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Author Topic: Arguing with coworkers  (Read 3462 times)

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Offline marcmoral16

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Arguing with coworkers
« on: February 17, 2014, 04:24:08 PM »
So yesterday I got into a huge argument with my coworkers about the medications I'm taking. They don't know I'm HIV+ so they see me taking these pills and ask why I take I casual just say it's for my health. So they then begin to tell me that all I need is natural remedies and I shouldn't fill my body with stuff that's going to kill me. I got visibly frustrated and said...... If I don't take this eventually I might die, natural remedies don't work for me!.....

We then argue for about another 15 mins how I'm killing myself taking my HIV MEDS (keep in mind they don't know about my status) and how I should take herbs. I keep saying show me proof herbs have cured someone's ailments because I know for a fact they can't cure mine.

They give up and I start getting upset because they go off talking, I'm thinking to avoid this convo I tell them I don't really care anymore for there stories of miracle cures and such it's just stressful to try to reason without giving up the reason.
Tested Positive Jan 16 2013
CD4 119 6% VL 23980
Started Complera Feb 2013
March CD4 199 9% VL 1000
May CD4 255 12% VL 334
June CD4 284 15% VL 172
Switched to Stribild middle June 2013
July CD4 325 22% VL 51
October CD4 341 23% VL UD!!
Jan 2014 CD4 343 20% VL <20
July 2014 CD4 450 26% VL <20

Offline eric48

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2014, 04:56:41 PM »
... so they see me taking these pills...

Why would you have to take a once daily one pill in front of other people ?

Eric
NVP/ABC/3TC/... UD; CD4 > 1000; CD4/CD8 ~ 2.0   safety stock : 3 months (2013: FOTO= 5d. ON 2d. OFF)

Offline marcmoral16

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2014, 05:10:20 PM »
Either I don't understand your question or you don't get mine....

Why wouldn't I it's the time I'm used to taking it.
Tested Positive Jan 16 2013
CD4 119 6% VL 23980
Started Complera Feb 2013
March CD4 199 9% VL 1000
May CD4 255 12% VL 334
June CD4 284 15% VL 172
Switched to Stribild middle June 2013
July CD4 325 22% VL 51
October CD4 341 23% VL UD!!
Jan 2014 CD4 343 20% VL <20
July 2014 CD4 450 26% VL <20

Online zach

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #3 on: February 17, 2014, 05:23:03 PM »
there was a question in your post? IMO, taking your meds in front of someone is just screaming for attention
gonna go up to the mountain, for to find a little peace
looking over the valley, for the beauty i see
out across the hills, forevermore

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #4 on: February 17, 2014, 05:27:02 PM »
Its easily solved . Tell them to mind their own business or take your meds in private since you have chose to not talk about why you are taking them .

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #5 on: February 17, 2014, 06:44:37 PM »
Hi Marc

I would not tell anyone to mind their own business on this one. Enough gasoline on this flame.

However I agree with Jeff -- take your meds privately.

I would avoid this sort of opined interaction like the plague. Yeah , the other plague.

Offline Dr.Strangelove

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #6 on: February 17, 2014, 07:00:49 PM »
So, the solution is we should hide? Following that thought, perhaps we also shouldn't tell people that we are poz because it might confuse or upset them?

I don't take my meds in secret, either (except when visiting my parents). If it's time, I just take them wherever I am at that moment, no matter whether I'm in a restaurant, train or wherever public. (Also when I am around people that know me, but don't know I am poz, like in Marc's situation at work.)
My reasoning is the following: Would I hide taking any other medication? As for me, I would not, so I don't want to treat my HIV meds any different because that would make me feel stigmatized.

Now, as for the coworkers, I'd be annoyed by that too. Of course, there would be an easy way to make them shut up and that's by telling them what the meds are for. I doubt (or rather don't hope) they would suggest a herbal cure for HIV or some homeopathy. :)
Then again, I suspect you don't want to disclose your status.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2014, 07:07:29 PM by Dr.Strangelove »

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #7 on: February 17, 2014, 07:07:28 PM »
I don't think anyone is suggesting he should hide . I just accept the fact that he has chosen not to disclose so if he wishes for privacy he must take his meds in private or put up with unwanted comments from his coworkers . 

Offline YellowFever

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #8 on: February 17, 2014, 07:11:56 PM »
Disclosure: I'm not on meds so what do I know.

