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Author Topic: Brief Unprotected Insertive Anal  (Read 386 times)

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Offline Doctor_love

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Brief Unprotected Insertive Anal
« on: July 27, 2014, 11:49:08 PM »
Greetings Andy, Ann, and friends - your work is very appreciated.  I'll try to get to the point and only add a little background.  After years of irresponsible sexual behavior (lots of unprotected sex with women), I was lucky enough STOP drinking, join a 12 Step Program, and test negative last October.  I should also say that I've remained sober, behaved myself, and dated a gal for a few months.  After we broke up in June, I tested for HIV again - it was negative (this was just four weeks ago). 

In the past, I've dated some transsexuals as well, and I thought I'd try again. This time with a sober attitude and looking for more than a mere hookup.  I went on a dating site, and met someone who was also looking for a relationship - not just just a one night stand. I'll use the pronoun "he" to describe the transsexual, simply because of biological gender (no offense intended to any transgender readers)  We texted back a few days, chatted on the phone, and really connected.   A few nights later, we met in public, connected just as well, and  went back to my place to watch a DVD and hangout.  We were both seemingly serious about our health, and I showed him my papers of a negative result.  He assured me that he would email his doctor and get a copy of his recent negative result as well (he told me he tested at the beginning of this month,  was HIV negative, and  hadn't been with anyone else- and that his health was very important to him).  So, I trusted him.  And thus far, I was proud of myself for being proactive about my health. We began kissing, which led to mutual oral sex (he didn't ejaculate, but there was some precum).  Thus far, I considered this NO risk.  After some oral, he asked me to penetrate him, I broke out some lube ... and although I trusted him, I put on a condom as well.  I penetrated him for a bit; but alas, I couldn't maintain my erection.  I removed my condom and entered his anus for around 20-30 seconds probably (gentle, not rough movements).  I totally trusted him, but I came to my senses, pulled out, and washed off.  He proceeded to please me orally.  I suggested that we go to a local pharmacy and purchase an Oraquick test so we could just  assure each other of our status right there.  He became offended - wondering why I wouldn't trust him - he assured me he'd send the results by email ASAP. 

Anyway, I took him back home and we were excited to see each other again.  At this point, I wasn't too concerned about my exposure because I truly did believe him.  I'm also circumcised and again, the unprotected penetration was VERY brief and I noticed no blood, abrasions, etc.  The next day, I texted him and asked if he spoke with his doctor - he claimed he was still waiting to get his negative results sent by the doc via email.  Anyway, things began to get strange - he started to get irritated with me.  He told me he would have to wait until next week (this was last Thursday - it's Sunday night now).  I spoke to him on the phone and just suggested that we test at a free anonymous site by my house - they test every Sunday.  I told him that would be healthy for us, since we talked about being exclusive.  He objected.  So, LONG story (sorry I'm so wordy) short, I ended up telling him that I was having a problem trusting him - that I was confused about his defensiveness.  That's when he dropped the bomb:  The last person he was with, he claimed, was positive.  According to him, he had TRULY tested at the beginning of July ... and  was clean for STD's when he checked with doctor two weeks after the blood draw, but his HIV tests were not ready yet.  And, this was making him nervous. So, he lied to me.  Not only was he NOT negative, but he is waiting for results which he thinks may, indeed, be positive.

Thanks for reading this ... needless to say, I'm beginning to climb the walls.  I took another baseline Oraquick yesterday (which was Saturday - three days post exposure with him) and it was negative.  So now it's the waiting game.  I'm  still in touch with him, and he says he's waiting for the results and will let me know ASAP.  But at this point, I'm just going to assume that he's already positive - there have just been too many lies.  I'm nervous - and considering getting a PCR from my doc.  I didn't think PEP was necessary, but not I'm wondering if I should have tried to get it (too late now).  So, assuming he was positive, my exposure is oral sex without ejaculation (but tasted precum) and about 20 seconds or so of unprotected insertive anal.  Any feedback you could give me would REALLY help - thanks in advance.  I just can't believe that NOW that I'm sober and trying to make healthy choices that this is happening ... perhaps it's Karma - who knows.
« Last Edit: July 28, 2014, 12:06:19 AM by Doctor_love »

Offline Joe K

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Re: Brief Unprotected Insertive Anal
« Reply #1 on: July 28, 2014, 12:11:43 AM »
Oral sex is not a risk for infection, however your unprotected anal intercourse is a risk.  While it is harder to transmit HIV to the top, the only way to know your status is to test at 6 weeks past this exposure and then at 3 months for confirmation.  Any tests you take before the 6 week mark, will be wasted, because you have to wait the proper amount of time before testing.

You should always assume that the other person is positive and act accordingly.  You should be using condoms for all penetrative sex, every time, no exceptions.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to HIV testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start.  As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine HIV tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than HIV.  Some of the other STDs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid HIV infection. It really is that simple!

Joe

Offline Doctor_love

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Re: Brief Unprotected Insertive Anal
« Reply #2 on: July 28, 2014, 12:18:13 AM »
Thanks Joe -  the last thing I want to do is sound unappreciative for your prompt response.  I guess I'm just wondering if I can breathe a bit easier (considering the VERY short duration - 20-30 seconds max, the fact that I have no abrasions, and the fact I noticed no blood, etc) as opposed to, let's say, having unprotected sex all night. I won't fail to follow the testing procedure - and again, I appreciate this site for all the information.  Just curious about my "chances of infection" while I try to wait this out.

