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Author Topic: Disclosing  (Read 5665 times)

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Offline MoltenStorm

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  • Posts: 477
  • Poz & Fabulous
Disclosing
« on: June 06, 2006, 05:14:47 PM »
Howdy All,

I've decided to disclose my status to my parents tonight. My brother is away at a summer camp for the week, so now would be the best time. That way, they can decide whether or not they want him to know. There's never a "right" time to disclose to family, so I thought I'd go ahead and get it over with. Wish me luck!
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline heartforyou

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,105
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2006, 05:17:20 PM »
Good luck.
Be prepared for some shocked faces.
But remember their biggest fear will be loosing you before they go.

Tell them you need them and their support.

Hug

Herman
They will be glad to know after some time.
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline Sdgirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 247
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2006, 05:20:41 PM »
Molton,

Good luck...I know it won't be easy, but the hardest part is already over with, you decided to tell them.  My thoughts are with you and just know that your parents love you and are going to be concerned just like Herman said.

xoxox

Lisa
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves.."Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?"

Offline manchesteruk

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  • Posts: 631
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2006, 05:48:28 PM »
Hi Molton,

I've been keeping upto date with your recent posts and the way you've been dealing with your diagnosis is remarkably similar to mine I was even exposed at the same time, July of last year.  After my diagnosis I was on aidsmeds asking all the same questions as you with regards to disclosure etc.  Your very brave to be disclosing to your parents I did the same thing a couple of months ago and I have to say i've never regreted it.  It was so tough when I did, it was over the phone and my hands were shaking I was terrified of a bad reaction which never materialised.  Don't be freaked out by there first reactions just remember how much of a shock it was when you found out.  Good luck and keep us updated on how it went.

Chris
« Last Edit: June 06, 2006, 05:57:10 PM by manchesteruk »
Diagnosed 11/05

"Life is too important to be taken seriously" Oscar Wilde

Offline Optimistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 326
  • An Apple A Day Keeps The Doctors Away!
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2006, 05:56:40 PM »
Good Luck Molton...I hope all goes well with the disclosure. You are very brave for doing so, and I really admire that. 

Justin
12/06 (Atripla): cd4 - 260; cd% - 33%; vl - 169
1/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 267; cd% - 38.1%; vl - 132
4/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 373; cd% - 33.9%; vl - <50
7/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 287; cd% - 35.8%; vl - <50
9/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 356; cd% - 39.5%; vl - <50
12/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 517

Offline otherplaces

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  • Posts: 398
  • Mutant Super Hero
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2006, 06:05:44 PM »

Good luck. Take a deep breath and go for it. You'll be stronger when it's over whatever the outcome.


Offline Trish

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2006, 07:08:23 PM »
Good luck Molten...

I know it's not an easy thing to do, but the outcome of doing so will be well worth it in the end.  I've always felt a sense of self-worth whenever I've disclosed.  I find that living a "lie" is not worth it, and only keeps me back from being who I am.

You'll be fine honey, and we are all here for you, no matter what happens.

You will be in our thoughts.

All the best,

Trish
"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is buit."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline MoltenStorm

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  • Posts: 477
  • Poz & Fabulous
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #7 on: June 06, 2006, 11:20:00 PM »
Well, I did it. I waited until after dinner because that'll probably be the last worry-free meal they have for a little while. Plus, I didn't want to ruin their appetites.

My mom started crying and asked, "Please tell me your Tcells are good." I told her what my results were, what the 'low, mid, and high' ranges were, and explained that I'm right in the middle. They both asked a bunch of questions from where I think I got it, to how, to how is this going to affect insurance, to when my next appointment is, and when I'm starting meds. The whole discussion took about an hour and a half.

I told my parents that I was leaving it up to them when they wanted my brother (age 15) to know. They both decided that right now wasn't the best time. They did ask if I wanted to tell him, and I said, "Yes, something like this. All of us sitting around, and I be the one to tell him." They agreed to that when they felt it best.

They are all going to go get tested just as a precaution.

