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Author Topic: First timer  (Read 3327 times)

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Offline Michelle25

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  • Posts: 10
First timer
« on: September 12, 2013, 08:50:08 PM »
Hi everyone, am very new to this don't really know what to expect. I was diagnosed January 25th this year as HIV positive, (VL 9090/ CD4 248) even saying the words are hard. Some days are good i almost forget about it until i take meds each night then its back to reality with a bang.

I'm so angry with myself for allowing this to happen to me. since finding out in January things have gone down hill with work etc. I want to give up at times but i have to keep going i know. Some times i am waiting to wake up and realise it was just a bad dream. but that is wishful thinking.

I have being going to counselling for a couple of weeks hoping it might help me a little to come to terms and accept what has happened. Since starting my meds i have being getting reflux really bad and headaches. thankfully already since beginning my meds my VL is less than 20 which is good but my CD4 did rise to 268 then fell ever so slightly.

i am very afraid for the future. can anyone please give me some advice from their experiences that might help me. i am very confused at the moment,

Thank u for listening and hope i did not confuse u all in the process x

Offline anniebc

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Re: First timer
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2013, 09:51:03 PM »
Hi Michelle

Welcome, this is a stand reply I post for new comers, I hope it helps, if only a little.

Reaction to the results is difffernt for everyone, but over time you will find a way of coping with the virus that suits you and it might be quite differnt from how others deal with it.

No one here will ever tell you it's easy, it's ok to get angry or scared but don't let it take over your life, stress is natural it can actually help some of us get through certain situations but excessive stress can cause you physical symptoms and can damage your immune system further, just find ways to manage any stress you may be feeling, learn to relax and listen to your body.

Along with HIV comes anxiety and one way of tackling this is through information. gaining confidence in yourself and making informed decisions about your future.

Support is very important and you can get this from a qualified ID doctor , family and friend that you trust and there are many support organizations out there...just make sure whoever you discuss this with is sympathetic, supporting and non judgmental about your HIV status.

Most important of all, and you have to remember this so please take note, is that being HIV+ does not stop you from being the person you were before your diagnosis.

Aroha
Jan
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline wolfter

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Re: First timer
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2013, 10:04:32 PM »
Welcome Michelle.  It's not easy receiving this diagnosis, but it truly does become easier to deal with.  I remember a great piece of advice I rec'd 20+ years ago after receiving my diagnosis.  "Don't make any life altering decisions for at least a year". 

Wolfie
productivity breeds content

Online Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: First timer
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2013, 10:07:01 PM »
Welcome to the forum Michelle , glad you found us .

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: First timer
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2013, 05:49:38 AM »

i am very afraid for the future. can anyone please give me some advice from their experiences that might help me. i am very confused at the moment,


Maybe you can elaborate what you are afraid of, for the future. Then people can respond point by point.

Generally the prognosis is good for HIV+ to regain their health and more or less normal lives, and maybe even near-normal life spans, if there is good medical surveillance and good treatment available. Of course, thats a very "general" prognosis, each HIV+ person has their own experience.

There is even some talk that HIV+ people may have some advantages healthwise, in that there may be more close medical attention over the lifespan an other issues besides HIV might be identified and treated sooner.  Also HIV+ people MAY be willing to do more about trying to live healthy lifestyles, so there's that.....

So what exactly is it that you fear about the future?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Michelle25

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  • Posts: 10
Re: First timer
« Reply #5 on: September 13, 2013, 02:31:13 PM »
Sorry mecch i didnt really write anything did i. Im just worried about my health. I have two children and im afraid of anything happening to them because of me. I know how the virus is passed on but its always on my mind. That and where i live is a small place. The fear of people finding out as it would effect the children too as people dont understand HIV.
I got married in february my husband is negitive thankfully. He is very supportive of me and i am very blessed to have him. I am worried for him. He has no children and before knowing of mt status we wanted to have children. I have been told it wil be possible to have a child when my health is more stable its just the fear of that small percentage of passing on the virus. I know that things will get better mecch but i guess im just all over the place and do not understand alot of things. Sorry for the confusion

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: First timer
« Reply #6 on: September 14, 2013, 05:00:26 AM »
Hey no reason to apologize. 
This is a good place to ask any question.  To put any feeling out there.

You know I'm a gay guy, middle-aged, no partner and no children. Living in Switzerland.  So if I say something below that seems out of whack, my advanced apologies.  I try to empathize but we all deal with our own situation in life....

Here's my response.

You are worried about your health.
Well, of course you are!  It seems like the rebuilding is going to take a while for you, your CD4s are low.  But slowly an surely, your immune system will rebuild...

Children and risk of infecting them.
You are trying to have it both ways here. On the one hand, you know you don't present a risk to your children.  The rational view. On the other hand, its "always on my mind".  So this is emotional, not rational. Its ruminative thinking. Tell your counselor about that and try to find ways to cut these destructive ruminative thoughts.

Local Stigma.
Of course you are concerned and worried! Very common.  And being worried that public stupidity could touch your children - its only natural.  Please don't beat yourself up about being worried. 
The thing with stigma is that the HIV+ person has to do self work to get rid of internal judgements about HIV.  That is part of the way to prepare for fighting public stupidity, hatred, and discrimination.  When your own self-doubt, judgement, and shame is gone, those buttons can't be pushed and you can fight stigma, or in instances where it is to your advantage, simply ignore it...
I guess HIV+ people with children can step in here to give better advice than I can.  I suppose at the right time your children do need to know and especially if there is disclosure of your status in the community....

