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Author Topic: New to the forum but not HIV  (Read 3960 times)

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Offline kiki06

  • Member
  • Posts: 17
  • Member since June 2006
New to the forum but not HIV
« on: June 06, 2006, 10:47:09 PM »
Good Evening,

The last couple of days have been days of soul searching and yesterday after a visit with my counselor I was "led" to your website. After looking around I think I may have found a place to start my journey in finally becoming comfortable with who I am...

So who am I? I'm a 30 year old heterosexual mother. I'm recently single and this status change has made me re-evaluate many aspects of my life including "how I deal with my HIV status". So here's who I am in a nutshell...

I was infected as the result of a rape when I was 18, he was an older man actually a friend of the family. I never reported the rape because I'd felt ashamed that I'd agreed to go on a date with such an older man and should have known better.  I dealt with my rape on my own terms, I didn't date anymore and put all my time and energy into my family, my friends, my job, and my schoolwork. Now fast forward two years later to Christmas Eve, my friend and I were going to dinner and on our way home we were in a car accident. As a result of the car accident turns out I needed surgery several months later...

The day before my surgery my orthopedic doctor called and said I was HIV+ (Over the phone to a 20 year old girl at home by herself). The next couple of weeks were really a blur, I dealt with it, met my doctor and just kind of went on with life.

I've had several relationships over the years and in 2000 I met a wonderful man and together we had a son (both are HIV NEGATIVE) thankfully I had an easy pregnancy because the medications took a toll on me. Now here we are 6 years later and we've been split up a year and my son is the light of my life I literally live and breathe my son.

It's been 12 years since I became infected and 10 years since my diagnosis, my numbers are still wonderful and I'm not on any medication. STILL everyday I live with my "secret" I still hide my status for fear of how it would affect my son (kids can be cruel) my friends and family know. I more recently have been having the  need to talk to others who have been where I am or kind of understand, I hope maybe just maybe I have found that place?

I'm also VERY interested in starting something for heterosexual women infected with HIV out here on the net, there are so few places and I know there is a need.

I can't wait to "meet" you all.

"kiki"
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
           Mother Teresa

Offline Teresa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,753
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2006, 11:12:45 PM »
Welcome to the forum. There are a great bunch of people here. You have come to the right place.
My name is Teresa and my hubby found out may 5th that he is HIV+. So we are new to all this. The people here have been a real godsend to me as im sure they will be to you.

Again Welcome
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2006, 11:13:45 PM »
STILL everyday I live with my "secret" I still hide my status for fear of how it would affect my son (kids can be cruel) my friends and family know. I more recently have been having the  need to talk to others who have been where I am or kind of understand,

Hi kiki, nice to meet you. I hope one day the truth comes out about what happened to you - the truth will set you free. For me the weight of my secret was killing me surely but slowly - when all the truths came out to my family it was such a relief I can't even describe it ... My family wondered why on earth  would i hold that much inside

Offline AlanBama

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,604
  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2006, 11:14:33 PM »
Hello Kiki, and welcome!

Glad you found us.   

Alan
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline OzPaul

  • Member
  • Posts: 410
  • a very blessed 29 year ltnp
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2006, 11:16:22 PM »
Welcome Kiki  !!!!

Thank you for sharing your story. I think that you will find a most welcoming family here at AM. All sorts of folks from many places around the globe.
As to your hope that there are other heterosexual women here who are poz as well, rest assured we have a glorious group of passsionate and dedicated women. They will welcome you with open hearts and arms as will your brothers here.
I'm looking forward to hearing more from you.

Cheers
Paul

Offline Oscar

  • Member
  • Posts: 244
  • 20 Years POZ
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2006, 11:17:42 PM »
Hi Kiki!

Welcome to the forum. I look foreord to getting the chance to meet you!

All the best,

Dan

Offline kiki06

  • Member
  • Posts: 17
  • Member since June 2006
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2006, 11:20:25 PM »
Thank you all for the warm welcomes, I'm still looking around and getting the hang of things but hope to be active soon.

Kiki

ps.. I wasn't sure if it was clear that my family and friends DO know but I'm just not open with my status with everyone and sometimes that is hard for me in dealing with different situations.
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
           Mother Teresa

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #7 on: June 06, 2006, 11:26:52 PM »
my family and friends DO know

oh okay... good

I'm just not open with my status with everyone and sometimes that is hard for me in dealing with different situations.

oh, yeah, those  >:(

Offline kcmetroman

  • Member
  • Posts: 567
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #8 on: June 06, 2006, 11:33:18 PM »
Welcome Kiki,

I thin pretty poor practice telling you over the phone to begin with, but you sound like you are a pretty solid person.  Coming from one hetero to another, it is a small world out there.

I wish you the best, and you have found a good home here.  I look to see you more! ;)

Love,

John


Offline Robert

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,643
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #9 on: June 06, 2006, 11:34:31 PM »
Hi Kiki.

No need to worry.  You've come to the right place. As Paul said, there are plenty of heterosexual women here to welcome you and make you feel warm and needed.

A friend of mine became positive when his kids were 12 and 13 years old.  He and his wife never disclosed his status to them.  That was 12 years ago.  His daughter is now married and his son is in medical school.  He still hasn't told them.  He didn't want to tell them when they were young and as they got older there just never seemed to be an appropriate place or time.  He has no regrets watching his children grow and develop and mature.  He told me he had more important things to share with his kids than his positive status.  I've always admired him for that.

robert
..........

Offline Trish

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #10 on: June 06, 2006, 11:49:13 PM »
Hi Kiki,

Welcome aboard... not the best place to meet, but just the same, WELCOME!

