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Author Topic: someone help ME :(  (Read 3502 times)

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Offline hugobraulioflores

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someone help ME :(
« on: February 04, 2014, 09:03:02 PM »
I have been positive for almost 3 months now, thats another story but today I need help. I don't know what to do anymore!!!
No one in my local "Grinder/Jackd" community cares about the prevention and awareness of HIV!
I'm finding out so much people who are infected and choose not to disclose thier status within the community.
I am being called stupid and that I need to mind my own business and that i need to worry about myself first?
i already am undetectable due to the fast access i had to medication so now im ready to help prevent this from happening.
I actually am taking to court the guy who gave me hiv. I know it was consentual but i would have never had bareback sex if i knew he was positive. that also is another story
IS IT RIGHT THAT I SHOULD I HELP OTHERS IN THE PREVENTION AND AWARENESS OF HIV IN MY COMMUNITY? OR SHOULD I WORRY ABOUT MYSELF??
-HUGO
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA USA
hugobflores

Online Jeff G

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #1 on: February 04, 2014, 09:21:57 PM »
I think you need to work on accepting responsibility for your infection . You are going to ruin a mans life for something you are equally responsible for .

I think its good that you are wanting to share your story about HIV in hopes that others may not make the same mistake as you did but you may want to work on your own issues and acceptance before you tackle helping others understand the issues .

Offline buginme2

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2014, 09:36:49 PM »
Help you what?   Put in jail the person you had consensual bareback sex with?   No way.   

 The only thing you need help with is coming to terms with your own HIV  infection,  that we can help you with.   No one here is going to help  you with your witch hunt.

 Now,  if you want to talk about that.... proceed.
« Last Edit: February 04, 2014, 09:42:22 PM by buginme2 »
Don't be fancy, just get dancey

Offline Joe K

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2014, 09:54:53 PM »
Hey Hugo,

I suggest that you slow down and take some time to adjust to being poz.  Taking the guy to court, will only work if you can prove that you have never engaged in bareback sex, before this incident.  Court is an ugly recourse for something you could have prevented by insisting on using a condom.  You mention that the sex was consensual and that includes the risk of transmission.

The person you should be angry at is the one you see in the mirror.  Ruining another mans life, because of anger that should be directed inward, is not a healthy road to accepting your HIV infection.  I get the anger, I really do, however anger will not help you to solve anything.

You should take some time to really think about how you want to live as a poz man.  Court will expose as many of your "skeletons" as his and even if you got some type of conviction, how would that mitigate your own responsibility for allowing yourself to be infected?

It would not and cannot.  Only by forgiving yourself, for whatever role you played in becoming poz will bring you the peace you seek.  Now is not the time for vengeance, because that is what you are really seeking, rather than justice.

Joe

Offline aaware72

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #4 on: February 04, 2014, 10:05:52 PM »
As for having sex did you and the other guy talk about HIV before hand?  If he told you he was neg and he knew he was poz and lied, in my opinion, legal action is warranted.  But can you prove it?

If you did not even care to discuss statues beforehand well than that your own fault your going to have to accept what has happened...Cause and effect

As for advocating I'm all for that.  Just keep in mind that there is still stigma out there about HIV/AIDS and some of those who are poz do not want to deal with that. (being out as poz)   

Here is an article on Grinder:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/02/grindr-hiv-test_n_4025569.html
« Last Edit: February 04, 2014, 10:09:15 PM by aaware72 »
"Yes, knowledge is power. Self-knowledge brings mastery of one's body."

Offline 2tcells

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #5 on: February 04, 2014, 10:12:37 PM »
I agree with aaware72 100%
7-4-13 diagnosed cd4- 2      vl-220,600
8-3-13                     cd4- 4      vl- 448
9-3-13                     cd4- 40    vl- ud
11-3-13                   cd4- 54    vl-ud
1-9-14                     cd4- 62    vl- 43
4-3-14                     cd4- 110  vl-ud yay!
8-5-14                     cd4- 95    vl-ud boo
9-23-14                   cd4- 97    vl-ud

