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Author Topic: HIV disclosure  (Read 1396 times)

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Offline phillypinko

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HIV disclosure
« on: October 20, 2013, 01:24:01 AM »
I have read a few disturbing articles about HIV infected individuals doing time on bogus charges for lack of disclosure.  I stopped having sex to avoid the issue. A lot of these accusations are made after break ups! How do you deal with disclosure? The law says it has to be before sex but I know as well as most of you do that probably is not happening. I think the laws are on the books for purely political reasons. From what I have read transmission does not need to occur for someone to be guilty. Is HIV the only STD that must be disclosed before sex? Does someone with hep c have to disclose they are infected?

Offline Ann

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Re: HIV disclosure
« Reply #1 on: October 20, 2013, 07:44:30 AM »
I've dealt with this by being totally open about my hiv status. If anyone were to try to accuse me of non-disclosure, they'd likely be laughed out of court when the whole town testified to the fact that my hiv status is common knowledge and I have no qualms about telling people I'm poz.

I know some people truly can't (but some only think they can't) be open about their status. However, just as with being open about being gay, as more people come out of the hiv closet, we will see more acceptance. It was certainly true of where I live - and overall, it's a fairly conservative place, and an island at that.

The more we hide, the more we have to hide. That's applicable both on a micro-personal level as well as the wider level of society in general.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: HIV disclosure
« Reply #2 on: October 20, 2013, 09:37:36 AM »
I have read a few disturbing articles about HIV infected individuals doing time on bogus charges for lack of disclosure.  I stopped having sex to avoid the issue. A lot of these accusations are made after break ups! How do you deal with disclosure? The law says it has to be before sex but I know as well as most of you do that probably is not happening. I think the laws are on the books for purely political reasons. From what I have read transmission does not need to occur for someone to be guilty. Is HIV the only STD that must be disclosed before sex? Does someone with hep c have to disclose they are infected?

You are concerned about the laws, and everyone HIV+ should know the laws..  But be sure you check what the laws are  where you are having sex. Exactly where.  They differ from state to state in the USA. And from country to country..

Please try to continue having sex, despite the existence of stupid laws...  (And again, make sure what they are where you are, you may be worried about a non-threat...)   

It may be the disclosure that you are avoiding... Not the fear of some sex partner or lover going rogue after the fact.  Though that does happen, there are stories out there. 


“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Theyer

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  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Re: HIV disclosure
« Reply #3 on: October 20, 2013, 10:04:23 AM »
Like Ann but without the Mass media coverage , anger played a large part off 1987 onward ,I was spitting about coming out off one closet only to see us all being pushed back in , started to meet people who intended to be in about there sexuality even. I have never ,ever, met a happy balanced person who was in the closet. All who know me know I am HIV, when you also spend time in a small community you have to have the mind frame that anything important about you will be known , if you want to hide never go small head for the biggest city.

Yes I have missed out on some sex , which hurt when I was in my 30,s and was still in my goat stage . After 2 lots off aggressive chemo I am not that bothered and like Boy George lied would just as well have a cup off tea.

When I worked I was out in both cases , it was very important to me to be.
Apart from having to put up with some stupid questions from supposedly highly educated people , it was OK , and far better than being closetted about it.

I do realize that I am very lucky in a global sense to live in a basically Liberal democracy and on the whole their is a Good strong tradition off Liberal freedom amonst the Brits, and yes I am aware off all the examples that do not fit that statement, it just so happens both will be true.

As for the prison for non disclosure , its every adults responsibility to stay safe.
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline phillypinko

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  • Posts: 112
Re: HIV disclosure
« Reply #4 on: October 20, 2013, 12:12:55 PM »
You are concerned about the laws, and everyone HIV+ should know the laws..  But be sure you check what the laws are  where you are having sex. Exactly where.  They differ from state to state in the USA. And from country to country..

Please try to continue having sex, despite the existence of stupid laws...  (And again, make sure what they are where you are, you may be worried about a non-threat...)   

It may be the disclosure that you are avoiding... Not the fear of some sex partner or lover going rogue after the fact.  Though that does happen, there are stories out there.

Part of why I stopped havin sex is because I HAVE been so open about my status.  The average person is so out of touch with reality they assume if they test positive it must have been the person who told them they were HIV positive who infected them.  It doe not matter if they had safe sex with me and unsafe sex with ten other guys. They KNOW I am infected and therefore KNOW I infected them. They assume I infected them and the other people they had sex with were negative. It is very illogical but it is a way of looking at reality that many participate in.

