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Author Topic: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better  (Read 2286 times)

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Offline betterdaysahead22

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This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« on: October 05, 2013, 11:47:03 PM »
Oh hey personal crisis witnesses,

So just so you know, things can go spectacularly to shit more so than you can comprehend. I want to share a little story that will hopefully make you feel better about your situation. Cos I'm nice like that.

So I'm an undetectable young female, single, surrounded by great friends and I have my own place. Wait, it gets more interesting. As of 2 days ago I was living it up, back to thinking my sex life would be totally back to normal. I meet this cute but rough Irish guy online (before you judge me, he's from Belfast and has cigarette burns up his arm. Yeah.) We go back to mine and have sex and the condom breaks .... twice.

I spent all of yesterday in ER with him, where the event that i assumed would be a scoff that we even came in from the doctors and a 10 second PEP prescription turned out to be 3 hours playing 20 questions with the nurse, holding this poor guys hand who was freaking the FUCK out. Now we have to go back on Tuesday to make sure the PEP even worked, and we won't know if he's actually infected for a month.

Further to that, I'm on Implanon and while I'm pretty sure it's not expired yet, i'm not entirely sure.

So to summarise, I may be pregnant to an Irish guy I may have accidentally infected, which is kind of ideal cos if he's poz I'm relatively sure he can't go back home - ergo he would be forced to stay over here and help me raise our.

FUN!

How's everyone else's weekend?

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2013, 03:05:45 AM »
Yikes!

Well for what it's worth, in the ten plus years I have been doing risk assessment in the AM I INFECTED forums, I have never seen an insertive partner test positive after a condom break, with or without PEP.

HIV is notoriously difficult to transmit, as STDs go - and categorically moreso from female to male.

I hope that this rough Irish guy is a smart and cool fellow. He did have a risk, but it was a much smaller one than most mainstream people (or even medical folks) will admit. It is unlikely that he will end up positive over the events as you describe them.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline betterdaysahead22

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Re: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« Reply #2 on: October 06, 2013, 03:53:22 AM »
Thank you! Puts my mind at ease

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2013, 06:44:47 AM »
Well that was a crappy experience!
But if you are HIV+, why are you adding the unnecessary drama.  Don't you know the risk was extremely small?  Seems to me you should know that you are not a bit threat to your partners.   
I hope the doctor and nurse didn't fan his flames of fear too much, despite the PEP script.

Also what is this stuff about not being able to go back home.  Where exactly are you?  Is he from Northern Ireland?  I can't imagine a reason he could no go home because of being HIV+. (Which ain't going to happen, anyway...)

Northern Ireland has National Health Care. 

So what exactly are you afraid of for him, regarding "going home".  It's not clear.

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline betterdaysahead22

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Re: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2013, 09:47:00 AM »
Well i know the risk is extremely small in theory, but how i contracted it was probably a 1/10, 000 chance to begin with - from my boyfriend, who accidentally shared a needle all of once :/

And the nurses did their best I guess to keep him calm, but the waiting for 3 hours and the 20 questions about every detail of the sex did NOT help. He was shaking and his accent got so muddled that he was barely comprehensible. The fact he has to go back on Tuesday to see a secialist from the Infectious Diseases unit I think scared the bejesus out of him.

Word to the wise - DON'T BUY ANSELL EXTRA LARGE ULTRA THINS! lol

Also with the going home thing i think i may have catastrophised - I'm from Queensland, Australia, and I thought some of the UK is thingy about entry with a HIV positive status. I am totally willing (and hoping) to be wrong though, worst case scenario

Wolfey

  • Guest
Re: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« Reply #5 on: October 06, 2013, 10:03:49 AM »
Betterday-

Sorry it was such a hot mess. Hope it all goes well.


Offline betterdaysahead22

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Re: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« Reply #6 on: October 06, 2013, 10:08:19 AM »
Thanks hun <3

Offline LukasFRA

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Re: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« Reply #7 on: October 06, 2013, 01:43:38 PM »
Hope that things are sorting out now...

As for the UK there are no restrictions and no deportation or other rules in place (part of the civilized world....). Australia applies some "soft" rules around long term visa or work visa.

Lukas

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« Reply #8 on: October 06, 2013, 02:32:29 PM »
I don't know a country that denies an HIV+ citizen the right to "come home"....

Hope things chill out for the both of you!  Seems like he will be fine. What about you.  Morning after pill might have been in order more than the PEP.  Did you like this guy?  Sounds like you found him really exciting.   ;) ;) 8)
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline betterdaysahead22

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Re: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« Reply #9 on: October 06, 2013, 10:37:34 PM »
Cheers Lukas, man I really should get as clued up as you guys considering I have definite travel plans in mind in the future :/

And Mecch erp I kinda did, but going from having awesome sex in a fairy-light-lit room to kicking it hysteria-style in a starkly fluorescent waiting room defs killed the mood/attraction a bit rofl.