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #6 on: February 04, 2014, 10:29:36 PM »
I have been positive for almost 3 months now, thats another story but today I need help. I don't know what to do anymore!!!
No one in my local "Grinder/Jackd" community cares about the prevention and awareness of HIV!
I'm finding out so much people who are infected and choose not to disclose thier status within the community.
I am being called stupid and that I need to mind my own business and that i need to worry about myself first?
i already am undetectable due to the fast access i had to medication so now im ready to help prevent this from happening.
I actually am taking to court the guy who gave me hiv. I know it was consentual but i would have never had bareback sex if i knew he was positive. that also is another story
IS IT RIGHT THAT I SHOULD I HELP OTHERS IN THE PREVENTION AND AWARENESS OF HIV IN MY COMMUNITY? OR SHOULD I WORRY ABOUT MYSELF??
-HUGO
SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA USA

Worry about yourself.
By all means educate others Prevention and Awareness of HIV but first educate yourself about personal responsibility and also about the complexity of "criminalisation of HIV".   Laws about disclosure and risk and transmission.  You realise there are a loads of crappy laws that put people in jail when there was NO transmission. 

Basically, I bet when you learn more about HIV criminalisation, and when you get used to being HIV+, you will realise that its getting the law involved is a big heaping pile of shit that is HURTING the control of the spread of HIV.

As for your observation about grinder etc, its a gross generalisation:  "No one in my local "Grinder/Jackd" community cares about the prevention and awareness of HIV!"
First of all you are mixing topics in your thread.  Secondly, yeah, some people hooking up are filled with delusions and lies, but not ALL.  You said "NO ONE".
I call bullshit on that.
In fact, i know online cruise sites that DO HIV AWARENESS and do encourage their users to have sex wisely without delusions.   And I know plenty of people who get the sex they want with no risk by protecting themselves.  Including getting the sex they want by hooking up.

If you really want to get your panties in a bunch thinking you are going to "protect" HIV negative people from the "HIV+ liars" - well, the message has been LOUD AND CLEAR FOR YEARS.  Protect yourself, or take risks and assume the consequences of your risks. 

Plus, nobody in the HIV+ community really is going to encourage you in a belief that the world is filled with "HIV+ liars" dedicated to spreading HIV. 
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline hugobraulioflores

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #7 on: March 27, 2014, 12:18:13 PM »
Today.
I got to apologize. I got to apologize to someone who I had so much anger towards.
To my surprise, it helped. It helped so much. At the same time it got me upset. Upset towards myself. I become engulfed with my anger that I changed who I was.
I was so mad that someone like him even noticed me. Noticed me for the wrong reasons.
I was mad that I was so desperate for attention that I was willing to compromise my health just to get the mere pleasure of feeling needed.
Instead of seeking help I ignored it. I ruined myself with so many men.  Ive lost count.
Thank you. Thank you for making me realize that their always be guys like you. “hot” guys who only find pleasure in sex. Thank you for making me realize that I don’t want to be like you.
I still despise you somewhat. You were so sincere about it and made it seem like I was a fool.  A fool for wasting all my time and energy towards you. When in fact, you didn’t even remember who I was. I was just someone who you gave it to and that was all. I cant act like the victim though. Im the one who seeked it. Im the one who begged for it. Now im the one who paying the price for it.
Ive realize now though. Im not paying the price for being with so many men. Im paying the price for not valuing myself and for thinking I was nothing more than just a piece of meat.
I don’t know if ill ever value myself the way you value yourself.
Your not a bastard, nor a criminal, nor a jerk, nor a monster. Your just a man acting off his needs.
Im the one who it the monster .
hugobflores

Offline Theyer

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #8 on: March 27, 2014, 04:02:54 PM »
Hugo many people sincerely addressed your first  post your second instead off considering the advice given and offering thanks reads like a bad  romance novella .
Bad manners in my view.
Michael
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline mecch

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #9 on: March 27, 2014, 06:56:22 PM »
Color me confused, Hugo.

Is the heartless but good-looking cad in the new post, the same dude you wanted to prosecute in the first post - for HIV transmission? 

Or are we on a different subject now?

Well, anyway, you've concluded the stud isn't a monster, but now you think of yourself as one.  Sweetie you are not a monster.

