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Author Topic: Bucko  (Read 4804 times)

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Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,314
  • His name is Carl.
Bucko
« on: September 29, 2013, 11:25:30 AM »
It is with tremendous sadness that I report that Brent, known to many of us older members here as Bucko, has passed away.  They are awaiting the results of an autopsy to report the cause of death.  He was found in his apartment this past Thursday. 

I will share more details when I have them.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 11,814
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: Bucko
« Reply #1 on: September 29, 2013, 11:34:38 AM »
Its a huge loss and he will be missed by many . Rest in peace Bucko .

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,959
Re: Bucko
« Reply #2 on: September 29, 2013, 11:47:28 AM »
What a tremendous loss. He was a brilliant, insightful man. A tragic loss.

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: Bucko
« Reply #3 on: September 29, 2013, 01:09:35 PM »
I am sad to hear this news.  Thanks THunter for sharing.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline leatherman

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,204
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: Bucko
« Reply #4 on: September 29, 2013, 02:53:53 PM »
although this is very sad, distressing news, thanks for letting us know.
when you know more, please let us know more.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline tednlou2

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,888
Re: Bucko
« Reply #5 on: September 29, 2013, 02:55:01 PM »
Very sad to read this.  My condolences to his friends and loved ones.

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,947
Re: Bucko
« Reply #6 on: September 29, 2013, 05:14:37 PM »
Son of a bitch.  This is so sad.  Such a wonderful person, he will be missed.   :'(
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline bocker3

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,388
  • You gotta enjoy life......
Re: Bucko
« Reply #7 on: September 29, 2013, 05:38:32 PM »
Sad news indeed!!
Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2013 691/31% <20

Offline J.R.E.

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,162
  • Joined Dec-2003 Living positive, since 1985.
Re: Bucko
« Reply #8 on: September 29, 2013, 06:17:48 PM »


This is so very sad and unexpected.  Thanks for letting us know Tim, and keep us updated if possible.

It's very difficult, loosing one of our forum members.   Sad...


Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 12.5mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


 In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started my first  HAART regimen  on October 24th,03.

 As of 8/2514,  t-cells are at 402, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 11%

  
 62 years young.

Offline Growler

  • Member
  • Posts: 567
Re: Bucko
« Reply #9 on: September 29, 2013, 08:27:44 PM »
Sorry t ohear. I never got to no him but read his blog. good bloke. so sad.
G
“If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.”

Offline joemutt

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,042
Re: Bucko
« Reply #10 on: September 29, 2013, 09:18:06 PM »
Rest in Peace, Friend.

Offline Jody

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,825
Re: Bucko
« Reply #11 on: September 29, 2013, 09:35:41 PM »
I'm so sorry to hear this.  We corresponded here on the forums and when I took a vacation to Ft. Lauderdale in 2006 we hung out together.  In fact we went to dinner and also to the King Tut exhibit in Florida on that visit.  I was hoping he would return to these forums when he was ready, sorry to hear this. :'(

Jody :(
"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world".
 "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

Grateful Dead

Offline mikeyb39

  • Member
  • Posts: 931
Re: Bucko
« Reply #12 on: September 29, 2013, 09:54:59 PM »
Rest in peace bucko.
11/02/2010  cd4-251, vl-591000
12/09/2010  started Atripla
02/18/2011  cd4-425, vl-800
06/10/2011  cd4-447, vl-70
10/10/2011  cd4-666, vl-80
01/05/2012  swiched med (prezista,norvir ,isentress, )
02/10/2012  cd4-733, vl-UD  Viread removed
06/10/2012  cd4-614, vl-UD
12/14/2012  cd4-764, vl-UD
09/01/2013  cd4-785, vl-UD
03/06/2014. cd4- 1078, VL-UD
09/05/2014  cd4-850 , VL-UD

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,939
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Bucko
« Reply #13 on: September 29, 2013, 11:48:41 PM »
Sad news indeed, rest in peace my friend.