Overall, I feel A LOT better not having that on my shoulders now. It went rather well, considering.

Thank you all for the thoughts/prayers!
« Last Edit: June 06, 2006, 11:23:31 PM by MoltenStorm »
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline otherplaces

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  • Posts: 398
  • Mutant Super Hero
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #8 on: June 07, 2006, 12:06:23 AM »

Congatulations Molten. Yeah, it's like a twenty ton truck magically disappears off your back.

I'm not sure why they're geting tested, but I think it'll actually be a really great experience for them to see what it's like to get tested. It's no fun even when you figure it's going to be neg. It may help them understand your new world better. It's hard for me to imagine my mom taking an hiv test.

OP

Offline JohnOso

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  • Posts: 816
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #9 on: June 07, 2006, 05:56:15 AM »
John,
I'm really glad that your experience turned out good for you (i'm really trying to stay away from the word 'positive' here, lol).  I'm wondering about the whole lot of them getting tested too, but if that's their way of coping I guess that what they have to do.

If you aren't "feeling the love" from there, so to speak, you know you can always come here to get support.  We've got your back  (i'm polishing up my brass knuckles even as i type).

I remember when i "came out" to my parents several years ago -- i remember having to tell myself, "Well if i get sick one day, at least i won't have to spring the gay thing on them at the same time."  I am proud of you for pushing those weights off your shoulders.  It's part of taking control and taking care of yourself.

I'm going to break the news to my family back in KY this summer too.  Won't be easy, but coming out of the closet wasn't easy either, yet i'm a better person because of it.

Take care (and job well done!)
John

Offline Markmt

  • Member
  • Posts: 175
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #10 on: June 07, 2006, 07:05:57 AM »
Hi Moltenstorm, my mum was first to know and it all worked fine. My sister and kids know too and its all working fine too. There had been some explanation to be done but not as much as I expected. Im glad its off your shoulders. I think it will get better as the news sinks in.;)

take care,

mark
"Live to love and love to live."

Leo Buscaglia

Offline swede_dish

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    • My blog
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #11 on: June 07, 2006, 07:19:00 AM »
good job molten...it's a hard thing to do,  but it seems like you have a good support system that is willing to stand by your side...including all of us :) 
"I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me. "
-Bette Midler

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: Disclosing
« Reply #12 on: June 07, 2006, 08:16:22 AM »
Overall, I feel A LOT better not having that on my shoulders now. It went rather well, considering.

So glad for you! It's great that your mom would even know about Tcells! Guess you explained that to them or maybe she works in the medical field or something ....Anyway like otherplaces said it's amazingly similar to a massive truck magically disappearing from your shoulders ...Great job, we're with ya buddy!

Offline kiki06

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  • Posts: 17
  • Member since June 2006
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #13 on: June 07, 2006, 08:30:16 AM »
That is great that they were so supportive.

I have a 16 year old sister and she's known now for about 2 years. I made sure to explain things and she handled it well. I think today's kids are more educated than the generations before us so she wasn't so "scared".

I did use it as a tool to promote safe sex and so far so good to the best of my knowledge!

kiki
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
           Mother Teresa

Offline ademas

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,151
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #14 on: June 07, 2006, 08:44:01 AM »
It's a tough step to take, but it sounds like it went about as well as could be expected.
Good job, Molten.

Offline Teresa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,753
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #15 on: June 07, 2006, 08:56:49 AM »
Im so glad it went well for you.

Hugs
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline J.R.E.

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,213
  • Joined Dec-2003 Living positive, since 1985.
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #16 on: June 07, 2006, 09:12:09 AM »
Hello,

 I am also glad to hear that things went well for you, but ca not understand why they are going to get tested.

You should get whatever material you can find,from your local health department, or from your doctor and give it to your parents, so they can become educated in HIV.But make sure their ready, and give them time.Remember, this is a shock to them, just as much as this was a shock to you. I know this has probably been pretty difficult for you, but I think it's great that you told them. Take it nice and easy with your family. I was glad I told my family 20 years ago, and never regretted it. I never told my father though, he would never except it( and we were not that close anyways)


The Best-----Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 12.5mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


 In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started my first  HAART regimen  on October 24th,03.

