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Author Topic: Re: Please help  (Read 1388 times)

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Offline MarcMark

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Re: Please help
« on: January 15, 2014, 08:58:23 PM »
Hello Doctors,

I've been sexually active for the past 9 months, have had many casual encounters with guys hooked off line.
I always ask before engaging any sexual contact, and they all claimed STD/HIV free, but you never know too sure.
In all, we performed deep kissing, rimming, fingering, mutual masturbation and mutual unprotected oral (none of them has ever cum into my mouth, but I bet I did taste some pre-cum once or twice).
So, is it of any risk in regard to HIV transmission?
And Is unprotected oral sex on earth safe or not, experts say yes and no.

Here is my major concern:
I did not engage in any kind of anal sex until yesterday, I met this married guy online, seems like he is playing on the safe side and insisting using condoms. He told me he just had a check up like weeks ago and it was all good. I trusted him but we still chose to use condom, eventually he topped me, he was wearing a condom and roughly penetrating (due to no lube) for no more than 1.5 minutes before I cum (yes, I cum), after that, I pushed him away. But the problem is, I am not sure if he cum inside me or not due to it's my 1st time receiving anal sex. When he left, I checked the condom, no load of cum in there (otherwise, he cum too less to notice), but there was a visible/tiny hole (not huge but not pin size either) on the top of the condom, I am so scared now, besides I have haemorrhoids, which makes way more nervous if I was bleeding during the penetration. Some experts claim, condoms fail catastrophically, and they split widely, but the condom we had used, I am positively sure it remained well and adhered, it was not broken into pieces, etc. just that hole keeps bothering me, was it due to the penetration or the way (just my assumption) he took it off of his penis with a careless and a rough way? If that tiny hole exist before/during the penetration, it wouldn't remain that tiny?
So is it protected anal sex or not based on my story?

Do I need PEP asap?
Thanks a lot!

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Re: Please help
« Reply #1 on: January 15, 2014, 09:17:08 PM »
I moved your post into its own thread where you should post all of your comments and questions from now on no matter how long between visits or the subject matter . You can go to your profile and select show own post and it will take you here . Please read the posting guidelines at the top of this forum so you do not waste your 3 free questions .

We were not there to examine the condom but it sounds like you had protected sex and that is not a risk for HIV . If you are unsure about the situation you can test at 6 weeks past any possible exposure and again at 3 months to confirm the result . It does not sound like you had a risk but you can test for peace of mind only and expect a negative result .

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Offline MarcMark

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Re: Please help
« Reply #2 on: January 15, 2014, 09:23:32 PM »
Thanks Jeff G.:

Since you went through my story, again, really, that tiny hole (not big, but not needle size either, it is just small and visible) on the tip of the condom keeps bothering me, I just slept like 3 hours last night. I 've no idea if it was there before/during or after the 2 minutes anal penetration. I am positively sure it remained intact on his penis when he withdrew. My assumption is if it was there before or during, then the hole wouldn't remain that small, it was supposed to enlarge and split wide, if it was after, maybe my partner's nail hurt it in a careless way when he tried to take it off?
It was my 1st time having anal sex (biggest risk), receiver, and I have haemorrhoid, I am extremely worried without eating anything today. And the guy hooked up on line, he did not reply my email. He said he is married, I saw his ring, and he seems like plying on the same side and insist using condoms.

Iate nothing and chatting on line with some poz, they all wanted me to RUN to get PEP, which makes me very nervous, I just don't want to miss that 72 hours. So, pls help me, do I need PEP? I trust you a lot.

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Re: Please help
« Reply #3 on: January 15, 2014, 09:31:10 PM »
Condoms are designed in such a way as to leave no doubt when they fail and that is why I say I do not think you had a risk or a condom failure, therefore you do not need PEP .

I only suggested you test for peace of mind only if you are uneasy . Testing is the responsible thing to do along with the sexual healthcare checkups you should be having anyway .

Offline MarcMark

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Re: Please help
« Reply #4 on: January 15, 2014, 09:38:50 PM »
Some experts told me if condoms fail, they always break catastrophically, like split wide or into pieces etc.

I was fooling him, saying I had no condoms and wanted him to put his penis inside, he refused to have anal with me, just ok with oral, later on he found I did have condoms, then finally we perform anal sex. (no lube, pretty rough, although just no more than 2 minutes), hours later, my ass is very sore, because I had haem, and I used 2 cotton swabs to stick in, I saw blood, obviously, I was bleeding then. And later on the hole thing, I am worried to death.

Pls G. what should I do, I've been chatting on line, they all wanted me to run for PEP.

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Re: Please help
« Reply #5 on: January 15, 2014, 09:46:55 PM »
You need to calm down first . If the condom broke you would have known it... so I cant make it any clearer than to say you did not have a risk if the condom was intact .

I would not recommend PEP in an instance where you are saying yourself that the condom did not fail .

The best advice I can offer is to calm down and get your regular checkups .

Offline Ann

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Re: Re: Please help
« Reply #6 on: January 16, 2014, 05:11:35 AM »

I always ask before engaging any sexual contact, and they all claimed STD/HIV free, but you never know too sure.

He told me he just had a check up like weeks ago and it was all good. I trusted him but we still chose to use condom,


There is never any point to asking someone about their sexual health. Many people only believe they're hiv negative, and sometimes people lie.

You should ALWAYS assume the other person might be hiv positive and protect yourself accordingly - by insisting on condoms for anal (or vaginal) intercourse. ALWAYS.

I was fooling him, saying I had no condoms and wanted him to put his penis inside,

Don't do this. It could very well backfire on you one day. Just be upfront from the beginning - no condom, no anal intercourse. Don't play with people.

About this hole you think you saw in the condom - it sounds like you only looked at it some time afterwards, not immediately afterwards. Who knows what could have happened to it while it was lying around. If you're still worried about that, go get PEP if you're still in the 72 hour period in which it can be started effectively. I honestly don't think you need it. I think if the hole was present while you were having sex with NO LUBE, it would have ripped completely.

You also need to make sure lube is being used. Not using lube is one of the leading causes of condoms breaking - and that's not good when you're the receptive partner.

Make sure you read the condom and lube links in my (or Jeff's, they're the same) signature line so you can prevent breakage in future.

Use condoms, correctly and consistently, for anal or vaginal intercourse and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!!!

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts


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