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Author Topic: I gave an unprotected, long, rough, deep-throat BJ to a guy.  (Read 1542 times)

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Offline FlorkQueen

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I gave an unprotected, long, rough, deep-throat BJ to a guy.
« on: February 01, 2014, 10:37:07 PM »
About 3 months ago, I (female) gave an unprotected blowjob to a guy. No idea if he was HIV+ or not. He said he wasn't, but frankly, who knows.

We never had intercourse. I only gave him a BJ. It was very rough - sorry to be graphic. He would hold my head, and thrust deeply and hard into my throat, to the point I vomited. It went on for a long time, about 40 minutes on/off.

He never ejaculated into my mouth, but there was absolutely precum involved.

Because I vomited, I ended up brushing my teeth, and we resumed activities shortly afterwards.

My throat was damaged. It was very sore the next day, it didn't hurt immediately afterwards. I don't believe it was another STI or anything. It just felt red/raw since I know a throat is quite sensitive and easily bruised/damaged. I'd deepthroated my previous monogamous partner a lot, and the sore throat felt similar to that (but more intense since it went on longer). It just healed on its own and I've never experienced any other symptoms, so I'd kind of forgotten about it until recently.

I have been reading over/and/over again threads here, where you say that no matter what, no matter how rough, while there is this so-called 'theoretical' risk, it has never actually happened where a partner has contracted HIV from giving a BJ.

But everywhere else I read online says that there is a "very small risk", especially for a partner giving a BJ. And with mine as rough as it was, the throat tissue could very well have been traumatised, and I don't know if the saliva would still inhibit HIV at that point/would there still be enough on the penis/etc. They also say to not brush your teeth for 40 minutes before giving a BJ, which I didn't know about when I gave it. Why do other websites, including official government websites, paint such a different picture to what you all tell people on here? It is scary and confusing.

I have no idea how to get a HIV test and frankly I'm really scared to.

I do regret being impulsive like I was, and I won't make that mistake in the future and I carry condoms with me all of the time now, just in case.

Thanks!

Offline Jeff G

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Re: I gave an unprotected, long, rough, deep-throat BJ to a guy.
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2014, 11:01:27 PM »
The risk for contracting HIV from oral sex happens when a person with significant wounds in their mouth gives a BJ to a man with a high HIV viral load .

There have been no fewer than three separate serodiscordant couples studies (where one person is HIV positive, the other negative.) These couples were tracked for three. five and ten years. The couples used condoms for penetrative vaginal and anal sex, but NO BARRIER at all for oral sex. Any kind of oral sex.

These studies yielded NO infections

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Although you did not have a risk if you are uneasy you can test for peace of mind . It doesn't sound like you have been getting your sexual healthcare checkups from what you shared so now is a good time to start . You can go see your doctor and he or she can test you for HIV and all other STDS .

For future reference ... The testing window period for HIV is 6 weeks past any possible exposure and again at 3 months to confirm the results . 

Offline FlorkQueen

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Re: I gave an unprotected, long, rough, deep-throat BJ to a guy.
« Reply #2 on: February 02, 2014, 06:09:02 AM »
Hi Jeff,

Thanks for your reply. I should really get tested again, I got tested 3 months ago. That was the first (and last) time I had a sexual encounter outside of a very long monogamous relationship in which we were both clean. I'd been tested before that and had come up clean.

I heard people talking about buying rapid HIV tests themselves. I'll rock up to a doctor soon and get tested for all STI's just in case. But in the meantime, it is very inconvenient to go to a doctor immediately due to time constraints with work. For my own peace of mind (which I realize is idiotic, but our brains do these things sometimes) I read people talking about rapid tests at a pharmacy. Can you do that? I don't know if you'll be able to do that here (I live outside the USA) but if you could I'd like to just go buy one so I can relax.

I am just genuinely curious: why is it that elsewhere, people are far more cautious on the net, even government websites, in the way they describe the level of risk?

EDIT: With your encouragement I have booked an appointment this week to get screen for STI's. It will be free and I've decided that my health is important enough to make the time. Thank you! I would still like to understand why other places present a far more scary picture of risks associated with HIV and oral sex, I don't understand. 
« Last Edit: February 02, 2014, 06:19:58 AM by FlorkQueen »

Offline Ann

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Re: I gave an unprotected, long, rough, deep-throat BJ to a guy.
« Reply #3 on: February 02, 2014, 07:15:52 AM »

That was the first (and last) time I had a sexual encounter outside of a very long monogamous relationship in which we were both clean. I'd been tested before that and had come up clean.


Flork,

You need to understand that using the term "clean" to describe your sexual health and/or hiv status is highly insulting to those of us who are living with hiv. It implies that we are somehow "dirty". I shower every day, thank you very much! I have a virus; it's not a judgement, or reflection of my moral character or bathing habits. Please do not use that term in that context again. Thank you.

The only country I know of for certain where you can buy approved hiv tests in pharmacies is the US. The UK and Australia do not allow them (yet), and I do not believe your country allows them either (yet). These three countries usually have nearly the exact same hiv guidelines as each other.

Other websites are often woefully out-of-date in their hiv information. Government websites are also often out-of-date, and they also often employ an unnecessary CYA (cover your ass) policy when talking about hiv. This often stems from a ultra-conservative attitude of not wanting people to have sex outside a marriage, and it also often stems from a homophobic attitude. We don't work that way here.

Oral sex just isn't the hiv risk that some would have you believe. There have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

The situation where oral might be a concern is when the person doing the blowing has terrible oral health (google for images of "meth mouth" to see the type of terrible oral health we're talking about), and the person being blown has a VERY high viral load as is typical in early, untreated infection. A rough blowjob just doesn't qualify.

As an aside, the next time a guy is being so rough with you that it makes you puke, stop what you're doing and tell him to back off. Please respect yourself and defend your boundaries. You deserve to be treated better.

Before you attend your appointment (I'm very happy to hear you made one), you should know that while giving a blowjob isn't a risk for hiv infection except under specific conditions (not your situation), giving blowjobs IS a risk for some of the other, MUCH more easily transmitted STIs such as herpes, syphilis and gonorrhea. It's possible to have syphilis or gonorrhea in your throat and not know it. You'll need a throat swab for gonorrhea and a blood test for syphilis.

This is NOT an hiv situation.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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