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Pray for Us - BF Just diagnosed with HIV

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My "feeling" is that you need to step back. Half the content of your posts is about your needs in relation to this news and his diagnosis. That's totally legitimate! 

He is the one who has the blow of a diagnostic at this time.  You are right to offer conversation and support, but just let him pick and choose what he wants from you and leave it at that, for the moment. Don't push.   Can't the "deep convo" wait a bit???  Both of you need to get a footing.

Infidelity weaves through most of your posts so this is a conversation and renegotation you are going to have sooner or later.  Thats going to be an emotional topic.

Bizarre as it sounds, try not to mix ALL the emotions wrapped up in such a conversation about the couple, with the emotions involved in getting through an HIV diagnosis.   HIV diagnosis, learning about ones current immune state, learning about treatment, a lot of this learning and thinking and decision making process goes best when its cleared of all the baggage of HIV stigma in society and the "moral" meaning of the HIV virus, and infidelity in couples, human sexuality and money and and and and and and and and and and and and and and

If he picked up HIV via being unfaithful and making the mistake of having unprotected sex. And furthermore put your health at risk after his risk taking.  He probably doesn't feel so great and probably doesn't need you sitting in the doctor's office, dealing with a negative result of betrayal and mistakes, with a doc just trying run through all the details of HIV as efficiently as possible.
If you have already forgiven him then you can tell him that.

He may need time to forgive himself.

He has his first appointment today. Is there anything I should ask him? What exactly happens on your first trip to dr?

Hey, I am just going through this as well and had my first appointment a few weeks back. Basically his doctor will ask some sexual history questions, ask when they think they had transmited it...they'll order some blood work and he'll have to get a bunch of blood drawn (i had 9 or 10 viles drawn my first visit). After he gets his Viral Load and CD4 count, resistance test, and other STI tests to see how is body is reacting to the virus and how much it has progressed, the next visit they'll likely talk about different medications and when he'd be comfortable with starting treatment. The main thing to remember is that everything will be okay.

If it is a good doctor, the doctor will say some variant of: "This is 2013 and HIV is a very manageable disease. You should live a healthy lifestyle. If you are smoking please quit.  The medicine is in place to effectively treat your HIV infection. Please go about all your big plans as usual... Expect to live a long life..." or along those lines...


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