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Author Topic: Sex and condom hate  (Read 14563 times)

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Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #100 on: October 10, 2013, 11:45:00 AM »
Many people on here picked up H.I.V  from people who didn't disclose their status.


Thats one of the topics being discussed...  Right?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Btmbear

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Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #101 on: October 10, 2013, 11:59:02 AM »
Hi

I have read something about this stealthpozzing or how its called .. I dont want to judge anyone even people who do that but i dont think (or hope) its really a widespread phenomenon. I would never do that.  I also wont lie if someone asks me directly or indirectly and i have said the truth directly and numerous times lately.

The only situation where my morals are not as firm is with guys who seem very careless to me anyway. Then i feel like its a waste to miss the fun because either they are positive anyway or dont care. I know this may be another of my easy way outs and is not what a good person should be doing but i still have a hard time convincing myself that its not also their fault.

Besides, all of the guys i am still in contact with and who i fucked with as a bottom while already positive but before i had my test seem to be negative in their tests. Its still too early to tell for some of them because of the window period but at least so far i havent heard of a positive test amongst them. So even though i probably had a high viral load shortly after my infection it seems like the tops do not get it so easily from me ....

Offline mecch

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Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #102 on: October 10, 2013, 12:12:39 PM »
Besides, all of the guys i am still in contact with and who i fucked with as a bottom while already positive but before i had my test seem to be negative in their tests. Its still too early to tell for some of them because of the window period but at least so far i havent heard of a positive test amongst them. So even though i probably had a high viral load shortly after my infection it seems like the tops do not get it so easily from me ....

All the guys in the sex clubs? All the annonymous 1-off internet hook ups?  Guess you don't have contact with them....

The underlined statement is just...  so easy for you. 

You take half-assed evidenced and half-assed observation and "seems this" or "seems that",  and come up with total, cheery, and bizarre, conclusions...

 
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Btmbear

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Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #103 on: October 10, 2013, 12:18:26 PM »
I didnt go to any sexclubs in the last few months. I had a few one night stands via online dating, agreed. I said amongst the guys i am still in contact with all who got tested had a negative result. Some of them have to go again in a month or so. I am just very happy i didnt infect any of them it seems. And i allowed myself to jump to that unscientific conclusion that my ass is not that dangerous. Yeah i know, how bad of me. But i did read somewhere that the chance of getting hiv from a bottom is somewhere less than 1%, no? I dont wanna use this as an excuse but ... Or maybe i would like to use that as an excuse, yeah that would be more honest of me :)

Offline Grasshopper

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Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #104 on: October 10, 2013, 02:40:19 PM »
I didnt go to any sexclubs in the last few months. I had a few one night stands via online dating, agreed. I said

 amongst the guys i am still in contact with all who got tested had a negative result. Some of them have to go again in a month or so.


I am just very happy i didn't infect any of them it seems. And i allowed myself to jump to that unscientific conclusion that my ass is not that dangerous. Yeah i know, how bad of me. But i did read somewhere that the chance of getting hiv from a bottom is somewhere less than 1%, no? I dont wanna use this as an excuse but ... Or maybe i would like to use that as an excuse, yeah that would be more honest of me :)

Soooooooo...you guys HAVE discussed safesex = the guys told you that they tested negative, and some had to get retested !!  and what about YOU  ??   They MUST have wanted to know about YOUR status. The mere fact that they brought it up, implies that they were contemplating the possible risks of going bare !!! 
What did YOU tell / answer to them ??  Obviously not the truth, as you are reluctant to disclose.

You're funny...almost too funny to be true

 ;D

Offline Bowie-esq

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  • Papa can you hear me...
Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #105 on: October 10, 2013, 02:48:36 PM »
Man, just take some responsibility and use a damn condom.

