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Author Topic: Trouble with family  (Read 909 times)

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Offline idee

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  • Posts: 274
  • Hi...
Trouble with family
« on: February 17, 2014, 11:11:10 PM »
I am avoiding conflict by removing an older sister along with an aunt from my life. My aunt tries to get my husband to buy her alcohol and cigarettes.
My older sister is eleven years older than I am and is still trying to be the cool person who is getting high, drinking, and hanging out with her young daughter's friends.
Both my aunt and sister are well over forty. They act like they love each other, but can't wait to talk dirt about each other.
My husband is not an idiot. He told me he knows they are skanks and only interested in money. I knew that, but I had to let him see for himself.
We moved to Montana last year in September. While staying with my sister we decided to tell my sister, her husband, and my aunt that my husband had control of the money from the sale of the house. My sister and aunt treated me like I was unwelcome and tried to become best friends with my husband. They started with their hard luck stories. Then what I call stories of denial, basically blaming everyone they ever knew for their problems.
Later came the questions in the attempt to embarrass me and more questions meant to separate my husband and I.
Then my sister in an attempt to gain the attention of my husband offered to show her genital piercing. Even told him it is on the internet if he wants to see it. When my husband told her to stop talking like that she started saying how my mom's brother molested her at thirteen and she is not always aware she is being wrong. The problem with that is my mom's brother was in prison when she was twelve  until after she turned fifteen. I told my husband she was lying.
My husband and I purchased our home on October 18, we moved in on October 23, 2013. So for one month and five days I kept my cool and did not say a word to her. As she and her husband helped us move our stuff into our new home she kept trying to create conflict by saying your husband's house is nice, he did a good job. While putting emphasize on he and husband. When I did not respond she finally said I guess he might put your name on the house some day.
So yesterday when they called and mentioned they loved my husband I finally told them they are not welcome in our lives any longer.
I mentioned that my daughter and I do not like being disrespected. I also told them the truth, that they brown-nosed with the wrong person, the money from the sale of our Las Vegas home had been in my account all along. My aunt and sister tried to apologize to me. My aunt even denied talking dirty to my husband.
I guess the huge shocker for them was the house is in my name as well as my husband's name.
I was stressed about how to tell them to stay out of our lives. Until yesterday I felt sorry for them. I can understand people wanting a better life, but when it comes to trying to destroy my marriage and their attempts to corrupt my teenage daughter I cannot allow it.
It turns out that my sister has called my mom repeatedly leaving messages asking why I am not talking to her. I find her attempts to make my mom angry at me very immature. Besides my mom doesn't want to hear it. She has told me and my sister that it is our argument, fix it ourselves or stay away form each other.
Since I have quit talking to my sister my days have been peaceful and I am smiling more. My daughter is no longer afraid to leave her room like when my sister was over.



 

Online zach

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  • not fade away
Re: Trouble with family
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2014, 11:20:36 PM »
can't pick our families. most are broken and dysfunctional. my own family in the hills is shockingly overrun by meth addiction. my family name is known as cooks.
gonna go up to the mountain, for to find a little peace
looking over the valley, for the beauty i see
out across the hills, forevermore

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Trouble with family
« Reply #2 on: February 18, 2014, 06:57:47 AM »
By the way you tell these stories, I get the impression you family is very transparent in its game playing, that you know what game they are playing and why, very soon after each new game starts.
So I would ask why you sit by and watch for so long, because all the shenanigans bug you and hurt those around you. 
I suppose cutting them out is a good option. 
But have you ever tried just calling out the lies and bullshit sooner, nipping it in the bud? Would they deny it?  If you consistently "name that tune" maybe they could just cut the crap....  I dunno.  Maybe not. 
But most people have cognitive dissonance and called out enough, they give up and make peace with those who can see right through them.
« Last Edit: February 18, 2014, 06:59:58 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline wolfter

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Re: Trouble with family
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2014, 11:11:53 AM »
I'll take a little of my own advice shortly as I just posted my own family rant.  ;)

I'm usually pretty good at handling family dynamics that are troubling but we all get to points where it seems overwhelming.

ACTION:  This is a word that has helped me through many troubling periods in life.  We can't control other peoples' actions, but we can control are REACTIONS to those actions. 

