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Author Topic: Last Rites and Such  (Read 1587 times)

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Offline oksikoko

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Last Rites and Such
« on: November 16, 2013, 09:33:02 AM »
Hey, some of you actually think about practical matters like carrying spare tires and keeping fully charged flashlights at home, so I hope to borrow your experience. I feel like I asked something similar once before, but I don't seem to find it, and I don't recall the answer (if any exists).

So, let's say you've got no discernible family or any property to speak of, and you die. The City just sticks you out on Hart Island [insert your local potter's field here], and that's the end of it, right? No muss, no fuss?

My main question is ďwho will likely be inconvenienced by my demise, and how can I prevent said inconvenienceĒ?

Thanks,
Lee
Code: [Select]
2013-10-03:                ☣ VL (=) undetectable ☣ CD4 (+) 1105
2013-05-23:                ☣ VL (=) undetectable ☣ CD4 (-) 945
2013-02-25:                ☣ VL (-) undetectable ☣ CD4 (+) 1123
2012-12-16: Enter Stribild
2012-11-20: HIV+           ☣ VL (→) 132,683      ☣ CD4 (→) 920
2012-04-01: HIV-
Dates in this signature file conform to ISO 8601. ;-)

Offline mitch777

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2013, 10:23:46 AM »
From a practical standpoint, I wouldn't be too concerned about said inconvenience but rather put effort to prevent said demise. :)

Should such said demise be inevitable, I believe whomever must deal with said inconvenience are being paid to accomplish the task and are simply doing their job.

m.
31 years hiv+ (oct. 2013) with a curtsy.

Offline leatherman

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #2 on: November 16, 2013, 10:33:15 AM »
My main question is ďwho will likely be inconvenienced by my demise, and how can I prevent said inconvenienceĒ?
you could pre-purchase cremation services  for approx $1k. Make sure your doc/hospital/etc has a copy of your living will, medical power of attorney, and contract for cremation.

if you don't leave instructions on what to do with your remains (you could have them interred, placed in a mausoleum or turned over to a specific person) then the cremation company will keep them for a specific amount of time before disposing of them (you could ask about this situation with the cremation provider)
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Online Jeff G

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #3 on: November 16, 2013, 10:41:50 AM »
Hi Lee , I hope this is for general discussion and you are not in crisis .

I cant seem to make the effort to arrange for my final exit and will leave it up to my family to do what they will . I applied to leave my body to science but sadly like allot of the people I know even scientist have no interest in body .

If I thought it could be enforced I would choose my body be placed in a funeral pyres the front lawn of whoever is the highest ranking member of the republican party in congress at the time of my death so that I could raise one final stink .   

Offline bmancanfly

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #4 on: November 16, 2013, 10:52:15 AM »
A little concerned as to why you are asking this.   ???

Care to expound?
"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt."

 Bertrand Russell

Offline darryaz

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #5 on: November 16, 2013, 11:13:29 AM »
I've always said I want to be cremated and my ashes dumped on the car of my worst enemy (whoever that is at the time).

Offline mitch777

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2013, 11:44:09 AM »
Hi Lee , I hope this is for general discussion and you are not in crisis .
 

I took it as a general discussion but now you pushed my "worry" button.
Lee? You ok?
31 years hiv+ (oct. 2013) with a curtsy.

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #7 on: November 16, 2013, 12:59:33 PM »
I don't think oksi is making a suicide jump so let's just make an effort to give him the information, and if he's homeless at the moment I don't know why someone would suggest that he make plans to save $1,000 for something.

Oksi lives in a large city with a large transient population, and I'm sure they have some bureaucratic entity that disposes of the indigent. Hart Island was indeed where all such corpses once ended up, and is known as the largest publicly-funded cemetery in the world. Most other large cities contract this out to mortuary companies, but not NYC.

