Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
Newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr Instagram
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
December 21, 2014, 10:23:43 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 650057
  • Total Topics: 49620
  • Online Today: 177
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Just diagnosed- fear of disclosing  (Read 1762 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Hashtag

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Just diagnosed- fear of disclosing
« on: March 16, 2014, 01:16:49 PM »
I've just recently received the news that I'm HIV positive (four days now). I didn't see this coming at all and have always practiced safe sex, except on one occasion briefly last year. I am trying not to dwell on this and except my diagnosis. This is proving very tricky, one minute I feel I'm coping, the next Moment I'm freaking out and panicking.
My hugest fear is disclosing to friends and family. It took me many years to break the news to my parents of my sexuality and is rarely talked about in our family. Everything just gets brushed under the carpet. I don't plan to inform my family yet, but really want to tell some friends, but fear I can't trust them to tell others. It's  making me extremely anxious.
All in all I feel very overwhelmed and extremely alone. On top of this I'm about to start a new job next week and concerned that I'm not going to be focused when I should be.
If anyone could offer advise or empathy with regards to disclosing to people.

Online Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 13,239
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: Just diagnosed- fear of disclosing
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2014, 01:21:41 PM »
Welcome to the forum . It does get better in time and there is lots of support to be found here .

Did you have your Western Blot test done to conform that you really are HIV positive ? False positives do happen you know .

Offline Hashtag

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: Just diagnosed- fear of disclosing
« Reply #2 on: March 16, 2014, 01:36:39 PM »
Hi Jeff, I had the initial blood test, then was called back the next day for a confirmatory blood test, reactive and positive. Also more blood taken to find out how advanced I am I guess. I'm only beginning to research it now.  Excuse my naivety but not sure what western blot test is. 

Online Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 13,239
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: Just diagnosed- fear of disclosing
« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2014, 01:43:59 PM »
A western blot is the final conclusive test to confirm the antibody test used to screen for HIV . If you test positive it must be confirmed with a Western Blot, it sounds like they did the blood work to confirm the diagnosis .

The learning curve to living with HIV is steep but you will get there soon enough .

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,166
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Just diagnosed- fear of disclosing
« Reply #4 on: March 16, 2014, 03:17:58 PM »
I've just recently received the news that I'm HIV positive (four days now). I didn't see this coming at all and have always practiced safe sex, except on one occasion briefly last year. I am trying not to dwell on this and except my diagnosis. This is proving very tricky, one minute I feel I'm coping, the next Moment I'm freaking out and panicking.
My hugest fear is disclosing to friends and family. It took me many years to break the news to my parents of my sexuality and is rarely talked about in our family. Everything just gets brushed under the carpet. I don't plan to inform my family yet, but really want to tell some friends, but fear I can't trust them to tell others. It's  making me extremely anxious.
All in all I feel very overwhelmed and extremely alone. On top of this I'm about to start a new job next week and concerned that I'm not going to be focused when I should be.
If anyone could offer advise or empathy with regards to disclosing to people.

Hi welcome here.

You just got hard news and it will take time adjust.  There is no rush to tell your family, do that when you are good and ready...  Do you need them to know, now?  The relation sounds complicated and not very frank.  IF you don't need something from them about this diagnosis, just wait on telling them.

You will need people to talk to about what you are experiencing.  Why not identify a friend or two who you do trust enough to support you now.   Don't deprive yourself of their support out of fears that may be unfounded. 

You can chat a lot here, too.

And if you want to chat with HIV+ face to face - there are probably people around you who are..  And probably some service organisation or some support groups, etc.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Hashtag

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: Just diagnosed- fear of disclosing
« Reply #5 on: March 16, 2014, 03:46:11 PM »
Thank you so much for your assurance. I have disclosed to one friend who responded well and is supportive , which I'm extremely grateful for. I guess the right time will come to tell my friends. I sure as hell could do with their support, obviously they will initially judge me initially and I have to prepare for that.


Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,166
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Just diagnosed- fear of disclosing
« Reply #6 on: March 16, 2014, 04:21:09 PM »
Why is it so obvious your friends are going to "judge" you.

What judgements are you wondering they are going to make.  Only negative judgements?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Just diagnosed- fear of disclosing
« Reply #7 on: March 16, 2014, 04:37:35 PM »
Why is it so obvious your friends are going to "judge" you.

