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Author Topic: Why can't I let it go  (Read 1862 times)

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Offline dumbo

  • member
  • Posts: 2
Why can't I let it go
« on: October 25, 2006, 01:09:57 PM »
Hello!
New here but have been cruising around this forum lately.
Here is my story:
Two and a half years ago I was traveling around SE Asia.
I met a girl in Thailand who I knew from before (HIV status unknown).
She used to work at a resort where I've stayed before. This time I took liking in her
and we spent some time together. I stayed for a couple of months with her
and we had unprotected sex many times (30 - 40 times). I don't know why I did this,
I didn't care about anything and I felt safe when I was with her.
When I went home, reality hit me and I experienced the absolutly
worst 3 months of my life, waiting for my test results.
I did the whole test suite (hep B, hep C, HIV, Syphilis etc.).
Everything was OK. I tested ELISA neg. for HIV at 3 weeks, 6 weeks,
3 months, 6 months and finally 2,5 years after last unprotected sex.
I haven't been with any girl ever since but now I meet a really nice girl
that I like alot but along came my fear of HIV again (therefore my 2,5 years neg. ELISA test).
Somewhere I understand that I shouldn't worry but if I would infect her,
I know I couldn't live with that.
I just can't let my fear go, I know that my risk was extremly high because of the
many times of unprotected sex with someone with unknown HIV status
and the high HIV prevalence in Thailand. I know that the test I took seems ok
but I feel like I couln't be that lucky to be HIV neg. due to my risk. I'd like to
have some test that check on the virus instead of antibodies. Do you
think I should do that?
I'm just tired of beeing scared, I just want to leave this shit all behind me...

/Psycho

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Why can't I let it go
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2006, 01:56:24 PM »
Dumbo,

It doesn't matter how high risk of an activity you engaged in, your test results are conclusively negative. If you cannot accept that fact, maybe you should be exploring why you can't with a counselor. I'm afraid we can't help you with that here.

As for this new relationship, You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

You are hiv negative and you don't need further testing over what happened over two years ago.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,381
Re: Why can't I let it go
« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2006, 10:21:45 AM »
PS And if you really find you cannot let go of this nagging concern then you might consider seeing a therapist or other mental health specialist.

You have way more than reliably tested negative for HIV. You ARE HIV negative. Period. End of story.

So if you're still haunted by this fear so long after the event, then how about talking with a professional and getting some help with finding out why your mind won't let go of this concern. Life is way too short to spend with this kind of unwarranted concern.

Cheers, 
Andy Velez

Offline dumbo

  • member
  • Posts: 2
Re: Why can't I let it go
« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2006, 03:00:14 PM »
I don't know why this fear came up again. After my 6 months test I felt relaxed and forgot about
it all and haven't thought of it since but now when I met my new girlfriend, the fear came back
because I am afraid of giving her HIV.

Then all kinds of thoughts started to roll through my head that I might be a late seroconverter or that my ELISA was mixed up with
someone else or that I don't produce antibodies.

I have just 2 questions:
1. How can the experts now that the seroconversion time is max. 3 months since, I guess,
a.)most of the people who get infected doesn't
know the time of infection because they have sex many times with the same partner during a long time period and therefore can't tell the
exact time of infection.
b.) The people who get infected maybe have alot of different partners and they don't really know who infected them.
Maybe the seroconversion time is 6 months, 1 year or 10 years? How does the experts now this?

2. Do you think it would be wise for me to tell my girlfriend about what happened? She will probably ask me about my previous partners
and on one hand I don't feel comfortable about sneaking around, not telling her the truth but on the other hand I'm scared that she
might freak out and leave me if I tell.
What do you think?

Offline checking

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: Why can't I let it go
« Reply #4 on: October 26, 2006, 03:10:43 PM »
1. How can the experts now that the seroconversion time is max. 3 months?

2. Do you think it would be wise for me to tell my girlfriend about what happened? What do you think?

1. Seroconversion timing is not arrived at by what a patient says. It is formulated by Lab studies. Proir to a test being launched, it goes through extensive checking to see what the minimum time to detect a virus/antibody to a virus is.

2. If you love your girlfriend and she loves you, you MUST tell her. Allways believe in this saying, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, its yours for ever. If not, it was never yours in the first place".

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,134
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Why can't I let it go
« Reply #5 on: October 26, 2006, 05:52:18 PM »
Dumb,

1. Twenty five years of clinical trials have proven the window period. Clincal trials have strict criteria - and people who aren't sure of the details of their possible exposure aren't included. Not only is the window period three months, but I'm fully expecting it to be only six weeks sometime in the next few years.

2. In spite of what checking said to you, we cannot possibly advise you whether or not to disclose your sexual history to your girlfriend. That is completely up to you. Whatever you decide, you need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection.

I said that to you earlier but I cannot stress it enough. Use condoms until you've tested together and are securely monogamous. Just because a person isn't a sex worker doesn't mean they can't be infected. You can't tell by looking at a person and you can't go by what they think they know about their health. Test together or use condoms.

You are conclusively negative from the incident years ago.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,134
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Why can't I let it go
« Reply #6 on: October 26, 2006, 05:52:53 PM »
checking,

You are not in any position to give advice on this forum. Please don't. Thanks.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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