(There, I've said it after weeks of reading your excuses and whining)

 :-X
Infected: +\-01/2010

Tested positive 08/2010
28/07/11 CD4 420 9% v.l. 20500
16/10/11 CD4 320 10% v.l. 185000
10/11/11 begin Truvada/Viramune
29/12/11 CD4 410 13% v.l. 115
14/4/12 v.l. undetectable
05/7/12 CD4 520 19% v.l. UD
21/08/13 CD4 470 20% v.l. UD
19/12/13 CD4 430 23% v.l. UD

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #106 on: October 10, 2013, 02:58:15 PM »
It needs to be pointed out when you start assigning % to responsibility .

I see people post all the time about it being a 50 / 50 thing and I find that self serving  .
You have a 100 % responsibility that your virus ends with you and others should accept 100 % responsibility for remaniing HIV negative .

Do not fool yourself and think for one moment that someone who isn't keeping up their !00 % is a loop hole to exploit to diminish your responsibility .

The bottom line is HIV changes things and no one is the exception to that rule .

Offline Joe K

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Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #107 on: October 10, 2013, 03:28:12 PM »
Hey Bear,

The reality here is that only you can prevent you infecting another human being.  That's the part you just refuse to face.  You do not get a pass for any reason, when you are bare-backing with others.  If you used condoms, you could avoid disclosure in certain circumstances, but you refuse to use them and since you will not, your duty to disclose is absolute.

If you are looking for any validation of your decision to not disclose, you have come to the wrong site.

What you are doing is morally reprehensible and no matter what you tell yourself, that reality will never change.

Joe

Offline Btmbear

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Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #108 on: October 10, 2013, 11:02:31 PM »
Grasshopper:

U misunderstood. I was talking about the guys i had sex with before i took my last test but was infected already. Yes we talked about hiv status but both said we think we are ok but not 100% sure, at that time that was the truth. I told those guys about my hiv status after i did the test.

Bowie:

I wish it was that easy for me. I would have used a condom all the time if it was. If i use a condom its a waste of time for me. Its like eating paper instead of food. You would stop eating if every food tasted like paper, thats how getting fucked with condom feels to me. So then i prefer to not have sex anymore.


Jeff, joe:

Yeah i hear you and of course in absolute terms you are right. But life is always about balancing risk and fun. Mind you i am talking about what most people do in real life. Yes its a morally grey loophole but thats what people do. I have a hard time going on this absolute path if all around me people take risks and enjoy life. Feels like being a monk in a sexclub so to speak.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #109 on: October 10, 2013, 11:23:10 PM »
Grasshopper:

U misunderstood. I was talking about the guys i had sex with before i took my last test but was infected already. Yes we talked about hiv status but both said we think we are ok but not 100% sure, at that time that was the truth. I told those guys about my hiv status after i did the test.

Bowie:

I wish it was that easy for me. I would have used a condom all the time if it was. If i use a condom its a waste of time for me. Its like eating paper instead of food. You would stop eating if every food tasted like paper, thats how getting fucked with condom feels to me. So then i prefer to not have sex anymore.


Jeff, joe:

Yeah i hear you and of course in absolute terms you are right. But life is always about balancing risk and fun. Mind you i am talking about what most people do in real life. Yes its a morally grey loophole but thats what people do. I have a hard time going on this absolute path if all around me people take risks and enjoy life. Feels like being a monk in a sexclub so to speak.


See, that's where you lose me. I have been infected for over 20 years. Yet I have enjoyed a fairly steady robust sex life. Granted, thee have been dry spells - when I have been in a relationship where we were sexually incompatible. But single JK? Good Lord, the stories.

And to date, no one carries my brand of virus except myself.

Your assessment of your future is bleak, and unnecessarily so.

I remember the 90s, when "all those around me" were using a ton of meth, regardless of HIV status. I did not partake, and sometimes wondered what sort of magical, dance-all-week adventures I was missing. Then they all got HIV (if they didn't have it before) and all got sick, and all but a scant few died.

Following a herd mentality won't serve you well in the scope of HIV infection, treatment, and the adjustments you will need to make to live a happy life.

I get that you aren't there yet. But it's sad to think in such binary terms as "all the bare sex, all the time" and "monk in a sex club."