 As of 8/2514,  t-cells are at 402, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 11%

  
 62 years young.

Offline David_CA

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,246
  • Joined: March 2006
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #17 on: June 07, 2006, 09:38:03 AM »
Good Job!  I'm also going through the stress of telling my family.  I feel like I need to tell my mom and sister; maybe I'll tell my dad later.  Hopefully, I'll have as good a response as you did, though I'm sure I will.  They handled the coming out as gay thing fine, though becoming HIV+ was my mom's biggest concern with me being gay (damned stigma!).  Take care.

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline TedEBearNC

  • Member
  • Posts: 263
  • ~Cuddly~
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #18 on: June 07, 2006, 10:10:48 AM »
I'm glad it went well for you.  Sounds like your parents love you very much.

Phil
Member since March 2004

Offline heartforyou

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,105
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #19 on: June 07, 2006, 11:24:49 AM »
Just as I thought.

Bravo for you steps dear

hermie :)
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline MoltenStorm

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  • Posts: 477
  • Poz & Fabulous
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #20 on: June 07, 2006, 06:45:18 PM »
I had a touching moment today when my mom got home from work. Last night, she'd asked how/if she needed to change the way she cooked, and I told her, "No, I just have to change the portion sizes - 1/4 plate to protein, 1/4 plate to starches/breads, 1/2 plate fruits and vegetables." Well, today, she got home with bags upon bags of fruit, vegetables, and some japanese green tea "for the antioxidants," she said.

I couldn't help getting a little tear-eyed and thinking, "Wow, they really DO love me."

Also:

To answer the question about my family getting tested, my mom remembers checking my blood sugar after I returned home in December, but she doesn't remember whether or not she changed the lancet and then checked hers. My brother has been known to use my things, and she was just concerned about the toothbrush and razor.

Basically, it's to put her mind at ease, and I don't have a problem with that.
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline Teresa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,753
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #21 on: June 07, 2006, 06:50:33 PM »
Sounds like you have wonderful parents. Im so glad that they are there for you!

Hugs
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline pozniceguy

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  • Niceguy Dallas
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #22 on: June 07, 2006, 07:11:55 PM »
Good for you and your family..Of course they love you...and they will , even when you are "sick" that's' what most parents do........I live not too far from  you .  so if you want somebody to talk to send me a private msg and we can talk or even arrange to meet.
remember the good times...honor the past but don't live there
Le stelle la notte sono grandie luminose, nel cuore profondo del Texas

Offline ImagineFL

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Re: Disclosing
« Reply #23 on: June 07, 2006, 10:05:05 PM »
All I can say is HUGS!.  It must be an enormous burden off your shoulders. 

I didn't get a chance to break the news to my mother myself.  She got a call from Tampa General to let her know that I had been brought in by an ambulance.  I never got a chance to tell her myself, the nurse felt it was her duty (right) to tell her that I had, and I quote "full blown AIDS".  I should have sued that bitch.   >:(

BUT, at least everything got out into the open and now I have support from her and the burden of not disclosing is finally over.

Congrats and best wishes, Molten.

Patrick

Offline RobT

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  • Posts: 319
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #24 on: June 08, 2006, 01:56:53 AM »
MoltenStorm-
Bets of luck in disclosing to ur parents. I willingly disclosed to my parents...well, not willingly. I knew that I HAD to disclose, but I was just trying to find the "right" time. As u said, there is no "right" time to tell parents. One of my brothers knew cuz my sister, who has known since day one, decided to tell him. So far out of my family, every1 knows except my other brother. My sister, brother, parents, and my sister's bf know.
Like others have said, b prepared. Some faced the shocked faces of parents when u have disclosed to them, some just bury their face in the sand like mine. I wish u lots of luck and let us know how it went.

