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Long term spouse tested positive but I'm testing negative? How?

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Teresa:
HI Kitty,

My hubby has been HIV+ for 7 years. I am HIV-. We were married 4 years when we found out. I too was shocked that I didn't test HIV+. We had used condoms for birth control....but there were times we didn't. Since his diagnosis we use condoms EVERY time we have sex (with plenty of lube).

I go once a year and get tested and so far its always HIV-. That Dr. is so wrong! If you use condoms every time you have sex you will remain HIV-. Just remember to use the condoms correctly and use plenty of lube.

Best of luck
Teresa

ohwell:
My partner is negative, we had occasional unprotected sex for a year then i got diagnosed but he tested negative, it's been a year now so far and he's still negative, of course i'm on meds and i bottom (risk is smaller for the insertive partner) and always use condoms (though some people dont use it if the poz one is undetectable).

http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/transmission_zero_1667_25241.shtml

This is an article about the second major study on serodiscordant couples, first one didnt have as many gays couples this one does.

kitty242:
Thanks guys:)

@8yearsof love - The doctor I was seeing isn't an infectious disease doctor, and from his reaction to our situation I don't think he deals with couples like us very often. I'm going to take your advice and look for a new primary care doctor.

@Teresa - One of the things that my husband is most concerned about is that we were planning to have a child sometime in the next few years. He feels like this is no longer an option for us, and he's very distraught about it. I've read that it's still possible to conceive 'naturally' after the positive partner is on the anti-vitals and has a low viral load. Have you had any experience with that? Obviously this is not something we are going to do right away, but I just want to know for the future if it's a possibility for us. I think it is, but maybe I'm just being optimistic?

@ohwell - thank you for sharing that article, that was very reassuring:)

Here's one more question. My husband is afraid to have sex with me, even with a condom, ever since we got the news about him being HIV+. I don't want to be pushy with him about it, but at the same time, I really miss the physical closeness with him. It's only been about 2 weeks since we got the news, so maybe he just needs a little time. I'm not sure if I should ask him about it, or what I should do. Any suggestions?

Teresa:
HI Kitty,

I seem to remember that there were a couple of members that the man was HIV+ and the woman wasn't, and they got pregnant the "normal" way and both mother and child remained HIV-. I have never looked into it because me and hubby are older..in our 50s now. That's the main reason we used condoms when we got married. I had kids that were in their late teens, and I sure didn't want to have a baby in my late 40s.

I know there is "sperm washing" but from what I have read here at the forums I think its pretty expensive. I'm sorry I cant be of more help. Maybe another member can remember more and link it for you.

When we first found out hubby was HIV+ he didn't want to have sex for fear of infecting me. It took awhile. I read all I could and then had him read what I found. The first few times were kinda awkward but after awhile everything got back to normal. Just give him some time. One thing you might do is have him read the lessons here. It really helped us in the beginning.

Hugs
Teresa

kitty242:
Hi Teresa,

Thanks again for your replies:)

After doing some research, it seems very possible to get pregnant the 'normal' way, as long as the positive partner has his viral levels in check. I also read that even if both partners are positive, it's still possible to have a baby with a 97% chance of the baby being HIV-. So all of that was reassuring to me for down the road.

We've been doing a lot better recently. After getting over the initial shock of it all, we're moving forward with getting him to the doctor, and doing everything we need to do. He feels comfortable having protected sex again. And I agree, the first time was a bit awkward for some reason!

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