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Author Topic: My boyfriend found out he was positive recently!  (Read 1701 times)

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Offline killbillplease

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My boyfriend found out he was positive recently!
« on: February 21, 2014, 01:07:22 AM »
Hi everyone!

Okay I don’t really know where to begin…For the past month I’ve been really paranoid/scared etc. My boyfriend of 3 years told me he found out he was HIV+ January 22…  We had a break during the summer and that’s when he had sex with the guy who infected him…Some time around june 25th. Anyway, we were honestly rarely sexually active (intercourse wise). We might’ve had sex about 8 times since we got back together in june/july.  Every time we had sex was unprotected. I am the top but on occasion I bottom. Most of the time our sexual routine is just oral..we’ll suck each other off and swallow! We did this regularly…Anyway in October I bottomed and he came inside of me, he’s also topped me maybe one time in November but he didn’t cum. The last time we had sex was December 29th  (he didn’t cum again) … I got tested for HIV on January 28th …Negative! The guy told me to come back in 3 months for my conclusive result. So I’m thinking mid march? Or should I just go back in April that way it would have been 3 actual full months?

I’m not asking to sugar coat anything I just want to know what my chances are. . .either way I’m going to stay with him. I love him.

He found out he was HIV+ because he kept getting sick and not knowing why…so he decided to get tested.

I’m really just confused on how hiv works…I’m pretty sure we had sex sometime in September so I don’t understand why I tested negative…could have been because the gum I was chewing fifteen mins before?? I did the test that you swab your gums.
 
I know I sound really ignorant…

Thanks in advanced.  :)

Offline Ann

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Re: My boyfriend found out he was positive recently!
« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2014, 05:29:08 AM »
Bill,

You can test on or after March 23rd for a conclusive negative result (twelve weeks).

You only need to count your testing window period as twelve weeks from the last time you had unprotected anal intercourse, either way. You don't need to count from your last oral.

A top is at lower risk, but not no risk, and oral isn't a risk unless you've got terrible oral health (google "meth mouth"). The highest risk activity is unprotected anal bottoming. 

All you two need to do going forward is use condoms for anal intercourse. You should be doing that with anyone anyway until you're in a securely monogamous relationship where you've tested negative together. Unfortunately, you weren't in a securely monogamous relationship.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline killbillplease

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Re: My boyfriend found out he was positive recently!
« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2014, 12:13:03 PM »
Thank you for your response!
 :)

just one more thing. You said I only need to count the window period or whatever from the last time I had unprotected intercourse. So does that mean I was negative until that point? Since I got my negative result jan 27th?


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My boyfriend found out he was positive recently!
« Reply #3 on: February 21, 2014, 12:58:58 PM »
While I understand you wanting to quantify your risk level, Ann has given the solid basics. The standard for getting a reliable negative result is to test at 3 months from the last risky episode.

If you want to test at 6 weeks and get a negative result, that would be strongly encouraging that you are likely to test negative at 3 months. The average time to seroconverting is 22 days.

Good luck with your testing.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: My boyfriend found out he was positive recently!
« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2014, 06:06:28 AM »

So does that mean I was negative until that point? Since I got my negative result jan 27th?


Bill,

The only thing your negative result from January 27th tells you is that you were definitely hiv negative twelve weeks (three months) previously - back in early November. You were very likely negative six weeks previous as well - in mid December.

It is unclear what type of sex you had at the end of December, whether it was unprotected anal intercourse or just oral. That is why I mentioned that you need to count your window period from the date of your last incident of unprotected anal intercourse because I'm unsure of when that was.

The testing window period exists because it takes time for enough antibodies to develop to trigger a positive result. When this happens, it's called seroconversion.

The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days. A six week negative is highly unlikely to change, but must be confirmed at the three month point.

The bottom line for you is - you need to test at twelve weeks after your last incident of unprotected anal intercourse (with anyone) for a conclusive negative result. You can continue having sex, provided you make sure condoms are used for anal intercourse.

Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. There have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

You only have one free post left - please use it wisely.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline killbillplease

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Re: My boyfriend found out he was positive recently!
« Reply #5 on: March 11, 2014, 05:25:45 PM »
My last free post.  Anyway, my boyfriend and I went to his HIV doctor for the first time and he had a cd4? i think thats what it's called of 900+ (doc kept telling him he was really healthy) but his viral load was 100k. The doctor told him it was up to him to when he wanted to start the meds..he decided to start asap...anyway...

we've only been practicing unprotected oral since we discov'd his + status.

I let him cum in my mouth a few days ago (knowing he had hiv but also knowing there is nearly not any risk level) anyway but considering the fact that I now know his viral load am I at a great risk? Is that a high VL? I had a cut in my mouth from eating chips prior also he went pretty far in my throat.

I'm getting tested again on the 25th for my conclusive result but I was wondering if I should wait till june considering his viral load as it would qualifiy this as a greater risk???

Offline Jeff G

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Re: My boyfriend found out he was positive recently!
« Reply #6 on: March 11, 2014, 05:40:40 PM »
Unless you have significant wounds or an active STD on your mouth then its not a risk . Its only a theoretical one at that .

There have been no fewer than three separate serodiscordant couples studies (where one person is HIV positive, the other negative.) These couples were tracked for three. five and ten years. The couples used condoms for penetrative vaginal and anal sex, but NO BARRIER at all for oral sex. Any kind of oral sex. These studies yielded NO infections.

You do not have to factor this in as an incident or risk so you can still test on the 25th for your conclusive result . 

As soon as your BF gets to undetectable you will have even more peace of mind knowing its extremely unlikely that he could transmit the virus to you . 

Check out this thread ... http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=52989.0 .

You can now post in the Someone I care about forum since you are in a relationship with someone who is living with HIV . 

 


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