In sadness
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,030
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: Bucko
« Reply #14 on: September 30, 2013, 02:04:09 AM »
Very sad news.

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,675
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: Bucko
« Reply #15 on: September 30, 2013, 09:20:04 AM »
Another tragic loss... I simply have no words left.

Joe

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,681
Re: Bucko
« Reply #16 on: September 30, 2013, 01:29:51 PM »


    That is very sad , reading it made my blood run cold .

     R.I.P.  Bucko

                                                     Carl
" Live and let Live "

Offline LiveWithIt

  • Member
  • Posts: 388
Re: Bucko
« Reply #17 on: September 30, 2013, 10:25:51 PM »
I'm at a loss.  I knew him and we were friends, not real close but I regret that we did drift apart.   I was just thinking about him Saturday.  I had a friend that I had also kind of lost touch with over and was remembering Bucko and the two times he came over to my old apartment for dinner and I was thinking of inviting him to my new place.   We would go out to dinner on occasion, he was charming and sweet and a very smart guy. 

 He was the first person I met when I got to Fort Lauderdale because i knew him from another site online.  He had been living with a roommate who moved away and I did briefly go where he lived and then to the next place he moved to which was a house that he shared with two guys but he didn't know them.  Then he moved in a house with another guy roommate who let his boyfriend live there.  I finally told him he should get his own place and he found a cute one bedroom walking distance to Alibi. 

Somehow I feel at peace and I'm hoping and feeling that he is too. Maybe  I'm just numb or broken, but when my friend's dog died I cried for 4 days. 

He was a good soul and a good person.  I know his parents recently reconciled after being divorced for probably 30 years, his father lived in Florida and his mother was here too but still living in Massachusetts too I think. 

I knew he used to post here.  I was not out to him about my HIV status,  He was very public with it, I'm not the same. 

I just wish I knew something was wrong with him so I could have tired to help him if I could. 
« Last Edit: September 30, 2013, 10:32:40 PM by LiveWithIt »
Pray God you can cope
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

Offline Ithaca_Nights

  • Member
  • Posts: 47
Re: Bucko
« Reply #18 on: October 01, 2013, 11:07:26 PM »
I will miss his stories and insight, he was a great guy!

Offline mikeyb39

  • Member
  • Posts: 931
Re: Bucko
« Reply #19 on: October 02, 2013, 09:11:26 AM »
Thanks livewith for the info about bucko.  Its nice to hear little background in these situations especially to someone who never really knew him.
11/02/2010  cd4-251, vl-591000
12/09/2010  started Atripla
02/18/2011  cd4-425, vl-800
06/10/2011  cd4-447, vl-70
10/10/2011  cd4-666, vl-80
01/05/2012  swiched med (prezista,norvir ,isentress, )
02/10/2012  cd4-733, vl-UD  Viread removed
06/10/2012  cd4-614, vl-UD
12/14/2012  cd4-764, vl-UD
09/01/2013  cd4-785, vl-UD
03/06/2014. cd4- 1078, VL-UD
09/05/2014  cd4-850 , VL-UD

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: Bucko thinks you're all cunts
« Reply #20 on: October 02, 2013, 09:36:29 AM »
I'm at a loss.  I knew him and we were friends, not real close but I regret that we did drift apart.   I was just thinking about him Saturday.  I had a friend that I had also kind of lost touch with over and was remembering Bucko and the two times he came over to my old apartment for dinner and I was thinking of inviting him to my new place.   We would go out to dinner on occasion, he was charming and sweet and a very smart guy. 

 He was the first person I met when I got to Fort Lauderdale because i knew him from another site online.  He had been living with a roommate who moved away and I did briefly go where he lived and then to the next place he moved to which was a house that he shared with two guys but he didn't know them.  Then he moved in a house with another guy roommate who let his boyfriend live there.  I finally told him he should get his own place and he found a cute one bedroom walking distance to Alibi. 

