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Author Topic: Do people still use personals to find friends :/  (Read 2412 times)

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Offline betterdaysahead22

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  • Posts: 31
Do people still use personals to find friends :/
« on: June 12, 2013, 11:30:12 PM »
I was just wondering if people still use the personals section of this site to find friends? As a bisexual female in my 20s I'm finding it difficult to relate to most of the people on it as most seem to be older or male and gay, and almost all seem to only be looking for dates. I don't wish to disregard the wealth of wisdom that the older age groups have to offer, I'd just really like someone my age to talk to :/

Offline oksikoko

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  • Writing the congressman again
Re: Do people still use personals to find friends :/
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2013, 01:48:32 AM »
(It's not just you. I'm an older gay male, and I find it difficult to relate to them too.)

Good luck in your search. If you figure out how to meet friends, let us know how you did it. ;)
Code: [Select]
2013-10-03:                ☣ VL (?) off treatment ☣ CD4 (?) off treatment
2013-10-03:                ☣ VL (=) undetectable ☣ CD4 (+) 1105
2013-05-23:                ☣ VL (=) undetectable ☣ CD4 (-) 945
2013-02-25:                ☣ VL (-) undetectable ☣ CD4 (+) 1123
2012-12-16: Enter Stribild
2012-11-20: HIV+           ☣ VL (→) 132,683      ☣ CD4 (→) 920
2012-04-01: HIV-
Dates in this signature file conform to ISO 8601. ;-)

If no one complains, nothing will ever change.

Offline betterdaysahead22

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Re: Do people still use personals to find friends :/
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2013, 01:53:29 AM »
Damn it haha guess I'm gonna have to actually leave the internets to meet people ^_^

Offline jkinatl2

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  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: Do people still use personals to find friends :/
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2013, 01:57:28 AM »
My fiance found a gfroup of friends on GRINDR of all places (long before we met). Seems some people had placed a profile up whose photo was a stack of board games. They wrre looking for nerdy/geeky folks to get together and play board games. Fast forward several years, and we go to Game Night almost every weekend, have met dozens of cool folks (straight, gay, aged 20-70) and have a great time.

Might be worth a try to fill out some profiles yourself, looking for friends. It might make a huge difference, and not only to you.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline betterdaysahead22

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  • Posts: 31
Re: Do people still use personals to find friends :/
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2013, 02:30:53 AM »
Hahaha that's awesome! I may give Plenty of Fish and other general sites a try then :) Thanks!

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Do people still use personals to find friends :/
« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2013, 08:45:54 AM »
Damn it haha guess I'm gonna have to actually leave the internets to meet people ^_^

What are your general interests/hobbies? If you like gardening, find a local gardening club.

Ever fancy taking part in local dramatics? Join a drama club. (You don't necessarily have to want to act, there's plenty to be done behind the scenes, including working on the scenery!)

Join an exercise or dance class. Join a local chapter of Friends of the Earth, Amnesty International or similar organisation and go to their meetings.

Look in your local paper - many will have a section giving information on local clubs' activities and meeting places.

In other words, locate local clubs you might find interesting, join, and you'll meet like-minded people.

Good luck and let us know how it goes. :)
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline betterdaysahead22

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Re: Do people still use personals to find friends :/
« Reply #6 on: June 14, 2013, 09:28:28 AM »
Thanks Ann, you never fail to offer awesome suggestions :) I guess I was just hoping to talk to someone about the shared experience of having HIV, but in the mean time I'll settle for getting out there and meeting new people from every walk of life :)

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Do people still use personals to find friends :/
« Reply #7 on: June 14, 2013, 11:22:30 AM »
Thanks Ann, you never fail to offer awesome suggestions :) I guess I was just hoping to talk to someone about the shared experience of having HIV, but in the mean time I'll settle for getting out there and meeting new people from every walk of life :)

Sounds like a good plan.

Don't forget you've got this place to talk to people about the shared experience of having hiv. Some people here make friendships and (privately) exchange phone numbers and/or Skype usernames and talk regularly. Skype is great - it's the next best thing to talking to someone in person and you can talk for free to people all over the world.

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline weasel

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  • Posts: 1,681
Re: Do people still use personals to find friends :/
« Reply #8 on: June 14, 2013, 01:30:49 PM »
Sounds like a good plan.

Don't forget you've got this place to talk to people about the shared experience of having hiv. Some people here make friendships and (privately) exchange phone numbers and/or Skype usernames and talk regularly. Skype is great - it's the next best thing to talking to someone in person and you can talk for free to people all over the world.

    Ann , That is so very true . I have made some very nice friends   here on POZ  :)

     It is a wonderful way , I never feel alone  .

                                                                                   Weasel
" Live and let Live "

Offline LiveWithIt

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Re: Do people still use personals to find friends :/
« Reply #9 on: June 18, 2013, 01:50:24 PM »
You don't have to be apologetic about wanting friends your own age, most people do.

I don't use personals to find friends.  I tried a few times, just wanted to meet people out for a drink locally, but they wanted pictures. and I don't need the chance of rejection for whatever reason.   As I get older I find it harder to even click with people enough to make friends.  So if you make a friend when you are young try to nurture it for life.  It's hard in the gay community as gay guys don't really want friends they are looking for boyfriends. 
Pray God you can cope
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

Offline oksikoko

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  • Writing the congressman again
Re: Do people still use personals to find friends :/
« Reply #10 on: June 18, 2013, 02:35:32 PM »
As I get older I find it harder to even click with people enough to make friends.  So if you make a friend when you are young try to nurture it for life. 