I've always thought that if I'm not comfortable telling the truth about those pills, there's really nothing to stop me from a little white lie. Truvada is a herbal supplement from a rare blue plant found in Papua New Guinea....Helps prevent lots of things like blindness, common cold, (..list all AIDS defining illnesses here)
08/2010 HIV- 08/2012 HIV+
10/2012 CD4 415(15%)
04/2013 CD4 457(15%)
10/2013 CD4 520 (20%) VL 650 (wtf?)
02/2014 CD4 410(20%) VL 390 (yay!)
08/2014 CD4 580(?%)

Offline Dr.Strangelove

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #9 on: February 17, 2014, 07:19:20 PM »
...and Kaposi Sarcoma  ;)

Yes, I guess a little lie is acceptable in such situation.
Reminds me of a date I once had in Chicago. As soon as I met the boy, he insisted on going somewhere to have a snack and then he pulled out a small pill dose on his key chain and took that rather large pill that had a familiar-looking shape. I asked him what it was and he said: 'vitamin pill'. I later told him that I think I know what that pill really was for. He was surprised I recognized it but it was a great way to find out that we are both poz :)

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #10 on: February 17, 2014, 08:19:15 PM »
The only reason I suggested them privately is that the lack of professionalism and abundance of immaturity described in this workplace is, in a word, is jacked.

I would pick any topic other than pills near their water cooler.

Offline marcmoral16

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #11 on: February 17, 2014, 08:22:37 PM »
It's something that I run to my bag and grab there is no privacy when you work in retail. I was just venting my frustrations.

I suppose I can go to the rest room and take my pills and that would solve much of everything but then at the same point it's not hidden when you take Advil or Tylenol so this should be no different.

Just frustrates me that they would be so involved in my medicine.
Tested Positive Jan 16 2013
CD4 119 6% VL 23980
Started Complera Feb 2013
March CD4 199 9% VL 1000
May CD4 255 12% VL 334
June CD4 284 15% VL 172
Switched to Stribild middle June 2013
July CD4 325 22% VL 51
October CD4 341 23% VL UD!!
Jan 2014 CD4 343 20% VL <20
July 2014 CD4 450 26% VL <20

Offline mecch

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #12 on: February 17, 2014, 09:17:01 PM »
Fuck them if they think herbs cure anything.  You are letting ignorant dumb-asses get in your private business, why is that? Ignore their lack of science and make your life easier -- if you don't feel like discussing HIV and its treatment with a bunch of idiots, and they don't respect any privacy when they see you pop a pill, take your pills in private.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline tednlou2

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #13 on: February 17, 2014, 10:14:46 PM »
I was confused.  They don't know you are poz, but tell you your HIV meds are toxic and you should take herbs?  And, there is an argument about proof of herbs curing ailments.  What do they think you are taking?  It just seems odd they would argue meds vs herbs, without knowing what someone is taking and why.  If your bp was 200/140, they would suggest you take herbs?  They are just anti-med, regardless of what the med is?

Online zach

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #14 on: February 17, 2014, 11:09:56 PM »
another tactic... drop the bomb sweetly. i'm HIV+ and this pill keeps me from getting all AIDSey on you guys.

that you're taking the meds in front of them tells me that somewhere in your psyche you want to own this a little more.

course then at least one of them will be a conspiracy denialist and the sparks might really fly.

but maybe it could be a healthy thing to air out.

personally, for me, HELLZ no. but we all walk our own path. maybe for you it will be liberating.
gonna go up to the mountain, for to find a little peace
looking over the valley, for the beauty i see
out across the hills, forevermore

Online zach

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #15 on: February 17, 2014, 11:15:43 PM »
really though, IMO, change your dose schedule, dose at home, it won't wreck your system to change the time. not advisable to just randomly take or change dose times every week but a one off to get you on a different schedule should be fine, maybe consult you dr. either you tackle this issue or dodge it.
gonna go up to the mountain, for to find a little peace
looking over the valley, for the beauty i see
out across the hills, forevermore

Offline Dan0

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #16 on: February 17, 2014, 11:19:17 PM »
They're 'co-workers' ... By their very nature usually prone to inserting themselves into you're business to break the monotony of an 8 hour shift.

They're not you're friends
They're not your family
They're not (I would hope) in any type of relationship with you

You owe them nothing other than civility. Take your meds in private and take the power away from them. I doubt it would be any different with Advil. They'd want to know the WHAT and WHY of that, too. Your allowing them to stress you out when the answer is simple. No, you shouldn't have to sneak to a bathroom to take a pill, but when you're dealing with morons you have to make some concessions.
You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.