Somehow I feel at peace and I'm hoping and feeling that he is too. Maybe  I'm just numb or broken, but when my friend's dog died I cried for 4 days. 

He was a good soul and a good person.  I know his parents recently reconciled after being divorced for probably 30 years, his father lived in Florida and his mother was here too but still living in Massachusetts too I think. 

I knew he used to post here.  I was not out to him about my HIV status,  He was very public with it, I'm not the same. 

I just wish I knew something was wrong with him so I could have tired to help him if I could. 

I don't know who the fuck you are, but whatevs.

If you know his middle name and the name of his sisters, let me know. Otherwise you can point your arse to the sun. Nobody cares what you think.

Outside of that, I'm not going to make my usual fuss here,

The rest of you know that I am Matty the Damned and Bucko loved me most.

I have the blog to prove it:

http://thespincycle.blogspot.com

Also there you will find the works of Daddy Tim, JK the Ferret Wrangler and Red Ronnie the Socialist Sissy Fag.

All AIDSmeds Worthies of the oldest kind. The rest of you aren't worth a fart in a pickle jar. o.O

Go well Bucko -- Your Matty loves you.

May your shade be free. ^_^

MtD

Offline Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 11,814
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: Bucko
« Reply #21 on: October 02, 2013, 04:02:02 PM »
I have talked to Matty about this and there is no longer a need to be sending any more mod reports over this incident , Thanks for letting us know . 

Offline Oceanbeach

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,565
Re: Bucko
« Reply #22 on: October 02, 2013, 04:33:44 PM »
I have been in these Forums for around 8 or 9 years and Bucko, was one of the old timers here welcoming me.  He will be missed.
Michael   

Offline WillyWump

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,184
  • your ramblings bore Yamaguchi Kitteh
Re: Bucko
« Reply #23 on: October 02, 2013, 04:39:44 PM »
RIP Bucko.

-Will
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline LiveWithIt

  • Member
  • Posts: 388
Re: Bucko
« Reply #24 on: October 02, 2013, 09:40:48 PM »
I have talked to Matty about this and there is no longer a need to be sending any more mod reports over this incident , Thanks for letting us know .

I didn't report it, but it's nice to know that others did.  I just chose to ignore it.  Obviously he has issues. 

Brent was a friend of mine.  We went to the beach together, we went shopping together, I went to all the places he lived at in Fort Lauderdale.  He had dinner at my place, we went out to dinner together.   I used to drive him to work after hanging out, , we hung out at bars, hung out with mutual friends from the northeast.    I Know the story of both of his sisters and his parents split and long time divorce and reconciliation and all first hand from him, not form a blog.
« Last Edit: October 02, 2013, 09:49:10 PM by LiveWithIt »
Pray God you can cope
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

Offline Souledout

  • Member
  • Posts: 145
Re: Bucko
« Reply #25 on: October 03, 2013, 02:13:44 PM »
I'd have reported it had I seen it earlier, this kind if thread is no place for his 'humour'. Definite issues. I don't know this guy but he sounds like he was much loved.
Infection sometime April-August, no noticable seroconversion symptoms
Not currently on medication
13/09/12 CD4 672 (33%) VL <40 (diagnosis date)
18/09/12 CD4 ?               VL 43
27/09/12 CD4 ?               VL 127
19/11/12 CD4 676 (38%) VL 959
03/03/13 CD4 642 (32%) VL 291
04/07/13 CD4 791 (33%) VL 26,437 (active cold sore, tooth infection)
18/07/13 ------retest------VL 3704
18/11/13 CD4 802 (36%) VL 65

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: Bucko
« Reply #26 on: October 03, 2013, 05:15:46 PM »
I'd have reported it had I seen it earlier, this kind if thread is no place for his 'humour'. Definite issues. I don't know this guy but he sounds like he was much loved.

He was much loved by Matty, with whom he shared a private and long standing relationship across the continents.