It's very limiting, and it's a limitation you impose solely upon yourself. It does NOT reflect reality, especially after yo cast a wider net than immature app-related discussions about DDF/UB2 and the like. These discussions, mind you, are rarely borne out once a meeting is arranged.

Might even be a great time to search yourself and find out why, exactly, so much of your self worth comes from anonymous sex.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Joe K

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  • 31 Years Poz
Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #110 on: October 10, 2013, 11:39:51 PM »
Jeff, joe:

Yeah i hear you and of course in absolute terms you are right. But life is always about balancing risk and fun. Mind you i am talking about what most people do in real life. Yes its a morally grey loophole but thats what people do. I have a hard time going on this absolute path if all around me people take risks and enjoy life. Feels like being a monk in a sexclub so to speak.

Hey Bear,

Let's be clear here, the only one balancing risk and fun is you and you are also doing it for your sexual partners as well.  To think that you are unwilling to allow others to make an "informed consent" and casually toss that off as "I am talking about what most people do in real life."  No Bear, putting the health of others at risk, because you are too cowardly to admit your status, remains reprehensible.

It's not what most people do, it's what YOU do, so drop the charade.  Just admit that you don't care about others, because all that matters to you is how and what you feel.

Joe

Offline Btmbear

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Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #111 on: October 11, 2013, 12:30:09 AM »
First of all i am very grateful to all of you to keep responding. I know i may be stressing some of peoples patience here with my answers so i am grateful for ever not judgmental answer i get from you and i am really trying to adapt my attitude a bit. I just also have this slut pig living inside my body that gives me lots of pleasure and is hard to ignore atm ...

Joe:

I have a hard time accepting that i am the only one balancing risk and fun and that i am also doing it for others. Also i have to disagree with your conclusion that all i care about is me. Here is why i think that:

What ever happened to the safe sex motto that each one is responsible to protect himself. Hiv is not a new phenomenon. Anyone who goes out there and fucks a stranger bare without even asking him about his status is risking getting infected even if he is ignoring that risk for whatever reason.

So why is it suddenly my responsibility ONLY to protect everyone who doesnt want to be protected? I really dont get that.

Is it really that egoistic of me to think that both parties have some responsibility in this?
I am more than willing to protect others if they want that. If anyone shows me he is insecure or unsure or even doesnt understand what poz means etc i will tell him. But why do i have to protect someone who tells me he is not really afraid, who fucks 4 strangers bare in a night without asking about their status ...

I dont get my head around the idea why protecting a guy who shows reckless behaviour is the moral imperative now and i am an egoistic bitch if i dont.

Jkinatl: i dont get some of the abbreviations u used sorry. And yeah i should explore why sex is so important for me atm. I guess i am addicted to it in a way. Feels like i am not complete if i didnt have sex on a given day. Oh well, therapy time i guess lol



Offline wolfter

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Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #112 on: October 11, 2013, 01:08:39 AM »
You can't wrap your head around the idea of protecting others?  Such a piece of.....work....  I wasted too much life reading through this entire thread and me thinks you're enjoying this entirely too much.

Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline Grasshopper

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Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #113 on: October 11, 2013, 03:29:19 AM »
A question for Bear:

Do you personally and intimately know anyone with full blown aids ?
Have you seen with your own eyes what kind of havoc  it causes ?

Seems like you don't,  since you constantly mention "manageable disease"

Perhaps if you see and smell for yourself, you then will realize why it's immoral to expose others (despite their reluctance to protect themselves).

"Taking" someone's health is of a totally different ballgame, than taking home an iPad found in an airport toilet  ;)

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #114 on: October 11, 2013, 07:04:10 AM »
I dont know man.

The way you reason is flawed. I follow the flow but there's always a decision or consideration or comparison or analogy that leads the flow to the desired end - this is what I want.

You are rigid in the way you receive pleasure. This won't work well in most relationships....
For one offs, you cant find pleasure, even, with a gorgeous raging stud if he's got a condom on his dick.  So... rigidity...