It would be a good idea to stop categorising people into such extremes...  The HIV+ liar Typhoid Marys.  The stud who fucks 'em then forgets 'em.  Or the guy who goes on a sex binge, gets an STD, and thinks this somehow defines his whole existence now and forever....


“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline YellowFever

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  • Posts: 163
Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #10 on: March 27, 2014, 10:21:34 PM »
I feel your anger. And the logic of your demand is simple. People with HIV should declare it so that proper precautions can be taken. But in reality that is not normally the case. When people hear HIV, they dont reach for a condom, they just run for the hills. So after many rounds of rejection, sometimes during the most intimate and vulnerable moments, it is little wonder why some decide to remain silent about their status. It's not something I agree with, but its a situation I can sympathise with. And unfortunately, that is also a reality that YOU have to deal with from now on.

So before going on a crusade to smoke the pozzies out of the woodworks, ask yourself what will it do for YOU? (CAPS in the spirit of this post's title). Will it make you HIV-? Will it make life harder than it already is for HIV+ people, of which you are one too?
Safe sex should be everyone's personal responsibility. Not just those who KNOW they have HIV.
08/2010 HIV- 08/2012 HIV+
10/2012 CD4 415(15%)
04/2013 CD4 457(15%)
10/2013 CD4 520 (20%) VL 650 (wtf?)
02/2014 CD4 410(20%) VL 390 (yay!)
08/2014 CD4 580(?%)

Offline Ann

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #11 on: March 28, 2014, 07:09:26 AM »
I would wager everything I own that far, far more hiv transmissions occur when the first poz person in the equation didn't know he or she was poz. It's impossible to disclose something about yourself you don't even know about yourself.

Most people, once they are diagnosed, strive to ensure their virus stops with them - whether or not they disclose. The lying "monsters" who do not disclose and engage in unsafe (bareback) sex with others are more a figment of the imagination than reality, for the most part.
« Last Edit: March 28, 2014, 07:17:51 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline absopozilutely

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #12 on: March 28, 2014, 11:50:17 PM »
Aunty Ann,
I have to disagree but I'm biased as the person that did this to me, knew and lied about it, twice, and infected 25 other men. There are people like that, me, my virus will stop with me.
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.
9/19 CD4 799 46% VL UD yayyyy

Offline mecch

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #13 on: March 29, 2014, 01:50:34 AM »
25. such a precise number. how is that known as a fact?
anyhoo, he must be a very hot dude to get so many guys to have bareback sex, no questions asked...
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Theyer

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  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #14 on: March 29, 2014, 05:19:50 AM »
Aunty Ann,
I have to disagree but I'm biased as the person that did this to me, knew and lied about it, twice, and infected 25 other men. There are people like that, me, my virus will stop with me.

I am sincerely sorry that you find yourself in the position you are in and am sorry that there is also issues of betrayal you are currently having.

Until all sexual people understand that the only person responsible for there health is there self's and there fore what there sexual partners say about there status has diddlysquat influence on there decision in what sexual practice to engage in then infection will continue. In the UK there was a period 1987 say to around 1993 when I think this was understood and was helped by much public health advertising pushing out this fact .  Funding the drug bill for the drugs that thank heaven put an end to the certain death days meant this degree of public health education went and I believe that until we as societies start educating our children in school about sexual responsibility this crucial mind set will only be held by a portion off society.

And i hope that,s the message that aidsmed support and push forward .
Its the only safe option apart from celibacy.
m
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline Ann

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #15 on: March 29, 2014, 05:32:09 AM »
Aunty Ann,
I have to disagree but I'm biased as the person that did this to me, knew and lied about it, twice, and infected 25 other men. There are people like that, me, my virus will stop with me.

Abs, I didn't say I thought it never happens, but I do not believe it's by any means a huge factor in new cases of infection.

There are always going to be psychopaths amongst us, poz or neg - and as Theyer talks about, it is each person's responsibility to protect themselves in a sexual setting.

When discussing sexual transmission (apart from cases of rape), we ALL bear the burden of being ultimately responsible for our own infections.

That responsibility is often one of the most difficult aspects of being poz to come to terms with for a newly diagnosed person - very often the most difficult.