Matty's syntax and humor is entirely appropriate here, and is precisely what Bucko would have insisted upon. You don't know Matty. You didn't know Bucko.  Your opinion of the grieving process of a Long Term Survivor by those who were with him for his final years, either in person or through the internet, is irrelevant.

I note, however, that your concern for your own sensibilities outweighs the entirely appropriate mourning of a believed member of these forums by his closest forum friends.

Which is the truly disrespectful thing here.

I only hope that when I die, Matty comes here to call me a cunt. I am certain he would not be alone in that assessment - but from him, that is a term of high honor.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,939
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Bucko
« Reply #27 on: October 03, 2013, 05:34:01 PM »
I'd have reported it had I seen it earlier, this kind if thread is no place for his 'humour'. Definite issues. I don't know this guy but he sounds like he was much loved.

Of course he had issue, emotional issues, he has lost a man he dearly loved what did you expect balloons and glitter, Matty paid his respects to the man he loved in a way you would never understand, his humour is what Bucko would have expected and loved him more for it...so please don't judge people you don't know.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Souledout

  • Member
  • Posts: 145
Re: Bucko
« Reply #28 on: October 03, 2013, 07:07:54 PM »
Ok sorry guys. I'll shut up.
Infection sometime April-August, no noticable seroconversion symptoms
Not currently on medication
13/09/12 CD4 672 (33%) VL <40 (diagnosis date)
18/09/12 CD4 ?               VL 43
27/09/12 CD4 ?               VL 127
19/11/12 CD4 676 (38%) VL 959
03/03/13 CD4 642 (32%) VL 291
04/07/13 CD4 791 (33%) VL 26,437 (active cold sore, tooth infection)
18/07/13 ------retest------VL 3704
18/11/13 CD4 802 (36%) VL 65

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,939
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Bucko
« Reply #29 on: October 03, 2013, 07:30:33 PM »
Ok sorry guys. I'll shut up.

We don't want to shut you up Soul we just need you to understand...thanks.

Aroha
Jan
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Souledout

  • Member
  • Posts: 145
Re: Bucko
« Reply #30 on: October 03, 2013, 07:37:43 PM »
Sorry I just got a bit wound up when I saw what he wrote to that other guy who paid his respects up there ^^^ but I guess I don't know the ins and outs. I don't like to cause shit and shouldn't have helped take the focus off your friend. Sorry.
Infection sometime April-August, no noticable seroconversion symptoms
Not currently on medication
13/09/12 CD4 672 (33%) VL <40 (diagnosis date)
18/09/12 CD4 ?               VL 43
27/09/12 CD4 ?               VL 127
19/11/12 CD4 676 (38%) VL 959
03/03/13 CD4 642 (32%) VL 291
04/07/13 CD4 791 (33%) VL 26,437 (active cold sore, tooth infection)
18/07/13 ------retest------VL 3704
18/11/13 CD4 802 (36%) VL 65

Offline J.R.E.

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,162
  • Joined Dec-2003 Living positive, since 1985.
Re: Bucko
« Reply #31 on: October 04, 2013, 04:00:34 PM »
I'm at a loss.  I knew him and we were friends, not real close but I regret that we did drift apart.   I was just thinking about him Saturday.  I had a friend that I had also kind of lost touch with over and was remembering Bucko and the two times he came over to my old apartment for dinner and I was thinking of inviting him to my new place.   We would go out to dinner on occasion, he was charming and sweet and a very smart guy. 

 He was the first person I met when I got to Fort Lauderdale because i knew him from another site online.  He had been living with a roommate who moved away and I did briefly go where he lived and then to the next place he moved to which was a house that he shared with two guys but he didn't know them.  Then he moved in a house with another guy roommate who let his boyfriend live there.  I finally told him he should get his own place and he found a cute one bedroom walking distance to Alibi. 

Somehow I feel at peace and I'm hoping and feeling that he is too. Maybe  I'm just numb or broken, but when my friend's dog died I cried for 4 days. 