"Honey, you should never ask advice from a drunk drag queen who has a show to do." - JG

06/2002 DX
10/2006 Atripla UD
10/2013 Stribild Still UD

Offline 0608

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #17 on: February 18, 2014, 01:29:19 AM »
Yeah, I don't really get why this has to become a big enough deal for it to annoy you.  Just say they're daily vitamins, and if they start their spiel about the herbs, smile, thank them for their advice, and then go on about your day.  Save your energy for things that actually matter.

Offline marcmoral16

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #18 on: February 18, 2014, 01:54:31 AM »
Ok maybe I'm not exposing it so here we go.....

They know I takings pill for my health because I've been away from work for three months Novermber through Feb. It hey have seen me twking my pills before so I guess curiosity got to them. The correlation of me being out and taking pills sparked their interest.

The swear by herbs and remedy that are natural. I told them because they asked that this pill is for my health and that was that. Once I said that they were just asking me why I would take something that is chemical that drs over medicate people.

These are the type of people that believe that the earth is hallow. Hallow earth theory look it up.

So it annoyed because they just started saying that it won't help me I need to have herbs and natural things.

For the ppl that say take it in private, my private option is the bath room only. Changing my pill time would be an option.

I more so did this to vent and that was that really. I get I could avoid this by taking my pills in the bath room or change the time, however I'm accustom to this and I have a bad memory so I know that this time work.

Thank you all for your advice.
Tested Positive Jan 16 2013
CD4 119 6% VL 23980
Started Complera Feb 2013
March CD4 199 9% VL 1000
May CD4 255 12% VL 334
June CD4 284 15% VL 172
Switched to Stribild middle June 2013
July CD4 325 22% VL 51
October CD4 341 23% VL UD!!
Jan 2014 CD4 343 20% VL <20
July 2014 CD4 450 26% VL <20

Offline mecch

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #19 on: February 18, 2014, 07:11:41 AM »
Something funny about this story.
What country do you live in?
All your co-workers are hollow earth pagans who don't trust medical science? None of them ever took evil antibiotics for a strep throat or got stitched up patched up in hospital for something?
Where do you work, a radical faerie druid witch esoteric herbal apothecary?
You know, I'm wondering if you kinda want to provoke them because part of you does want to share your true story of being sick and how and why you are getting better.  Just a thought.  Cause you are making a number of limp noodle / evasive statements while sitting on the fence and in their firing line.
They also might be saying this nonsense with a good heart, so better information might be welcomed.  Personally, I agree that its none of their business, and it might be more effort than you are interested in, to educate them.  And there is really no need for co-workers to know one's medical challenges.  But everyone is only human.  A colleague of mine went out on sick leave last year and volunteered the info to me, why, but not to anyone else.  Everyone was of course concerned and asking around was it serious, etc etc etc. 
Its a tough call. 
But really if you just want to keep this to yourself, change you pill time.   How many times a day do you have to take pills, anyway?
« Last Edit: February 18, 2014, 07:24:29 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Online zach

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #20 on: February 18, 2014, 07:39:15 AM »
i'm sorry to sound so judgmental. you created this drama, and have stirred the pot its in. why not simple diffuse the situation, stop taking your meds in front of the nagging neggies, stop throwing in little morsels to make it seem tastier than it is. stop talking about it. take your meds in private, its not so difficult its a hardship. don't talk about it at work any longer. in time, the memory will fade. let it pass gracefully.

the mistake was yours, the entire scenario was foreseeable and easily avoidable, instead of battling your coworkers in a war of wits, explore your own motivations for your actions
« Last Edit: February 18, 2014, 07:41:36 AM by zach »
gonna go up to the mountain, for to find a little peace
looking over the valley, for the beauty i see
out across the hills, forevermore

Offline wolfter

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #21 on: February 18, 2014, 11:23:13 AM »
Goodness gracious.  Perhaps it's regional as I've never had anyone question my meds.  I'm not even sure if I do it privately or not.  I take a handful of pills every morning at work and simply gulp and swallow. 

If you're stressed about it, take your once a day pill in private.  I can't imagine not finding 10 seconds or privacy regardless of your job.  IMO, there's some other dynamic at play here. 

wolfie
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline marcmoral16

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #22 on: February 18, 2014, 01:36:21 PM »
First and foremost I said I was venting!

