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Author Topic: So things have not gone well.  (Read 24810 times)

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Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Posts: 12,198
  • Ninja Please
So things have not gone well.
« on: October 25, 2006, 12:58:39 PM »
It's been a week or so since I logged in here.

/insert bitchy aside/

But to work. I just responded to a PM from Andy Velez so before my arse is banned on a permanent basis I have to report some stuff to my friends here.

Because let's face it, like Andy earns his wage or Ann his self respect (coz let's face it . . . ), I respond to your emails and PM's. ;)

RESULTS FOR MATTY THE DAMNED

September 2006
CD4 Absolute: 133
CD% 12
VL > 500,000

October 2006
CD4 Absolute: 15
CD% 5
VL > they stopped counting

I restarted HAART last week. I'm taking Atazanavir, Ritonavir, 3TC, AZT and Abacavir. Also I take Bactrim, Fluconazole, lamotrigine, valproate, maxalon and endless amounts of stuff. I take 22 pills a day. Which is a quite a challenge.

Even for a no good cocksucker like me.

Today they threatened me with hospital. I resisted. I'm riddled with thrush from arsehole to breakfast time and I can't keep anything down. I''ve got vision issues in me left eye. I mean don't get me wrong, you can all whine about shit but until it happens you got no idea.

And who would of thunk it? I had a couple of epileptic seizures this weeeeeeek.

Except for Andy and Ann. They know Tim Yawn and he's been to a Conference. You should be grateful to these people.

Really, you should.

.... oh I had stuff to say here but I feel too ill. It was witty and clever.

MtD
(Who will stay logged in until he isn't)
« Last Edit: October 25, 2006, 01:00:38 PM by matty.the.damned »

Online Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,941
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2006, 01:23:41 PM »
I have missed you my friend and think of you daily. I had an uneasy feeling things were not going well with you. I wish I didn't feel so powerless...sometimes there is no sanctuary. I am sending you my email address. I cherish your friendship... remember, you can never be barred from my heart.

Love,
Hal

Offline Jerry71

  • Member
  • Posts: 955
  • {Lexiva, Norvir, Complera} Still Breathing!!!
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2006, 01:24:33 PM »
Matty hope your numbers improve and you get to feeling better again. :-*

Offline allopathicholistic

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  • Posts: 3,258
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2006, 01:41:23 PM »
"What Jerry Said!"  .... You're one tough cookie Matty baby  :-*

Offline Teresa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,753
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2006, 01:58:28 PM »
Matty,

I hate to hear that you are not well. I think about you often and I keep you in my prayers. Im praying that all those meds you are taking will do the trick and you will be back to your own "evil" self soon. I miss you!

Big Hugs
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline LatinAlexander

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  • Posts: 599
  • Bogota, Colombia
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2006, 02:03:14 PM »
Evil never dies....But the heck, he suffers....

Please Matty, would you  mind be an asshole? (But one with good numbers?)

TAKE CARE, I AM THINKING OF YOU!!!!

Alex

Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline pozguy75

  • Member
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    • POZitively Speaking
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2006, 02:11:23 PM »
My Darling...you know where I am in cyber space...as do I know where you are! You maybe half way around the world from me, but you are next to me in my heart! I know that sounds a bit emotional, but I for one love the damned!!

You are strong and my light when I am at my darkest...I hope that I may be of some use for you too!!

I love you...

Jeromy
(Whose tears are being held back because he is at work!) :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*
Dx 2005
ATRIPLA

Offline JohnOso

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Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2006, 02:18:01 PM »
Thinking of you too.

It can turn around.  I started with my CD4's @ 2%.

Plus, I can only aspire to be as dashingly grizzled and crusty as you are  ;) 

John
(who knows being grizzled and crusty can work wonders)

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Ninja Please
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #8 on: October 25, 2006, 02:20:18 PM »
Well say something, you useless dickwads. Check my profile, you'll find my skype addy, my yahoo name and all of that shit.

Don't tell me the the beige people have taken our forums!

MtD

Offline pozguy75

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    • POZitively Speaking
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #9 on: October 25, 2006, 02:28:29 PM »
yes sir!!! I will call on you tonight!
Dx 2005
ATRIPLA

Offline otherplaces

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  • Mutant Super Hero
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #10 on: October 25, 2006, 02:40:13 PM »

Matty,

Sorry it's gotten so rough.  You're the toughest.  I have no doubt you'll beat all this.

love,
brian

Online Dachshund

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Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #11 on: October 25, 2006, 03:00:02 PM »
Well say something, you useless dickwads. Check my profile, you'll find my skype addy, my yahoo name and all of that shit.

Don't tell me the the beige people have taken our forums!