Oksi, you may wish to read this .pdf: A Guide to Burial Assistance for New Yorkers in Need

For people outside of NYC this is an interesting article on the rise of indigent burials.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline LiveWithIt

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #8 on: November 16, 2013, 01:01:59 PM »
Don't worry about it, you will be gone. 

and Last Rights is what a priest reads to you when you are on your deathbed. 
Pray God you can cope
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

Offline oksikoko

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2013, 01:29:43 PM »
Haha, no nothing imminent, I don't think. But I felt like death for a while there with that flu and was reading through others' posts on here when I realized I have no idea what's going to happen when ultimately whatever happens happens.

Personally, I don't care, because as LiveWithIt sais, I'll be gone. But in other threads people have commented on the burden that gets left behind, and I don't want anyone's last thoughts of me to be "more paperwork?!" They won't even be able to yell at me, and that's gotta be frustrating.

MissP, thanks for the PDF! I should have Googled, but you're all more fun to talk to. And it's not the sort of thing I want to ask about at the doctor or where I live or they'll have me on suicide watch. I'm already on the 'medically frail' list, which I find amusing considering my numbers.

leatherman, $1K? You make it sound like a bargain, though I guess it is relatively. Maybe I can just make it to a dark corner of Central Park and let the hawks have a treat. Who are we kidding. It would be rats. :)

Darryaz, Jeff, Now these are good ideas. I wonder how far is too far before it gets unhonorable. Like if not the car, could you at least get blown into their freshly placed makeup.

Oh, and thanks for your concern, Mitch and bman. I think the flu has passed, and I just bought groceries, so I'm here for a while. ;)

Sorry, if I missed anyone there. Thanks for the responses. I'll check this off my 'worry about it' list after I read this PDF.
Code: [Select]
2013-10-03:                ☣ VL (=) undetectable ☣ CD4 (+) 1105
2013-05-23:                ☣ VL (=) undetectable ☣ CD4 (-) 945
2013-02-25:                ☣ VL (-) undetectable ☣ CD4 (+) 1123
2012-12-16: Enter Stribild
2012-11-20: HIV+           ☣ VL (→) 132,683      ☣ CD4 (→) 920
2012-04-01: HIV-
Dates in this signature file conform to ISO 8601. ;-)

Offline oksikoko

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #10 on: November 16, 2013, 01:41:44 PM »
Well, that didn't take long to sort. Many of the options are religious or have specific qualifications, but the first is via HRA (the overlords of HASA [HIV/AIDS Services Administration]). In case it benefits anyone else:

----------
When a person dies and does not leave enough money for burial expenses, HRA will reimburse a portion of the burial expense (up to a maximum of $800) for a funeral costing no more than $1,400 for deceased residents of the City of New York.
Eligibility Requirements:
1. Decedent must have been a resident of the City of New York
2. Friends or relatives of the deceased are not legally required or are unable to pay burial costs.
3. Decedent was eligible for NYS Medicaid benefits.
4. Funeral costs do not exceed $1,400 in total.
----------

Except for number three (temporarily) those are easy. It looks like someone's paperwork hassle, but, yeah, they get paid for it. Probably not enough, but that's between them and de Blasio.

Oh, and regarding an earlier post up above: I'm not technically homeless anymore, but more what you'd call marginally housed or perhaps the more politically correct 'person living with housing instability'. Haha. I've decided not to worry about it until school's out since there's not much I can do about it at the moment anyway.

Apropos of barely anything, I always liked the Russian phrase for homeless: "bomzh" which sounds like "bums" and stands for "[person] without any particular place to live". It makes it sound very casual, very California.
Code: [Select]
2013-10-03:                ☣ VL (=) undetectable ☣ CD4 (+) 1105
2013-05-23:                ☣ VL (=) undetectable ☣ CD4 (-) 945
2013-02-25:                ☣ VL (-) undetectable ☣ CD4 (+) 1123
2012-12-16: Enter Stribild
2012-11-20: HIV+           ☣ VL (→) 132,683      ☣ CD4 (→) 920
2012-04-01: HIV-
Dates in this signature file conform to ISO 8601. ;-)

Online Jeff G

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #11 on: November 16, 2013, 02:19:13 PM »
I really did try to arrange for my body to donated to science but so far I have found having an infectious disease disqualifies me , in my city anyway . 