You wont cut your trip to go get yourself on HAART, because that would be sad (wont get to continue your sexual gratification in the land o plenty) and waste some money.  So... rigidity and selfishness...

Plus, you have the chutzpah to claim so many are like you...  (poor moral reasoning).

Its time for you to be a big boy and go figure out some of the existential questions in your life.  What you need to do to survive, what you want to do to thrive..  You'll need to learn to be less selfish and less rigid, for most jobs, and for most fulfilling relationships. You are going to need to give to others, in terms of good service, a pleasant experience, trustworthy and honest exchanges, to thrive in a job, and when you do that, you get rewards...  People value you. Its a good feeling. And you get salary, advancement.   Same goes with relationships...

At the moment, you are stuck with a very limited avenue (the hershey highway) to get energy and esteem, pleasure, etc, given to you.  If anything, this thread has clarified that this avenue was poorly conceived (stop gap, emergency route) when built, recently has been blocked, and complicated reconstruction plans are breaking down in endless debates, bad feelings and bad faith, lies and name-calling, all around. There's no vision...

I would still implore you to go home, deal with the HIV, let the reality of it sink in, and meanwhile, start building some other avenues... 
« Last Edit: October 11, 2013, 07:09:24 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #115 on: October 11, 2013, 09:43:36 AM »
I sometime feel like we are being had here by the OP ... I am very proud this thread has remained civil and we should all make the effort to keep it that way .

I am distressed by this thread , its disturbing . A sliver lining is the actions of the OP have been universally rejected by the members of this forum so when the time comes that a person stumbles across this forum we all will not be painted with the same brush .
The op makes the best case for criminalization for knowingly transmitting HIV and criminalization is something I abhor . 

If I were a censor I would have locked this thread , that's how repugnant I find this thread ... but I'm not going to do that .

Lets let this thread die , there is nothing more to be said and I am convinced the OP is at best enjoying the attention as a part of his pleasure seeking nature . I also think there is a good chance he is only here for his own amusement and may be making all of this up .

I'm asking that we do not dignify this thread a moment more by participating in it .   

Offline Grasshopper

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Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #116 on: October 11, 2013, 02:06:27 PM »
I sometime feel like we are being had here by the OP

 


You're funny...almost too funny to be true

 ;D

.......I am distressed by this thread , its disturbing .

...... that's how repugnant I find this thread.

...... I also think there is a good chance he is only here for his own amusement and may be making all of this up .

Agree

Offline Btmbear

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Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #117 on: October 11, 2013, 10:26:00 PM »
I am not making this up, i wish i did. Would be much less disturbing for you guys i think.
Also i personally think some of you are ignoring what people do IN REAL LIFE out there in darkrooms, saunas, via online dating etc.

As is the case with many other moral issues there are those who live a moal life, those who talk morally and act imoral sometimes (the majority i would assume) and a few who try to speak the truth. Those are the first ones to get beaten for it.

I am not doing anything that thousands of others dont do the same way or even worse. Let me ask you a question .. If someone refuses to take a test although he fucks bare all the time, isnt he worse bec he infects others too but he never took a test so he can always claim he is clean. You guys know how many guys i met on my journey who never took a test (i asked) but wanted to fuck me bare?

Mecch: i agree with you i should find a better highway. Atm i feel too weak to change though. I dont know, i dont have much else atm :( i will keep thinking about it though and sometimes i am also sick of the way i live so maybe i will soon find the strenght to change. In the meantime i am doing the best i can. I have update my profiles telling everyone i am hiv+. But guess what, most dont even wanna read that. They ignore it and when i ask them if they are poz too they ask me .. No, WHY?

Ok, let this thread die if you want. I am sorry for offending some of you here.

Offline Btmbear

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Re: Sex and condom hate
« Reply #118 on: October 12, 2013, 02:14:47 AM »
Since its national coming out day today i posted about my hiv infection on my facebook. Lets see where this will lead me ...

Bye

 


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