Offline Joe K

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Re: Brief Unprotected Insertive Anal
« Reply #3 on: July 28, 2014, 12:24:20 AM »
As I mentioned, it is harder to transmit HIV to the top, so that is in your favor as well as the brief duration of the intercourse.  It puts the risk on the low side, but low risk is not the same as no risk, so you will need to test.  Personally, I think you will be fine, but only testing at the appropriate time can determine your status.

Joe

Offline Doctor_love

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Re: Brief Unprotected Insertive Anal
« Reply #4 on: July 28, 2014, 03:05:46 AM »
MAJOR NEWS:  I just spoke with the person whom I thought was lying, and they ended up telling me that they did, indeed, test positive at the beginning of July.  This is like a nightmare - I can't believe this.  I need some support here, guys.  I can't believe this person knowingly lied to my face when I asked about his status.  I can't believe that I had to pry it out of him on the phone for two hours tonight - listening to lie after lie until he finally broke down.  But worse, I can't believe I inserted myself into this person without protection.  I'm not a victim - this behavior is on me - I'm sure it sounds like I'm whining (I literally just found out 30 min ago).  I know I have to wait, I know I have to test.  And I will ... but if anyone can offer a little more assistance/information on my risk assessment, I'd really appreciate it.

Offline BT65

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Re: Brief Unprotected Insertive Anal
« Reply #5 on: July 28, 2014, 04:24:36 AM »
As Joe has told you, even though your risk was small, it was not a zero risk, so you will need to test at six week post exposure and again at 3 months for a conclusive, accurate test.

I, also, have the same feeling as Joe, that you will most likely be fine.  But if you do test negative, take this as a lesson and remember that until you go together with someone to test, you have to assume everyone is HIV+.  And please get tested for all other STI's, as these are easier to transmit than HIV. 

Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Doctor_love

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Re: Brief Unprotected Insertive Anal
« Reply #6 on: July 28, 2014, 10:27:16 AM »
Thanks, Betty.  I now know it's the waiting game; and I agree - unless it's testing together face-to-face, I need to assume someone is positive.  Honestly, though, I NEVER thought someone would lie about that - I truly did trust this person when they said they tested negative at the beginning of the month (only to FINALLY get it out of them last night that they tested Poz).  Bottom line, I have to move forward.

But again, I'm mentally climbing the walls.  I'm just five days post exposure, and I found out he was lying about his status last night - which was too late for PEP.  From reading the posts here, PEP doesn't seem recommended for a condom break / dipping with someone of unknown status.  And, since I only was inside the person without my condom for around 20 seconds (actually, I was probably in them for a shorter period as I counted 20 seconds this morning - it was probably more around 10 to 15) ... it was more akin to dipping.

Obviously, I'm going to continue to work my 12 Step Program, remain sober, and take responsibility.  In addition, I'm going to try and wait this out with courage ... but every time I think I was inside the anus of someone who was recently infected, well, I start losing it a bit.  Any encouragement from Andy or Ann would be appreciated.  Thanks for listening, folks - your responses are greatly valued. :)
« Last Edit: July 28, 2014, 10:30:21 AM by Doctor_love »

Online Jeff G

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Re: Brief Unprotected Insertive Anal
« Reply #7 on: July 28, 2014, 10:37:36 AM »
Its rare for the insertive partner to go on and test positive for HIV after a condom break with brief insertion so you should keep this in mind and expect to come out of this OK and a little bit wiser .

Offline Doctor_love

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Re: Brief Unprotected Insertive Anal
« Reply #8 on: July 28, 2014, 01:03:37 PM »
Thanks so much for the feedback.  I just got back from my doctor, who is also an HIV Specialist (I found him last October when I was concerned about my status since it had been so long since I tested).  Luckily, I was able to come into his office early, and I told him the entire episode of very brief unprotected insertive anal, including the fact that I just found out this person was positive.  He simply smiled and gave me a big hug. He's a young guy, and he asked if he could speak frankly.  He told me in very graphic terms how HIV is spread and that with my brief exposure (even though the person was positive), that my risk for HIV is negligible. He explained the fragility of the virus.  He tested me for all other STD's, and agreed when I asked if we could have a Rapid HIV Test baseline done in his office.  We did that, and it was negative (five days post exposure, which means nothing really).  He also agreed to take blood for a PCR test because I REALLY wanted one; but again, he looked me squarely in the eye and said that he doesn't believe this incident warrants any testing for HIV, if indeed, I was being honest about my exposure.  I assured him I was being 100% honest.  He hugged me again, said he'd see me in a few weeks for the results of ALL the STD's ... and once again, told me I had nothing to worry about in regards to HIV.  Needless to say, this put my mind at ease. 

Online Jeff G

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Re: Brief Unprotected Insertive Anal
« Reply #9 on: July 28, 2014, 01:19:12 PM »
Its great to hear you have a sensible doctor ... I only wish other peoples doctor were as  educated about HIV like yours is and stopped trying to scare folks .

Its good you are armed with the facts but don't let your guard down and always remember that dipping although a low risk is not a no risk .

 


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