Wishing you a great day tempered with positive mental health.

greg
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline idee

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  • Posts: 274
  • Hi...
Re: Trouble with family
« Reply #4 on: February 18, 2014, 08:45:33 PM »
By the way you tell these stories, I get the impression you family is very transparent in its game playing, that you know what game they are playing and why, very soon after each new game starts.
So I would ask why you sit by and watch for so long, because all the shenanigans bug you and hurt those around you. 
I suppose cutting them out is a good option. 
But have you ever tried just calling out the lies and bullshit sooner, nipping it in the bud? Would they deny it?  If you consistently "name that tune" maybe they could just cut the crap....  I dunno.  Maybe not. 
But most people have cognitive dissonance and called out enough, they give up and make peace with those who can see right through them.


Honestly I was afraid and I would mentally beat myself up for making the decision to be with someone at age seventeen who infected me.
 I used to be witty, happy go lucky, and social. After my first positive test I lost the ability to communicate to people. I became quiet and thought to myself more. One night when my sister invited me to watch some movies at her house. She had chosen Cabin Fever and Outbreak.
As I started taking psychology, sociology, and currently communications I have learned so much. I am still learning.
When I tried to call them out on their behavior they flat out denied ever behaving wrong. I used to get angry when I was younger. Now, I explain how I feel to the person. If it does not solve the problem I remove them from my life.
Better late than never.


Offline idee

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  • Posts: 274
  • Hi...
Re: Trouble with family
« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2014, 09:57:36 PM »
I'll take a little of my own advice shortly as I just posted my own family rant.  ;)

I'm usually pretty good at handling family dynamics that are troubling but we all get to points where it seems overwhelming.

ACTION:  This is a word that has helped me through many troubling periods in life.  We can't control other peoples' actions, but we can control are REACTIONS to those actions. 

Wishing you a great day tempered with positive mental health.

Thanks. I am feeling better today. I will remember that action word. I usually am not an unhappy person, my day today was great. I took a two hour nap, since I stayed up last night finishing homework. Then my husband helped me cook dinner and clean up. I taught my daughter how to make rice. It was funny she thought rice had to be stirred. So she was ending up with soggy wet rice before today.
This weekend we are making eggs benedict.

Online zach

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Re: Trouble with family
« Reply #6 on: February 18, 2014, 10:01:07 PM »
wait wait, is that why my rice sucks? i'm being serious here. i've been using bag rice because i can never get the real stuff right

sorry for the hijack, but i eat alot of beans and rice, i'd love to be able to do better
gonna go up to the mountain, for to find a little peace
looking over the valley, for the beauty i see
out across the hills, forevermore

Offline idee

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  • Posts: 274
  • Hi...
Re: Trouble with family
« Reply #7 on: February 18, 2014, 10:09:01 PM »
can't pick our families. most are broken and dysfunctional. my own family in the hills is shockingly overrun by meth addiction. my family name is known as cooks.

I can kind of understand. My sister and aunt I spoke about in the post are using marijuana, alcohol, and prescription pills to get high. My sister cannot get high as she works somewhere that would notice her using meth or heroine like she used too.
I am not perfect, I drank wine coolers and beers before my daughter existed. I stopped so I would not be a bad influence. The women in my family are not successful. I am the only one who lives a completely sober or drug free life. I live like this to show my daughter it is possible, instead of the old, "Do as I say, not as I do", excuse my mom used to give.
Still I can not blame them. I am responsible for my own life.
I also do not think all people who drink or smoke marijuana are terrible. I understand that addiction runs through both sides of my family, and I want my daughter to live a good life.  color]
« Last Edit: February 18, 2014, 10:20:17 PM by idee »

Offline idee

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  • Posts: 274
  • Hi...
Re: Trouble with family
« Reply #8 on: February 18, 2014, 10:16:49 PM »
wait wait, is that why my rice sucks? i'm being serious here. i've been using bag rice because i can never get the real stuff right

sorry for the hijack, but i eat alot of beans and rice, i'd love to be able to do better

Ok. I buy the bulk bag of Uncle Bens from Sam's Club. For example: when I make a serving for 2, it says to put in a half cup of rice, then add 1-1/3 cups of water. I skip adding the butter, my family does not like the buttery flavor in rice. I put the rice in the pot, then add water. I put the pot on medium and wait for the water to come to a boil, then I turn the heat down to low. When I cannot see the water, I check the rice using a spoon or fork to push a little bit of rice over to see if the water has been absorbed. I do not stir the rice at all.

Offline Theyer

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  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Re: Trouble with family
« Reply #9 on: February 24, 2014, 06:29:56 PM »
Good luck with it all Idee ,sounds like hubby is a sound man. Take care .
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

 


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