Secondly rather then set more fire to this blaze let me be as specific as possible for those questioning my motives for this post.

I do not want nor need attention, I posted to vent like countless others.

I work in a retail shop in the US with 7 people of the 7 TWO are the ones that always have something to say. Once again I was VENTING for those that don't see it that way I'm sorry you misread what I was trying to say. They may mean it in good faith but there approach says otherwise. They have this view on things that is should I say different. My FIVE other coworkers have at one time or another seen me take the pill and have not made a comment nor do they care to get involved. Which is what I guess I expected of them. I do not need them to have pity for me as that would be stupid on my part. I take my pill when I choose to because it's convenient for ME. So the suggestions of taking at another time are duly noted.

Yes I could take my pill in the bathroom the private space that I do have to myself, that would solve everything now wouldn't it. My issue was there insistence that what I'm taking isn't helping me because herbs can cure everything. Had I told them I was poz yea, that would have nipped it in the butt but I did not want to.

You guys are seriously know how to make someone feel welcomed. Nothing further needs to be said I gathered from the post that it's clearly something I'm doing wrong and I'm trying to cause this for unknown reasons because I like the attention, which couldn't be any further from the truth.

So with that being said thank you for the response they helped me tremendously.
« Last Edit: February 18, 2014, 01:45:37 PM by marcmoral16 »
Tested Positive Jan 16 2013
CD4 119 6% VL 23980
Started Complera Feb 2013
March CD4 199 9% VL 1000
May CD4 255 12% VL 334
June CD4 284 15% VL 172
Switched to Stribild middle June 2013
July CD4 325 22% VL 51
October CD4 341 23% VL UD!!
Jan 2014 CD4 343 20% VL <20
July 2014 CD4 450 26% VL <20

Offline Joe K

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #23 on: February 18, 2014, 03:13:35 PM »
First and foremost I said I was venting!

Secondly rather then set more fire to this blaze let me be as specific as possible for those questioning my motives for this post.

I do not want nor need attention, I posted to vent like countless others.

I work in a retail shop in the US with 7 people of the 7 TWO are the ones that always have something to say. Once again I was VENTING for those that don't see it that way I'm sorry you misread what I was trying to say. They may mean it in good faith but there approach says otherwise. They have this view on things that is should I say different. My FIVE other coworkers have at one time or another seen me take the pill and have not made a comment nor do they care to get involved. Which is what I guess I expected of them. I do not need them to have pity for me as that would be stupid on my part. I take my pill when I choose to because it's convenient for ME. So the suggestions of taking at another time are duly noted.

Yes I could take my pill in the bathroom the private space that I do have to myself, that would solve everything now wouldn't it. My issue was there insistence that what I'm taking isn't helping me because herbs can cure everything. Had I told them I was poz yea, that would have nipped it in the butt but I did not want to.

You guys are seriously know how to make someone feel welcomed. Nothing further needs to be said I gathered from the post that it's clearly something I'm doing wrong and I'm trying to cause this for unknown reasons because I like the attention, which couldn't be any further from the truth.

So with that being said thank you for the response they helped me tremendously.

Hey Marc,

I do not think that anyone was trying to make you feel unwelcome, rather, they were trying to frame the issue in a different manner.  The simple fact is, if you wish to take your meds on your own schedule, you know from experience, that others will question this action.  This leaves you with two options.  1. Diffuse the situation by confronting them directly and asking them to stop, or 2. Take your pills in private, so they have no opportunity to comment.

The decision is yours.

Joe

Offline pittman

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #24 on: February 18, 2014, 08:39:39 PM »
Wow.  I read through this thread, and I am appalled at the lack of empathy.

Fine, getting the message across to the original poster that there are multiple options for dealing with nebby coworkers is valid.  Recognizing others may just be naturally curious is probably correct. Pointing out that one can take some control of the situation, great.

Trying to dream up hidden motivations for taking a pill in front of coworkers, or in shifting blame for the situation to someone because their coworkers can't mind their own business- give me a break.  The coworkers are also more than capable of not creating the situation by intruding. 

Offline geobee

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #25 on: February 21, 2014, 03:22:43 AM »
There's no right way to do this.  Telling them to shut up, telling them it's private, or divulging all your private details -- different things work for different people.

When I'm a situation like that, I say "Well, I have HIV". 