MtD


"LITTLE BOXES"

Little boxes on the hill side, little boxes made of ticky tacky
Little boxes, little boxes, little boxes all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one and a blue one and a yellow one,
And they're all made out of ticky tacky, and they all look just the same.

And the people in the houses all went to university
Where they were put in boxes, little boxes, all the same.
And there's doctors and there's lawyers, and there's business executives
And they're all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same.

And they all play on the golf course and drink their martini dry
And they all have pretty children and the children go to school
And the children go to summer camp and then to university
Where they all get put in boxes and they all come out the same

And the boys go into business and marry and raise a family
In boxes, little boxes, little boxes all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one and and a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made ot of ticky tacky and they all look just the same.

Offline Life

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  • Member 2005
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #12 on: October 25, 2006, 04:24:47 PM »
Matty, I hope you get better soon..

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #13 on: October 25, 2006, 05:03:21 PM »
See here's the thing. With the exception of the above (not all of whom I care for nor even understand), you all love that which Matty the Damned has to say.

Until the MoFo says it to you. So you're gonna love this.  :-*

The first people I'd like to address are the gutless spivs who send me private messages telling me how fucking great my views are. Well, frankly your support means a whole lot of fuck all. If you think you're earning MtD approval points, you're not.

Rather than giggling vicariously through my mordent wit like some school girl deprived of her knickers why don't you dip shit losers actually learn to speak for yourselves?

I know how good I am, I don't require external validation.

Nevertheless I'm speaking to a (and I use the term loosely) largely  American audience. Over the 25 years that I've been an AIDSMEDS member (really it seems longer) I've come to understand a lot about ignorance.

So let's be ignorant, shall we? Really, it's the emergent fashion in this place of late and far be it from Matty the Damned to resist such things.

Let's ignore the fact that Jonathan stopped posting in Living With and restricted himself to answering the questions of Worried Wells in the Other Place before all of this became to much.

Let's ignore the fact that original, good members of AIDSMEDS like Lisbeth, Bucko, Newnick, Nancy and a fuckin' litany of others simply stopped posting at all. How many times have we heard members call plaintively about the fate of Skeeter, to no avail? I wouldn't respond if I was him, either.

Let's ignore the fact Goderator Ann stopped being one of us and has long since started serving the masters of Smart+Strong. And if you think I'm being a prick about this then you either weren't here when she convened the most vicious flame war against Red Ronnie because he dared to question the status-quo, or you just didn't give a shit. But of course Ann was just an undercover moderator in those days, she lacked the balls and and is an apologist for the poz.com hegemony which bores us all to death these days.

Do tell Ann, where did Jazz end and you begin?

Let's ignore the fact people like Hal, Rapid Rod, Rich et al can be timed out for having a full and frank exchange of views on whatever issue simply because it upsets light-weight wannbees such as Eric. Or even you Alex. It strikes Matty the Damned as passing strange that these people can be booted, yet tiresome bores such as KYHeteroman and his equally tedious husband Trish are allowed to carry on with impunity.

Let's ignore the fact that Cliff and others of his conservative ilk are permitted to started blatant fuckin' flame wars with no consequence. And don't tell me how many times I've been warned about my appalling behaviour before the Powers That Be were forced do something. I know how dreadful I am.

I have to live with myself.

But Matty the Damned is not above reproach himself. He prides himself on being honest, true and down the line yet he's allowed this crap to continue to nary a comment. I confess. I've been a willing dupe of Mother Staley the Meth Maiden of Manhattan (she of a thousand ghastly posters in one hundred public toilets) Goderator Ann, Velez,  and the Other One and I have the emails and the PM's to prove it whilst they provaricated over endless issues.

Hell, I even participated in some tacky farce that Ann and Andy concocted during the take over because Staley was slow in offering Velez a new contract. You guys must be hyucking it up over that one.

So save me the love and the hugs. It's not gonna do any good. What would do us all some good if the supposed members in this place actually spoke out when something gave them the shits, and I'm not talking about Kaletra. I don't buy this "we don't need to create a ruckus" thing for a moment.

Please, be the grand fucking activists you claim to be. Speak your minds.

If you can find one. I believe Joe Killfoile has one free at the moment.

Matty the Damned
(Who thinks Eric has more to worry about than Matty's health)

/edited for typos given the quality of the audience/
« Last Edit: October 25, 2006, 06:35:39 PM by matty.the.damned »

Offline poet

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  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #14 on: October 25, 2006, 05:20:53 PM »
Matty.  Your post reminds me of the 1980's, the anger, the health reality, etc.  Since I am new to the forums, I haven't followed your career online, but it is, strange to say if you didn't live through those years, great to hear the voice of those years again.  And it's not, please understand everyone, that I think we don't deserve the progress which the pharmacies have produced, the cocktail(s), etc.  But lost in our current situation is the very, very real situation of people like Matty, who try medications, fail at medications, deal with side effects, don't see the claims met and yet take the time and energy to remind us, lest we forget, that they are still with us and, hopefully, will continue to be with us and to voice their opinions.
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline Lis

  • Member
  • Posts: 593
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #15 on: October 25, 2006, 05:52:37 PM »
Matty....

don't you dare stop... I so want you to find comfort and peace .. stay on the meds.. let them work.. give it a chance!!