He was a good soul and a good person.  I know his parents recently reconciled after being divorced for probably 30 years, his father lived in Florida and his mother was here too but still living in Massachusetts too I think. 

I knew he used to post here.  I was not out to him about my HIV status,  He was very public with it, I'm not the same. 

I just wish I knew something was wrong with him so I could have tired to help him if I could.




Brent was a friend of mine.  We went to the beach together, we went shopping together, I went to all the places he lived at in Fort Lauderdale.  He had dinner at my place, we went out to dinner together.   I used to drive him to work after hanging out, , we hung out at bars, hung out with mutual friends from the northeast.    I Know the story of both of his sisters and his parents split and long time divorce and reconciliation and all first hand from him, not form a blog.


Livewithit...

I just wanted to be the second person on this thread to offer you condolences, on Brent's passing.

Thank you for sharing with us, a part of your life that you shared with him. Many of us on  this thread, did not have that opportunity, and others only knew him from his postings here.


I'm at a loss.  I knew him and we were friends, not real close but I regret that we did drift apart. 
   

You're not the only one that may have drifted away from friend.  I would say that many of us have had a friend or two that we drifted away from, throughout the years.  The main thing is remembering the times you had.

Thanks again for sharing...

Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 12.5mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


 In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started my first  HAART regimen  on October 24th,03.

 As of 8/2514,  t-cells are at 402, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 11%

  
 62 years young.

Offline LiveWithIt

  • Member
  • Posts: 388
Re: Bucko
« Reply #32 on: October 04, 2013, 09:37:50 PM »


Livewithit...

I just wanted to be the second person on this thread to offer you condolences, on Brent's passing.

Thank you for sharing with us, a part of your life that you shared with him. Many of us on  this thread, did not have that opportunity, and others only knew him from his postings here.


You're not the only one that may have drifted away from friend.  I would say that many of us have had a friend or two that we drifted away from, throughout the years.  The main thing is remembering the times you had.

Thanks again for sharing...

Ray
Thanks Ray,  Sadly he seems to drift from other friends too, from what they've told me.  He was only in his mid to late 50s and that's so young to go.  As far as I know within the last two years his parents were still alive so it must be brutal for them to have to bury their son, but at least he survived the early Aids crisis that took so many of his old friends away. 

I was in his old neighborhood a few days ago at night so I decided to drive by where he used to live.  At first I didn't find it and ended up in a dead end street, but then I realized it was one block over and it was easy to find because it's the only two story building on that side. 

I really wish he had reached out to people more.  He wasn't one to pursue a friendship, but he always welcomed a call and made time for you when you wanted to hang out with him. 
« Last Edit: October 04, 2013, 09:48:18 PM by LiveWithIt »
Pray God you can cope
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

Offline mitch777

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,544
Re: Bucko
« Reply #33 on: October 04, 2013, 10:16:48 PM »
Livewithit,
I can not say it better than Ray.
Sorry for your loss.
mark
31 years hiv+ (oct. 2013) with a curtsy.

Offline LiveWithIt

  • Member
  • Posts: 388
Re: Bucko
« Reply #34 on: October 04, 2013, 10:41:51 PM »
Livewithit,
I can not say it better than Ray.
Sorry for your loss.
mark

thanks, and I had been thinking about him a lot recently and considering rekindling out friendship by having him over to me new place. 

So the lesson to be learned is, if you care about someone and they drifted away or they pushed you away or you pushed them away make an effort to reconnect before it's too late. 
Pray God you can cope
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,675
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: Bucko
« Reply #35 on: October 05, 2013, 12:29:56 AM »
thanks, and I had been thinking about him a lot recently and considering rekindling out friendship by having him over to me new place. 

So the lesson to be learned is, if you care about someone and they drifted away or they pushed you away or you pushed them away make an effort to reconnect before it's too late.