I don't tell white lies or anything like that.  If they can't deal with it, it's their problem.  I focus on getting myself right with my truth -- the rest will take care of itself.

The truth, as they say, shall set me free.   As least I hope so!  :)

Offline Ann

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #26 on: February 21, 2014, 06:29:50 AM »
There's no right way to do this.  Telling them to shut up, telling them it's private, or divulging all your private details -- different things work for different people.

When I'm a situation like that, I say "Well, I have HIV". 

I don't tell white lies or anything like that.  If they can't deal with it, it's their problem.  I focus on getting myself right with my truth -- the rest will take care of itself.

The truth, as they say, shall set me free.   As least I hope so!  :)

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Offline Theyer

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #27 on: February 28, 2014, 07:32:25 AM »
I hope things at work are easier.

As to disclosure I have had a run off lovely interactions due to having a Policy off being GabbyGobby. The last one was from the Ghanaian body builder father off lost count of how many children who took 4 days to fit a very small kitchen in my flat as he only had the use off one hand the other was needed for his phone , hence the 4 days.
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline LiveWithIt

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #28 on: February 28, 2014, 12:56:37 PM »
Why get yourself riled up about it, just say okay and ignore their comments.  Or if possible take your meds at a different time when they don't see you.
Pray God you can cope
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

Offline gavelkind

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #29 on: March 01, 2014, 08:36:38 PM »
First and foremost I said I was venting!

Secondly rather then set more fire to this blaze let me be as specific as possible for those questioning my motives for this post.

I do not want nor need attention, I posted to vent like countless others.

I work in a retail shop in the US with 7 people of the 7 TWO are the ones that always have something to say. Once again I was VENTING for those that don't see it that way I'm sorry you misread what I was trying to say. They may mean it in good faith but there approach says otherwise. They have this view on things that is should I say different. My FIVE other coworkers have at one time or another seen me take the pill and have not made a comment nor do they care to get involved. Which is what I guess I expected of them. I do not need them to have pity for me as that would be stupid on my part. I take my pill when I choose to because it's convenient for ME. So the suggestions of taking at another time are duly noted.

Yes I could take my pill in the bathroom the private space that I do have to myself, that would solve everything now wouldn't it. My issue was there insistence that what I'm taking isn't helping me because herbs can cure everything. Had I told them I was poz yea, that would have nipped it in the butt but I did not want to.

You guys are seriously know how to make someone feel welcomed. Nothing further needs to be said I gathered from the post that it's clearly something I'm doing wrong and I'm trying to cause this for unknown reasons because I like the attention, which couldn't be any further from the truth.

So with that being said thank you for the response they helped me tremendously.

Don't take anything anyone says on here too seriously. Think of this place more as a place where you can "scientifically" discuss situations, IMO. I've personally noticed that many posters on here like to act morally superior towards the younger/newer set. They've been through so much tougher shit that they tend to have less patience with the younger generation that is growing up in a "symptomless" hiv world that is more accepting (seriously i havent been sick once since being diagnosed).

Quite honestly, I'm  not worried about acceptance from straight people. Most of the ones I know are pretty ignorant about it. They ask dumb questions and you can easily correct them yourself. If you take the time to explain it to them, they will be more likely to understand. The ones I'm worried about are other "negative" GAY people. They are the most judgmental even though you'd think they wouldn't be. I take my pills in public and honestly I get a bit of a thrill out of it. They all instantly assume it's a natural sot of herb Im taking. Most people even assume it's a muscle supplement! A few times, they've asked me what I was taking and I blatantly ignored them, and they always assume the best without me saying anything. Take it in private if it bothers you so much, but sounds like you're trying to challenge yourself and are struggling to understand that!
2/13- Diagnosed
3/13- CD4,  885/39%   VL, 135,542
5/13- CD4,  867/46%   VL, 553
6/13- CD4,  720/42%   VL, 32
7/13- CD4,  1095/36%  VL, <20
10/13- CD4, 884/47%   VL, 42
1/14- CD4,  1165/48%  VL, 31
2/14- CD4,  1214/46%  VL, <20
5/14- CD4,  1715/49%  VL, <20

Offline Joe K

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #30 on: March 03, 2014, 03:30:40 PM »
Don't take anything anyone says on here too seriously. Think of this place more as a place where you can "scientifically" discuss situations, IMO. I've personally noticed that many posters on here like to act morally superior towards the younger/newer set. They've been through so much tougher shit that they tend to have less patience with the younger generation that is growing up in a "symptomless" hiv world that is more accepting (seriously i havent been sick once since being diagnosed).