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #12 on: November 16, 2013, 03:26:00 PM »
My ashes are to be thrown in the river at the confluence of the Shenandoah and Potomac Rivers along with a sealed pack of Camel Lights, which is the tip of Harper's Ferry. This is in memory of John Brown's raid. I decided this just last week when I was experiencing the toxic effects of 20mg of citalopram aka Celexa -- something I would not wish on my worst enemy and perhaps I will detail at a later date.

Instead of a short prayer, my survivors are only to say: Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave. (Quentin Crisp)
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline oksikoko

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #13 on: November 16, 2013, 03:36:28 PM »
Ooh, nice plan. I think I have to step up my game.

As for Celexa, step away from the bottle [Paid for by OksikokoCo. I am not a doctor].

That stuff was way worse than Lexapro, though I was assured again and again that they're the same thing - like putting your right foot in your left shoe. I think that's the one on which I decided to play rugby, though that could have been Zoloft. Men twice and thrice my size hurling themselves at me without armor and throwing me into the air to be whacked in the face with oddly shaped balls then drinking my weight in liquor afterward... 3 Times a week... And the stuff's supposed to prevent suicide?

Of course, I'm joking. I'd probably do it again if I had money and weren't so old. Broken bones don't pay for themselves unless you're a carny and that's your act.
Code: [Select]
2013-10-03:                ☣ VL (=) undetectable ☣ CD4 (+) 1105
2013-05-23:                ☣ VL (=) undetectable ☣ CD4 (-) 945
2013-02-25:                ☣ VL (-) undetectable ☣ CD4 (+) 1123
2012-12-16: Enter Stribild
2012-11-20: HIV+           ☣ VL (→) 132,683      ☣ CD4 (→) 920
2012-04-01: HIV-
Dates in this signature file conform to ISO 8601. ;-)

Offline BT65

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #14 on: November 16, 2013, 04:09:17 PM »
I've had last rites performed several times.  Onto "the inevitable,"...

When I went through wasting, my service, including cremation, was paid for.  When I recovered, the money was drawn out and spent. 

So when I was in the coma, my aunt paid for my service a second time (yes, she paid for it the first time), and this time put it in a trust, so it cannot be withdrawn. 

A funeral home I know is friendly to HIV+ people will be handling the cremation and possible service.  What to do with my ashes, I do not know.  There have been some good suggestions.  I guess I will have this to ponder on now....
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Habersham

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #15 on: November 16, 2013, 04:26:46 PM »
Since I'm a confirmed taphophile my options are pretty good. I have a half share in a family plot overlooking Kelly Drive in Philadelphia. If I'm cremated and my ashes buried there I'll be able to observe sweaty joggers!
http://www.thelaurelhillcemetery.org/index.php?flash=1
If I die in Savannah and I have spent my meager savings then the city of Savannah will have to step in. The good news is their pauper's field is located in Bonaventure Cemetery of "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" fame. Leaving some burial money or not I'll spend eternal rest in Victorian splendor!

http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.com/~langolier/IMG/Bonaventure/bonaventure_cem.jpg



 
Because I Can

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #16 on: November 16, 2013, 04:27:24 PM »
Well, if I outlive my parents I will have the funds for the largest funeral I could want. But I won't waste money like that. I really want cremation and the smallest of ceremonies, and I was semi-serious about the ashes going into the river at Harper's Ferry. That's a mere 20 miles from where I was born and spent the first 18 years of my life. And it's a really pretty site, and will allow my ashes to pass downstream to the town I grew up in which is also on the Potomac. That's more appropriate then dumping them in the East River, James River or the Delaware, seeing as how those are more transient places I have lived.

If you've never been to Harpers Ferry you should try and go. It's just a fab little town with large bluffs on either side where the rivers cut through the mountains. I'd retire there if it didn't involve actually living in West Virginia.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline BT65

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #17 on: November 16, 2013, 04:41:29 PM »
I suppose I could have my ashes sprinkled where the strip club I worked at used to stand.  The Kitty Kat Klub.  It got torn down when the moral majority had most of the clubs shut down.  Plus the owner of the club went to state prison for promoting prostitution, then onto federal prison for tax evasion.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Online Jeff G

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #18 on: November 16, 2013, 05:51:51 PM »
I suppose I could have my ashes sprinkled where the strip club I worked at used to stand.  The Kitty Kat Klub.  It got torn down when the moral majority had most of the clubs shut down.  Plus the owner of the club went to state prison for promoting prostitution, then onto federal prison for tax evasion.