Can I ask all of your opinions actually - call me heartless and callous but how far does the duty of care go in this situation? For instance I feel a tad over-involved considering tomorrow I'm calling up his doctor to schedule his appointment, picking him up from work and driving him to said appointment, staying with him to keep him calm and then driving him home?

Wolfey

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Re: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« Reply #10 on: October 08, 2013, 10:35:10 PM »
How did your day go yesterday?  I think I would  of felt wierd doing all the stuff with someone I didn't really know but probably would of done it anyway to help them out?

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« Reply #11 on: October 08, 2013, 11:10:52 PM »
Listen, I understand freaking out.

I have had HIV for over 20 years, am undetectable, and have had the same BF for two years. But each and every time he gets an HIV test I worry a little.

Last month, his OWN health issues landed him in the hospital for two weeks. No matter that his symptoms matched his illness (severe Crohn's) as SOON as they heard that I was HIV positive they squeeled like baby goats to get him tested because I WAS THE HARBINGER OF HIS DEATH and such.

It rattled me to the core. Not so much him, which is why I love him.

When I got the call from his doctor three days later (I was answering his phone while he was getting an Xray or MRI or something) she said, of course, that he was fine. No HIV, stop worrying.

And relief made me cry like a little kitten. I am so glad I was alone in the room.

So I totally get the freaking out. Intellect and emotion exist on two planes in the brain, and the bridge between them is ... unreliable.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline harleymc

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Re: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« Reply #12 on: October 20, 2013, 01:42:22 AM »
hmmmm that'd be a snappy tattoo
Quote
I WAS THE HARBINGER OF HIS DEATH and such
.
"and such"   
really sums it up, it's so tired people and especially medico and allied professionals acting like we're in 1981.

Betterdays, you are a very classy act... You've put in some serious care and attention to someone who could easily have been one of those ships that passes in the night.
Even if this gent slips through your fingers, you have a lot of depth to your personality, you'll attract quality folks to you. Big Hugs

Offline Theyer

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  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Re: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« Reply #13 on: October 20, 2013, 01:57:37 PM »
HUGS ,and good for you for doing the right thing thing.
m
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline betterdaysahead22

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  • Posts: 31
Re: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« Reply #14 on: December 04, 2013, 01:14:48 AM »
YOU GUYS!! <3

harleymc you friggin made my day :)

jkinatl2 i think we have a slight bias over here towards HIV too. I don't mean to diminish the severity of this disease or to deny the gravity of the risk of infection, but sometimes i feel the medical profession outside of my clinic treat me like a walking biohazard. It does kind of cut to the core of the stigma and its root in ignorance, because those that treat me at my clinic act as i would expect any medical professional to - without bias or fear. However doctors at hospitals still kind of eye me off as if I shouldn't be inflicting my wanton, impure sexuality on any more pure and innocent members of society.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« Reply #15 on: December 04, 2013, 02:23:14 AM »
YOU GUYS!! <3

harleymc you friggin made my day :)

jkinatl2 i think we have a slight bias over here towards HIV too. I don't mean to diminish the severity of this disease or to deny the gravity of the risk of infection, but sometimes i feel the medical profession outside of my clinic treat me like a walking biohazard. It does kind of cut to the core of the stigma and its root in ignorance, because those that treat me at my clinic act as i would expect any medical professional to - without bias or fear. However doctors at hospitals still kind of eye me off as if I shouldn't be inflicting my wanton, impure sexuality on any more pure and innocent members of society.

Listen, that has beenmade more than obvious tome  when, last week, I had the audacity to have a health issue myself, and dealing with the people in the ER and such, it was difficult to remove the HIV from my situation (which may or - likely - may not have anything to do with HIV.)

One good note is, I am more belligerent than I used to be. Also, so is Chris. I am firtunate that I am in good hands

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline betterdaysahead22

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  • Posts: 31
Re: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« Reply #16 on: December 04, 2013, 03:45:13 AM »
Garrggghh that's the most annoying thing.
"I think i have a concussion"
"Do you have any other long term health issues?"
"Yes, I'm HIV positive"
"Oh that'll do it"
"..... to my skull ... ?"

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: This Should Make You All Feel A Bit Better
« Reply #17 on: December 04, 2013, 07:33:47 AM »
Betterdays, what ever happened to the Irish bloke? Is he still around?

Yes, I'm being nosey. :)

Hope it all turned out ok for both of you. I'm not thinking that he might have ended up hiv positive, because that's extremely unlikely, but I hope you two were able to at least remain friends, if not lovers. Spill! ;D
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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