I wish i could do SOMETHING for you!!!!

lisbeth
poz 1986....

Offline Life

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  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #16 on: October 25, 2006, 06:00:52 PM »
Matty thanks for spelling my name right..

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,198
  • Ninja Please
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #17 on: October 25, 2006, 06:08:47 PM »
Yeah, your finger must sore from clicking the rat button.

MtD

Offline Lis

  • Member
  • Posts: 593
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #18 on: October 25, 2006, 06:14:11 PM »
matty... i feel there is ALOT more that you want to say to the breakfast club!!!

kisses!!!!!!
poz 1986....

Offline MSPspud

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  • Posts: 613
  • Joined Mar 2005 - Formerly UofMurbs
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #19 on: October 25, 2006, 06:19:33 PM »
Tee hee, good rant...  Now stop your goddamn bitching and start taking those meds.

Jason (who likes beige, but...)

Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,435
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #20 on: October 25, 2006, 06:21:59 PM »
Matty,

I'm not gonna give you a pep talk and tell you to get better or that all will be alright. 

Life sucks worse than I ever feared and I'm living the high life compared to the shit you gotta go through right now.

What I find amazing is that the person on this board considered so heartless by many (including yourself) was the one who tried to talk me from the ledge.  I can't help but give a damn about you.


Offline kcmetroman

  • Member
  • Posts: 567
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #21 on: October 25, 2006, 06:22:32 PM »
.
« Last Edit: October 25, 2006, 08:47:14 PM by kcmetroman »

Offline Lis

  • Member
  • Posts: 593
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #22 on: October 25, 2006, 06:25:45 PM »
Hey john... seek help NOW!!!! what about the kiddies?!!!!!!!
poz 1986....

Offline kcmetroman

  • Member
  • Posts: 567
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #23 on: October 25, 2006, 06:30:45 PM »
Is that a threat Lis?

Offline Lis

  • Member
  • Posts: 593
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #24 on: October 25, 2006, 06:39:39 PM »
no you need prozac...and a counselor
poz 1986....

Offline kcmetroman

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Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #25 on: October 25, 2006, 06:43:57 PM »
Now that was clever! ;D

Offline Trish

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #26 on: October 25, 2006, 06:48:59 PM »
Edited, just because

 :-*
« Last Edit: October 25, 2006, 08:36:31 PM by Trish »
"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is buit."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline Lis

  • Member
  • Posts: 593
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #27 on: October 25, 2006, 06:55:45 PM »
trish, trish trish.....

your a JOKE!!!!
poz 1986....

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,335
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #28 on: October 25, 2006, 06:57:10 PM »
*
« Last Edit: October 31, 2006, 09:14:29 PM by emeraldize »

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #29 on: October 25, 2006, 07:07:47 PM »
Emeraldize,
Thank you for that...
Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Moffie65

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #30 on: October 25, 2006, 07:12:24 PM »
Trish and John from Kansas City, and anyone else who might just fit into the catagory of "tasteless self engrandizement".

You just might be witnessing the demise, Death Progression, of one of the most respected members of this site and forums.  He is struggling for the very life that he now is living.

What oh what good can come from your hateful and tasteless comments, who if you were present by his bedside, you would never make?

I am lost for words.

You two definately need to find another place to spread your very hateful shit!
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #31 on: October 25, 2006, 07:20:52 PM »
This gets filed under "R" for Ranting is part of the healing process. Everyone knows bottling things up inside sucks. Good health is what we all want

The first people I'd like to address are the gutless spivs who send me private messages telling me how fucking great my views are. Well, frankly your support means a whole lot of fuck all. If you think you're earning MtD approval points, you're not.

The term for that is SYCOPHANTS .... Now everybody run to dictionary.com!! (you know you're doing it!!!) .... Good thing Matty is able to recognize the sycophants for the insincere weaklings they are. Poor, poor sycophants. They would be LOST if Matty suddenly triumphed over all obstacles.  ... All the sycophants need to stop sending PM's to Matty. They're not helping his health and he has made himself crystal clear.

Offline Trish

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Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #32 on: October 25, 2006, 07:29:40 PM »
deleted... because.
« Last Edit: October 25, 2006, 08:37:16 PM by Trish »
"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is buit."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline Lis

  • Member
  • Posts: 593
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #33 on: October 25, 2006, 07:34:16 PM »
Husband? I'm sorry that that part of your life taught you NO empathy for others!! you must be proud!!!
poz 1986....

