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Author Topic: How to support two friends  (Read 1405 times)

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Offline verticals

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How to support two friends
« on: November 29, 2013, 05:52:44 AM »
I have two friends who have in the last 4 months tested positive. They know one another but haven't told one another about their status as yet and of course I wouldn't want to be the one to break the news to either.  They are both in supportive relationships but I've been let in as a confidant, a sounding board if you will.

How do I sound out if they would like to be in contact with someone in a similar situation?

Are there any resources which give a quick breakdown of what they should avoid? I hear sushi and sashimi but am not sure about the rest.

Offline mecch

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Re: How to support two friends
« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2013, 09:21:15 AM »
People living with AIDS and deficient immunity have some dietary recommendations. People living with HIV do not.
Your friends should be figuring out the technicalities of living with HIV themselves. Why do they need you to do such research on minutia?  Or is this just you, being worried on your own, and wanting to be proactive?   
Unless they ask you specifically to do research or you notice that they are being unusually passive about living with HIV, then maybe the best way to be a "sounding board" is listen out any general life issues they might have, which may or may not have anything to do with HIV anyway.

Also don't play the "I know people in our circle with HIV" hint hint gossip game. Unless you hear BOTH of them start wondering if anyone might be HIV in your circle. Then I guess you could say yes but even then you should never out anyone specifically.  If they want the "circle" to know they are positive, they will do so on their own.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline verticals

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Re: How to support two friends
« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2013, 11:30:08 PM »
Thank you mecch for the response. 

I will just stay away from bringing it up unless they mention or ask me directly. Actually one asked me directly last night without me mentioning it. My friends know I don't gossip and perhaps that's the reason they both shared with me?

As for the dietary restrictions, I will be frank and admit that I'm not clear on the restrictions.  I just want to avoid a situation where we arrange to hang out in a group and end up eating at a place where it might become obvious to the rest of the group that there are such dietary restrictions in place. One had mentioned he had to stay off undercooked meats as well as raw fish/eggs and unboiled tap water.

Offline mecch

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Re: How to support two friends
« Reply #3 on: November 30, 2013, 02:01:17 AM »
What country do you live in?  Do you have bad water?
What is the the condition of that person's immune system. If the CD4 is ok there are no restrictions.
Nobody should eat raw fish or raw meat unless at a well-established speciality restaurant that knows what it is doing. This holds for HIV- and HIV+ people.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mecch

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Re: How to support two friends
« Reply #4 on: November 30, 2013, 02:14:05 AM »
Since you know your friends are HIV+, if you are the host, all you have to do is ask if they have any food restrictions. This is something hosts ask everyone, anyway, not just HIV+ people.
If you are not the host, then your friends can speak out about their restrictions and fend for themselves, just like they may have done before being HIV+.  These days half the people you ask will gladly list things they don't eat.  So many picky people and people on all sorts of restrictive diets, etc. There will be no suspicion or questioning about HIV. 

What exactly is weighing on you?  You seem to be focused on some minute details that are of little to no concern or import to yourself.  Is this rather just a way to express a general unease or worry about your friends?  if you are worried about them for big issues, maybe talk to them about your big worries once or twice. 
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx


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