Having children.  You two can have them.  Why not put this on the back burner until you have better health.  Or, how does your husband deal with your status? Actively, interested, intelligent, not emotionally??  Maybe he can be the one to get all the information on how serodiscordant couples have children..... 

Takes time all this stuff, creating a new and smooth running body and mind and family too.

Also like I said above Im single no children, so look around you and remember to count your blessings you have a pretty rich life filled with love.. Hey, and your guy married a single mother with HIV. In some ways you have had a bad year, in other ways, not at all.  ::)
« Last Edit: September 14, 2013, 05:03:30 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Michelle25

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Re: First timer
« Reply #7 on: September 14, 2013, 09:23:23 AM »
Regardless of who you are personally we are both human. Thank u for the response your advice is noted and appreciated. my husband is negative but he is very very supportive of me, i guess he could of walked away and he would have been within his right but he stayed so yes your right i am lucky.

this whole thing gets really confusing, some days i am great others i don't want to get out of bed. i know i will get there. im trying. i wish it was as easy as take my tablets and gets better, a quick fix lol would be nice.

my partnet is not in a rush for children, its me i know it will come to me but i feel like some times i dont even deserve my husband. its the guilt that gets to me. do u have any advice on how i could help build my cd4.. foods etc? 2013 has been a good year and a bad year indeed but i guess its the start of a new adventure now :)


Offline mecch

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Re: First timer
« Reply #8 on: September 14, 2013, 11:28:22 AM »
I've been positive about 5 years I don't know all that much about the technicalities of CD4s.  I've never heard of anything that is proven to build CD4 besides just the time it takes our own body to do so, after the start of treatment... 

Yes sucks there is not instant relief neither for the immune system, nor the mind.

You provided more details on your husband.  I did note what you said, that he's not very supportive.  My experience when i was the negative person in a serodiscordant couple (well actually I was in three, me the negative and my partner the positive) - well the last one I wasn't very supportive and he didn't ask for support or seem to need it.  But it turned out that was all fear and miscommunication and we both needed to deal with stuff and some of that was together. And we didn't do that. 

The whole gamut of really supportive, a bit cool, and really negative, i guess every serodiscordant couple falls somewhere on the continuum. 

My own feeling is that it was up to him, the + partner, to tell me the "support" on the HIV issue wasn't cutting it, cause I really misread it and thought he wanted something super "cool" and there is no issue...   On the other hand, I had some things that I needed to deal with that in fact I'm not sure he would have been much help.

At the end of the day, its better if at least one partner brings up the touchy subject, cause its gotta get discussed...... or ......  :-\

The best solution would have been couples therapy but we tried that too late after the relationship was a goner.... 

It wasn't just HIV it was a lot of "unspoken" issues developing over years....

Did you know your husband much time before marrying this year??

 
« Last Edit: September 14, 2013, 11:30:37 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Michelle25

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Re: First timer
« Reply #9 on: September 15, 2013, 05:15:08 PM »
I meant my husband is hiv negitive. He is super supportive of me. Think its the way i wrote it first time.

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: First timer
« Reply #10 on: September 15, 2013, 06:15:19 PM »
Naw you were clear I read it wrong! :o
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Lucek

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  • Posts: 3
Re: First timer
« Reply #11 on: September 17, 2013, 06:29:43 AM »
do u have any advice on how i could help build my cd4.. foods etc? 2013 has been a good year and a bad year indeed but i guess its the start of a new adventure now :)

Other then the HAART, there somethings that will help. Mainly aerobic exercise and highly proteic and highly caloric diets (that would be better if under the auspices of a nutritionist). Also there is some research going on about the ability of timomoduline to do so - the results seem good, but as far as I know they are not definitive and you should, of course, talk to your doctor about it.

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: First timer
« Reply #12 on: September 17, 2013, 05:58:54 PM »
Other then the HAART, there somethings that will help. Mainly aerobic exercise and highly proteic and highly caloric diets (that would be better if under the auspices of a nutritionist). Also there is some research going on about the ability of timomoduline to do so - the results seem good, but as far as I know they are not definitive and you should, of course, talk to your doctor about it.

Please share links to peer-review science studies that show CD4 can be increased through any of your suggestions, above, (other than haart).  Would be interested to read this.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: First timer
« Reply #13 on: September 17, 2013, 07:08:51 PM »
If you want higher cd4 counts you should smoke cigarettes.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline pittman

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Re: First timer
« Reply #14 on: September 17, 2013, 10:11:28 PM »
do u have any advice on how i could help build my cd4.. foods etc? 2013 has been a good year and a bad year indeed but i guess its the start of a new adventure now :)

Miss Philicia's advice aside (linked, yes, I got it, linked), I would say the best advice is pretty simple in that you should take your HAART, and in general do all the things considered healthy when you we not HIV+. That is, eat healthy foods, exercise, moderate your alcohol intake, get a reasonable amount of sleep, reduce stress (ok, that one make take awhile, this is obviously a stressful time), etc., ad nauseam.   Don't get hung up on looking for some secrete knowledge to obsess over. Just make healthful decisions in the many small ways you can.

I like to think of it as evening out the scales somewhat to take back some of the impact HIV can have on your body.

 


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