What judgements are you wondering they are going to make.  Only negative judgements?

I was wondering the same thing.

Hashtag, would you judge any of your friends if they'd tested positive, or would you love them all the same and be supportive? If it's the former, maybe you're projecting your own prejudice onto others. If it's the latter, you're probably worrying unnecessarily.

If they're true friends, they're gonna love you no matter what.

If they're not true friends, they're probably not the best people to disclose to right now anyway. Hopefully you'll eventually get to the point where it doesn't matter to you who knows, but right now while it's all still so new and raw, chose who you disclose to carefully. You can't un-ring a bell.

Welcome to the forums, btw. You're going to be just fine, trust me on that.

Hugs,
Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Online zach

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,905
Re: Just diagnosed- fear of disclosing
« Reply #8 on: March 16, 2014, 04:46:41 PM »
i wouldn't be in a hurry to disclose to anyone that doesn't need to know for medical or sexual relation reasons. my anecdotal experience, everyone you choose to tell, tells two people you didn't choose to tell. there will come a time when you'll make peace with being positive, and own it more strongly. but right now, you've got alot on your plate to handle that issue at the same time. my advice, just hold off for awhile.

for me, at this point, its irrelevant to me if someone knows or not, or their reaction. and believe this, even among your friends and family, there will be negative reactions. you just don't need that right now. focus on you.

Offline Hashtag

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: Just diagnosed- fear of disclosing
« Reply #9 on: March 16, 2014, 05:11:23 PM »
Thank you for your wise words, you have helped put my mind at ease. Im sure they will not judge, but perhaps make negative observations and thoughts, Im hoping thats just my paranoia.  To answer your question Ann I would offer any newly diagnosed friend the love and support they deserve. I hoping that it will make friendships stronger, through time.
Im going to my first peer group session on Tuesday, and looking forward to meeting other HIV + peers face to face, to hear their stories and assist with concerns I have. If they're tales are half as inspiring as the ones on this forum it will be a worthwhile experience.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,166
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Just diagnosed- fear of disclosing
« Reply #10 on: March 16, 2014, 06:08:25 PM »
Im going to my first peer group session on Tuesday, and looking forward to meeting other HIV + peers face to face, to hear their stories and assist with concerns I have. If they're tales are half as inspiring as the ones on this forum it will be a worthwhile experience.
Great idea. Let us know how it goes.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Jmarksto

  • Member
  • Posts: 533
Re: Just diagnosed- fear of disclosing
« Reply #11 on: March 16, 2014, 08:54:24 PM »
Hey Hashtag; 

Welcome to the forums.  It seems you are working through the disclosure thing and getting a range of advice on that topic.

Regarding the new job and being concerned about being distracted: when I was diagnosed it really slowed me down at work and in retrospect there was no reason for it - it was really just myself getting in the way of myself.  Please know that you are going to be ok and this should not slow you down in the short term or the long run. 

I wish you the best with the new job,

JM
03/15/12 Negative
06/15/12 Positive
07/11/12 CD4 790          VL 4,000
08/06/12 CD4 816/38%   VL 49,300
08/20/12 Started Complera
11/06/12 CD4   819/41% VL 38
02/11/13 CD4   935/41% VL UD
06/06/13 CD4   816/41% VL UD
10/28/13 CD4 1131/45%  VL 25
02/25/14 CD4   792/37%  VL UD
07/09/14 CD4 1004/39%   VL UD
11/03/14 CD4   711/34%   VL UD

Offline Hashtag

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: Just diagnosed- fear of disclosing
« Reply #12 on: March 18, 2014, 01:31:08 PM »
Hi JM, yes as I'm discovering life must go on and trying to take it one day at a time. In fact I'm hoping my new job will be a welcome distraction from the thoughts and feelings going through my mind. I had a meeting today with a counsellor which really helped and met another hiv + individual, whom at the age of 61 became infected.
A gentle reminder that this can happen to anyone no matter your orientation, race or age. I hope to join a support group when I move back to London in two weeks and will need to find a good gp/clinic in the capital... If anybody can recommend one that would be really helpful!  :) peace and good health to you all

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.