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Author Topic: my humblest apology  (Read 2279 times)

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Offline zach

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,262
my humblest apology
« on: December 25, 2013, 01:26:59 AM »
i owe an apology to all here for much of my past behavior. specifically to; joe, wolf, tim, and of course ms p.

i have not weathered this well, and at times took it out on people facing the same pains as i am. i rudely rejected wisdom from one of the voices here i respect most. i don't know why i acted that way. i have been in a very dark place, and i see no light ahead.

i am ashamed of my behavior, and do not ask for forgiveness. i only wanted you to know, i know i was out of line.
« Last Edit: December 25, 2013, 01:49:35 AM by zach »

Offline bmancanfly

  • Member
  • Posts: 554
  • Medicare For All !
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #1 on: December 25, 2013, 01:23:36 PM »
Welcome back,  and Merry Christmas.

I'll let the others speak for themselves,  most of us have had difficult times and done or said things we regret. 

I hope that you can get to a better,  more peaceful place.  It does take time,  so don't be too hard on yourself. 

Opening with an apology is always a good starting point.
"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt."

 Bertrand Russell

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,645
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2013, 05:05:44 PM »
i owe an apology to all here for much of my past behavior. specifically to; joe, wolf, tim, and of course ms p.

i have not weathered this well, and at times took it out on people facing the same pains as i am. i rudely rejected wisdom from one of the voices here i respect most. i don't know why i acted that way. i have been in a very dark place, and i see no light ahead.

i am ashamed of my behavior, and do not ask for forgiveness. i only wanted you to know, i know i was out of line.

     Hello Zach ,
                        I know the feeling well , At times when I am beyond  the depths of Hell I come here
   and make an ass of myself .

          I tend not to dwell on it too much .  For myself depression is a dreadful part of life and when I
 need help more than anything is when it gets ugly  :o

     Unfortunately on this site often things turn to worse rather than better . Unhappiness is not dealt
  with here if we get overly rambunctious or rude .

      I myself found when help is really needed we are shut out for the sake of the general population .
    Recently I was muted when I was so deep in despair , No one reached out to try and find out
  why I was lashing out .  It was a very sad time for me .   

    Anyway , Before I get booted for a highjack ,   Don't worry to much !  Most of these people love
   drama , it just has to be kept in a soothing tone . 

                                                    Happy New Year to you !!!

                                                                     Weasel  :)

  P.S.  My Dreadful mood was caused by HIV MEDS and Mental Meds clashing , The problem is solved for now .
" Live and let Live "

Offline zach

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,262
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #3 on: December 26, 2013, 06:16:15 PM »

  P.S.  My Dreadful mood was caused by HIV MEDS and Mental Meds clashing , The problem is solved for now .
[/quote]

I think that was a large factor with me as well. Unfortunately for me I now have no job, Medicaid, haven't been managed in over a year, denied for every assistance I've tried to get. Really starting to believe that this really is God's punishment.

thanks weasel

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,335
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #4 on: December 26, 2013, 07:59:04 PM »
Hey Zach

We've all been there -- if not here on the forums then it's been at home or in traffic or at a meeting or on another site.

There are do-overs I'd like to have here and a bunch elsewhere.

This is all-too-often the time of year to look too deeply inward if alone and too longingly outward.

Is there an ASO near you?  Betty is brilliant in this area. I hope she sees your thread.

Got a tuned up resume?  Got a couple if people who will stand up for you ?

If you want a job, you will find work. Might not be the heart's desire job but it will help you get on track with the discipline and dough.

Em


Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,305
  • His name is Carl.
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #5 on: December 26, 2013, 10:28:18 PM »
  P.S.  My Dreadful mood was caused by HIV MEDS and Mental Meds clashing , The problem is solved for now .


I think that was a large factor with me as well. Unfortunately for me I now have no job, Medicaid, haven't been managed in over a year, denied for every assistance I've tried to get. Really starting to believe that this really is God's punishment.

thanks weasel

Welcome back, stranger. 

Get back to the IDP.  That's all I know to tell you.  (Um...that is if you are even in the ATL area again.)

I'm not worried about anything from the past.  I am worried that you haven't been managed in over a year.

Send me mail, kiddo. 
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline darryaz

  • Member
  • Posts: 450
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #6 on: December 27, 2013, 09:20:31 AM »
A friend of mine just posted this on Facebook.  It's something we would all do well to be mindful of


Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,699
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #7 on: December 27, 2013, 01:30:00 PM »


 It Takes a Big Man to Admit When Hes Wrong but an even bigger man to ask for forgiveness from the ones he has wronged.  Timing is everything... :-\ and, it's not like you killed someone's mother. 

  I was thinking about you just the other day.  I always get you and drew mixed up.. I don't know why.. I think you both joined close together or something.