It's not that easy to reach out to someone, when they don't want it.  Brent contacted me when I lived in Ft. Lauderdale and we spent some time together, including his coming for Thanksgiving dinner one year.  The one thing I remember about Brent, is that he was always looking for something... I could see it in his eyes, something so close, yet so far away.  He was a beautiful man and just as quickly as he came into my life, he was gone and no longer returned phone calls.

I'm aware of some of his demons and my only regret is that he would not take any of the help I offered.  He was far too young to die, but I believe that something broke in Brent and for whatever reason, he simply could not adapt or fix it.

Joe

Offline J.R.E.

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  • Joined Dec-2003 Living positive, since 1985.
Re: Bucko
« Reply #36 on: October 05, 2013, 05:37:34 AM »
Sadly he seems to drift from other friends too, from what they've told me. 
I really wish he had reached out to people more.  He wasn't one to pursue a friendship, but he always welcomed a call and made time for you when you wanted to hang out with him.


It's not that easy to reach out to someone, when they don't want it. 
I'm aware of some of his demons and my only regret is that he would not take any of the help I offered. 
Joe



And sadly, this is the truth, that so many of us had to deal with through the years. Ed and I have had a handful of friends through the years, that have since passed. These friends had issues, with Alcohol, drugs, alcohol and drugs, family, financial, you name it... They were pushing their lives, and their health to the limits.

I won't get into it here, in this thread, But we all tried to help.  We had one friend, that passed on about 5 years ago. He was HIV positive almost as long as I was. He never had to take HIV medications. He barely had a viral load, yet it was the alcohol addiction, and untreated HEP-C that eventually killed him. We all tried so hard, to help him, but he wasn't going to allow that to happen.

One can only reach out so far and so much, but if the other person doesn't reach out, and accept that help, we all know where it eventually ends.

I've been there myself, I was fortunate that I dug myself out from the ashes, through the help of others, and I won't allow myself to get there again. I don't ever want to be in that physical or mental state again.

I've always said, that since 2003, I have been in full survivor mode. That hasn't changed.



Hang in there----Ray


 

 
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 12.5mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


 In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started my first  HAART regimen  on October 24th,03.

 As of 8/2514,  t-cells are at 402, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 11%

  
 62 years young.

Offline LiveWithIt

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Re: Bucko
« Reply #37 on: October 05, 2013, 09:51:40 AM »
It's not that easy to reach out to someone, when they don't want it.  Brent contacted me when I lived in Ft. Lauderdale and we spent some time together, including his coming for Thanksgiving dinner one year.  The one thing I remember about Brent, is that he was always looking for something... I could see it in his eyes, something so close, yet so far away.  He was a beautiful man and just as quickly as he came into my life, he was gone and no longer returned phone calls.

I'm aware of some of his demons and my only regret is that he would not take any of the help I offered.  He was far too young to die, but I believe that something broke in Brent and for whatever reason, he simply could not adapt or fix it.

Joe

Besides smoking too much I knew of one of his "demons" and I noticed it last time I saw him where he briefly stopped by to say hi to a friend that was in from out of town.  I never spoke to him about his problems.  He was also  open about his HIV status but was  not one to start a conversation about it or ask others their status.

People who don't want help or are afraid to get it can become distant when you offer it.  I was actually the one who broke off the friendship with him.  I felt slighted that I was an afterthought in a get together he was planning.  In retrospect I regret it, but I fear we would have grown apart regardless as a few of his friends told me they mostly lost contact with him. 

I knew his online friends that he also knew in person and they were all good people.  I know he made some friends that were kinda dirtbags because he told me about one getting arrested in their driveway.  I know his former roommate and his boyfriend that was a free roommate were kind of dirtbags Where he worked put him in contact with all kinds of people, good and bad.  I know one time he called me for a small favor to drive him somewhere, which I was happy to oblige because another  friend had gotten mad at him. 

