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My decision, right?

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Hi Mary Jane

Welcome to the forums, I have nothing to add except please, PLEASE listen to Betty and emeraldize they know exactly what they are talking about, let them be your guide to a better and brighter future, for you and definitely for your kids.


Thank you everyone who chose to respond.  It has been a few weeks and although I still struggle with the decision to continue, I've decided to at least keep going until my doc. appt which I couldn't get in until the end of the month.  I looked up the meds and found that I needed to eat at least 400 calories when taking it so that helped some.  Now, I'm only experiencing symptoms similar to morning sickness that lasts for the majority of the day and yet I don't want to eat but have to when I take the meds.  So in short, I'm sick for 8 hrs, sleep for 8 hrs and if I'm busy enough to not think about it, okay for 8 hrs which I pray happens at work...then I'm a mess at home with my family.
It took me a minute to respond because I wanted to really think about Betty's response, "not fair to my kids".  I am appreciative of how open she was in sharing her story and I can understand the point of view even if I don't agree 100%.  Am I being selfish to say I don't want to take meds right now, perhaps.  Simply put because I didn't 'feel' sick prior to taking them.  I was active, rarely caught a cold, not moody, and loved participating in everything they participated in.  But now, I'm sick most of the day, in the bathroom more, and perhaps psychologically manifesting sickness simply because I face it daily now with a little pink pill.
Are women who have conditions that put them at risk of death during childbirth being selfish when they choose to still have a baby?  Did I take my meds when I was pregnant...YES.  Did I fight off the overwhelming desire and constant ridicule for not breastfeeding my child because I didn't want to harm them...YES.  I've sacrificed a lot for my kids and I have no regrets for that decision.  I thought my life was over when I was diagnosed and that I would never have a daughter, and now I have two.  I thank God for the opportunity to have been their mother during the time we've had.  But am I prepared to 'be sick' when I haven't fully accepted that I am sick???  Not sure.    This is hard.

Again, thank you Betty...I keep reading your post over and over hoping it will sink in.  I too was infected by my first husband who turns out knew he was positive but anyway...

I've been blessed with more than many and am married to a negative man who accepts me and my shortcomings.  (big shortcomings)  So, I'll be okay.  I have no choice, right?

One day at a time...maybe it will get easier.  From what I gather from you wonderful ladies is that it will.

Hey MJ

Have you called your nurse or doc to let them know what you're experiencing?

You might find they'll prescribe compazine for you. It is fast-acting. For sure they'll want know how you're faring.

If you're concerned this will escalate into a visit, just lay it out and tell them you want to make it through the adjustment phase, if possible, without coming in. If a visit is no big deal for you schedule-wise, then if they ask go in and chat.

By the way when I read your recent post I realized something you and I have in common. You felt fine before you went on meds. So, that's the good news--you were not on death's doorstep before starting. You had a 12-year run of no meds. Mine was 7 years before the CD4 showdown began.

You got this. And as you noted, you've got so much to look forward to!!


Mary Jane,

I'm glad you checked back in with us.  What I said about it not being fair to your kids was in no way judgmental.  Lord knows I've acted selfishly while parenting.  Like I said, I have a lot of guilt from the raising of my daughter that went wrong, so if you can avoid that, it's worth it. 

I agree with Em, you need to let your doctor know about feeling so nauseous.  There are a couple meds that can help with that.  I've never taken Complera so unfortunately I can't comment on that particular med.  I take Stribild, even though I'm treatment experienced.  I've been on meds almost since being diagnosed, and I can tell you the meds today are much better than they used to be, if you can imagine that since you are getting ill.  The AZT actually used to cause anemia, so many of us had to get transfusions.  Besides constantly puking.  I also have a long term effect that was started by the early meds-neuropathy.  The nerves in my feet have been permanently damaged.  I had to give up a 5-speed sports car because I could not feel the clutch to shift it properly.  I also cannot cross my left leg over my right because my right foot is so bad that it feels like it's on a hot plate, with sharp pains going from my toes up to my knee.  So, I can relate to having side effects.  But, I try to look at the positives in life-my daughter, grandkids, job etc.    And being a grandparent is awesome.  You'll be there someday. 

I understand it's difficult to keep going when you're experiencing some difficulties.  That's why I believe you need to talk to your doctor.  You shouldn't have to deal with constant nausea.  But, hang in there.  It will get easier.  Have you ever considered counseling?  Just a suggestion.

Please continue to check in here.  We care, and we're here to help you through!



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