  Zach, life's not easy as it is, add an emotional rut to the mix and it becomes absolutely dreadful.  It takes strength to talk about this stuff, and an even stronger fortitude to continue on till you get help.  We men rationalize this shit way too much and usually stop short of getting fully fixed.

  Thomas
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,512
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #8 on: December 28, 2013, 05:24:52 PM »
Hey Zach,

Thanks for the apology and I certainly understand when you medications are working against you.  We all have bad days, so no harm done.

Joe

Offline zach

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,262
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #9 on: January 01, 2014, 10:23:30 PM »
i'll go even further now.

a year ago, in the thread which now shall not be named, i didn't even bother to read any responses past two or three. i simply left

i just went back and re read my rant, and all the responses i didn't read at the time.

there is only so much shame and humility that one day can hold, and that is the only way i can describe right now

edited to add... i realize i may be many ignore lists

Offline phildinftlaudy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,959
  • sweet Ann what you think babe...
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #10 on: January 01, 2014, 10:29:52 PM »
Don't beat yourself up too much Zach....
The fact that you have been insightful enough to go back and read your posts and the different responses and look at things from a new perspective speaks volumes as to you and your character.

The best thing you can do is to stick around and use your experiences to bring an understanding that others may sometimes lack or forget and to be a source of hope for others.... It is the best way to take what we sometimes can see as negative or embarassing experiences in our lives and turn them into positives - by helping and being there for others.

I guarantee you that if you stick around you will come across someone else down the line who is going through what you were going through and feeling the way you were feeling and you will be able to be there to be an empathetic voice and source of support for the person.

It is a place and role that you wouldn't be able to successfully carry out if you didn't go through some things yourself.

Glad to have you here and looking forward to continuing to see you grow, share, and provide insight.

Great to feel a person's human-ness shine through so clearly in this, the virtual world.
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,877
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #11 on: January 01, 2014, 10:31:47 PM »
The important thing is you are back among people who care about you and I can promise you there are not many of us here that has not done and said things we wish we hadn't .

That is in the past now so forgive yourself for being human and know it will not be held against you .

There was a time when I was troubled and addicted to drugs and I still shudder remembering how I acted towards some people I cared deeply about . The hardest part in moving on for me was forgiving my self and learning from the experience so I never had to feel that way again .

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #12 on: January 01, 2014, 11:48:54 PM »
You bothered to apologize which most people don't.  You also let such an amount of time go by that I'm sure any harsh words are most likely forgiven.  I can't even remember the thread you're talking about.  Welcome back.

Offline Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,877
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #13 on: January 01, 2014, 11:54:34 PM »
You bothered to apologize which most people don't.  You also let such an amount of time go by that I'm sure any harsh words are most likely forgiven.  I can't even remember the thread you're talking about.  Welcome back.

Good point . I don't remember the thread either and I do not intend to go look for it .

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 23,904
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #14 on: January 02, 2014, 06:28:41 AM »
and of course ms p.

"and of course" -- did you do something extra special and foul to me? Honestly child, if you did it was so long ago my feeble mind can no longer remember except some vague count ours of your being disagreeable at some point. But you were having a lot of problems at the time, everyone knew it, and you finally exploded on line -- shit happens, unfortunately; in real life too.

I usually hold a grudge about everything, but since I can't recall specifics then I won't do so. Hope you're doing better since whenever it was you exploded.

Hey Zach, you still don't seem in a good place though clearly stating you've not been in HIV care now for a year -- never a good thing. Care to talk about this in more detail so perhaps someone here can offer you some suggestions? You really need to have some lab work done and see a doctor.

Kindest, Most Caring Regards,

Miss P
"Ive slept with enough men to know that Im not gay"

Offline Fisher

  • Member
  • Posts: 272
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #15 on: January 03, 2014, 09:50:59 PM »
i owe an apology to all here for much of my past behavior. specifically to; joe, wolf, tim, and of course ms p.

Zack! No one owes an apology to Miss P.! An he doesn't accept them, regardless. . .
- fisher
04/14 CD 486 %23 VL <20
11/13 CD 351 %21  VL <20
10/13 CD 390 %16  VL <20
06/13 CD 315 %19  VL  22
02/13 CD 396 %14  VL <20
12/12 CD 392 %13  VL 320
11/12 CD 428 %13  VL 1200
*Started Meds: Atripla
10/12 CD 427 %11  VL 139000 -- 09/12 CD 408 %13 VL 92928
09/11 CD 745 %27 VL CLOT -- 10/10 CD 863 %29 VL 2782
10/09 CD 597 %30 VL 2537 -- 05/08 CD 809 %28 VL 1504
04/07 CD 797 %25 VL 3558 -- 11/06 CD 720 %28 VL 1214
06/05 CD 731 %25 VL 1575 -- 12/04 CD 1176 %30 VL 1329
01/04 CD 959 %26 VL 1011 -- 11/03 CD 1000 %28 VL 1581
12/02 CD 748 %28 -- 10/01 CD 860 %25
08/00 CD 1022 %28 -- 04/99 CD 854 %27
11/98 CD 899 %28 -- 02/97 CD 1400 %37
11/96 CD 1325  VL <500 -- 09/96 Western Blot
05/83 04/98 - Monogamous Partner Being Negative
ARS - Los Angeles Dec '82

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 23,904
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #16 on: January 04, 2014, 10:43:11 AM »
Zack! No one owes an apology to Miss P.! An he doesn't accept them, regardless. . .