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: HIV disclosure
« Reply #5 on: October 20, 2013, 01:24:56 PM »
Ah Ok, thanks for the further information.  Sadly, what you say makes sense, though its really dire that people are so intellectually lazy...

And have you checked out the laws where you live??  Don't rely on heresay and rumour and don't apply the laws of another state to you won situation.  But it sounds like you are up on it...

I'm looking for the  state by state guide but can't find it...

Also, find out if the laws are ever pursued, or not. 

http://www.hivlawandpolicy.org/sites/www.hivlawandpolicy.org/files/Chart%20of%20US%20Prosecutions%202008-2013.pdf
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: HIV disclosure
« Reply #6 on: October 20, 2013, 01:28:31 PM »
There's this one, but it doesn't give the details on exactly what is a potential crime, for the places that have these laws... 

http://kff.org/other/state-indicator/criminal-statutes-on-hiv-transmission/

I know there is a more detailed one...  You can probably ask a local Service organisation for the exact details where you live....

I think you should find a solution to this constraint on your sex life.  One of the goals of these stupid laws was to get HIV+ people to stop having sex, because everyone was so afraid of us...  So we can't let bad law and hateful people be successful in ruining our lives...
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: HIV disclosure
« Reply #7 on: October 20, 2013, 01:33:38 PM »
This very large pdf document by the HIVLAWANDPOLICY project has the complete details, state by state...
http://hivlawandpolicy.org/sites/www.hivlawandpolicy.org/files/Criminalization%20Manual%20%28Revised%2003.27.13%29.pdf
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Theyer

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Re: HIV disclosure
« Reply #8 on: October 20, 2013, 01:47:42 PM »
Part of why I stopped havin sex is because I HAVE been so open about my status.  The average person is so out of touch with reality they assume if they test positive it must have been the person who told them they were HIV positive who infected them.  It doe not matter if they had safe sex with me and unsafe sex with ten other guys. They KNOW I am infected and therefore KNOW I infected them. They assume I infected them and the other people they had sex with were negative. It is very illogical but it is a way of looking at reality that many participate in.

That is an awful situation , i,m amazed at your strength in bearing such a mad catch -22 situation , hopefully your in line to start meeting some non average people soon. It does however give you the protection Ann talked about, I hope that your situation gets saner .
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: HIV disclosure
« Reply #9 on: October 20, 2013, 02:08:48 PM »

They assume I infected them and the other people they had sex with were negative.


Has this actually happened to you? Have you been accused this way?

Or are you just speculating and dare I say, assuming this will happen? Genuine question.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline phillypinko

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  • Posts: 112
Re: HIV disclosure
« Reply #10 on: October 20, 2013, 02:57:33 PM »
Has this actually happened to you? Have you been accused this way?

Or are you just speculating and dare I say, assuming this will happen? Genuine question.
I met a man I told before we had safe sex that I was infected. We became buddies. He told me about a number of unsafe sex partners he hooked up with (one was behind a dumpster). He tested positive and stopped talking to me. He now tells everyone I infected him. He is in his early 20's but I do not think that is a good excuse for ignorance. I look like an asshole. I do not know if he even believes what he says!

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: HIV disclosure
« Reply #11 on: October 21, 2013, 08:12:57 AM »
I look like an asshole.

No, he looks like the asshole in this situation.

Perhaps in future when you disclose, you could also add the information that you're on meds and undetectable (you are, aren't you?) and that means you're highly unlikely to infect them, doubly so when condoms are used.

Don't let the assholes of the world grind you down, and don't let them stop you from having a fulfilling sex life. Not all people are idiots.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Theyer

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  • Posts: 2,490
  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Re: HIV disclosure
« Reply #12 on: October 21, 2013, 08:41:59 AM »
Philly it is not a nice situation but I would lay bets that there are people who think"No you got yourself infected" Far too much power given to the sad silly child , head up Philly and onward telling all sexual partners the score and having some fun.
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline phillypinko

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  • Posts: 112
Re: HIV disclosure
« Reply #13 on: October 21, 2013, 12:04:12 PM »
Philly it is not a nice situation but I would lay bets that there are people who think"No you got yourself infected" Far too much power given to the sad silly child , head up Philly and onward telling all sexual partners the score and having some fun.
I do not give the "average person" enough credit. I assume they will join in on a witch hunt if given the opportunity! I think I will stick to other positive people from now on. Just to be safe....... OH BTW I did inform him I was undetectable. It only went 100 yards over his head.

 


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