Gavel,

Like you, I have noticed a few things as well.  One is that some folks think they are extra special and so the world owes them deference.  They want to do what they want and are unable to recognize that the world does not revolve around them. 

The OP had more of a social problems than anything else, which could have been handled quite easily.   Except that he also confused 2 separate issues, 1: comments about his taking drugs and 2: comments about how the drugs would not work.  He then compounded the problem by insisting that he would only accept the solution of his choosing.

This had nothing to do with anyone acting morally superior towards a "younger/newer set", rather it had to do with someone who needs to refine his social skills.  Claiming that we would actively do this, suggests to me that you have not spent much time on this forum and I do not appreciate your comments regarding people that you do not know.  Blanket statements, such as yours, do nothing to bring support to anyone and I am saying this strictly as a member.

Wise folks tend to learn to pick their battles carefully.  Even more important, is to understand that just because something upsets you, it does not always mean you have been treated improperly.

Joe

Offline gadawg1979

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #31 on: March 04, 2014, 11:36:13 PM »
tell them they are herb pills problem solved
Diagnosed March 2012
Initial CD4- 156 VL 200K (started Complera) Genotype test no resistance
First labs on meds CD4- 246 VL 2K Taken after 30 days on Complera
90 Day labs VL 306 No CD4 Drawn
8/21/2012 CD4 474 VL Undetectable (40) %20.6
11/27/2012 CD 4 522 VL Undetectable (40)
2/14/2013 CD 4 464 VL Undetecable (30) 19.6%
6/8/3013 CD 4 528 VL Undetectable (30)
9/24/2013 CD 4 546 VL Undetectable (40)
1/30/2014 CD4 560 VL Undetectable (40) 22 %
6/19/2014 CD4 584 Vl Undetecable (30)

Offline antobelli

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #32 on: March 05, 2014, 12:14:50 AM »
@ Joe K
gavelkind is right, many posters on this forum think that because they are LTS's they know everything about HIV, and they do act "superior".
 Listen and be kind ( applies to all of us) to someone who's venting, and share your knowledge and experience living with HIV when someone ask.

This is what one of the members of this forum replay to my post:
"You've only been HIV+ since 2000. When did you go on HIV meds and which ones were you on when you first started treatment and which meds specifically are you connecting with you case of lipo?"
Are you kidding me? Do I need to take HIV meds for 30 years to develop lipo or to see any other ugly side effects from HIV meds?

 This past February I have been HIV+ for 14 years and on meds for 14 years (cancer free for 10 years).
In 14 years many HIV+ people didn't make it, plain and simple.
 
Most of the people on this forum are nice and kind: Jeff (always share his personal experience with HIV), tednlou2 (supportive and kind), and many others, don't remember everyone name...

 But some of the so call "long term survivors" think and act like they discover the HIV virus.
And all of you have to remember that every human body is different and respond in different way to a medical treatment. 

I'm thinking to write a book "Les VIH Miserable"

Antobelli


Online zach

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #33 on: March 05, 2014, 12:30:11 AM »
 antobelli

not very long ago i came back to this forum, prostrate and apologetic. it had taken me over a year to humble myself after the incredibly epic dramatic rant i left on. it is very difficult to look in the mirror, and see ourselves as we are. anger and frustration are oftentimes misdirected. they are easier to correct than shame.
gonna go up to the mountain, for to find a little peace
looking over the valley, for the beauty i see
out across the hills, forevermore

Offline wolfter

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #34 on: March 05, 2014, 08:23:33 AM »
antobelli

not very long ago i came back to this forum, prostrate and apologetic. it had taken me over a year to humble myself after the incredibly epic dramatic rant i left on. it is very difficult to look in the mirror, and see ourselves as we are. anger and frustration are oftentimes misdirected. they are easier to correct than shame.

I also didn’t make a grand entrance in these forums and had several difficulties with those I felt were wronging me.  I joined in my deepest darkest period; angry at myself, family, friends, the world and my partner for dying and leaving me alone.

I finally returned, with apologies galore and was welcomed back with such great support.  Had I not done so, I would have missed out on meeting some of the greatest people in my life and some wild ass adventures.  I’ve grown a lot due to these forums.  It’ll be a continuous journey which is the way life works.

The true character of a man is when he admits his faults, not bestows his virtues. 


