here is the situation and I am hoping that someone will respond to me because I feel like I am going to loose my mind very soon.

When I first met my boyfriend we were both into the casual sex thing and we were just having sex not trying to get anywhere with the relationship. So we were having unprotected sex and maybe a month later we started having sex unprotected.  It's strange because we started falling for each other and we both made that known. It was like this strange attraction physically and mentally. I had never felt like this at such an instance in my life.Eventually we started refraining from using condoms and I know it's partially my fault but maybe two weeks later he told me that he was HIV positive. He lied and said that he was negative. But when he told me he started crying and just apologizing and I really feel that it was sincere. He cooks for me everyday, he treats me very well, and I know that he cares about me. He makes me so happy except for this horrible situation. We hardly ever argue and the only thing that we argue about is the fact that he did not tell me. I try to forgive him but I do not know if I can ever get past it. We started counseling a couple weeks ago and it helps for a while but then for the most part I go back to where I started. I love him with a passion, and this road block is a serious road block. I trust him but since this has happened I do not. I have never caught him in anything else. It just sucks because this is a dilemma. Someone please help me.

Offline AusShep

  • Member
  • Posts: 207
Re: partner lied about having hiv
« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2014, 11:46:08 PM »
Sorry, that was a pretty awful thing for him to do.

Jeff had some questions for you in the Am I Infected? forum, which also may help here. 

I'm not trying to excuse anything, but, how long has he known? Is he on meds and undetectable?  Is he usually top or bottom?  Have you seen his lab reports?

I'm just asking because in some circumstances he could have rationalized that there was very low to no risk to you and is sort of new to this and has a hard time disclosing, and he knows he screwed up bad.  With very different answers, I'd say he's a POS, and you should run away as fast as you can...


Offline hotboy123

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
I am not sure exactly how to respond back to you Jeff but hopefully you will see this. But he is undetectable but I am negative. But he is also on stribloid or whatever it is called, and I am the top.

Offline hotboy123

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
AusShep, he just found out in March and I have went to the doctor with him and his viral load is 1200 and he is undetectable. But yes he is on medicine and he is the bottom. I'm sorry but what is a POS

Online RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,276
AusShep, he just found out in March and I have went to the doctor with him and his viral load is 1200 and he is undetectable. But yes he is on medicine and he is the bottom. I'm sorry but what is a POS
A viral load of 1200 is not undetectable, a VL of <20 is considered undetectable.

Online Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,754
  • How am I doing Beren ?
The best you can do now is test at 6 weeks past any possible exposure and again at 3 months to confirm the results .

If you want and can afford you can also talk to your doctor about using Truvada PREP so you can help safeguard against this kind of thing in the future . In the mean time continue to use condoms , you can read the condom and lube links at the bottom of my page for additional information .   

Im happy you are here and posting but from the tone of your post you still have a long way to go in order to be comfortable dating a HIV positive person . I'm sure others will offer advice that is helpful and that is why we moved your thread back out of the AM I INFECTED forum so you can get the support and information you need . 

Offline AusShep

  • Member
  • Posts: 207
If he just found out this month, and it is his viral load and not CD4 that was at 1200, it's possible his viral load was much higher when the incidents occurred, so you should test as Jeff recommends and regularly thereafter.  As Rod mentioned, viral load below 20 is what is considered undetectable now.

I don't have any relationship advice for you though.  You're in a tough spot and need to take care of yourself and see if you can (or desire) to get past the betrayal.  You can have a healthy and safe relationship with a poz guy though.  My partner has remained negative since I got HIV nearly 20 years ago.  PrEP as Jeff mentioned is another option for you after you've confirmed you're negative.



Offline MadisonTeddy

  • Member
  • Posts: 68
I am open to correction BUT, if he is truly UD, under 20, then based on the 2 year PARTNER study, there is 100% chance that be can NOT transmit HIV to you, condom or not...Perhaps it is time to ask to see his last blood work..