RobT

9/27/2005-1st test results
Viral Load >1,000,000
CD4 204
CD4%age 18
CD4/CD8 ratio .23

11/24/2005- Sustiva/Truvada

04/18/2006
Viral Load 140
CD4 402
CD4%age .21
CD4/CD8 ratio .39

Next appt.-06/27/2006 (lab results)


Current meds: Atripla
VL: undetectable
CD4: 630

Offline MoltenStorm

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  • Posts: 477
  • Poz & Fabulous
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #25 on: June 08, 2006, 09:04:40 AM »
Quote
MoltenStorm-
Bets of luck in disclosing to ur parents. I willingly disclosed to my parents...well, not willingly. I knew that I HAD to disclose, but I was just trying to find the "right" time. As u said, there is no "right" time to tell parents. One of my brothers knew cuz my sister, who has known since day one, decided to tell him. So far out of my family, every1 knows except my other brother. My sister, brother, parents, and my sister's bf know.
Like others have said, b prepared. Some faced the shocked faces of parents when u have disclosed to them, some just bury their face in the sand like mine. I wish u lots of luck and let us know how it went.

Hehe, check the rest of my posts in this thread.  ;)
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline Moffie65

  • Member
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  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #26 on: June 08, 2006, 10:57:41 AM »
Hi Molten,

Filtered Water from now until death.  Cryptosporidium is found in most public water systems, and can be filtered out by using a simple faucet mount filter.  I reccommend using an undersink Reverse Osmosis filter if you can afford one.  I have not drank a glass of water out of the tap, in a restaurant, or anywhere but from a "pure" source since August of 1994.  Having experienced Crypto, and having it nearly kill me; I just will not take that chance anymore.  Normal levels of Crypto will not affect someone without HIV in the least, but we cannot be that free.

Wash all Fruit with antibacterial soap, BEFORE peeling and eating  Fecal bacteria is one of our most disgusting and hard to deal with germs in our food chain in the U.S.  It is everywhere, and to keep you from getting anything, a simple bath in Antibacterial soap in the sink before peeling, will definitely keep you well.  (try to peel and eat a banana without touching the fruit after peeling: see that is why ;D )

Bleach Greens  When preparing a salad, soak the greens and other fresh contents in one gallon of water with a tablespoon of laundry bleach in it and then rinse with filtered water, and spin or pat dry with a clean towel or spinner.  NO kidding, yes, I still do this every time. 

More protein  I would recommend that you reduce the total amount of fruit, and insert a healthier dose of protein.  Many of us have come to the conclusion, simply by observation of our own bodies; that the virus consumes a huge amount of protein to survive and multiply.  It is a viral protein, and as such, reduces the amount of useable protein in our bodies.  Consuming Animal Protein in large amounts has promoted to good health for many of us.  I highly recommend that you trash all past things you know/knew about nutrition and re-create one that is more HIV oriented.  Protein should be at the top of your list, accompanied by all the rest at fairly normal amounts.

Water  I recommend consumption of one gallon of filtered water a day.  This will ensure the good working of your internal organs, ie, liver, kidneys, heart, Biliary tree, and all the other things that promote good health and healing.  Remember, your body is now in fulltime battle with this evil bug, so anything you can do to promote good health will also help to extend your life.

Hope this very "short list" helps to get you started on a healthy pathway.

In Love and Support.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline blondbeauty

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,784
Re: Disclosing
« Reply #27 on: June 08, 2006, 11:31:45 AM »
Hi Molten!
You are like a hero for me. I wouldnīt be able to tell my parents. Your parents must be wonderful people. I canīt tell mine. They would die.
The only member in these forums approved by WINBA: World International Nail and Beauty Association.
Epstein Barr +; CMV +; Toxoplasmosis +; HIV-1 +.
Counts when starting treatment:
V.L.:80.200 copies. CD4: 25%=503
Started Sustiva-Truvada 14/August/2006
Last V.L.count (Oct 2013): Undetectable
Last CD4 count (OCT 2013): 52%= 933

 


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