And to the comments about LTS being somehow superior???  Say what?  I simply think we bring a different mindset to the game.  We’re older, having gained wisdom through growth.  We’ve witnessed the devastation of this virus for 30 years and probably are a little more versed.  It’s not a superiority issue, but rather a knowledge issue.  It would be just as easy for each of us to selfishly hold onto that knowledge and not try to bestow that upon others.

If “newbies” question our motives, perhaps it’s time for some soul searching, while staring into a mirror.  The majority of my comments/posts here have been out of genuine care and concern, not to show my LTS wealth of knowledge.

As Joe said perfectly, we’ve lived long enough to know which battles are truly worth fighting for.  And to figure out how to take one pill a day doesn’t seem to be much of a battle.  But simply creating chaos where none should exist
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline Joe K

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #35 on: March 05, 2014, 11:46:58 AM »
@ Joe K
gavelkind is right, many posters on this forum think that because they are LTS's they know everything about HIV, and they do act "superior".
 Listen and be kind ( applies to all of us) to someone who's venting, and share your knowledge and experience living with HIV when someone ask.

This is what one of the members of this forum replay to my post:
"You've only been HIV+ since 2000. When did you go on HIV meds and which ones were you on when you first started treatment and which meds specifically are you connecting with you case of lipo?"
Are you kidding me? Do I need to take HIV meds for 30 years to develop lipo or to see any other ugly side effects from HIV meds?

 This past February I have been HIV+ for 14 years and on meds for 14 years (cancer free for 10 years).
In 14 years many HIV+ people didn't make it, plain and simple.
 
Most of the people on this forum are nice and kind: Jeff (always share his personal experience with HIV), tednlou2 (supportive and kind), and many others, don't remember everyone name...

 But some of the so call "long term survivors" think and act like they discover the HIV virus.
And all of you have to remember that every human body is different and respond in different way to a medical treatment. 

I'm thinking to write a book "Les VIH Miserable"

Antobelli

Antobelli,

I never claimed that these forums were perfect, however, I wish you would make up your mind.  You tell me that many LTS here act "superior", then you share one example of you receiving an insensitive reply to one of your posts and you end by saying that most of the people on this forum are nice and kind.  Can you see where a reader may become confused?

I know these forums can be volatile, as we are dealing with a potentially deadly disease.  I know that some folks can become insensitive at times, myself included, yet I understand and accept this is but one part of what makes these forums so special.  What frustrates me, is when a poster replies with blanket statements regarding the forums, instead of simply addressing the issue that involves them.

We are drawn here by the virus we share and those who stay, do so, because they like what they find here.  Yes we are all human, we make mistakes and if we are lucky, we learn from them, we apologize when we offend, but most of all, we recognize the right of each of us to simply have a bad day.  I have been with these forums for 12 years and the forums have shown me what works and what simply causes divisiveness.

I believe that the greatest power of these forums, is to teach all of us, by example, experience and interaction, that not only is living with HIV possible, that thriving with HIV is to be expected and for many of us, it is a reality.  Of course our own experience will temper and inform how we view the world and the written word can be very limited in its ability to truly convey meaning and intent.  When posters use blanket words, like "most" and "many", I believe it diminishes their position, because it dilutes the source of any conflict.  Where they should be focusing on what they believe the issue to be, they instead choose a defensive position, thereby predisposing them to perceive any discussion to be negative in nature.

What all of this means to me, is that living with HIV is not for the faint of heart.  What we do, how we live and how we attempt to make sense of all of this is damn hard work.  None of us can do this alone and fortunately there is real healing to be found here.  If nothing else, all I ask is that you consider that the person replying to your post, may have issues that you could never imagine.

Sometimes, we are too quick to insist on compassion and understanding from others, while denying them the same courtesy.  If you spend your life, always seeking that which offends you, you will spend your life missing the times that truly make life worth living.

Joe

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #36 on: March 05, 2014, 12:01:31 PM »

This is what one of the members of this forum replay to my post:
"You've only been HIV+ since 2000. When did you go on HIV meds and which ones were you on when you first started treatment and which meds specifically are you connecting with you case of lipo?"

I said that, and it was completely relevant to the discussion. I'm sorry if you took such personal offense at it. This is a web forum, and when you make assertions that do not conform to things that have been documented by medical research you should expect to be respectfully challenged.