Actually Zack sent me a private apology and explanation which I, of course out of sense of discretion and decorum, will not share here publicly. I attempted an electronic missive but when I hit "send" I received a notification that all communications from a forum member by the name of "Miss Philicia" had been blocked by other said member -- surely a holdover from his previous days.

So Jeffrey was supposed to contact him to lift this blockade but I've not heard back from Zach so who knows what is going on. I saved my message in a text application so when he returns I will attempt to send it again.

As a most humble servant to all my fellow beloved forum members I aim only to serve with dignity and a sense of regal duty.
"Ive slept with enough men to know that Im not gay"

Offline Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,877
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #17 on: January 04, 2014, 11:00:28 AM »
Actually Zack sent me a private apology and explanation which I, of course out of sense of discretion and decorum, will not share here publicly. I attempted an electronic missive but when I hit "send" I received a notification that all communications from a forum member by the name of "Miss Philicia" had been blocked by other said member -- surely a holdover from his previous days.

So Jeffrey was supposed to contact him to lift this blockade but I've not heard back from Zach so who knows what is going on. I saved my message in a text application so when he returns I will attempt to send it again.

As a most humble servant to all my fellow beloved forum members I aim only to serve with dignity and a sense of regal duty.

You forgot to mention your unfailing humility as well Miss P but I have your back .

Offline Fisher

  • Member
  • Posts: 272
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #18 on: January 04, 2014, 02:48:54 PM »
Ms. P has my highest respect, and is a source of dazzle-ment, enjoyment, and humor for me.
- fisher
04/14 CD 486 %23 VL <20
11/13 CD 351 %21  VL <20
10/13 CD 390 %16  VL <20
06/13 CD 315 %19  VL  22
02/13 CD 396 %14  VL <20
12/12 CD 392 %13  VL 320
11/12 CD 428 %13  VL 1200
*Started Meds: Atripla
10/12 CD 427 %11  VL 139000 -- 09/12 CD 408 %13 VL 92928
09/11 CD 745 %27 VL CLOT -- 10/10 CD 863 %29 VL 2782
10/09 CD 597 %30 VL 2537 -- 05/08 CD 809 %28 VL 1504
04/07 CD 797 %25 VL 3558 -- 11/06 CD 720 %28 VL 1214
06/05 CD 731 %25 VL 1575 -- 12/04 CD 1176 %30 VL 1329
01/04 CD 959 %26 VL 1011 -- 11/03 CD 1000 %28 VL 1581
12/02 CD 748 %28 -- 10/01 CD 860 %25
08/00 CD 1022 %28 -- 04/99 CD 854 %27
11/98 CD 899 %28 -- 02/97 CD 1400 %37
11/96 CD 1325  VL <500 -- 09/96 Western Blot
05/83 04/98 - Monogamous Partner Being Negative
ARS - Los Angeles Dec '82

Offline Theyer

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,490
  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #19 on: January 06, 2014, 07:10:34 AM »
Hi Zack ,

As someone who has had to make quite a few apologies in his life I say good for you.
glad to have you back and get your body checked out asap.
Plus get into the habit off posting ,listen to me this am bossy or what , did I say get the body to an HIV place for bloods , yes, I did .
So it is now clear to me that I must eat as just a way bit loopy , so I will end with
Good to have you back.
m
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline Theyer

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,490
  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #20 on: January 06, 2014, 07:20:44 AM »
Zach there is a side thread which I in my Von-Trippe convalescing self am compelled to address.

I really really like Miss Philicia . And like Jeff will watch out for him and marvel at the almost invisible humility.

mrmichaelhenrytheyervonhamhock.
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 23,904
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #21 on: January 06, 2014, 08:08:45 AM »
I've always been told by lovers that I both lack humility and am emotionally frigid -- it's a problem.
"Ive slept with enough men to know that Im not gay"

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,305
  • His name is Carl.
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #22 on: January 28, 2014, 01:04:32 PM »
Hi, hon.  You know where I stand already.  Just sent you mail elsewhere.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline zach

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,262
Re: my humblest apology
« Reply #23 on: January 28, 2014, 04:25:29 PM »
aw hell folks, lets let it go now

 


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