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Partner is UD and the insertive one, I'm HIV- and the bottom:risk of going BB?


Hello everyone. I'm new on this forum, but already learned a lot from it.

Here is my case : I've been in a relationship with my partner for 2 years now. He's started his treatment in January and now has an UD VC. Two months ago, after having taken advice from different professionals ( doctors and association), we decided to "go raw" and quit using the condom, at least from time to time.

I know there is no consensus, I know there is no 0 risk, but we talked about it and questionned our doctors and decided to go for this kind of sexuality. I bottom while he tops, which means risks for me are higher. My question here is not for having a free pass for unprotected sex.

I would just like to know if there are people here in a serodiscordant couple who are HIV - and are the receptive partner ( for anal sex).

Could you please tell me how it works for you?Have you been involved in that kind of sex for several years, months now?

I think real testimonies are always better than moral judgements or "that's what I'd do if I were you". Doctors and non profits say that things have evolved around HIV, and I would like to know how do other couples deal with this new situation.

Thank you very much.

Oh, and I also have to say that we sometimes use poppers, is that something we should/ you avoid?

Jeff G:
Welcome to the forum . Studies show that being undetectable greatly reduces to the risk for HIV transmissions . The problem can arise when you add other risk factors into the mix .

Undetectable HIV in viral load test doesn't always mean undetectable in semen viral loads , also some people see viral load spikes from time to time even while mostly undetectable for long periods of time .

If your not in a mutually monogamous relationship and STD's are brought into the bedroom there is a significantly higher risk involved due to active STI's and HIV viral load spikes .

Ultimately its up to you on where your comfort level is when it comes to risking an HIV infection . You should protect your negative HIV status until you alone make an informed decision and know that to agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.


I am in the reverse situation myself, so I can't offer much except the scientific stuff which I am sure you have read.

I do, however, know that PrEP is covered under almost every insurance policy if you want that added protection. How much of a copay is involved is a murky area.

And while anal and vaginal sex ARE different, plenty of hereosexual couples conceive the "old fashioned" way with no repercussions.

Hi, ligoilk. I have a friend who caught H.I.V from his BF because they thought it was a zero risk. Like Said PrEP would be a wise move if you plan to do this. But never miss a dose x

Thank you guys for those testimonies. I will not go for Prep. I live in France, where though healthcare is way more affordable -when not free, including when it comes to HIV ( above all when it comes to HIV)- than in the U.S, Prep is not yet generally spread among the gay community.

I had a flash test last week. HIV Neg, thanks god. We tried to be careful : no sperm, blood, undetectable. But your messages and the doctor I saw make me be more careful. The doctor told me that i did not have to rush to the E.R if a condom broke or that we could do it sometimes without, but that safe sex should be our priority. This is ok for us ,because that's exactly the strategy we wanted to adopt.


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