Honestly, if I could give one piece of advice to the younger generations, it would be this. Cherish and foster your friendships like your life depends on it, because someday it might. It also feels good when you know someone depends on you.

Obviously, the the ultimate fault lies completely with me, but had I made 1 or 2 friends somewhere in these past 36 years, I would never have had that whole homelessness spiel from the winter. I was an edge case in every way, but when you're all alone, you don't have to slide very far to fall completely off.

It's hard in the gay community as gay guys don't really want friends they are looking for boyfriends.

Where are these mythical guys you speak of? I'll trade you six of the ones who want one-time sex then to never speak again for half a dozen who are looking for boyfriends. ;)
Code: [Select]
2013-10-03:                ☣ VL (?) off treatment ☣ CD4 (?) off treatment
2013-10-03:                ☣ VL (=) undetectable ☣ CD4 (+) 1105
2013-05-23:                ☣ VL (=) undetectable ☣ CD4 (-) 945
2013-02-25:                ☣ VL (-) undetectable ☣ CD4 (+) 1123
2012-12-16: Enter Stribild
2012-11-20: HIV+           ☣ VL (→) 132,683      ☣ CD4 (→) 920
2012-04-01: HIV-
Dates in this signature file conform to ISO 8601. ;-)

If no one complains, nothing will ever change.

Offline tednlou2

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,885
Re: Do people still use personals to find friends :/
« Reply #11 on: June 19, 2013, 12:25:40 AM »
I've tried to find friends on Poz Personals.  Here in Louisville, it seems many don't sign on much.  The ones who do are looking for sex or dates, which is completely understandable.  There are some that confuse me.  They say they don't know how long they've been poz or they don't know whether they are poz.  I'm still trying to figure them out.  Perhaps they just don't discriminate and want to meet poz people, which would be nice, if that is the case. 

There are actually a few members here from Louisville.  I knew one before finding him here, but he hasn't been on here in a long time.  There is another member who I've talked to maybe twice on the phone.  He lives in the south.  He has called me a few times since and left messages.  I keep meaning to get back to him.  I don't know why I don't.  I tell myself it is because it is usually late at night before I could call him, so I don't want to call him so late.  But, I think I have lost social skills.

I wish you the best finding people around your age to form friendships.  It is important. 

Offline Since2005

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  • Posts: 420
Re: Do people still use personals to find friends :/
« Reply #12 on: June 23, 2013, 11:47:04 AM »
I have been meaning to open up a thread similar to this and I found this one -

Lead Poster (I forgot what we call, I meant Betterdayahead22, I did not mean to steal yours) - I do too have similar questions and concerns like lots of us here do -

I think we have got some good advice from others. However, my dilemma always comes back to " relating to same minded people and people who are going though facing similar things that I go through on a daily basis (e.g. HIV, gay etc.). How do I find people - Man, its hard to relate, click and make friends.

I am 37 already and just came out last year. I want whole sets of new friends. My friends are being supportive (to whom I came out to), but, I feel that I would relate more to my social group to get the sense of belonging. Some of you who have been out for long time may feel differently. But, as a new comer to the party, I feel that I need new set of friends that I can relate to. 

Being HIV+ also makes it harder as I feel like I need to be open to someone as I can be. Then, I feel like I will be closer to a friend if the person is going through same issues as I am. But, I also do not want to limit myself to only be friends with people who are HIV+ and gay. So, its always comes back to relating to people that you can depend on. Boy, that is hard.

I question myself am I being choosy? Am I lacking social skills, or am I just out of luck making some good friends? Or is it true for all three of these. Whichever the case, I agree with one poster that good friends are for life. I am just hoping to make some (besides few that I have) in my lifetime.

So good luck to people (me included) who are quenching their thirst on this -
« Last Edit: June 23, 2013, 12:14:21 PM by Since2005 »

Offline HARLEY_B

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  • Posts: 67
Re: Do people still use personals to find friends :/
« Reply #13 on: July 03, 2013, 07:23:05 AM »
 It is comforting to know there are others out there who have trouble meeting like-minded people. Being older and + definitely make making friends that much more difficult. Thank you for putting the subject out there.

Offline betterdaysahead22

  • Member
  • Posts: 31
Re: Do people still use personals to find friends :/
« Reply #14 on: October 06, 2013, 12:19:26 AM »
Hmmm it would seem I'm quite great at leaving a conversation halfway through just as it gets interesting.

In response to your well thought out, insightful and moving contributions can i suggest ...
LET'S ALL BE FRIENDS!

Seriously though. I know nobody else with HIV and it would be kinda awesome to get to know you peeps better :)

Offline marcmoral16

  • Member
  • Posts: 95
  • Me and my Partner
Re: Do people still use personals to find friends :/
« Reply #15 on: October 06, 2013, 01:29:15 AM »
It can be difficult especially when your in a relationship and looking for friends only. I would love to just chat with people that are like me.

I'm a gay male in my late 20's from NYC

can't give away the age now lol
Tested Positive Jan 16 2013
CD4 119 6% VL 23980
Started Complera Feb 2013
March CD4 199 9% VL 1000
May CD4 255 12% VL 334
June CD4 284 15% VL 172
Switched to Stribild middle June 2013
July CD4 325 22% VL 51
October CD4 341 23% VL UD!!
Jan 2014 CD4 343 20% VL <20
July 2014 CD4 450 26% VL <20

 


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