Main Forums > Living With HIV

HIV+, In Love and Shunned

(1/6) > >>

Me-Hostage:
Hi everyone. I am new here. I was living with my partner for the past 9 months. I found out he was HIV+ for 10 years and didn't tell me or anyone else. I pressed charges against him last month. I'm sure lots of you have seen it on the news already. It was on CNN a night or two ago. I am very sad. I am not sad that I got HIV from him, but for the fact I pressed the charges. I love that man so much, and I know he loves me, but he was scared to tell me the truth in fear I would pack up and leave him. He also didn't tell the others he slept with he had it. The news claims 300 partners because that is what I told police, but they took what they wanted from my words and twisted it into a big story. I still love this man. I probably always will. I was an empty shell before he came into my life. He opened my heart to love. I have never been in a relationship before this one, and don't want to be in another either. I'm sure he's going to get a long prison sentence, and I don't know how I will handle everything.

The detectives promised me they would keep my identity a secret since I was a victim. They were blurring out everything that would lead people to know the victim was me. After a week of heavy thinking, I went and signed papers to drop my charges. I told them I couldn't let my charge be the charge to send him to prison when I can't be for sure I got HIV from him. While we were together I was with 7-10 other guys (with my partner of course, except for one). None of them used condoms. 3 of those guys I don't even know the names of. I could have gotten it from anyone honestly, and I couldn't have the fact of not knowing for certain weighing on me. They seemed really pissed when I went and dropped the charges. They said even though I was dropping mine, the state had picked it up and would go forward with it. Now that class a felony has since been dropped to 21 class b felonies of sleeping with people and not telling them, even though 2-3 others pressed charges I believe. One of them is lying, and it can easy be proven by looking at his Facebook comments.

the worse part is the detectives said my identity would be kept from the public... that was until they got pissed I dropped charges, and they sent out reports to local and far away papers with my address and best friend's address (where we use to live). Once the address was made public I've been harassed so much. People driving by screaming stuff... worse is people who knew where I lived then knew it was me... now I'm being shunned by nearly everyone in town. I ended up packing my stuff and moving in with my parents in another town, not far enough away though, just to try and escape this. The last day I was in town, I made it out just in time before the news trucks showed up where I was living randomly interviewing people about "The guys with the AIDS".

Various news stations are reporting wrong and false information. Some claim he INFECTED 300+, which is not true. Of all the people to come forward and be tested, I am the only one infected. Some are saying he used this as a weapon for terrorism. I am trying so hard, but it feels like I'm fighting a lost cause, but I can't give up.

Jeff G:
Welcome to the forum ... your post is allot to take in and digest .

You are doing the right thing by speaking out about this and I commend you for it . I hope you tell your story to the media so they will know that you engaged in unprotected sex in the past and are not a victim . I was saddened to see the breaking story and I have filed a complaint with CNN after seeing Erin Burnett's coverage and her unfortunate reaction and statements about the case .

I wish you well .   

karry:
Hello and welcome to the forums.
A part of me understands your anger that he kept his status from you for ten years. However, you also tell us that you had unsafe sex with other men and apparently voluntarily. The damage to your partner has already been done. I don't know how you can fix it apart from maybe taking the advice of Jeff and going public to admit it was also your responsibility to protect yourself and telling them what you have told us?
I wish you luck in dealing with this.
K

Jeff G:

--- Quote from: Me-Hostage on September 07, 2013, 10:17:53 PM ---Hi everyone. I am new here. I was living with my partner for the past 9 months. I found out he was HIV+ for 10 years and didn't tell me or anyone else. I pressed charges against him last month. I'm sure lots of you have seen it on the news already. It was on CNN a night or two ago. I am very sad. I am not sad that I got HIV from him, but for the fact I pressed the charges. I love that man so much, and I know he loves me, but he was scared to tell me the truth in fear I would pack up and leave him. He also didn't tell the others he slept with he had it. The news claims 300 partners because that is what I told police, but they took what they wanted from my words and twisted it into a big story. I still love this man. I probably always will. I was an empty shell before he came into my life. He opened my heart to love. I have never been in a relationship before this one, and don't want to be in another either. I'm sure he's going to get a long prison sentence, and I don't know how I will handle everything.

The detectives promised me they would keep my identity a secret since I was a victim. They were blurring out everything that would lead people to know the victim was me. After a week of heavy thinking, I went and signed papers to drop my charges. I told them I couldn't let my charge be the charge to send him to prison when I can't be for sure I got HIV from him. While we were together I was with 7-10 other guys (with my partner of course, except for one). None of them used condoms. 3 of those guys I don't even know the names of. I could have gotten it from anyone honestly, and I couldn't have the fact of not knowing for certain weighing on me. They seemed really pissed when I went and dropped the charges. They said even though I was dropping mine, the state had picked it up and would go forward with it. Now that class a felony has since been dropped to 21 class b felonies of sleeping with people and not telling them, even though 2-3 others pressed charges I believe. One of them is lying, and it can easy be proven by looking at his Facebook comments.

the worse part is the detectives said my identity would be kept from the public... that was until they got pissed I dropped charges, and they sent out reports to local and far away papers with my address and best friend's address (where we use to live). Once the address was made public I've been harassed so much. People driving by screaming stuff... worse is people who knew where I lived then knew it was me... now I'm being shunned by nearly everyone in town. I ended up packing my stuff and moving in with my parents in another town, not far enough away though, just to try and escape this. The last day I was in town, I made it out just in time before the news trucks showed up where I was living randomly interviewing people about "The guys with the AIDS".

Various news stations are reporting wrong and false information. Some claim he INFECTED 300+, which is not true. Of all the people to come forward and be tested, I am the only one infected. Some are saying he used this as a weapon for terrorism. I am trying so hard, but it feels like I'm fighting a lost cause, but I can't give up.

--- End quote ---

I just wanted to add that there is a wealth of support an information here for you as you adjust to living with HIV .

tednlou2:
So, you're saying CNN reported it incorrectly, when they said he told investigators he had been with around 300 partners, since 2003?  You're saying that came from you, and they incorrectly reported it that he told investigators that?  Unless he told investigators that number was pretty accurate, then that is troubling.  If police said he said it when he didn't, then that is very troubling.  If CNN falsely reported it that way, then that is equally troubling. 

Did you make up that figure?  He didn't tell you he was poz, but did tell you he had been with 300?  What prompted you to go to police?  You said you love this man dearly, and that you could have been infected from any number of guys.  Was it the anger he never told you, and you were in a rage? 





Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version