I hope you come to terms with that aspect soon, Abs. You won't be able to really move forward with your life until you do.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline absopozilutely

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #16 on: March 29, 2014, 11:54:37 AM »
You guys are definitely right, Aunty Ann, I agree it is the hardest thing because while I accept having this virus, and accept that I was stupid and should of just always wore a condom, I feel in my head more like the victim. Also, yes he was quite attractive, and people were asking, he just was lying. After I found out the truth, he told me I was lying and he was on meds that I got it from someone else, but that's impossible. So I accept a lot, just need to accept a little more. It sucks for me because I'm going through this alone, except that I text Irish and KevinAZ all the time lol they've been lifesavers.
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.
9/19 CD4 799 46% VL UD yayyyy

Offline absopozilutely

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #17 on: March 29, 2014, 11:57:18 AM »
Also, Mecch, he told me. His boyfriend and him enjoyed watching (not with me he was single at the time) and they never told anyone. They both told people they were clean, and trust me, were talking 6 pack abs, tan, pretty eyes, hung. He was what every gay man wanted. *sigh*
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.
9/19 CD4 799 46% VL UD yayyyy

Offline mecch

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #18 on: March 29, 2014, 04:09:41 PM »
That guy might have used the word "clean" but its not a great term to use for HIV-.

Maybe this is a language problem.  If he barebacked 25 guys it doesn't mean he infected 25 guys.  You said he infected 25 guys.

There is no way you know or even he knows that he "infected 25 other men".

And if he is on HAART he may well have infected no one. And if he was lying to people he's a jerk. But if people go around barebacking others, strangers no less, on a personal testimony that their partner is HIV-, they won't know who infects them, when eventually they get infected. 

How old are you?  You seem to be a bit naive about people and sexual politics, and you seem to tell some cliché stories filled with loose or no facts.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mecch

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #19 on: March 29, 2014, 04:48:57 PM »
Anyway absopozilutely, here we are hijacking the OP hugo's thread, so if you want to discuss coming to terms with your infection, and the liars in this world, including the supposed typhoid marys..., maybe in your own thread. 

Sorry hugo.

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline absopozilutely

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #20 on: March 30, 2014, 07:33:02 PM »
Well since I'm now diagnosed I can pretty damn well assure you he was positive as he was the only one I was with. I'm 24, and I apologize for using the terminology that I used to use, as I was trying to give context. I did state incorrectly that he infected 25 other men, I only know he infected me. As for cliche stories, with loose or no facts, that's a bit harsh, and also judgmental.
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.
9/19 CD4 799 46% VL UD yayyyy

Offline mecch

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #21 on: March 30, 2014, 08:14:23 PM »
I'm sorry I was harsh. I was reacting to your portrayal of an aids monster. Thats when the public and media work up a story about a pozzie spreading aids wantonly. I mean it has happened, but the image doesn't do us HIV+ people much good. 

I'm sorry you had to have this awful experience, and pay a price for meeting a liar, and for letting down your own self protection. 

Its not singling you out, a lot of us got the virus from our own taking of risks, and some of us from liars, too.  Live and learn, that's all we can do. 
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline absopozilutely

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #22 on: March 30, 2014, 08:27:28 PM »
I just hope to have a lot of live. Let's continue on in our emails. Thanks!
12/18 Infected
2/4 12:22pm tested POZ via ORAquick
2/19 WB Confirmation
2/4-2/19 VL 104,678 CD4 407
3/2 Genotype back, and Started Complera
4/2-CD4 688 38% and VL 1,600
5/1-CD4 592 42% and VL 336
5/22-CD4 732 31% and VL 109 :( STILL NOT UD!
5/31 Switched to Stribild :( I'll miss you Complera!
6/19 CD4 508 35% and VL UD!!!!! Crying at work like a baby.
9/19 CD4 799 46% VL UD yayyyy

Offline Theyer

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Re: someone help ME :(
« Reply #23 on: March 31, 2014, 08:26:31 AM »
Abs
Just want to make it plain I don,t in any way way think you are stupid.
Good  glad I got that clear
Plus I suspect you having plenty off great living to do.
m
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

 


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