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Pray for Us - BF Just diagnosed with HIV

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prayforus:
 I had an long distance relationship with my ex a few years back and I found out he cheated on me frequently. Because we lived so far apart and only seen each other every few weeks, we didn't have sex much. But he called me and told me a week before he was to come move in with me that he has tested positive. We had a bad snow storm that week so everything was shut down for 3 days. I had to stay in my house for those 3 days wondering rather or not I had HIV. When I was finally able to go get tested, I tested negative and had done so a few times after that.

He still moved in with me and it was very difficult for me to wrap my mind around everything. We never had sex again and he ended up moving back because it just didn't work. I was very young and knew nothing about HIV at that point. I didn't even know anyone who had it. I was scared.

Around 2 years later, another close friend of mines, confided in me that he was positive. We did have sex but it was protected. Can you believe he did not tell me until AFTER we finished? I could not believe it and we had a huge falling out over this. We haven't talked much since then but I have reached out several times, but he wont respond. I hope he is ok. I do check his online social media sites every now and then and he seems to be doing ok. Was I wrong for being mad at him for not giving me the choice rather or not to have sex with an hiv+ person? He always said because we used a condom, he didn't think he had to tell me.

Luckily enough, I did test negative again and months and month later when I applied for my new insurance and had to do blood work. All negative.

So after those two situation that happened within a two year period, sex to me was scary and mind boggling. Twice this had happened and just thinking that you may have HIV and waiting for results is so stressful. I just couldn't wrap my mind around sex. To me is was too risky and people are not honest with you.

 That was until I met my current guy. Earlier this week my boyfriend of one year called me crying saying that he had tested positive for HIV. Of course I could not believe it and my mind and body went into complete shock worrying about him, our relationship and my status. Why was this happening AGAIN? Over the last couple of months we had been having problems but I have never been in love like this. I had let my guard down sexually and we have so much fun together. We really do click.

He questioned rather or not I had been faithful to him and I knew that I had. But I don't think he believed me because of a flirty text he claimed he had seen in my phone. I tried to explain to him that it was just a text and that I had never even met that person, let  alone actually had sex with them. Yes I had an inappropriate text, but I knew I would not have any random hookups or take anything past that. It just was not worth it.

Immediately, I went to pick him up and we went to get tested. I was a mess. He was too. Nervous and just automatically thinking I must be positive too, because we had been having unprotected sex for the majority of our relationship. Why cant I escape this? Why am I reliving this for a third time?

The counselor scolded us and told us that we should not have been having unprotected sex even though we had been together for over a year and even if we thought we were monogamous. She said you should always wait at least 2 years before considering to have unprotected sex.

I knew this. Why didn't I listen?  After more tears and talking to the counselor, my results came back negative!! This was a shock to me but I was so happy and blessed. I told him that I loved him and that nothing would change. We cried together and hugged.

So of course this meant that I did not transmit the virus to him. He has had unprotected sex before we met and says the last time he was tested was Dec 2012. He says it was negative. We met around Oct 2012. Im just not sure if he is telling me the complete truth.

I know that he has been unfaithful to me at least one time, but this was DAYS before all of this happened, so I know that''s too soon to get it from this person. We have had convos where I have asked him to just be completely honest with me and tell me if he had cheated more. He swears no and that the only reason he cheated that one time was because of the text he seen.

In October he became really sick, complained of a bad headache and a skin rash appeared on his lower back. When I found that out we QUICKLY went right away to the ER. I made him. When we got there, the doctor came in, quickly looked and said it was Shingles. He prescribed the meds and he got better about 2 weeks later. But now thinking back, im wondering if that could have been HIV rash? Would the doctor have mistakenly said shingles instead?