I wish I had known that something was wrong with him this past year.  I had gotten over feeling slighted by him and I just wish he was someone who reached out to people more. 
Pray God you can cope
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

Offline thunter34

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  • His name is Carl.
Re: Bucko
« Reply #38 on: October 05, 2013, 11:00:32 AM »
He was much loved by Matty, with whom he shared a private and long standing relationship across the continents.

Matty's syntax and humor is entirely appropriate here, and is precisely what Bucko would have insisted upon. You don't know Matty. You didn't know Bucko.  Your opinion of the grieving process of a Long Term Survivor by those who were with him for his final years, either in person or through the internet, is irrelevant.

I note, however, that your concern for your own sensibilities outweighs the entirely appropriate mourning of a believed member of these forums by his closest forum friends.

Which is the truly disrespectful thing here.

I only hope that when I die, Matty comes here to call me a cunt. I am certain he would not be alone in that assessment - but from him, that is a term of high honor.

Precisely.  One might note that I had the opportunity to post an entry in the memorial forum on the day that I posted this thread, but did not...out of respect for this particular relationship.  That was Matty's to post.  The flavor of that is much the same as was printed above here - and it would have been exactly as Bucko wanted.

And no offense to Live With It, but it's kind of irking me that this thread seems to be becoming more about him than it is about Brent.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Bucko
« Reply #39 on: October 05, 2013, 12:59:53 PM »
This is shocking news. Bucko was so full of life that it's hard to believe and accept he's not around anymore to express himself in his unique ways. RIP, Brent.

In sadness with all about this,

Andy
Andy Velez

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Bucko
« Reply #40 on: October 05, 2013, 01:50:30 PM »
Precisely.  One might note that I had the opportunity to post an entry in the memorial forum on the day that I posted this thread, but did not...out of respect for this particular relationship.  That was Matty's to post.  The flavor of that is much the same as was printed above here - and it would have been exactly as Bucko wanted.

And no offense to Live With It, but it's kind of irking me that this thread seems to be becoming more about him than it is about Brent.

Exactly. The Bucko I know would be mortified irritated by this thread.

Offline wolfter

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Re: Bucko
« Reply #41 on: October 06, 2013, 03:41:02 PM »
Am terribly saddened to read this. 

Wolfie
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline Basquo

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Re: Bucko
« Reply #42 on: October 06, 2013, 07:57:45 PM »
I'm very sorry to learn of this news. I think I knew what this thread was going to be about before I even opened it. Brent was a kind and honest man. I don't know what his demons might have been, but I was honored to get early-morning PMs asking me to read his latest blog post.

Rest in peace, Bucko.

Offline Cerrid

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  • only as good as your last haircut
Re: Bucko
« Reply #43 on: October 09, 2013, 11:37:20 AM »
RIP Buckster. I always enjoyed your writings.
"Boredom is always counterrevolutionary. Always." (Guy Debord)

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Bucko
« Reply #44 on: October 09, 2013, 05:06:00 PM »
  Words cannot describe how sad this makes me feel.  Brent was one of the first to reach out to me when I came to the forums 8 years ago this month.  He was the first to fire off his phone number when I needed someone to talk to.  I still remember he worked at an art gallery on Las Olas.  It was funny because during our conversations he would have to pause to give people the price and background of a piece they were selling.

  His patience and words of wisdom helped me tremendously in a time that I had no one else.  It saddens me that a man who had so much good to give would die alone.

  I knew there were problems, his PM"s alluded to such.  The last PM I got from him was in 2011. 

   I'll call early next week if not on Sunday (tomorrow), Tom.

An actual face-to-face might actually work too. Much as you suspect, my life is a veritable bouquet of mixed blessings, but I'm not a survivor for 27 years now without some bumps in the road.

You know without my even saying so that you have my intense admiration and unconditional support; nothing creepy or untoward in this: only the truth written large (albeit in phosphorus).

Yours-
Brent


   Regretfully, we never did catch up.  Him being missed is an understatement.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

 


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