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Author Topic: Why would my POZ BF bottom for a POZ top?  (Read 2407 times)

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Offline CuriousGeorge

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  • Posts: 3
Why would my POZ BF bottom for a POZ top?
« on: October 19, 2013, 06:50:00 AM »
My POZ BF of 16 months who says he is a top (he has only bottomed for me a few times) has been chatting with other tops about them fucking him BB.

I am HIV- and a top and I never put pressure on him to bottom for me.

I'm not here to judge him for cheating.  I would understand it if he wanted to cheat on me with a bottom...but to seek out other tops is totally confusing to me.  I have topped him a few times BB so he has had that experience with me.

I have bottomed for him a few times lately and told him I enjoyed that and want to do it more.

My guess is he wants the experience of bottoming raw but is afraid of me contracting HIV.

His previous partner of 7 years was a total bottom.  His partner cheated on him and that's how they contracted HIV.
IDK

Offline Ann

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  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Why would my POZ BF bottom for a POZ top?
« Reply #1 on: October 19, 2013, 07:13:06 AM »
George,

I've moved your thread from the Living With forum to the Someone I Care About forum. As you are not hiv positive yourself, you are not permitted to post in forums meant for hiv positive people only.


Have you asked your partner why he wants to go outside your relationship for BB sex? Open and honest communication is a must in order for a relationship to be successful. All anyone can do here is guess about your situation. Why not go directly to the source and ask him instead of strangers?

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline CuriousGeorge

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  • Posts: 3
Re: Why would my POZ BF bottom for a POZ top?
« Reply #2 on: October 19, 2013, 08:29:01 AM »
I guess I should have asked him early on when I met him and saw an email about this.
We were still seeing other people.
A year later I find out he is still considering this.
For some reason I believe he is only talking about it and has never acted on it.
But I'm afraid to confront him as he will wonder how I found this out.

Thanks for your advise tho.
I believe you are correct.

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Why would my POZ BF bottom for a POZ top?
« Reply #3 on: October 19, 2013, 01:29:28 PM »
But I'm afraid to confront him as he will wonder how I found this out.

How did you find out?  Honey have you been spying, snooping? If so, stop -- very bad energy there. 

Ann is right - just start talking about sex, sex roles, sex history, etc. Do it with love and curiousity to discover the sexual desires, experiences, and blocks of each other.   More information is more intimacy.  Even if the result might be surprising.  Sexuality is shifting, mysterious, gorgeous and painful..   These words like top and bottom are fine but rather limited...  I mean I guess there are 100% tops and 100% bottoms forever the whole lifespan, but my 2 cents is, that's rare....

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Habersham

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  • Posts: 317
Re: Why would my POZ BF bottom for a POZ top?
« Reply #4 on: October 19, 2013, 02:41:43 PM »
I think your partner enjoys chatting through email about this. Who knows? Maybe he Skypes about it or people Kik him. Are you going to read his texts and listen in on his telephone calls?

People who eavesdrop rarely hear well of themselves
Because I Can

Offline newt

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Re: Why would my POZ BF bottom for a POZ top?
« Reply #5 on: October 19, 2013, 07:12:20 PM »
Perhaps because he wants to take it raw no strings, and, oddlky, uncertainty of HIV status = no strings? Which means he cares about you, even if the expression is odd. << reason #1...

Why don't you ask?

- matt
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline CuriousGeorge

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  • Posts: 3
Re: Why would my POZ BF bottom for a POZ top?
« Reply #6 on: October 20, 2013, 05:13:20 PM »
I guess I'm hurt that he wants to bottom for someone else and not me.
If he were a bottom I'd figure I can't satisfy him enough but for a top to go out and bottom for someone else instead of me confuses the hell out of me.
Guess I'll never know.
When I talk about sex he changes the subject
Guess he doesn't want me to know
Thanks for all your opinions tho.

Offline mecch

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  • Posts: 11,254
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Why would my POZ BF bottom for a POZ top?
« Reply #7 on: October 20, 2013, 05:50:43 PM »
Don't let him change the topic. It's your right to have some discussion about it.
If he will never talk about it, what's the next step? What can you be ok with?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

 


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