Offline Grinch

  • Member
  • Posts: 325
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #34 on: October 25, 2006, 07:35:39 PM »
Matty,

  I hope you take the meds and I hope you get better.  I might not agree with you very often but I sure as hell respect the fact that you speak your mind.

  Ever since the "Clique / inner circle" wars I've pretty much given up on opening my mouth here. So I can take a bit of the blame for your complaints but it just wasn't worth it anymore.

Get well.  I'd love the chance to have a drink with you one day.

   

Offline cjc

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  • Sweet Girl
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #35 on: October 25, 2006, 08:02:00 PM »
Matty, , sorry to hear things are not going well for you . please take the meds and get better. Cristy

Offline fearless

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Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #36 on: October 25, 2006, 08:24:41 PM »
Thinking of you, Matty.
You know the deal and we'll catch up away from here.

Trish, you old scrag, and your manpussy, John. Be true to your word and F off like you said you would.
Be forgiving, be grateful, be optimistic

Offline whizzer

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Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #37 on: October 25, 2006, 08:38:43 PM »
Dang, Matty hasn't even started to stink yet and the vultures have swooped from their perch on the Gateway Arch to pick at his flesh.

Offline Trish

  • Member
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Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #38 on: October 25, 2006, 08:41:43 PM »
My apologies...

Do what you need to do Matty

and

Take care.
"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is buit."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline swede_dish

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    • My blog
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #39 on: October 25, 2006, 08:47:23 PM »
Maybe this may too come off as meaningless to you, Matty....I do hope the best for you from the bottom of my heart.  I hope you start feeling better..
"I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me. "
-Bette Midler

Offline kcmetroman

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Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #40 on: October 25, 2006, 08:47:40 PM »
I do wish you the best Matty

Offline fearless

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Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #41 on: October 25, 2006, 08:50:55 PM »
Trish and John,
That crap just doesn't cut the mustard. You do it, time and time again. Just go. Find somewhere else to spread your bile and spite.
Be forgiving, be grateful, be optimistic

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Ninja Please
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #42 on: October 25, 2006, 08:51:53 PM »
Only now do I understand the American attachment to the Second Amendment. It allows them to shoot the silly prick who uses the First. ;)

-boom tish- ;D

MtD
(Who owes Little Steve a metric fuck-tonne of Corfu Shaped Ouzo) :-*

Offline swede_dish

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    • My blog
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #43 on: October 25, 2006, 08:54:28 PM »
God Bless America.
"I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me. "
-Bette Midler

Offline anniebc

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  • AM member since 2003
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #44 on: October 25, 2006, 09:33:11 PM »
Matty my ticket is booked...and boy are we going to have something to talk about... ;)

Hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline sweetasmeli

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  • Love what you are...
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #45 on: October 25, 2006, 09:41:34 PM »
See you tomorrow hon!  :-*
/\___/\       /\__/\
(=' . '=)    (=' . '=)
(,,,_ ,,,)/   (,,,_ ,,,)/ Cats rule!

The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs come when called, whereas cats take a message and get back to you.

Yeia kai hara (health and happiness) to everyone!

Offline Eldon

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Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #46 on: October 25, 2006, 10:34:32 PM »
Hello Matty,


The most important thing right now is for YOU to focus on YOU.



Offline cubbybear

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  • Joined August 2005.
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #47 on: October 25, 2006, 11:59:39 PM »
This sucks, you guys (matty, stevie, melia) are only an hour plane flight away and I can't get my arse their.. yet.  Get the fuck better matty, I will get up there when I can $ it.
There's a bear in there!
Positive since 2000
Diagnosed 17/9/2005 CD4 35 VL 293,000
Meds 23/9/2005 Sustiva/Truvada
Currently CD4 232 VL Undetectable

Offline Biggums

  • Member
  • Posts: 199
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #48 on: October 26, 2006, 12:58:42 AM »
Matty you honery ass you.  Get your ass up here in November and watch election night coverage with me.  lol  Seriously, do what the hell is in your heart.  It's your life.  Just have fun doing it ......and reading your posts above, you are.  Hang in there you freaking Aussie and remember, us up north here are getting cold and you're getting warmer!
44 year old gay man .......just broke up with the only man I've ever really loved.

You can love completely without complete understanding.

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: So things have not gone well.
« Reply #49 on: October 26, 2006, 04:44:34 AM »
Although,I have not been here long, I have come to enjoy reading MtD's post. I don't know much about him, but I have to respect him for very blunt point of views. As far as whatever the beef is, I really don't care, I think what we should be doing is combining our energies and sending them his way instead of arguing.


I hope you feel better soon..... :-*
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

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