Just don't get the ashes on the stripper pole or she wont get a good grip and will fly out in the audience . It could happen .

Offline oksikoko

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #19 on: November 16, 2013, 06:18:28 PM »
Since I'm a confirmed taphophile my options are pretty good.

What a delicious word.
Code: [Select]
2013-10-03:                ☣ VL (=) undetectable ☣ CD4 (+) 1105
2013-05-23:                ☣ VL (=) undetectable ☣ CD4 (-) 945
2013-02-25:                ☣ VL (-) undetectable ☣ CD4 (+) 1123
2012-12-16: Enter Stribild
2012-11-20: HIV+           ☣ VL (→) 132,683      ☣ CD4 (→) 920
2012-04-01: HIV-
Dates in this signature file conform to ISO 8601. ;-)

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #20 on: November 16, 2013, 08:14:09 PM »
It's a little known fact that I live on a block with a funeral home, surrounded by rotting corpses. I think it's quite popular with Italian policemen that die in the course of duty.

Baldi Funeral Home (Established in 1908) is actually kind of swanky.

"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline mitch777

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #21 on: November 16, 2013, 08:37:12 PM »
What a delicious word.
This whole thread is morbidly delicious. :) You are ALL too much. Thanks! :) :)
31 years hiv+ (oct. 2013) with a curtsy.

Offline Jody

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #22 on: November 16, 2013, 09:26:03 PM »
Glad you are feeling better Lee.  Enjoy each and every day and the after death stuff will work out one way or another. 

Jody :)
"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world".
 "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

Grateful Dead

Offline wolfter

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #23 on: November 16, 2013, 10:35:46 PM »

If you've never been to Harpers Ferry you should try and go. It's just a fab little town with large bluffs on either side where the rivers cut through the mountains. I'd retire there if it didn't involve actually living in West Virginia.

Harpers Ferry is an awesome place, and I've found that entire area to be quite gay friendly.  MissP a mountain man, shudder at the image.  No fufu shops and such.  ;)
productivity breeds content

Offline oksikoko

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #24 on: November 16, 2013, 11:41:42 PM »
I really did try to arrange for my body to donated to science but so far I have found having an infectious disease disqualifies me , in my city anyway .

Hey, did you see this news, though?

"On Tuesday, the House of Representatives gave final approval to the HIV Organ Policy Equity (HOPE) Act, a bill that will end a 25-year ban on using HIV-positive donorsí organs for any purpose, including medical research."

http://www.towleroad.com/2013/11/congress-votes-to-allow-organ-transplants-between-hiv-positive-patients.html
Code: [Select]
2013-10-03:                ☣ VL (=) undetectable ☣ CD4 (+) 1105
2013-05-23:                ☣ VL (=) undetectable ☣ CD4 (-) 945
2013-02-25:                ☣ VL (-) undetectable ☣ CD4 (+) 1123
2012-12-16: Enter Stribild
2012-11-20: HIV+           ☣ VL (→) 132,683      ☣ CD4 (→) 920
2012-04-01: HIV-
Dates in this signature file conform to ISO 8601. ;-)

Online Jeff G

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #25 on: November 17, 2013, 12:24:52 AM »
Hey, did you see this news, though?

"On Tuesday, the House of Representatives gave final approval to the HIV Organ Policy Equity (HOPE) Act, a bill that will end a 25-year ban on using HIV-positive donors’ organs for any purpose, including medical research."

http://www.towleroad.com/2013/11/congress-votes-to-allow-organ-transplants-between-hiv-positive-patients.html

I did see that and its about time , great news .

Offline intaglio

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #26 on: November 17, 2013, 12:54:29 AM »
Oksikoko,

For now, don't be too concerned. As others say, you're not going to really care anyway at that point. When your circumstances improve, you can designate a lawyer to be executor of your estate. They will see to the *ahem* disposal of your remains and liquidate your estate.