You're here now acting like you were called names and/or demeaned, which was not the case.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Denver Toad

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #37 on: March 05, 2014, 12:09:46 PM »
Quote
The true character of a man is when he admits his faults, not bestows his virtues. 

Wolfter, Thank You. Those words hit me like a brick.

If you're patient, and listen to hear not listen listen to comment, there's a depth of wisdom in these forums beyond compare.

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.

Offline antobelli

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #38 on: March 05, 2014, 02:41:15 PM »
@ Joe K don't get angry be happy.
You highlight the words MANY and Most.
many=the majority of people
most/most of...=the greatest part of a number
Sorry about confusing my readers. Any reader who got confuse please pm me.
BTW I love your writing style.

@wolfter
I'm not trying to make a "big entrance on the forum", not at all. I am a very happy and successful HIV+ individual. I love my life, my friends, my job, my hobbies, and love helping people in need (that's what I do for living).
Wlfter if you really like to share your wisdom of LTS, you should share it and replay in a timely manner to members (newbies) who ask for advice. I bet I can find few posts on the forum with at least 50 views and ZERO replies.

@ zach
I do not feel the need to apologize to anyone.

@Ms Philicia
Wishing you well and happiness.
 
 

Offline wolfter

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #39 on: March 05, 2014, 03:00:29 PM »
@wolfter
I'm not trying to make a "big entrance on the forum", not at all. I am a very happy and successful HIV+ individual. I love my life, my friends, my job, my hobbies, and love helping people in need (that's what I do for living).
Wlfter if you really like to share your wisdom of LTS, you should share it and replay in a timely manner to members (newbies) who ask for advice. I bet I can find few posts on the forum with at least 50 views and ZERO replies.

 

I can tolerate a lot, but I despise condescension.  I purposely allow a lot of the newbies to work through their current diagnosis together.  That is a conscious decisions because I worry that I'll downplay their concerns.  I regularly assist when I think I can add something of value.  But then again, I don't OWE you any explanation. 

But I certainly don't need or want anyone to tell me when and how to respond.   

I certainly hope you knock the chip off your shoulder and garner as much benefit as most of us have, but that's looking questionable for now.

best of luck.
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Online zach

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #40 on: March 05, 2014, 03:04:20 PM »
@ zach
I do not feel the need to apologize to anyone.

i did, and in my post i shared my experience. that is what this forum is for.
gonna go up to the mountain, for to find a little peace
looking over the valley, for the beauty i see
out across the hills, forevermore

Offline Joe K

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #41 on: March 05, 2014, 05:28:10 PM »
@ Joe K don't get angry be happy.
You highlight the words MANY and Most.
many=the majority of people
most/most of...=the greatest part of a number
Sorry about confusing my readers. Any reader who got confuse please pm me.
BTW I love your writing style.

Hey Ant,

You just don't get it.  I try and explain how blanket statements can be damaging and all you can offer is to agree on is my choice of words?  The only confusion to readers, would be why you claim that many members act superior, when you can provide only one example, which showed no such behavior.

I think you also are confused on the function of an apology.  An apology is acknowledging to another person, that you did something that brought them distress.  It's not about how you feel, it's about you being a big enough person, to admit you did something that hurt another person and expressing your regret for your own actions.

Personally, I have often grown more from the result of my apologies, because it creates a connection with another person or group, that is becoming exceedingly rare in the Internet Age.  I am never diminished by admitting when I am wrong and by apologizing, I let the other party know that I recognize my transgression, that it was my fault and I am truly sorry.

Joe
« Last Edit: March 05, 2014, 05:31:17 PM by Joe K »

Offline antobelli

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #42 on: March 05, 2014, 07:53:00 PM »
@ Joe K
Let me rephrase it:  Many of the LONG TERM SURVIVORS on this forum think that because they are LTS's they know everything about HIV, and they do act "superior".
However, most of the people on this forum are nice and kind......

Sorry about the confusion
Have good evening,
Antobelli



 

Offline harleymc

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #43 on: March 13, 2014, 04:06:27 AM »
Antobelli most of the people on this forum are nice and kind, but since you want to start singling out groups of people based on their medical history for your sermonising I guess you're not one of them.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Arguing with coworkers
« Reply #44 on: March 13, 2014, 08:29:05 AM »
This "conversation" has reached the point where I don't see any progressive communication happening despite the efforts of some. 

I'm going to leave the thread unlocked for the timebeing for the possibility of getting back on to topic. Otherwise I'll shut it down if necessary.
Andy Velez

 


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