Online Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,754
  • How am I doing Beren ?
I am open to correction BUT, if he is truly UD, under 20, then based on the 2 year PARTNER study, there is 100% chance that be can NOT transmit HIV to you, condom or not...Perhaps it is time to ask to see his last blood work..

The only way to really know is to test at the appropriate time . You cant look at another persons test and as evidence of your own HIV status .

Offline MadisonTeddy

  • Member
  • Posts: 68
The study looked at the transmission risks during condomless sex in serodiscordant couples where the positive partner was under suppressive ART (<200 copies/mm3). All positive partners were under ART for at least 2 years. Couples dropped out of the study if the viral load went above 200, the negative partner started PreP or did PEP or if the couple started using condoms throughout.

The estimated number of total sex acts was 44,439. Zero transmissions took place within the couples.

Online Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,754
  • How am I doing Beren ?
The study looked at the transmission risks during condomless sex in serodiscordant couples where the positive partner was under suppressive ART (<200 copies/mm3). All positive partners were under ART for at least 2 years. Couples dropped out of the study if the viral load went above 200, the negative partner started PreP or did PEP or if the couple started using condoms throughout.

The estimated number of total sex acts was 44,439. Zero transmissions took place within the couples.

There are a few things ... First off he had a risk for HIV and must test at the appropriate time . Asking to see someones " Papers " tells you not much because its a snap shot at one moment in time and we really can not for certain say when the risk occurred was it before or after ... it really does not matter really because the responsible thing to do is to test .

The main reason I said something was because lots of people read the forum and we would not want to give the the impression that you can assess your risk by another persons lab work, believe me when I assure you that is the impression people will take away from a comment like that and its very important to stress that the only HIV test or lab work that counts is your own .     

Offline Bizkits

  • Member
  • Posts: 103
I hesitate to comment on this because I don't want to stir up any emotions but it is relevant, I believe.

I share a similar situation with you in that I didn't know my now present partner was poz when we first starting hanging out and having casual sex. That was a disaster. We met a pool party I had been invited to by another friend and unbenounced to me, it was a poz pool party. Most of the guys attending were all good friends and had known eachother for a long time and it was apparantely only somewhat common to bring in a visitor/guest and even more uncommon was that a negative guy attended; At that, they usually knew.

So, he assumed I was poz because I was there and I assumed he was neg because we started right off the bat having unprotected sex and honestly, I never asked. It wasn't until a few weeks later...I was talking about someone else that had hooked up with a friend of mine and didn't diclose his status and my feelings about that person when he realized "oh shit, he's negative...I need to tell him".  So, that very next day he made it a point to go out of his way to come over to my house and tell me. I went and got the oraquick test immediately, then blood work from my doctors office, then more bloodwork in 3 months and I was still neg.

I can't say he deliberately lied to me, as it sounds like your bf did which is despicable in my opinion (POS means piece of shit, just so you know, as you asked earlier in response to another comment). But also, as a sexually active person consenting in BB sex, did you ask him? The fault can't solely rest on one persons shoulders alone because ultimately, YOU are the only person that is responsible for yourself. And yes, I am all too familiar with the debate over whose responsibility is it to disclose or ask. In my opinion, it's both.

I think overall though, that experience has not only helped us grow in our relationship but it has also helped me cope with becoming poz myself. My partner came with me to my first Dr.'s visits and has also shared his information with me as he's been under regular care for a number of years. He always knows his numbers and is always compliant with his meds. I appreciate greatly that we can talk about it.

I can't offer you any other advise but say if you can't get past the fact he didn't disclose in the beginning, that's only going to lead to further issues...and you have very valid concerns. If you love him, and you want to make it work, you are going to have to find a way to get past it, and that's just how it is. Even in my scenario, it took me a while to get past it, but I did. Everything else, though sounds like you're doing what you need to. Get tested, KNOW your status...ALWAYS. Your bf should always know where he stands as well...and as a couple, it will help if you two can talk about it and be present for eachothers care/testing. I hope this helps a little.

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.