I have so many questions. I know he is going through a lot right now. Would it be distasteful for me to demand answers? His first appointment is Monday. I have offered to go with him several times and he hasn't invited me yet. What do I do? I really love him.

prayforus:
Not sure if it matters, the counselor said it didn't, but i'm always the top in my relationships.

prayforus:
I just would like to know as much as possible because I am not against continuing our relationship. I love him. But if we are in this relationship, we are not going to sweep this under the rug or have it feel awkward or weird if the subject arises. I want us to be very educated and knowledgeable about hiv.

He also sweats a lot a night. Does that happen at any stage of HIV? I did always think that was weird and I guess now we have the answer. I just need to pray and wait for time to go by so that I can get more testing.

mecch:
The doctor did not misdiagnose Shingles as something else, let alone as a "HIV RASH".  But yeah an HIV+ person can get Shingles. I hope he got good treatment quickly. How is he doing his month?
And has he seen an ID doctor yet? How are his numbers?
You asked why you keep meeting HIV+ guys - well thats probably random. You asked why you keep having drama about possibly being infected in your relationships with guys who get surprise HIV diagnosis.  It doesn't take sherlock holmes to see the pattern. You haven't followed the logical rules about how abandon condoms in a relationship. Thats not a judgement, plenty of people don't manage to follow the rules, and thus we get infections in couples. Happened to me a few times and I was the HIV- one.  I finally got HIV when I was single.  Slightly different set of rules.
But hey the basic rule is - protect yourself and use a condom.
So if you do this with your current bf, you should manage to stay HIV-.  So I hope your subsequent test in he next month or two will be HIV- and you start being attentive to always using condoms.  If you are with this guys a ways down the road, and he goes reliably undetectable, and you guys stay faithful, you could maybe go back to bareback.  Depending on what risk you can live with.
Another option is that you can go on Truvada and protect yourself from HIV infection.
Or, use a condom every time.
Hope your partner joins the forum, too.  ;D

prayforus:

--- Quote from: mecch on November 16, 2013, 09:08:50 PM ---The doctor did not misdiagnose Shingles as something else, let alone as a "HIV RASH".  But yeah an HIV+ person can get Shingles. I hope he got good treatment quickly. How is he doing his month?
And has he seen an ID doctor yet? How are his numbers?
You asked why you keep meeting HIV+ guys - well thats probably random. You asked why you keep having drama about possibly being infected in your relationships with guys who get surprise HIV diagnosis.  It doesn't take sherlock holmes to see the pattern. You haven't followed the logical rules about how abandon condoms in a relationship. Thats not a judgement, plenty of people don't manage to follow the rules, and thus we get infections in couples. Happened to me a few times and I was the HIV- one.  I finally got HIV when I was single.  Slightly different set of rules.
But hey the basic rule is - protect yourself and use a condom.
So if you do this with your current bf, you should manage to stay HIV-.  So I hope your subsequent test in he next month or two will be HIV- and you start being attentive to always using condoms.  If you are with this guys a ways down the road, and he goes reliably undetectable, and you guys stay faithful, you could maybe go back to bareback.  Depending on what risk you can live with.
Another option is that you can go on Truvada and protect yourself from HIV infection.
Or, use a condom every time.
Hope your partner joins the forum, too.  ;D

--- End quote ---

Thank you for your response.

He was just diagnosed a week ago. His first doctor visit is Monday. He is very tired though. He sleeps a lot. We are very close. Is it weird that he does not want me to go with him? He hasnt said that, but I kind of get the feeling.

I have been saying:

"Babe, if you want me to come with you to your appointment, I will! or I will be there!" His response is "Thanks babe  :)" and then the subject changes. I plan to have our first deep convo tomorrow night. Is there any questions I need to tell him to ask his doctors or will his doctors generally give him all the info he need? I think he might not want me to go because maybe the doctor will let him know when he was infected and that could possible know he cheated on me?

I don't want to step on his toes because I do know that he might need some "me" time, but if I was in the same position, I wouldn't want to go by myself and would have already spoke to my bf about coming with me. He has to understand that although I tested negative, in a sense this is still something that will affect my life if we decide to stay together. Which is what I hope.

Thank God for this forum.


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