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Author Topic: 10 years of agony  (Read 537 times)

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Offline zouz

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10 years of agony
« on: September 04, 2014, 04:32:37 AM »
Hi all, i know you will start telling me see a pscychiatrist and that i am hiv negative and all that stuff, anyway i wanted to share my story because i really think it's unique, to start i live in an arab country where hiv is literally a death sentence, anyway back in 28 of may 2002 i had unprotected sex insertive with a sex worker, twice, at the same night, i didnt ejaculate in her, but that doesnt make any difference, anyway to add to the sad story my penis has something called.hypospadia (didnt know at the time) it means that the opening of the urethra isnt completely formed and thus results in my case of more mucous membrane exposed !! Anyway after the encounter, and i mean exactly after the encounter i freaked out and began to hit myself for doing something so stupid, but what can i do now?! After exactly 1 month and in the middle of summer, where flu in my country somewhat becomes a rarity, i was striken by flu OR !?, sore throat, dry cough that lasted 2 weeks, itchy body, nasal congestion, sore body and muscles, heavy head, fatigue,all the symptom boxes i ticked,anyway as i had the flu like symptoms and because they were in the middle of summer i immediately considered them to be ARS, and i freaked out and almost had a nervous breakdown, i couldnt sleep eat or do anything, anyway i immediately decided to go to a lab and clear things out, so i went to a doctor, he wasnt a specialist in hiv but in my country who is! So i enetered his clinic and told him the whole story,he calmed me.down and wrote me tests, all stds including ofcourse hiv, i went down in the same complex as the doctor told me there was a lab there, i entered the lab gave them the paper,they took blood told to.come back one hour later for results, an hour of waiting seemed like a whole lifetime, i went back and i was told hiv.negative, took the result to the doctor, and he told oh great you are clear, he didnt seem to have any idea about window period, nor did he ask when was the encounter, nor the lab did, i went home sort of a happy, but the feeling of tiredness didnt seem to leave me, so i decided to do cbc, i did many of them actually, i knew they wont show anything but i wanted anything to comfort me, all my cbc's were.normal and wbc were in the upper normal, anyway as i surfed the internet back then i learned about the window period, and that it needs months for the tests to be conclusive, so i freaked out.again, and i decided to wait the 3 months mark and test again,at this time i started.to develop lymphadenopathy and apthous ulcers, they were both new to.me as i was 19 years old and never remembered having any of them, the first lymph node i noticed was the subbmandibular one, and the apthous ulcer was in the corner of my mouth, i totally freaked out and couldnt wait for 3 months mark to come, and when it did i went.to a different lab, and again they told me 1 hour come back, i went back 1 hour later and negative, went home happy, but 1 week later i noticed multiple lymph nodes swelling, and i began to have a diarrihea, the lymph node was submental and near the ear,they werent apparent to the eye, but i could definitely feel them they were at first sore, and then became just shotty, i was constantly poking them like crazy, maybe 50 times a day, anyway, i read that the symptoms are notorious, and that testing is the only way to know, so i decided to wait
The 6 months and test again, and put this thing behind my back once and for all, the 3 month wait was a lifetime, all i had this time was lymph nodes and they were enlarged i could really feel them much bigger tha pea size, and i had also seborreheic dermatitis, and also had ulcers in mouth, xerostomia also....
anyway the 6 month wait finally ended and i went to test, again was told.to wait one hour, and then come back, when i came back the lady told me it is negative, i asked her about the window period, she seemed to not know about it, she told me anyway as long as you followd what is written in medical sites and you waited 6 months then you are 100% free of hiv, i went home flying from happiness, anyway, days passed months passed , deep down inside, everyday i felt something not right with me, for example i began to develop 2 supraclavicular lymph nodes, i felt them and i still do, they are palpable and shotty and definitley larger than pea size, or >1 cm, then after couple of years i started having angular chelitis and seborreheic dermatitis, most of the time i was tired, once i did a urine test it showed trace protein, once i did esr it was 30, lymph node swelling continued i developed another epitrochlear one, anyway bottom line is that after all these symptoms i decided that the intial tests i did were wrong, and that they didnt even do an elisa, maybe it was some non fda approved rapid test, so i came to the conclusion that i am indeed hiv positive, all i needed is the + signs or reactive word on a paper, so i waited for 6 years, untill i had the chance to go to another country, there i.did two tests, they were elisa this time, as it was mentioned in the lab result, and the results were non reactive, the result hit me like a shock, anyway, i didnt lay quiet i asked for an hiv doctor told him all the history,and about the lymph nodes, he told me the tests are conclusive, and he couldnt feel the supraclavicular lymph node, i felt it, so he ordered an ultra sound, and indeed it did show that i had
Enlarged lymph nodes , the technician found one supraclavicular and multiple ones in the neck, so i went back to the doctor and told him see, i told you, then he transferred.me to an.oncologist, he did a biopsy, showed reactive lymph nodes only, went back to the first doctor, told me to wait another 6 months, and he did another 2 tests, this time it was combo, and.also pcr rna, the combo was negative, and the pcr was non detectable, he was puzzled, and told.me there is nothing wrong with you, that you can marry and have children, with no fear, and that i am hiv negative no doubt, anyway i took his answer as conclusive, and went on with my life, now i am married, with a newborn, and i still wonder why are these lymph nodes still there, why they didnt go away, do i have hiv, why i am tired all the time, i pray to god that i didnt infect my wife or my child, if this happens, maybe i'll kill myself, i dont know what to do, i started poking the lymph nodes again after stopping for 4 years, they are still there,same size they bother me, i am in a mess, big big mess, i am going crazy, 10.5 years of agony, oh people have you heard of something like this help me, advise me please

Offline BT65

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Re: 10 years of agony
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2014, 08:32:31 AM »
I have no idea why your lymph nodes are swelling.  But if you've had that many HIV tests within that length of time and they've all been negative, then you are indeed HIV negative.  I could tell in your post, when you talked about the lymph nodes and ulcer, you were copying off of some medical info you read, as the rest of your post is not as well written as that.  You need to stop doing that.

If you are going to have sex again with a prostitute or anyone other than your wife, I would suggest using a condom.  This is the only way to remain HIV negative, as well as being free from other STD's, which are easier to "catch" than HIV. 

So, use condoms every time for sex when it's not your wife, and I suppose you will just have to accept the lymph glands are going to be chronically swollen.  That is something we cannot help you with, we do not diagnose symptoms.  If you still have real concerns about this, I would talk to someone you can trust; it could be feelings of guilt for sleeping with a hooker while married.  And those feelings need to be resolved or you will continue to try to "punish" yourself for it by imagining you have HIV. 

But rest assured, you do not.  Take care and get on with life.

I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow


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