My name is Trish, I am 42 years old and heterosexual.  I was infected by my husband nearly 20 years ago and I was diagnosed in 1989.  I lived in denial for 11 years, and although I told my family from day one, pretty much, and my closest friends shortly after that, I couldn't speak about HIV.  It was not something we talked about very freely...and still today I have trouble talking to my family about it, though not as much.  I'm very open about my status now.  I really don't care who knows anymore.  I have found that living in a lie, nearly all the time, did more harm to me than anything.  And the stigma of AIDS was deep instilled in me.  It took a long time to come to terms with it, but eventually I learned through therapy and finding this website.  I came here a little over a year ago and I haven't left.  I hope you stick around here too.  We need more women here... no offense guys.

Kiki, you have been through so much over the years and you've come a long, long way.  You have lots of strength and your character speaks loudly.  In time you will find yourself and learn to accept HIV.  Continue talking about it here and we'll help you along the way.  I look forward to learning more about you and sharing myself with you also.

One day at a time...you'll be okay.  And there's loads of support and love right here with us.  Take advantage of it...that's what it's all about.

All the best and take care,

Trish :) :-*
"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is buit."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,382
  • 29 years positive, 56 years a pain in the butt
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #11 on: June 07, 2006, 12:18:16 AM »
Howdy Kiki,
You sound like a strong woman. Heaven knows you've been through it.
Hmmm, well, I'm not a woman nor am I heterosexual, but I have been living with the bug for at least 21 years. Yep, I'm and oldie but, according to some, a goodie.

I'm glad you found us and I really look forward to getting to know you.

HUGS  :)

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline MoltenStorm

  • Member
  • Posts: 477
  • Poz & Fabulous
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #12 on: June 07, 2006, 01:13:35 AM »
Welcome to the forums! While the price of admission is a heavy one, you are still very much welcome here.

I just found out I was HIV+ on April 11th. I'm a 22 year old homosexual male, but the men and women here are absolutely wonderful. They've all been so supportive and very helpful to me in dealing with this new aspect of myself. I hope you find the same support and genuine hearts that I have.

I look forward to hearing more from you and about you as your life continues to thrive.

MoltenStorm
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline Optimistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 326
  • An Apple A Day Keeps The Doctors Away!
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #13 on: June 07, 2006, 02:15:54 AM »
Welcome to the forum Kiki, but not to HIV.....I am 26 y.o. and both the men and women here are absolutely wonderfuil.  There are many people here with great advices.  This forum has definitely helped me in many ways, especially metal support. 

I look forward to hearing more from you. 

Justin
12/06 (Atripla): cd4 - 260; cd% - 33%; vl - 169
1/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 267; cd% - 38.1%; vl - 132
4/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 373; cd% - 33.9%; vl - <50
7/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 287; cd% - 35.8%; vl - <50
9/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 356; cd% - 39.5%; vl - <50
12/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 517

Offline Markmt

  • Member
  • Posts: 174
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #14 on: June 07, 2006, 07:40:11 AM »
Welcome to the forums Kiki. Looking forward to read more of you,:)

take care,

mark
"Live to love and love to live."

Leo Buscaglia

Offline RAB

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,895
  • Joined March 2003
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #15 on: June 07, 2006, 08:41:08 AM »
Hi KIKI

Welcome to our cyber family.  You have found a great place for those of us living with HIV.

The members here are a truly remarkable group of people.

RAB



Offline Moffie65

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #16 on: June 07, 2006, 09:11:00 AM »
I hate welcoming people to our site/family, but for the obvious reasons. 

I  trust you will fit right in here, and look forward to your contributions to the discussions and dialogues we have here.  This is one hell-of-a support family and they are super knowledgable, and generous.

In Love and Support.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline TedEBearNC

  • Member
  • Posts: 263
  • ~Cuddly~
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #17 on: June 07, 2006, 10:20:51 AM »
Hi Kiki,

Welcome to the forums.  Sorry you have to be here but at least you found us.  It's a wonderful place to be.

Hugs,

Phil
Member since March 2004

Offline pozguy75

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,239
    • POZitively Speaking
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #18 on: June 07, 2006, 10:33:04 AM »
Kiki...

First let me say that I really appreciate your strength and courage for coming here and sharing your story with us. We all have paid a price to gain admission to this forum, and unfortunately your price was much higher than some.

Secondly, welcome to the family. You will find an incredible group of folks here...I couldn't be more blessed to have found these people!! You are in good, no, GREAT company!

Again, welcome!

Dx 2005
ATRIPLA

Offline franfrog

  • Member
  • Posts: 238
Re: New to the forum but not HIV
« Reply #19 on: June 07, 2006, 12:48:36 PM »
Hello Kiki.  I too am a 30 year old mother.  I was diagnosed in July of last year after I landed in the hospital with PCP.  I had been married at that point for 2 years and my husband has tested negative, thank god.  I have two children from two previous relationships and it turns out it was my daughters father(the younger of the two) who had infected me.  I have tested both my children and also, thank god, they are negative.  When I was diagnosed in July of 05', I had a cd4 count of 52 and viral load was astronomically high.  Now almost a year later, I have a cd4 count of 459 and vl undetected. 
I hope to hear more from you. 
Fran
7/05 diagnosis cd4- 52 vl -?
08/05 cd4-299 vl-1900
10/05 cd4-249 vl-349
12/05 cd4-349 vl-52
03/06 cd4-454 vl-<50
06/06 cd4-508 vl-<50

 


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