I've told my family they can put me in a garbage bag and place me on the curb for all I care. I've told my kids to go the cheapest route possible. I'm spending all my money on me while I'm alive. There's no need for them to spend any of it on me once I'm dead.

I've looked into donating my body to the Body Farm. I have no idea if they accept HIV+ corpses or not. I like the idea of my remains being dressed in clothes I wouldn't be caught dead in, rotting in a field in Texas. I would hope the odor would offend at least one inhabitant of that state.

Due to many other ailments, I wouldn't wish my organs on anybody. So even If I could donate them, I doubt they'd do anybody any good. They barely work for me, and I'm the original owner.
Reality is frequently inaccurate.

Online Jeff G

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #27 on: November 17, 2013, 01:14:44 AM »
A burial is so expensive its rather a shame that even in death we pay a huge toll to just exit from this world . I don't know , would it really be a public health threat to be put in a pine box and buried without embalming and expensive coffins and vaults ? 


Offline flaconvert

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #28 on: November 17, 2013, 09:52:43 AM »
A burial is so expensive its rather a shame that even in death we pay a huge toll to just exit from this world . I don't know , would it really be a public health threat to be put in a pine box and buried without embalming and expensive coffins and vaults ?

I remember reading about a "green Burial". Exactly what you describe. I believe there are a few cemeteries that offer the service.

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #29 on: November 17, 2013, 11:03:26 AM »
MissP a mountain man, shudder at the image.  No fufu shops and such.  ;)

1) Harpers Ferry is on the Appalachian Trail and crest of the Blue Ridge mountains, which are the furthest east of the Appalachian Mountains. I grew up 20 miles east but at that point it's simply piedmont, and just a bit past that it's flat Atlantic flood plain. I'm really more of a flood plain boy. Flat, easy to ride a bike and take a long stroll.

2) I'm trying to recall the shops in Harper's Ferry -- they definitely haven't been taken over by "mall" shops or anything, it's more handicrafts but they are not cheap by any stretch of the imagination. That entire area has changed a lot in the past 15 years if you've not been recently. There are now a lot of artists in the area catering to the wealthy suburban Washington folks because half of the top 10 highest income counties in the US are around DC.

3) extra credit: Amtrak stops at Harper's Ferry! As does MARC, the DC/MD commuter train line (Brunswick Line). In fact, MARC goes all he way to Martinsburg, WV now. Yes, there are weirdos who commute ~70 miles for work, I guess.

Hey, did you see this news, though?

"On Tuesday, the House of Representatives gave final approval to the HIV Organ Policy Equity (HOPE) Act, a bill that will end a 25-year ban on using HIV-positive donorsí organs for any purpose, including medical research."

http://www.towleroad.com/2013/11/congress-votes-to-allow-organ-transplants-between-hiv-positive-patients.html

That's just for transplants, right? This link from the esteemed Filthydelphia based Wistar Institute shows a NIH award for human organs and tissues including and in particular from HIV-infected donors.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline tednlou2

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Re: Last Rites and Such
« Reply #30 on: November 17, 2013, 10:20:32 PM »
A burial is so expensive its rather a shame that even in death we pay a huge toll to just exit from this world . I don't know , would it really be a public health threat to be put in a pine box and buried without embalming and expensive coffins and vaults ?

It seems I first saw a green burial on the show, "Six Feet Under."  There are places that do it.  I've always said what a waste it is to buy a several thousand dollar coffin and stick it in the ground.  I would rather loved ones to take a vacation with that money.  No offense to anyone who wants a fancy coffin, but it does seem like one of the worst buys ever, to me.  I wouldn't be caught dead in one.   

On the donating to science aspect-- I guess they don't even want our bodies for ballistic testing or for that place where they leave your body in the woods, in order to learn how the body decomposes for forensic education.  Do they even do the ballistic testing on bodies anymore?  With all the murders here, you'd think they would know all this.  I know that place in Tennessee is still doing the forensic education. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natural_burial
 

 


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